“Yes, I can. I’ve seen how he looks at you. Last night, with the soup, he was laughing the hardest. He adores you. So why am I here?”
Bianca brushed away tears. “I want to be different. I want to be strong. I want to know what to do around those people. They’re going to judge me. All of them. I know they are.”
And there it was, Margot thought in relief. The real reason for the transformation. It wasn’t about Wesley losing his job at all—it was about her own fears.
“That’s better,” she said. “So much better. Now we have something to work with. Doing this kind of work for yourself is so much smarter than doing it for someone else. Let’s figure out what you want, what works for you and make it stick. Because I want you strong, too. I want you to dazzle them and make every single person want to be you.”
“You can do that?”
“No. But you can. We’ll keep working and modifying as we go. We’ll work on what you’re most nervous about and get you comfortable. It’s not that hard. It’s just a matter of figuring out the right railing for your staircase.”
“I want to believe you. I love Wesley and I know he’s fine with who I am, but I really don’t want his career to suffer because of me. Plus, it’s just so hard when I’m around those people. They all went to college and have five degrees and I’m just some has-been actress with a great body.”
Margot held up one finger. “No. You’re a beautiful, vibrant woman with a rockin’ hot body. There’s a difference.”
Bianca laughed. “Thank you. Okay, let’s get started. Last night with the soup, I wasn’t thinking. I really did just want to get it for Connor, but when I picked it up, it was really heavy and then I didn’t know what to do.”
“What could you have done?”
Bianca sighed. “I could have asked for help.”
“Yes. You could have. So why was it so important to impress Connor? You were really focused on him from the beginning.”
“I love kids.”
Margot waited.
“What?” Bianca groaned. “You’re a nightmare.”
“Yes, I am.”
“Fine.” Bianca got up and paced the length of the room. When she reached the fireplace, she looked back at Margot. “I’m good with kids. They always like me. I guess I was nervous, so I knew being with Connor was safe and then I got too focused on him and it spiraled out of control.” She shrugged. “I told Edna I’m sorry about the soup.”
“I’m sure she appreciated that. Why were you nervous? It was a small group of people and you knew most of us.”
“Because the whole evening was about waiting for me to fail. I felt like a performing bear and when I screwed up you were all going to know and laugh at me.”
Margot stiffened as the truth of her words sank in. She stood. “Oh no. Bianca, I’m so sorry. You’re right—that’s exactly what it was. Not us laughing, because that wasn’t going to happen, but of course you felt on display. That was wrong of me. I apologize. What a horrible evening for you.”
Bianca blinked. “You’re apologizing to me?”
“Of course. I handled the evening all wrong. I was trying to keep the numbers small so there was less stress on you but everyone knew what we were doing and you were the subject of the lesson. Of course you felt as if you were being judged by everyone. Connor was your only safe person, wasn’t he? I totally messed up and I’m so very sorry.”
Bianca giggled. “Wow. That was a really good apology. You should give lessons. I’m not upset anymore. In fact, I just want to give you a hug and tell you everything will be fine.”
“I’m more concerned about whether or not you still trust me to help you.”
Bianca’s eyes filled with tears again. She crossed to Margot and held her tight. “Honestly, there’s no one I would trust more.”
“Thank you.”
Bianca’s expression turned sly. “Hmm, so you owe me now. I’m going to have to think of how I want to take advantage of that. Maybe we should have your sister over and we’ll do a girls’ spa day or something.”
Margot hesitated, thinking she didn’t want to drag Sunshine into this. “Or we could keep working together to achieve our ultimate goal.”
“You’re no fun, but all right. Let’s get started.”
Margot was still processing her giant blunder. She needed some time to regroup. “If you don’t mind, I need a couple of hours to rethink the plan. Can we meet after lunch?”
“Sure. It’s cold and foggy outside, so I think I’ll just stay in my room and watch a movie. Maybe Raiders of the Lost Ark. I was up for Karen Allen’s part—did you know that? I think I would have been good in that movie and Harrison Ford was so yummy. Oh well. I’ll see you after lunch.”
With that she walked out of the room, leaving Margot behind wondering how on earth she could have screwed up so badly at something she was supposed to be good at.
Chapter Twelve
Sunshine waited until Connor had gone to bed before knocking on the open door of Declan’s study. He looked up from his computer, smiled and waved her in.
“How’s it going?” he asked as she took a seat by his desk. “Please don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts about the ant farm. Connor loves that thing.”
“I have no problem with the ants except possibly the fact that they’re so industrious, I sometimes feel like a slacker by comparison.”
“I know that one. How’s school?”
“Still awkward and difficult.” She was going to the lectures and doing her homework and falling a little more behind each day. “There’s a TA session soon. If that doesn’t help me enough, I guess I’ll go to the math lab.”
“Want me to look over your chapters and see if I can help?”
“Thanks, but I’ll deal with it.”
She in no way wanted her boss figuring out she was a complete idiot. She adored Connor and really wanted to keep her job here. She was comfortable in her surroundings. She felt safe and happy and knew she was making a difference.
“The offer still stands,” he told her.
“I appreciate that.” She thought about the reason for her visit. “So, this is a little awkward, but I met the mother of one of Connor’s friends. Elijah’s mom. Her name is Phoebe, she’s divorced and really funny and nice, and well, I think you’d like her.”
Declan stared at her, his expression completely blank. “Excuse me?”
“I thought you might like to meet her and maybe go out with her. Because the other day you were talking about—”
“Okay, no.” He half came to his feet, then dropped back in his chair. “No. Just no. Why on earth would you try to set me up?”
“I can’t help it. I’m nurturing. If there’s a problem in the house, I try to fix it. You mentioned that you wanted to—”
He winced. “Can we not talk about it? Or repeat what I said?”
“I was just explaining why I thought you might want to call Phoebe. She’s a successful woman with a son Connor knows. I’m pretty sure she would be interested.” How could she not be? “You have a lot in common and you wouldn’t have to worry about where you were going to meet someone. She’s local.”
He groaned. “You have to let this go. Sunshine, I beg you. I can find my own women.”
“Or not.”
He laughed. “Point taken, and stop. However nice or smart this Phoebe woman is, I’m going to pass.”
“Your loss. She seemed really fun.”
He pointed at the door. “You should be going now.”
She grinned as she rose. “All right. I’ll stop. No more comments about Phoebe’s availability. If you’d tell me your type I can be on the lookout for other women.”
She paused by the door, expecting him to tell her to mind her own business or make a crack about her not giving up. What she didn’t expect was the fiery hunger that fl
ashed in his eyes. It was the heat of a man who wants a woman. A specific woman.
Her.
She’d wondered if Declan found her attractive or sexy or both, but she’d never considered it was more than that. In the nanosecond before the fire was extinguished, she felt an answering tug low in her belly. A need that shocked her with its existence as much as its intensity.
No, she told herself. No, no and no. Not Declan. She loved her job, loved the dynamic the three of them had. Getting involved with him would ruin everything. She wasn’t that girl anymore—she refused to be. She wanted more than a quick hump while Connor was sleeping. She wanted something real and lasting and important.
She forced her attention back to the present moment. Declan looked as shocked and concerned as she felt.
“I have Phoebe’s number if you change your mind,” she said, hoping her fake good humor could pass for the real thing.
“I’m ignoring you.”
She waved and left. She hurried toward her bedroom and firmly shut the door behind her. She sat on the edge of the bed and told herself nothing had happened. Absolutely nada. And even if that wasn’t true, she was going to pretend it was. Fake it until you make it was a time-honored tradition for her. It had worked in the past and she was determined it would work now. It had to. There was just too much on the line.
* * *
“I haven’t seen you in a couple of days.”
Margot looked up and saw Alec coming into the kitchen. It was dinnertime, two days after her uncomfortable revelation.
“I’ve been in hiding,” she admitted with a shrug. “Licking my wounds, so to speak.”
His expression of concern sharpened. “What did my mother do?”
“Nothing but be gracious and forgive me. I was totally wrong about that dinner. Instead of helping her, I turned her into a spectacle. The whole idea was a colossal mistake and it’s all on me. We’re back on track now, though, and things are going well.”
Which was a relief, but didn’t erase the previous mistake.
“Maybe you’re being a little hard on yourself,” he offered.
“No, I’m not, but don’t worry. I won’t wallow. We’re moving forward. In a way, I wonder if messing up the way I did has made your mother trust me more. I don’t know. I hope so.” She smiled. “And that, I promise, is the end of the emotional dump. I was about to take the casserole Edna defrosted out of the oven. Want to join me for dinner?”
“I’d like that.” He grinned. “I’ll admit I was drawn to the kitchen by the delicious smell. What are we having?”
“Something with chicken and pasta and a cheese sauce. I’ve already made a big salad to counteract the richness.”
While he opened a bottle of wine, she set the kitchen table, then pulled out the casserole and set it on a trivet. They sat across from each other and she passed him a serving spoon.
It was nearly seven and dark outside. The fog had stuck around all day and caused the temperature to drop into the fifties, which was practically an arctic blast for Los Angeles. Bianca was out, the staff had gone home. It was just the two of them in the huge house.
“I’m impressed my mother stayed to talk to you,” Alec said as he slid the casserole dish toward her. “Usually she cuts and runs. I didn’t expect to see her for a week.”
“I’m glad she did stay so I could figure out what went wrong and my part in it.” Margot thought about how she’d changed the lesson plans and what was going to be different going forward. “She’s challenging. Such an unexpected combination of competence and insecurity.” She pushed the casserole dish in his direction. “How is it having her living in your house?”
He shrugged. “Easier than I thought it was going to be. We’re mostly on separate floors and she’s gone most evenings.” He smiled. “I will admit I was worried about having her here. It’s been a long time since we were roommates.”
“You were barely a teenager when you went to live with your grandparents, weren’t you?”
“Yes. She took me to Australia that summer before boarding school. Winter for them, of course. We must have been gone six or eight weeks. She bought an old used car and we drove everywhere. My job was to constantly tell her ‘left, left’ so she stayed on the correct side of the road.”
“That’s right. They drive like the British, don’t they? I’m not sure I could do it.”
“It would be challenging,” he admitted. “But she did fine. When we got home, I packed up my things and flew to Switzerland to stay with my paternal grandparents.”
“She must have missed you.”
“I’m sure she did.”
But she let him go, Margot thought. Was it because she felt she didn’t have a choice or was it more that she knew it was the right thing for him?
“She loved me,” Alec said. “She was totally supportive of whatever I wanted. Once when I was eight or nine, she was dating a man I didn’t like and when I told her, she broke up with him. Just like that. I always felt a little guilty about it. What if he was the one and because of me she lost her chance at happiness?”
“If he’d been the great love of her life, don’t you think you would have sensed it and felt better about the guy? Plus, do you really believe there’s only one person for each of us?” she asked.
“No. I’m not sure I believe in ‘the one’ at all.”
“Then you couldn’t have ruined anything.”
“That’s very logical. Love doesn’t work that way.”
“I’m not sure either of us is an expert on the subject,” she said with a laugh.
He raised his wineglass. “You’re right about that. Tell me about when you were growing up.”
“Funny you should ask. I was just talking about my great-grandmother with Bianca. Francine raised Sunshine and me after our mother took off. By then she was in her early seventies and raising two kids was the last thing on her mind. Her charm and beauty pageant school was winding down and she was tired. I’ve always felt badly for her.”
“That she had to raise you two?”
Margot nodded. “First her daughter ran off, then her granddaughter. While neither Sunshine nor I made it to the Miss America pageant, at least we didn’t end up pregnant at eighteen. Progress, I suppose.”
“When did she shut down her school?”
“We were about fourteen. She’d always wanted to move to Las Vegas. We did that and lived in a double-wide trailer. We could see the lights of the strip at night. Francine constantly warned us about the dangers of gambling and fast-talking men. She worried.”
Margot wondered what Francine would think about them now. They’d broken the pattern of being unwed mothers but not the Baxter curse of loving the wrong man. Sunshine had her many and Margot had Dietrich. Maybe biology was destiny after all.
“Yet here you are, free of the evils of gambling, and not a fast-talking man in sight.”
Margot smiled. “Oh, I think she would see you as a bit of a danger.”
Alec looked so surprised Margot started laughing.
“What?” she asked. “You don’t see yourself as a threat to women everywhere?”
“Hardly. I’m too academic. My life is solitary. I don’t enjoy going out to nightclubs or parties. I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie in a theater.”
Personal perception was an interesting phenomenon, she thought. People got ideas of themselves stuck in their heads for reasons that had little to do with reality and everything to do with their emotional past.
“You’re looking at the wrong things,” she told him. “You’re successful, kind, good-looking, knowledgeable and, I suspect underneath the reserve, there’s a hidden depth only a very few see.” Which was her way of avoiding saying passion, because wouldn’t that be awkward.
“Is that how you see me?” he asked, sounding surprised.
“T
hat’s how everyone sees you.” She raised a shoulder. “With the possible exception of the visiting scholars. I doubt they see anything but work.”
He looked at her for a long time before murmuring. “Very unexpected.”
“You’re welcome.”
He laughed. “Yes, thank you. Now when are you going to start exploring the root cellars? I want to be braced for the screams.”
“There aren’t going to be any bodies. I don’t believe monks are the hide-a-body type. But I’m still hoping for some kind of exciting treasure.”
“The ledger you found is fascinating. I’ve been through it. You’re right—the donkeys they raised were highly prized.”
“Don’t tell your mother. She’ll want you to start raising them.”
He groaned. “I’m sure she will. Probably as emotional support animals. Try getting one of those on a plane.”
Their conversation continued to flow easily, but Margot was aware of an undercurrent that hadn’t been there before. It was her own fault for saying what she had about him. Not that it wasn’t true, but somehow her words had shifted things between them.
What if Alec thought she was coming on to him? That would be... Well, she wasn’t sure what, but something. Not that he wasn’t great—he was. And not that she wouldn’t mind finding out if he kissed with the same intensity that he did everything else. Because a few hot kisses would go a long way to brightening her day. Only it wasn’t like that between them and she’d never really thought that they would... Not that she wasn’t interested, but it was...
The complications and weirdness piled on top of each other until she barely made it through the rest of dinner. She excused herself as soon as she could and bolted for the stairs. Once she was alone in her room, she realized that she would much rather have spent more time with him, which made her incredibly dumb and just as socially awkward as Francine had always claimed.
* * *
In the end, Sunshine agreed to meet Norris for a drink rather than coffee. She traded a Saturday evening off for a Thursday, arranged for Connor to spend the evening with his friend Christopher and confirmed Declan would pick up his son there no later than seven-thirty. Declan had made her swear that Christopher’s mother wasn’t anyone he had to worry about, which would have been funny if she hadn’t been so nervous about her date. She’d assured her boss that Christopher’s mom was happily married and that Christopher was a change-of-life baby, so she was well into her fifties and therefore far too much woman for him.
The Summer of Sunshine and Margot Page 15