Samantha had planned to surprise Corbin and Mikey with them after dinner tonight. She bit her lip and looked away.
Once the other three had passed around the cookies, Gabby took charge. “First off, you’ll want to know that your parade float won a prize.”
“It did?” Samantha stared at her blankly. She had thought that when she left the float unattended, when Corbin and Mikey had climbed down and followed her to Corbin’s parents, the whole thing was a bust. “Mrs. Markowski said we ruined everything.”
Sheniqua lifted her hands, palms up, and rolled her eyes. “I’m a medical professional, but sometimes that woman stretches my vow to do no harm,” she said. “It wasn’t ruined. Those boys are passionate about what they’re doing and about Rescue Haven. They made a few adjustments, and the float continued on in the parade, and everyone loved it.”
“Not only that,” Hannah said, “but there are at least three pending dog adoptions based on spectators at the parade filling out paperwork.”
“That’s wonderful.” Again, Samantha tried to force a smile. It really was good that the boys had taken charge and that the dogs were the beneficiaries. At least something had come out of their work.
“But I know,” Gabby said, “that you’re not going to rest easy until you make things up with Corbin.”
“Not gonna happen.” Samantha pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I tried to call him to let him know about his dad—did you know his dad is in the hospital and not doing well at all?—but it went straight to voice mail. I had to get word to him through Reese.”
“Could be that he’s just busy,” Sheniqua said. Her voice was doubtful, though.
“I don’t think so. At the parade, he said—” She swallowed hard. “He said he never wanted to see me again. So when he didn’t answer, I asked Reese to let Corbin know about his dad. Hopefully, he’ll at least go to the hospital and see his father one more time.”
“Reese is trying,” Gabby said. “That’s all I know.”
“Corbin could stand to learn a lesson or two about forgiveness,” Hannah said. “And you know what?” she added, turning to Samantha. “You could, too.”
“What do I have to forgive?” Samantha asked. “Corbin didn’t do anything to me. He’s been nothing but upright and honorable. He’s a...” She cleared her throat and willed herself not to cry in front of her friends. “He’s a good man,” she finished.
Gabby moved closer and patted Samantha’s arm. Samantha didn’t trust herself to say any more, so she just squeezed Gabby’s hand. She appreciated her friends’ kindness, but they were about to turn her into more of a ball of mush than she already was.
“If you’re not angry at Corbin’s mother, you should be,” Hannah said. “She put you in an impossible position. She knew you cared for Mikey and wanted him to be safe, and she took advantage of that.”
“I don’t think it was that, exactly,” Samantha said. She took a sip of her tea. “Cheryl was desperate, and I agreed to help. I didn’t have to.”
“She should’ve found another way. She shouldn’t have gotten you involved.” Hannah crossed her arms in a way that reminded Samantha of how she had acted when she was angry as a child. That, plus the way her friends were so stalwart in her defense, made her smile for the first time since she’d seen Cheryl at the parade.
Gabby leaned forward, putting her mug down on the coffee table. “We can’t forget the main thing,” she said, and they all looked at her.
“What’s the main thing?” Samantha asked, still smiling just a little. “Because I know you’re going to tell us anyway.”
“I sure am.” Gabby put a hand over Samantha’s, briefly, and then looked at each woman in turn. “The main thing is that even if you did do something wrong—and we all do, just about every day—you’re forgiven.”
“That’s right.” Sheniqua nodded. “Father God knows us. He knows we’re human and imperfect, so He made a way for us to start over, be new creations.”
Starting over. Being a new creation. Samantha’s heart seemed to reach longingly for the words. “I never really got that,” she admitted. “I know it makes me a bad Christian, but I never really understood the whole idea of getting our sins forgiven.”
Hannah shook her head. “Don’t be so down on yourself,” she said. “You’re not a bad Christian. It’s a tough concept for all of us, because we want to do the right thing, and we’re so conscious that we fall short.”
“And as women in this society,” Sheniqua added, “we tend to take all the blame, all the time. But we don’t have to.”
“We can feel bad about whatever we’ve done wrong, and try not to do it again,” Gabby said. “That’s important. But once we’ve made that decision, we can be free.” She leaned forward, elbows on knees. “I can’t tell you how much that meant to me, when I figured it out. Despite my mistakes—and I’ve made a lot of them—I can be free to go on and live my life. I don’t have to wallow in shame.”
“That does sound wonderful,” Samantha admitted. “I just don’t know quite how to get there.”
“He’ll help you if you pray,” Sheniqua said. “Matter of fact, I think we’re about at the point of too much talk and too little prayer.”
“So let’s pray,” Hannah said, “and then, let’s order pizza. Those cookies made me hungry!”
Samantha laughed at her cousin as they all joined hands to pray. Her heart still ached, and she wasn’t through crying. She’d still probably leave town, if not right away, then soon. But as she bowed her head, before asking anything for herself, she silently thanked God for three wonderful, warm, loving friends.
Chapter Sixteen
Corbin let his mother hug him and then walked out the hospital room and down the hall, feeling numb.
Seeing his father, pale and unconscious and hooked up to multiple machines, had shaken him. For the first time, he had internalized the fact that his father might actually pass on.
It didn’t negate all the many issues Corbin had with his father, all the painful memories. But it did illustrate, starkly, the fact that life was short. His father would soon face judgment, judgment from a God so much wiser than Corbin that there wasn’t even a comparison.
Maybe that meant that Corbin didn’t need to do all that judging himself.
After all, despite the difficulties of his childhood, Corbin had gone on to achieve more success than anyone had thought possible. He had a good life. Now, he had Mikey.
His mind skittered away from thoughts of Samantha, because he didn’t have her. He had pushed her away, judged her harshly and openly. He felt like he’d been right, but he also felt awful about it.
“Wait, Corbin!” His mother ran after him along the intensive care hallway, disregarding the frowns of the nurses. That was Cheryl, not thinking of anyone but herself.
Except that wasn’t quite true, because when she reached him, she took both of his hands into hers. “Thank you for coming,” she said. “It means the world to me to be able to speak with you. I’m sorry for pushing Mikey on you the way I did.”
“It’s okay. I love Mikey.” He found himself squeezing his mom’s hands back, just a little. “In fact... I know this isn’t the time to talk about it, but I hope I can continue to be his guardian, whatever happens here.” He waved his hand toward his father’s room.
She studied him, eyes filled with tears and love. “You always were a good boy,” she said. “I’m proud of you. So very proud of you.” She squeezed his hands once more. “I don’t know how your father and I, mixed up as we are, made two boys as wonderful as you and Mikey.” She paused, then added, “If Mikey can turn out to be half the man you are, I’ll be happy.”
She studied his face as if she was searching for something. Whatever it was, she didn’t seem to find it. She gave him a half smile, turned, and walked back toward Corbin’s father’s roo
m.
Looking after her, seeing the slight stoop of her shoulders, watching her straighten up before entering the room, Corbin found his own eyes growing wet.
She was proud of him. She wanted Mikey to be like him.
The family lounge right outside the intensive care unit was empty. Dimly lit, and quiet. Corbin ducked inside.
He texted Reese that he would be down in a few minutes. Reese was great with kids, but it was way past Mikey and Izzy’s bedtime. Corbin needed to resume his responsibilities.
But first, he’d take a minute to put himself together. Because it felt like his whole world, the world he had ordered so carefully to keep control throughout his adult life, was flying apart.
His parents were mixed up, no doubt about it. They both had drinking problems, and in his father’s case, it had led to bigger health problems that might end up taking him young. His mother was healthier physically, but seemed always to be on the verge of some kind of a mental breakdown. No wonder she drank.
Those were the genes Corbin carried, and maybe that was why he felt the need to keep such rigid control. Maybe he was afraid that if he didn’t, he would end up going down the same path his parents had.
But the truth was, despite his efforts, he wasn’t in control. That had become glaringly obvious when Mikey had shown up on his front porch.
Ever since then, Corbin had had to let go, not just at home but in all parts of his life.
He had let go of his need to meticulously prepare every lecture, to spend hours grading each lab report.
To his surprise, his students didn’t even seem to mind. There had been more laughter in his classes lately than ever before, because he had had to improvise on some of his lectures, and in one case, he’d had to wing the whole thing because he’d been so distracted that he had deleted his PowerPoint slides. That had made him pay more attention to the students, ask what they wanted to discuss more, answer their questions. As a result, he was actually enjoying his job more and feeling closer to his students. Between that and the Rescue Haven experiments he’d been writing up, it looked like his position at the university would be secured.
With Mikey, every day brought some new surprise, some unexpected happening that kept Corbin guessing. But he had managed it. Thinking back now, he was shocked to realize that he didn’t have to maintain perfect control to have a good life. He was able to go along, caring for Mikey, and figure out solutions as he went.
Of course, a big part of that was Samantha. He couldn’t have done any of it without Samantha.
She had done a bad thing, deceiving him as she had; there was no question about it. He was angry at her. But he couldn’t muster the rage he had felt even a couple of hours ago.
His mother was difficult, but persuasive. She had explained that she and Samantha had become friends in an AA meeting, and that Samantha had babysat Mikey a few times, because she loved kids and worked in child care, and Cheryl had needed her help.
When Corbin’s father had gotten so sick, it had made some kind of twisted sense to Cheryl to ask Samantha to help in the elaborate ruse they had cooked up.
A ruse that wouldn’t have been necessary, Corbin realized, if he himself hadn’t been such a rigid, unforgiving person.
“I just knew if I came and asked you myself, you would turn me away,” Cheryl had explained. “So I had to use Mikey. He’s... He’s just so adorable. I knew even you couldn’t resist him.”
Even you couldn’t resist him. Shame wound its way through Corbin’s chest.
His thoughts spinning, he dropped his head into his hands. Maybe Cheryl needed forgiveness. Maybe Samantha needed forgiveness. Maybe they had both done wrong.
But, Corbin realized, he had done wrong, too.
He prayed with a heart that felt like it had been broken open. Father, forgive me.
* * *
Even fortified with prayer and the friendship of good Christian women, Samantha was a little scared to put her plan into action. That was why she’d figured out a way to do it when Corbin and Mikey wouldn’t be home.
It was Monday, and a rainy day, and Corbin had sent her a brief text explaining that she didn’t need to work today, since the university was closed. He’d taken Mike with him on a few errands.
So she was free to pack her few belongings and carry them out to the car without the emotional intensity of doing it all in front of Corbin and Mikey. It didn’t take but half an hour to pack all of her things into four boxes. Which was a little pathetic, she thought as she stripped the bed and put her sheets and towels into Corbin’s washing machine.
She was a woman in her twenties with a job—well, she had a job for a short time more, at least—and yet her whole life could be packed into just a few boxes.
As she walked back up from the basement, every room she passed through seemed to hold strong memories. Here was the kitchen where she and Corbin and Mikey had shared so many meals, talking and laughing. That gave her a real pang.
Mikey loved to have the attention of both her and Corbin, needed it. It would be hard on him that she wouldn’t be sharing in those experiences anymore, even though she’d agreed to remain his nanny until Corbin could find someone else. Just not live in, not anymore. She had to respect herself enough not to do that.
She passed the study where Corbin spent so much of his time. Though not as much as he had probably spent before taking Mikey in. She admired him for his vast intelligence and for how hard he worked. There was no question about it, he was a brilliant man and did important work at the university. More than that, he focused some of his research on rescue animals, showing something about his big heart.
All the same, despite her admiration for him, she couldn’t live with his attitudes toward her. Yes, she had deceived him, and she was sorry for that. She had told him so right away, but he hadn’t listened. He had been too caught up putting her into the same category as his mother and condemning her.
Corbin had a lot to work out, and Samantha sincerely hoped he would work it out before his father passed on or, hopefully, got well enough to move back to the city in Cheryl’s care.
She couldn’t wait, though, for Corbin to work through his issues. Even if she did, it was doubtful that he would want anything to do with her. They were too different. They had shared a wonderful six weeks, had found more in common than she would have ever dreamed possible, and yet a friendship just wasn’t going to work between them.
She couldn’t be with someone who didn’t accept her for who she was, who didn’t allow her to make mistakes without turning on her, judging her, yelling at her. She knew, now, that she deserved better.
And the fact that her tears were spilling over as she climbed the stairs to get her things—well, it didn’t mean she was going to change her mind.
She was huffing and puffing as she carried the first box down the stairs and through the living room.
Suddenly the front door opened, startling her into dropping the box. Her clothes spilled out as she stared at Corbin and Mikey. “What are you doing here?” she asked. And then she saw Mikey tense, just a little, and modulated her tone. “I thought you had errands to run.”
“I finished them faster than I expected.” Corbin tilted his head to one side. “What are you doing?”
She knelt down and started scooping up her spilled clothes and jammed them haphazardly back into the box. Fortunately, that gave her something to do as she spoke. “I’m taking some things over to Hannah’s.” She smiled at Mikey. “Hey buddy, come here,” she said, opening her arms. He ran to her, and she swung him up onto her hip. “I’ll make him a snack. Turn on his audiobook to help him settle down, because after running around with you all morning, he’s got to be almost ready for a nap.”
Sure enough, Mikey was rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands. “No nap,” he said, and then yawned.
“Snack first,” she agreed,
and set him up in his booster seat with some cereal pieces and fruit. As she fetched him a sippy cup of water, her throat tightened.
She was going to miss living here with Mikey, having the chance to take care of him all the time. She had grown to love him as if he were her own son.
But she knew it was the right thing to do, so she flipped on his audiobook and got him started on his snack. Then she sucked in a huge breath and walked back out into the lion’s den.
And there stood the lion himself, arms crossed over his chest, looking from her to the messily repacked box of clothes. “Looks to me like you’re moving out,” he said quietly.
She held out a hand like a stop sign. “You’re right, but before you start judging me, you need to know I’m not abandoning Mikey. I’m going to keep taking care of him, at least until you find someone else who suits.”
“How will you keep caring for him if you’re not living here?”
She lifted her chin. “We’ll trade him off, and I’ll care for him where I’m staying while you’re at work.”
“Where are you staying?” His face seemed made of stone.
“At Hannah’s. I’ve already cleared it with her. She’s delighted to have Mikey spend time at her place.”
“So, we’ll be like divorced parents?” Now, his stone face betrayed a little expression, a tightening of his jaw.
“Something like that.” Her throat closed again and she had to suck in a breath and let it out slowly before she could speak. “When you...when you find another caregiver, of course, I’ll withdraw.”
“I’d like to talk about all this.” Now his hands were planted on his hips.
She closed her eyes briefly, shutting out his stern visage. Remember, you are a child of God. You’re worth a lot, even if you make mistakes.
“Can you come into my study so we can hash this out?” he asked.
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