It was a blessed miracle.
Conversation
“Please, Your Majesty… will you answer my questions about the rooms of torture?”
They were lying in bed in the blue room, sated, in harmony and at peace. Which she had shattered… Isaac’s eyes darkened, his breath suddenly short and laboured, fighting for life in his rigid body.
“Do we have to talk about this now, Talia?”
“I am sorry, Master, please, forgive me, I didn’t mean to anger you.”
Her voice was soft and respectful for maybe if she played the game by Isaac’s rules he would answer her questions. Maybe… He laughed bitterly, pain in the sound as well as his tormented eyes, and she was the cause of it.
“Rooms of torture? Oh, Talia, do you really have such a low opinion of me? Please don’t pretend you believe other people’s gossip. You are an intelligent, perceptive woman, you make your own decisions. Right?”
Wrong. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at his agonised face. She was stupid. And so wrong. She had believed in other people’s lies despite Isaac’s behaviour telling her the contrary.
“Wrong,” she whispered as her tears fell yet again.
“And now I’m wrong and you’re crying again. Good God!”
“No! I’m wrong, wrong about you! The only thing you’re wrong about is your evaluation of my intelligence. I’m stupid, Isaac, quite spectacularly so. I did believe the gossip and I’m sorry. Forgive me, Isaac, please.”
He stared at her, the pain in his eyes that of a lost child. It was heartbreaking. She tried to stifle the sob rising in her throat but could not. As her wretched sound of grief entered the blue room, Isaac pulled her against him, holding her so tightly she could barely breathe. She felt his desperation as he pressed his powerful body against hers, his arms an unforgiving vice around her. She was tiny and weak compared to him but she was holding him together. She was sure of it. If he let her go he would collapse into a million agonised pieces – she had the power to destroy a king. She wrapped her arms around him and wept noisily into his chest.
“Fuck, Talia, stop it now, you know I hate to see you cry.”
“Will you forgive me?”
“There is nothing to forgive. You have heard a lifetime of lies and yet I expected you to disregard them and know the truth without any explanation. This kind of misunderstanding must not happen again. Things need to change between us, Talia, and I will make sure they do. Please, trust me, and I promise to be honest with you in return.”
She moved her wet face from his chest to gaze tearfully into his eyes. She detested the pain she saw there, yearned to obliterate it so it could never return. As he wiped her tears away, she took his hand in hers. She didn’t know what to say.
“Rooms of pleasure, Talia, that’s what they are, not rooms of torture.” His voice was quiet and weary as if he could hardly summon up the energy to speak.
“Pleasure, Your Majesty?”
“Yes, Talia, pleasure. Any – implements – you may have heard of are aids to sexual pleasure, nothing else. Pain does not interest me, I am not a sadistic man.”
“I know,” she whispered, stunned by what she was hearing. Aids to sexual pleasure? She was so curious she almost pursued this line of questioning but something more pertinent occurred to her.
“Your Majesty, why haven’t you taken me to these rooms? Why do we only visit the blue room?”
His eyes were soft as they stared into hers, the pain receding by the second. The spectacular something was drowning it, washing it away until none remained. The spectacular something was there because of her, she had destroyed Isaac’s pain. She had created it but was now its downfall. Talia had power, the power of a woman who was deeply loved by her man and could cause his heart to soar or plummet according to her whim.
It was a power that must be used kindly and wisely.
Isaac breathed out slowly, his eyes searching hers. He shook his head. “Would you like to be introduced to sexual aids, Talia? Discover the delights of dildos and restraints?”
Her eyes widened. Lokians knew all about dildos but restraints? They were not something she had encountered before. She had heard tales of such practices but would she enjoy participating in them? She had no idea. She was confused, feeling like an ignorant girl rather than the sexually confident woman she was.
“Would you like me to discover them, Your Majesty? Were you planning to introduce me to these practices when you felt I was ready for them?”
He stared at her and laughed out loud. “What do you think, Talia?”
She looked down at her fingers, embarrassed by her innocence in these matters.
“On our first night you said you would initiate me gently but after that you would not make things easy for me. Everything that has happened between us has felt natural and instinctive, but I wonder if there are rather more daunting things ahead?”
Isaac’s face was suddenly grave. “Daunting? Talia, I don’t want to hurt or humiliate you, and I don’t want to test your limits for perversity. My intentions are of a much more psychological nature, but I think you are aware of that.”
She knew what his intentions were, knew exactly what he wanted – her absolute trust. He wanted her to give herself willingly to him, expose herself, body and soul. She nodded.
“I am, Master, but… please, forgive me, you still haven’t answered my question.”
He laughed again and ran his fingers over her mouth, easing his forefinger inside of it. She sucked, caressing him with the tip of her tongue, and, without thinking, bit down hard.
“Ow! You are a bad little visionary, Talia. Alright… It’s simple really. Why haven’t I taken you to the rooms of pleasure? Is that what you want to know?”
“Yes, please, Master.”
She prayed her respectful behaviour would cajole him into telling her all she needed to know.
“I did consider it but only briefly. Dildos, restraint play… it’s all very pleasurable… but I don’t feel the need to do it with you.”
“Why?”
She always had to push like a child with one long, continuous question for an irritated parent, always had to know the absolute truth. And now, with Isaac, even more so… Luckily, he smiled indulgently as if she were the most fascinating creature on earth.
“Because you and you alone are enough for me.”
You and you alone are enough for me – what did that mean? It sounded wonderfully monumental, but Isaac evaded further discussion by insisting she finally eat the breakfast waiting under the silver domes. He fed her berries and sweet rice as she leant against his chest, dazed by his mercurial nature. He was calm and sure of himself now. Her master was firmly back in control, feeding her as if nothing had happened, yet a short time ago he had been livid and consumed with pain. She couldn’t forget the agony in his beautiful eyes. Had he really moved on from these tumultuous emotions so easily? Or was he silently brooding, his torment festering under the impenetrable mask of a king? Whatever the truth, he was clearly determined not to expose it. And then he shocked her yet again…
“I have arranged for Katrina to take care of you this afternoon, Talia. I have things to attend to and am sure you will welcome time spent with another woman.”
What? Was she allowed to spend time with Katrina as if they were friends?
“What is it, Talia?”
Her emotions had always been transparent, her eyes too easily readable. She felt so deeply she could never contain her emotions inside of herself as others could. She sighed.
“Forgive me, Your Majesty, I wonder… please, am I allowed to converse openly with Katrina? I do like her so very much.”
“Katrina is my servant and will take care of you, attend to your toilette as required. Conversation is not appropriate except for communication regarding the treatments she will give you.”
She could not stop the scowl arriving on her face. She and Katrina were not empty vessels designed for Isaac’s use, to be filled w
ith his directives and nothing else. They had needs and desires of their own. Isaac’s eyes darkened as her mouth formed into an obstinate pout and she hastily rearranged her features into what she hoped was an expression of ambivalence. She couldn’t bear any more emotional trauma today.
“Talia? Speak if you must.”
If you must. That was not encouraging. She hesitated but had to remain true to herself. It was all she had. She took a deep breath.
“Your Majesty, I feel rude behaving in such a cold, impersonal manner with Katrina. Please will you tell me why I am not allowed to talk openly with her?”
She held her breath as he stared stonily at her, and then he nodded, the stern line of his mouth relaxing.
“I understand your concerns, Talia, but for the moment you will have to trust and obey without questioning. Will you do that for me?”
It was the very worst answer he could have given her, but she nodded submissively. “Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you.”
Thank you? What was she thanking him for? He had reacted violently to her initial enquiry about the rooms of torture, and now he was refusing to answer her innocuous question about Katrina. There had been such love and pain in his eyes during their argument, so much buried emotion yearning to break free, but she was making no discernible progress with developing their relationship. Their feelings for each other were still largely unspoken with no real communication between them. Their shared spiritual energy shone brightly but would not do so for long. Love could not exist in an environment where one lover always submitted to the other’s wishes – unless they wanted to. And she did not. Submitting to Isaac’s sexual desires was one thing. He was a tender, passionate lover and she revelled in his sexual dominance, adored the way the alpha male connected with the worshipful part of her. It was the natural sexual balance between man and woman, and she relished losing herself in a world of sensuality. But the rules of this blessed world of love were created by Isaac and she must never lose sight of that. Isaac controlled everything, made all the decisions. Their sexual intimacy bonded their spirits, and deepened the trust and tenderness between them, but… That tiny word held enormous significance, for submitting to Isaac’s desires on an intellectual level was something else entirely. She would not surrender her life, become a new Talia, created by Isaac, whose every word and action was designed to please him. That was not a love worth having. She wanted to be a warm, responsive lover, adventurous and uninhibited, a wild woman who existed only for the pleasure of her beloved, but she must retain herself outside of that. She needed to be Talia, Lokian visionary, outside of the blue room…
She was more confused than ever and she hated it.
Isaac wrapped her up in the cornflower blue blanket and carried her back to the bedroom. Once again they encountered no one on their journey. She could have brazenly wandered the white stone corridors in her tattered dress and no one would have known. Everyday life at Isaac’s palace did not exist for her; Isaac had ensured he was her entire world. Could they really have a relationship where she lived only for him? In the blue room, yes, but in real life, she needed more.
Lunch arrived, dutifully delivered by the eternally reverent Katrina. Due to her emotional agitation and late breakfast, Talia was disinterested in food, but Isaac was his usual attentive self where her appetite was concerned and she swallowed a little soup to appease him. He didn’t tell her what he was doing this afternoon and she didn’t care. All she could see were long, frustrating hours ahead, having her body beautified while her mind stagnated as she was attended by a mute, subservient Katrina.
“Your Majesty.”
As she left the bedroom, she curtsied gracefully, manipulating Isaac in whatever tiny way she could. It was the only power she had. There was real pleasure in his eyes as he watched her leave with Katrina – show Isaac just a little reverence and he was thrilled. He was so easily satisfied. If only she was too… She was grumpy at being reduced to playing games, it was not the Lokian way. Poor Katrina would have to withstand her dark mood this afternoon. What a miserable life the wretched woman had, allowed no desires of her own, her only reason for existence obeying Isaac’s commands. And now she had to bear Talia’s bad temper too. Not that they could talk anyway.
Katrina massaged sweet-smelling oils into Talia’s face while they reclined together in the jasmine-scented bath. Katrina’s touch was gentle and soothing, and when she washed Talia’s hair it became unbearably tender. Her sensitive fingers moved deep into Talia’s scalp, massaging the tight skin, working into tense muscles caused by her constantly spinning mind. She was confused by and obsessed with Isaac’s complex nature and it was affecting her body adversely. Even now when Isaac was away doing God knows what he still had control of her… consuming her mind, her tense, aching body… it was impossible to relax and forget about him. But Katrina’s fingers were relentless, ruthless in their mission to relax King Isaac’s slave. The sweet sensation of gentle fingers caressing her throbbing head was just too much for Talia to bear. So much tension and stress had accumulated over the last few emotional days and soon Katrina’s fingers were wiping her tears away just as Isaac’s often did.
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, Katrina.”
“You are sad, Talia.”
Katrina’s mournful tone shook Talia out of her indulgent self-pity. She was upsetting this kind, gentle woman and that was not fair.
“I am sad, Katrina, but I am more confused than anything and am not handling it well. I’m sorry,” she repeated softly, “I know we are not allowed to speak freely and I don’t want to put you in a difficult position, please forgive me.”
“No, please don’t apologise, Talia, I am pleased you feel able to be so open with me. I wish I could help, I…”
Poor Katrina looked helpless, biting her lip as her eyes became wet too. This was everything Talia did not want. Katrina was a loyal servant to Isaac and Talia had put her in an impossible position. She had forced Katrina to bear the burden of her misery, but it was futile. Katrina couldn’t help her, she wasn’t allowed to. They were powerless, controlled by the dictates of Isaac, the man they both adored. It was so unfair.
“I understand your dilemma, Katrina, and I respect it, truly I do. Please don’t get upset on my behalf. I am horribly full of self-pity. I…” She breathed in deeply. She would say this and then return to the silence they were forced to endure. “I have deep feelings for His Majesty, I hold him in enormous regard. I feel too much affection for my own good. You have no need to worry, His Majesty has been very kind to me and has not ill-treated me in anyway. I am just a self-indulgent and overemotional woman who wants what she cannot have.”
Talia lowered her eyes after her impassioned little speech. She wanted Katrina to know she would say no more unless…
“Talia, I feel compelled to say something.”
… unless Katrina wished to continue the conversation. Talia raised her eyes to meet Katrina’s cautious ones.
“Whatever sadness you are feeling, whatever… uncertainty as to your position here, you should be aware of one thing.” Katrina’s voice trembled, and her shoulders shook despite the warmth of the water. She was clearly conflicted and scared. Isaac was her god, she would never betray him.
“Katrina, please don’t feel you have to say any more…”
“Forgive me, Talia, but I must say this for my conscience’s sake. I am being almost entirely selfish for I will not sleep tonight if I do not try to ease your suffering when I may be able to help in some small way.”
Talia nodded, her heart thudding at Katrina’s portentous words. Would the next few minutes transform her perception of her life here? Katrina took a deep and shaky breath, and spoke rapidly, her words running into each other as if she was desperate to give them expression before she changed her mind.
“Talia, you are the only woman His Majesty has ever taken to the blue room. You are also the only woman who has ever stayed in his rooms but… the blue room is the significant thing here.” K
atrina’s voice dropped to a whisper as fresh tears fell from Talia’s eyes. “It is how I know you are the woman meant for my king. Whatever confusion you are feeling, please, remember that. You are the one for His Majesty. I know it.”
Talia knew it too. She remembered everything. Katrina’s words brought it all back to her. She remembered those all-important words the angel had spoken. They had been lurking in the recesses of her mind, waiting for their opportunity to transform her life. Those words she had tried so hard to recall… She remembered them now and understood them completely. Her angel masquerading as a demon had said those words, and they had terrified him. Isaac had been afraid of his own words… the words she remembered so clearly.
Only you, Talia, only ever you in the blue room.
Only ever you in the blue room. The room of her spirit, and it was Isaac’s room too. Their spiritual room, only ever you…
That was what Isaac was afraid of, his words and all they meant. Only ever you. He was afraid of the strength of his feelings, afraid of what she meant to him.
Only ever you.
Her confusion evaporated for all of their conflict originated from those three small words. Everything stemmed from Isaac’s vulnerability, his fear of his feelings for her. He was unused to such intense emotion, the all-powerful king vulnerable for the first time in his life.
Isaac could not control her. He loved her and could not control that. She was not a battle to be won, an army to be overpowered with strength and cunning. She was Talia, Lokian visionary, a woman of ideals and impossible to control… and that… that might just be why he loved her.
If love was worth having, it was a wild, untamed thing. If love was true, it was freedom. True love did not restrain or curtail, it embraced full expression of joy and emotion, full expression of the individuals involved…
Love was wild and free and that scared Isaac.
She scared him.
Katrina quietly resumed washing Talia’s hair, clearly aware of the preoccupation of her mind. Talia stared unseeingly into the distance, far beyond the walls confining her. She stared boldly into her future with Isaac and saw her spirit soaring free with his. She was liberated by her new awareness for now she held the key to the solution to their problems.
Talia and Isaac Page 25