by Diana Nixon
It sounded super easy to be true.
"What do you want in return?"
Our eyes met and I knew I wouldn't like his response.
"You will need to marry me, Rhea."
A nervous laugh escaped my mouth. "Are you out of your mind, Jeffrey?"
"This is not a joke. I will save your family home, but I need guarantees that you will be able to return the sum I pay for it. In order to make sure I get it back, we will sign a marriage contract, according to which a part of your company's monthly income will be sent to my bank account."
"And that's it?"
"What do you mean?"
"No sleeping with you in one bed, no making breakfast in the mornings, no happy Chrisman dinners?"
"Well..." He gave me a devilish look. "I will leave all of the above for you to decide."
"How very generous of you," I said with a touch of sarcasm.
"It is a very generous offer, considering I myself will get nothing from it."
I gave his words careful thought. Well, he was right. He said he would help me and all I had to do to 'thank' him was to pretend being his wife.
"How long exactly is this…marriage gonna last?"
"As long as you will need to pay off the debt."
"And then what? You will let me out of it?"
"Yes."
Just like that? I wanted to ask, then I changed my mind. In this particular case, I was in no place to ask too many questions.
"I have prepared something for you to read before you give me the answer." He reached into his jacket inside pocket and took out a folded paper. "Here you will find all the needed information about the so-called marriage. Think about it, Rhea."
I took the paper from him, unfolded it and quickly ran my eyes through the contents. Everything looked pretty simple.
"I'll read it by tomorrow," I said.
"Take your time."
It looked like the conversation was over, but Jeffrey didn't rush to leave.
"Anything else?" I ask.
"Actually… There's something I need to tell you. It's about your mom."
An unpleasant feeling rushed through me. "What about her?" I asked suspiciously.
"I think it's better if you take a seat first."
I swallowed sudden worry. What was it that Jeffrey wanted to tell me about my mom? I felt my hands start to shake.
"Okay." I took a seat on a sofa and so did he, leaving a decent space between us.
"Before my father died, he told me something about Abby. I think you should know it too." He carefully examined my face for any traces of a possible breakdown. He knew talking about mom always made my heart hurt. It hadn't changed with time.
"I'm not sure I want to hear it," I said.
"I don't want any more secrets to stand between us, Rhea." Sincerity filled his every word. "What I'm going to tell you might be a little…surprising. But please, don't rush with conclusions."
"Oh, please, Jeffrey, stop torturing me! I'm a big girl, you know? I can stand whatever it is that you want to tell me. No matter how bad it is."
"Okay…" He took a deep breath and proceeded. "My father did know your mom, in person."
"I know. Dad told me she used to work for him."
"Yes. They also used to be close…very close."
"By 'very close'… Do you mean they were lovers?"
Jeffrey nodded.
"Oh, Dear Lord… Did my father know about it?"
"I don't think so. The story between our parents ended before you were born."
I thought about his words. "Before I was born? But not before my parents got married?"
"Your mom found out about her pregnancy when she was still working for my dad."
I recalled my father's words from one of the Christmas Eves when I was asking him about mom and Mr. Coleman.
"Is that why she quit?"
"Yes. She told my father it was time for them to go separate ways and stop ruining their families. She knew the child wasn't his and so she decided to stop their romance and focus on what was most important for you and your future instead. After you were born, she called my dad and asked if he could help Dennard find a job. Naturally, he said he would help her. Because…"
"He still loved mom," I guessed.
"He did."
"What happened next?"
"They never saw each other again. Until the day before she died."
"So it's true – she went to see him."
"She came to ask for his help one last time."
"Help with what?"
"You. She asked him to look after you. He promised he would do it for her, as well as keep paying your dad for his job."
Something was missing about the whole story of mom's visit to Pittsburgh. "Did she…" I couldn't make myself say the words. "Did she know she was dying?" My voice trembled.
"She did."
A tear rolled down my cheek. "It wasn't the flu that took her life away, was it?"
Jeffrey didn't answer. Instead, he moved closer to me and took my hand in his. The touch was so innocent, but still it made me feel the things I thought were long lost and forgotten.
"Wasn't there a way to help her?" I asked, trying really hard not to think about Jeffrey's touch.
"It was cancer, Rhea. The doctors gave her half a year. From what my father told me, I know she had been trying to fight it. But she didn't want anyone to know about her disease. Not even your dad."
"I can't believe he didn't notice anything. Neither did I. But I was just a kid. I didn't know anything about cancer or its signs."
"There's no one to blame for what happened to her."
I looked at him and saw compassion filled his gaze. He wasn't saying it to hurt me. He wanted to help me understand what happened years ago. He wanted me to see the truth – there was nothing I could do to save my mom.
But there was one question that I wanted to ask. "Did your father know I was Abby's daughter? Is that why he was against our relationship?"
Jeffrey sighed and took a moment to think about the answer. "He said he knew it was you the very first time he saw us together in the classroom. He said you looked so much like your mom when she was your age. Besides, he knew everything about your life. Because he kept his promise and never stopped looking after you. He knew you passed the entrance exams. He said he was there during your last exam, because it was about to decide your future at the university. He was gonna help you get the highest mark, but it turned out it was not needed. You did really well without his help."
"But he still believed I was not good enough for you."
"It wasn't because he didn't like you. He was afraid the story that happened between him and Abby would ruin everything. He simply didn't want anyone of us to get hurt in the end."
"Right." I pulled my hand out of Jeffrey's and stood up.
"He said he wanted to stop whatever was happening between us before it would be too late."
Jeffrey stood up too, and walked up to me. "Don't you understand, Rhea? He simply wanted to protect us."
"How exactly? By ruining our lives even before stupid secrets from the past would do it for him? I don't know anything about your life without me, Jeffrey. But mine had been hell, at least the first couple of months when I felt as shattered as ever. I needed to start it all over again, heal my wounds and move on. Do you think it was that easy?"
"No, I don't think it was easy. And just for your information – my life after you wasn't any better."
"But now that your father is gone, nothing is standing in your way to marry me, right? Willingly or not."
His jaw tightened. "I'm doing it to help you."
"Whatever." I crossed my arms, as if I could shield myself from him and everything I was feeling at the moment. "Leave, Jeffrey. I have a lot to think about."
He didn't argue with that. "Okay. Call me when you are ready to tell me about your decision."
"I will."
I waited for him to walk out of my apartment and finally
leave me alone.
God, I couldn't believe what just happened was real. So many thoughts were running through my head now. I didn't know anymore what to believe. My parents' marriage started with a betrayal. Maybe mom never loved my father at all. Who knows? Maybe she didn't mind him spending so much time away from home, because she never stopped loving Jeffrey's father. Lord, I could be his daughter… It was just a matter of timing. Mom could get pregnant with his child and then what?
Ugh, I didn't want to think about the possible scenario.
My life was fine now, well, as fine as it could be. But my heart was still bleeding for Jeffrey Coleman, fact. The conversation we had tonight proved it one more time.
I didn't know what to do or how to accept Jeffrey's proposal without losing myself on the way. I knew it wasn't going to be easy to pretend being his wife. Why? Mostly because deep down inside I wanted to be his for real, with no pretense standing between us.
CHAPTER 18
Rhea
One month later
"I can't believe I'm doing this." I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw nothing but desperation filling my eyes.
"You still have time to change your mind," Kora said, adjusting my veil.
"That's the problem – I don't have it."
She and Sandy shared a meaningful glance.
"I know what you two are thinking," I said. "But I don't have a choice. He bought the house. He showed me the papers yesterday."
"Tell me again – what does your marriage contract say?" Sandy asked.
"It says that the house will be sold in case I decide to divorce him before I pay off the debt."
"So technically, all you need to do is to marry him and live as if nothing ever happened between you two. Is that correct?"
Kora spoke, "Or is there something we are missing, Rhea? Have you talked about your future? How does he imagine it?"
"He said that by marrying him I would get access to all of his company projects and I would be able to choose any of them to work on to gain the sum that he paid for the house. After he gets his money back, he will give me a divorce."
"And you will go separate ways?" Sandy looked at me through the mirror. "Again?"
I shut my eyes and sat on a nearby chair. "I'm doing it for my father. I can't let him down. Not now that he just got out of rehab. I don't want him to start drinking again. But losing the house will only make things worse for him."
Kora got down on her knees and took my hands in hers. "Can I ask you something, dear?"
I nodded and waited for her question.
"Do you still love him?"
It was a very simple question to answer. I guess my friends knew the answer.
"I think I do…" The tears of truth burned my eyes. "Does it sound crazy, that after all this time and all the pain that he made me feel, I still have feelings for him?"
"I guess it only means you never stopped loving him. Even if you tried to make yourself believe otherwise."
"But how do I live with him knowing that this marriage, this deal will end one day and I will lose him once again? Only this time – forever."
Kora smirked. "Unless you find another shitty situation to put yourself into and then make him save your ass once again."
"You know what?" Sandy said. "I think it's not as bad as it seems. Unlike you, I never stopped my communication with Jeffrey. I know how bad he felt about the conversation that you overheard. He blamed himself for losing you. He asked me to give him your new address, many times. But I knew you didn't want to see him or talk to him. He even stole my phone once, trying to get your new number. But I changed your name, because you told me to do so, and he found nothing." She paused for a moment. "You know I never believed in your breakup. I'm sure he still feels something for you, Rhea. So… Why don't you give him a chance to show it? Don't you think everyone deserves a second chance? You didn't give it to him twelve years back, maybe it's time to do it after all."
"Am I having hearing problems, or do you really sound like you are defending him?" Kora looked accusingly at Sandy.
"I'm not defending anyone. I'm just trying to think straight. Because it's obvious that the bride and the groom have no idea what they are getting into. All I'm saying is that there's a possibility that their story is not over. And who knows? Maybe this forced marriage is the only way to make them see it too?"
Kora's eyes found mine again. "Do you think it's true? That Jeffrey came up with this stupid marriage just to get you back?"
"I think there's only one way to find it out…" I stood up and checked on my look one last time. "Let's go girls. The guests are waiting."
I stared at the bouquet in my hands as if it could tell me everything was gonna be fine and I wasn't making the biggest mistake of my life.
My father's hand held mine, gently and firmly at the same time. I knew he didn't believe the story Jeffrey and I told him about our impromptu meeting after years of being apart and the renewed feelings that were too strong to keep ignoring them. He knew me too well to believe that I would marry the son of the man I hated my whole conscious existence and never once doubt my decision. But somehow, he let me accept Jeffrey's proposal, having no idea that he himself was the very reason for me to accept it.
"Shall we go, Rhea?" He asked as the churchman opened the heavy wooden doors for us.
"Yes." I smiled at him, hoping he didn't see my nervousness.
"Mom would be so happy for you," he suddenly said.
A lump stuck in my throat. With all the chaos that preceded the wedding, I never once asked myself if she would have approved of my choice. Would she tell me to stop and think twice before I plunged headlong into this mess? Or would she bless me and tell me to be happy, no matter what?
"I wish she were here today," I said.
"Yeah, me too." Dad patted my hand that was holding his and we started walking down the aisle.
I kept my eyes glued to the bouquet. It still felt like the only solid thing to hold onto. It wasn't just a set of flowers, it meant the end of my present life and the beginning of something new and unknown.
Was I ready to face it? I felt my eyebrows pulled together in doubts. The petals in my bouquet looked so delicate; dead, yet fresh and beautiful, they planted seeds of tranquility and hope in my heart.
Maybe it wasn't a mistake after all? Maybe Jeffrey and I could be happy? Even after a lifetime of pain and never-ending regrets.
No one knew the answers to those questions, but the fate that had brought us together again.
Let's see where you take us, I told her mentally.
Dad and I stopped at the altar. He removed the veil from my face and said how much he loved me.
"Love you too, daddy."
He smiled with tears glistening in his gray eyes and kissed my forehead.
Next thing I knew, I was saying the words of my vow like those were live coals put into my throat. Every word brought me closer to Jeffrey and turned me into his prisoner. God only knew how long my imprisonment was gonna last.
I looked into Jeffrey's eyes and thought about the short period of time when there was nothing more beautiful than the love that was binding us together. The love that used to be so strong and unbreakable, was now locked behind the wall of misunderstanding and doubt; it weakened under the pressure of years that we spent apart and lost the light that used to warm my heart and make me feel so happy. It faded and turned into ash that only miracle could liven again.
***
Jeffrey
Three months later
The room was dark and quiet. I was sitting on a sofa, with a glass of whiskey in my hand, waiting for my wife to come back home. The clock on the wall showed half-past ten in the evening and I wondered if she was ever going to return. I hated myself for being so weak against her, but I couldn't help it. I still loved her more than anyone in the world.
For weeks, I'd been trying to be good to her, pretending to be an exemplary husband: understanding and caring. The problem wa
s – she didn't give a fuck about my attempts to prove to her that our marriage was not a disaster and that there was a chance to make it work.
We didn't share a bed or anything that spouses usually share. We were more like roommates, with separate bedrooms and occasional talks about the weather. Even when it came to work, she never called me unless there was a really good reason to do so. And I… I was waiting for every damn chance to talk to her, hoping I would be able to keep her close for a little longer than five minutes.
When the door finally opened and she walked into the apartment, I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Good to know that you haven't forgotten the address of your home," I said, unable to restrain my anger. A part of my conscience that was still sober told me to shut up, but why the hell would I listen to it, right?
"Hello, Jeffrey." She put her purse on a glass table near the door and then took off her coat and hung it in the closet.
"Where have you been?" I asked, hoping her late return didn't have anything to do with a different man. Fuck, I would trash the shit out of the bastard who dared to take her away from me.
"I've been working," she said calmly. She turned the lights on and my eyes shut from the bright illumination. "You are drinking… Again." Disgust filled her voice.
"What else do you expect me to do while waiting for you, wifey?"
"I thought we made it clear – you and I have separate lives, with no unnecessary questions or scenes like this."
I laughed. "It's what you want most of all – a separate life, right?" I stood up and walked to her. "What if I want more than this?"
"It's your problem, Jeffrey." She turned to leave the room.
"You can't wait to get a divorce and be free again. Am I right, Rhea?"
She stopped and looked at me. "Go get some sleep. That's what you really need right now."
"Is that why you are working like a mule and stay in the office until you think I'm too tired to wait for you? You think I will let you go right after you return the money that I paid to save your parents' house."
"Wasn’t it a part of the deal?"
"What if I don't want to let you go?"
She walked back to me and put her hands on her hips, saying, "Don't you dare to call off the deal, Jeffrey. Or do you think what you did to me years ago wasn't enough to show me just how much you 'loved' me?"