Faded (Shattered Book 4)

by Diana Nixon

  "She's still avoiding you?"

  "Yep."

  "Is it because of Kenneth's broken leg? Or am I missing something?"

  A few weeks ago, our dearest roommate got in an accident and had to be away from classes for some time. He used his weakness to get Rhea's attention, and of course, she couldn't send the idiot to hell. She spent a lot of time with him, made him dinners, helped him do his homework, even though his hands were not injured and he could do the fucking homework on his own. Needless to say, I got pissed every time she walked into our living room and went straight to Kenneth's bedroom, ignoring my jokes, comments about the way she looked, and my attempts to switch her attention to me.

  "He's not paralyzed, for fuck's sake!"

  Levy smirked. "He sure isn't. But you know Rhea – she's too kind-hearted to tell him to fuck off."

  "Figures."

  "You like her, don't you? I mean you really like her."

  There was no reason to lie. Rhea meant so much to me, maybe even more than I was brave enough to admit.

  "I do," I said, running both hands through my hair. "What would you do if you were me?"

  "Well, first of all, I would never let the night you two spent together become just a memory."

  Yeah, that was my mistake, partially. We didn't talk about that night, though I was sure she thought about it as much as I did. We preferred to pretend it never happened at all, probably thinking it would be for the best, for now. Not that it helped things work between us. We did see each other a lot, we talked, we even flirted at times, but neither of us let the flirting go further and become something more than just an exchange of words and looks.

  And then, Kenneth broke his damn leg, and unlike me, he used every small excuse to be closer to her.

  Levy finished his last piece of pizza, and spoke again, "Second, if I were you, I would never let the girl I like spend so much time with the dude who wants to sleep with her more than cure his broken leg."

  My fists clenched, as well as my jaw. I didn't even want to think about what the two of them were doing in his room.

  "And third," Levy added, wiping his mouth with a napkin, "I would do anything to make her forget about everyone, but me." A wink followed the words. "I don't mean breaking your leg and calling her to help you with making dinners."

  "Thanks for the advice."

  "Anytime." He looked at his watch and added, "Shit, I should have been in class five minutes ago. Gotta run, man. See you later." He grabbed his backpack and rushed out of the café. I didn't have any more classes today, so I ordered another cup of coffee, so caffeine helped me think of something to win Rhea.

  Later that day, in my room, I heard a familiar voice saying, "Okay, dad, I'll come for the weekend. Don't worry, I can take a taxi. And please, follow your doctor's instructions. You don't want a repeat of what happened two years ago, right?"

  I walked out of the room and saw Rhea, standing next to Kenneth's room.

  "He's resting," I lied, using my only chance to get her attention. I had no idea what the idiot had been doing.

  "Oh…" She looked at the clock on her cell phone. "Then I'll come back later."

  "Sure you will… Wait," I rushed to block her way. "How about a walk?" It was almost six in the evening and neither of us had lectures to attend.

  "Okay," she agreed without hesitation, which was a surprise, considering she had been doing her best not to stay alone with me for…how long? Almost a month.

  "Give me a second." I went back to my room to grab my car keys.

  "I thought you said you wanted to go for a walk," she said, seeing the keys in my hand.

  "How about we do it in Central Park instead of campus?"

  She thought for a moment, before saying, "We need to be back by eight. Kenneth will need my help with his supper."

  I GRRRed mentally. "Fine."

  We left the room and went to the parking lot to find my car.

  Opening the door for her, I couldn't but ask, "How long exactly are you going to play his babysitter? He's a big boy, you know? It's not like he can't move or eat without anyone's help."

  "I know. But considering his state, homemade meals are so much healthier."

  "Unless you feed him with burnt pizza."

  She ignored my sarcasm. "Besides, he does need help with bringing food from the kitchen."

  She got into the passenger seat.

  "Trust me, if he were about to starve to death, he would get to the kitchen even with both legs broken."

  She shook her head in disapproval but said nothing to my comment.

  I closed her door, went around the car and got behind the wheel.

  "It's not just about Kenneth and me nursing him, is it?"

  Could she read my mind?

  "You are right… It's not just about him, or your desire to help him." I turned to look at her. "Not that I get much pleasure watching it by the way."

  She tried to hide her smile, but I still managed to catch a glimpse of it.

  "My dad's coming to the university," I said. Then I told her about the speech and the rest.

  She stayed quiet until I finished my rambling monologue.

  "You don't want to disappoint him, do you?"

  Uh, she just had to outline the worst of my worries.

  "My dad… He had always been an example for me – the man I wanted to inherit many things from, starting with his iron will and the ability to rule over so many people and still keep his humanity. You know what I mean? He never fired anyone without making sure they got a new job first. He never fired anyone without a good reason to do so. And he never rejected help when he himself needed it. He always said that weakness is not to say how helpless you are, weakness is to be a self-assured fool who thinks he knows everything about everything."

  "He sounds like a very wise man."

  "He is wise. I still need to learn how to be one."

  "It comes with age and experience. You are only eighteen, you have your whole life to live and learn everything you want to know about it."

  Speaking of my age…

  I parked my car not far away from the park and shut down the engine. "Do you have any plans for this Friday night?"

  "No, why?"

  "There will be a small party in our room. Will you join in?"

  I mentally crossed my fingers to hear a 'yes' from her.

  "My dad caught the flu, and I promised to spend the weekend with him. So even if I come to the party, I'm afraid I won't be able to stay long."

  I was sure she could see the disappointment written all over my face. Because the next second, she smiled and touched my cheek with her palm. "Aw, just look at this sad boy. What can I do to make you smile again?"

  Without giving my words a second thought, I said, "Kiss me."

  She removed her hand from my face, and my skin where she touched me immediately felt cold.

  "You are not ready for a kiss," she said, still watching me. A small smile played on her lips, and I couldn't figure out if she was joking or being serious now.

  "What about you?" I asked, squinting. "Are you ready to get a kiss from me?"

  A soft blush touched her cheeks, but she didn't break the eye contact. "I had been ready for it since the day I bumped into your unpacked boxes."

  My mouth opened and closed in surprise.

  She laughed. "Hold your horses, Jeffrey. I'm just kidding."

  "Do have any idea how many times I imagined kissing you?" I suddenly felt like pulling her closer and making that dream of mine finally come true.

  "No. But I'm curious to hear the number?"

  "It's countless…"

  Our eyes stayed locked for a long minute, no less. "You are not ready for a kiss," she repeated quietly.

  "What about you?" I asked again, dead-serious this time.

  "I've been waiting for it for as long as I remember knowing you…"

  This time, she wasn't kidding. I could feel it.

  "Why do you think I'm not ready for a kiss?"


  She looked out of the window. "Why don't we finally get out and take a walk?"

  "Okay, but I'm waiting for your answer."

  She smiled, opened the door and stepped out of the car.

  The first couple of minutes passed in silence. We walked down the almost empty road and only birds and the wind were there to keep us company. The fiery leaves danced their way to the ground and I kept my eyes high to watch them. I can't say I was a huge fan of the fall season, I preferred winter. But something about the magic around us made me fall in love with the amber, green and brown that was everywhere my eyes could see. Or maybe it was all about the girl walking next to me. She had this gift to right all the wrongs, and I liked it.

  "To answer your question… I think we both know it." Rhea looked at me and I swear she could see right through me. "You put your career first. And so do I. You don't want any serious relationship to distract you. And neither do I. The only difference between us is I'm not keen on one-night stands, and you wouldn't mind it happening with me."

  "You are wrong. I never saw you as a one-night stand."

  "Okay, forget it. But I'm sure you wouldn't mind repeating the night we spent together, with a different scenario this time. The problem is – you don't know what to do with the morning following it. Because deep down inside you want to stay, when on the other hand – you never stayed that long with a girl as to wake up with her, in one bed, and say good-morning instead of picking up your things and leaving before she was up to find the spot next to her cold and empty."

  I chuckled. "Are you sure Fine Arts is your true calling? I feel like I'm talking to Levy right now."

  Smiling, she said, "It's because girls tend to think a lot about the morning after. And guys like you, in particular, think only about the entertaining part of the night."

  "Guys like me… It's a cliché, you know? You never know what's hidden behind the surface until you try to look inside and see there's a depth as well."

  "Couldn't agree more. But in our case, the depth is too deep and dangerous; it's so easy to get drawn in there."

  She was right, I couldn't deny it. She said the things I was scared to tell her. I didn't want to disappoint her with my words, but turned out she knew what I was thinking even before I got a chance to speak it out.

  "So what do we do now?" I asked, hoping there still was a chance to find a solution that would keep her close to me.

  "Let time put everything where it belongs."

  "What if it takes forever?"

  She stopped and so did I. "If something is meant to happen, nothing will stop it."

  I took a step closer and said, "So… If I want to kiss you, I can do it without asking for permission? Since you've been waiting for it for so long…"

  "Only if you promise I won't regret it."

  I took another step closer. "No one ever accused me of being a bad kisser."

  "You know what I mean, Jeffrey. Remember what I told you about the morning dilemma?"

  "I do."

  "That's why I'm asking you to think twice, or better three times, before you decide to kiss me. Because if staying is not what you want, better never open the door that leads to this particular part of the game."

  I watched her trying to understand what was pulling me to her, why I couldn't stay away from her. And then I knew it – I admired her. She possessed the willpower that I was lacking. She knew what she wanted, and I was still trying to figure it out. She was brave enough to admit that she wanted me to kiss her, and I still had no idea why I hadn't done it, yet. She put me first, trying to prevent the things that she thought would become a burden for me, and I couldn't make myself step over my fears and just let things happen. She was a light in my sea of uncertainty. I would follow her anywhere, if I could just find the courage to take one more step closer…

  "Okay, I promise to think many times before I decide to kiss you," I said, already knowing that the upcoming week would be nothing but a non-stop dreaming about capturing her luscious lips with mine and showing her just how much I needed her in my life, in my embrace.

  And so, I made the second promise that I would fail to keep…

  Chapter 9

  I hated my birthday. Unlike many other people who couldn't wait for the day to happen, I always wanted to skip this part of the year and just live on. But I had fabulous friends who wouldn't let me forget about it. And so, waking up on Friday morning I knew there would be a surprise waiting for me. The fact that Liam, Stanley and Kameron now lived miles away from me would never stop them from doing something I would hate them for, for another year or so.

  Only this time, their surprise was nothing like the snails in my slippers five years back, or a hedgehog in my bed three years back, or a track of condoms last year when they thought it was a perfect present for someone who was about to graduate from high school and go to the university and use all of them in one night. Yeah, at times, I wondered what brought the four of us together, but the answer was too obvious – we were a bunch of idiots who always had each other's back and enjoyed every moment of the lives we were living. So, about the new surprise…

  The moment I opened my eyes, I knew something was different about my bedroom. A few moments later, I realized it was the furniture. I burst out laughing. Every piece was turned upside down, except for my bed.

  I took my phone from the bedside table and called Liam – he was the ringleader of all the stupid things that came to my friends' heads.

  "How the hell did you do it?" I asked into the phone.

  "I knew you would LOOOVE the surprise."

  "Thanks for leaving my bed where it is. I don't think I would LOOOVE seeing it glued to the ceiling.

  Laughing, he said, "The original plan started with the bed actually, then your roommate, Levy said it would be hard to do it and make you sleep in it."

  "I should thank him for reasoning with you, assholes."

  "Happy Birthday, bro, we love you too. Kameron and Stanley are here too, we had a boys-only party last night."

  "Bullshit, I know your boys-only parties ALWAYS end up with the girls joining in."

  "Nah, this time there were just the three of us, beer and a TV. Baseball game – remember?"

  "Right, I forgot." I never liked baseball, but my friends never missed a game.

  "So, what plans do you have for tonight?" Liam asked.

  "Home party. Nothing crazy. They don't allow alcohol on campus."

  "Not that it will stop you from bringing it."

  I chuckled. "Correct. Too bad, you guys can't come to New York. I don't think I remember a single birthday I celebrated without you."

  "I'm sure you'll have someone to fill up the empty spots with."

  I immediately thought about Rhea. She didn't confirm coming to the party. But I refused to stop hoping.

  "Maybe…" I said.

  "Sounds like you have someone in particular in that spoilt mind of yours. Is she pretty?"

  "She sure is."

  "Send me her picture."

  "I don't have it."

  "What? I don't believe you! You always showed us your girls."

  "That's the problem… She's not mine."

  "Now that's news, Jeff… Have you lost your grip?"

  Someone knocked at the door and I needed to end the call.

  "Gotta go, will call you later. And thanks for the surprise, it was really cool." I pushed the 'end call' button and said, "Come in!"

  "Morning, birthday boy!" Levy entered the room, holding a huge box in his hands.

  "What's in there?" I asked, getting up from the bed.

  "Have no idea. The courier brought it."

  "Interesting." There was no note or anything that would tell me who the box had been sent from. "Let's see," I muttered, unwrapping the dark blue ribbon. Inside the box, there was a lot of packing paper and a small note, written in mom's beautiful handwriting.

  "Hope it makes your stay in New York even more interesting. Love, Mom and Dad."

&n
bsp; "Holy Dolly… It's a quadcopter!" Levy said, taking out my present. "Damn… You can spy on the whole campus with it and make dirty laundry videos about the teachers and then get all A+ on your exams without saying a word!"

  "Yeah, right. And then get expelled without a word either." I took my present from him and smiled. Mom always knew what I wanted for my BD, even though I didn't like the day itself. A quadcopter had been my dream for a couple of years now, since the day I first saw our neighbor playing with it in the backyard.

  Levy's idea of spying wasn't that bad. Only I wasn't going to spy on teachers…

  "I wanna see how it works," he said. He grabbed the remote and started reading the work manual. "Looks like we need to charge the battery first."

  "Then experiments will wait until the afternoon." I put the new toy back into the box. "I'll go take a shower and you don't touch anything here." I nodded at the box.

  "Okay, okay. I'm going to Starbucks, do you want me to grab you something for breakfast?"

  "Coffee and two sandwiches with ham please. Take some cash from the drawer over there." I pointed to my nightstand table. "Oh, and if you see Rhea, tell her my invitation is still valid."

  I couldn't wait to see her again. She kept coming to our room to check on Kenneth, we shared a few meaningless words and then she left, stealing my breath every time she closed the door behind her.

  I was getting addicted to her. To her presence in my room and in my thoughts. I craved every short moment of being with her. Even if she didn't know I was somewhere around. When with her, every sucky day became so much better. And I liked it. I liked the way she affected me, as if she was pulling an invisible string and I couldn't look at any other girl, but her. Sometimes I thought it was funny – my usual self didn't feel himself anymore. It was like I was watching a movie where my clone played the leading role and I couldn't stop him from doing another stupid thing when a girl he liked entered the room.

  Everything I did, I did with the thought of her, as if I was continually looking for her approval, afraid to disappoint her. Even back then I knew I couldn't give her what she really deserved, but still, I kept making promises, that I would very soon break, one by one…