She knew better, of course. She wasn’t that girl/woman anymore. She was better and smarter and had a lot more self-control. Still, she had daydreamed, but none of her fantasies had been like this.
“What do you think?” Declan asked looking both hopeful and terrified.
She looked him up and down, taking in the freshly pressed button-down shirt, the dark wash jeans and loafers. He’d showered and shaved and he looked good.
“She’ll be dazzled,” Sunshine told him, injecting enthusiasm into her voice when what she really wanted to do was stomp her foot and tell him he couldn’t go.
“Dazzled seems strong.” He tugged at his collar. “This was a mistake. I should cancel.”
“You’re not going to cancel. You’re going to take Phoebe to dinner and you’re going to have a good time.”
Declan looked more miserable than confident. “I don’t think that’s a given. I barely know the woman. What are we going to talk about?”
“Ask about her work. Tell her about yours. You have lots of funny stories about the hotel clients.”
“Those aren’t funny, they’re disasters.”
She smiled. “To you. To the rest of us, they’re pretty humorous. If you get stuck, talk about Connor. Talk about his school, how the Rams are going to do next season, whether or not she likes ballet.”
“Don’t all women like ballet?”
“Of course not. That’s like saying all guys like basketball.”
“Do you like ballet?”
“I do, but that’s not the point. Get to know her. Don’t say anything about Iris except she got sick very suddenly and then she died.”
He sighed. “Even I know not to tell her about the affair.”
“You say that now, but in the heat of the moment, you could blurt out anything.” Sunshine told herself that however painful this was, sending Declan out with the kind of advice designed to make his date successful was just plain good karma. “Oh, and if I come up in conversation, be sure to tell her I’m in a committed relationship with a giant of a man who you find just a little intimidating.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sunshine shrugged. “She’s going to ask about me. I’m not saying I’m all that, I’m saying I know what other women think when they look at me. Boobs and butt. It’s not a good combination for a first date. If she asks, and she will, I’m in a relationship, and the guy scares you.”
Declan studied her and she had no idea what he was thinking. As long as it wasn’t pity, she didn’t care. Or so she told herself.
“Do I have to say he scares me?”
“No, but it will help.”
Connor ran into the bedroom and skittered to a stop beside Sunshine. She put her arm around him.
“Doesn’t your dad look good?”
Connor wrinkled his nose. “You do, Dad. Are you taking her flowers? Ladies like flowers.”
“Maybe next time.” Declan smiled at his son. “What are you and Sunshine doing for dinner?”
Connor started jumping up and down. “Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!” He wrapped his arms around Sunshine. “We have dough and sauce and cheese and pepperoni. I’ve never made pizza before. Did you know there’s a special stone for pizza? We’re gonna use that and watch it bake!”
“Sounds like you’ll be having a fun evening,” Declan said.
“It’s always fun with Sunshine.”
She laughed. “I’m the cool nanny. What can I say?”
“You are.” He glanced at his watch. “I should get going. We have reservations.”
Connor walked with his dad to the garage while Sunshine headed for the kitchen. Tonight, after pizza, they would watch a movie. Once Connor was in bed, she would retreat to her room and not come out until morning. She would distract herself with HGTV and not think about Declan out with another woman. Mostly because it wasn’t her business. And she didn’t care. Not in the least. Not even a little. Not her. Nope, she was completely and totally fine.
Chapter Nineteen
Declan walked into the kitchen a little after midnight. Sunshine had left on the under-counter lights, but otherwise the house was dark and quiet.
His son would have gone to bed hours ago. It was late so there was no reason to expect Sunshine to still be up, but he had wondered. Not that he should have. They were friends. She worked for him—nothing more. They didn’t have anything close to a relationship so it was ridiculous to wonder if she’d thought about his date at all.
He turned on the hall light, then flipped off the under-counter lights. After checking on Connor, he made his way to his bedroom. He crossed into the bathroom and stripped off his clothes, then stepped into the shower.
He’d had sex with Phoebe. He hadn’t planned on it, hadn’t considered the possibility, but once they’d gotten back from dinner, she’d made it clear she was more than willing and he’d...
He wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking, he admitted as he lathered his body. That it had been a long time and she’d been funny and nice and the idea of holding someone, of having sex with someone other than himself, had been appealing. Everything had worked the way it was supposed to, he’d made sure she’d come first, then he’d found his release in her.
He rinsed, then stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. The mechanics had been fine, but now, he couldn’t escape the sense of regret. Nothing about being with Phoebe had been about making love with someone he cared about. Maybe he was too old, but getting laid was not the thrill it had been years ago. He wanted more. He wanted to engage more than his dick.
He wanted Sunshine.
He swore loudly, then pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms. After brushing his teeth, he walked into the bedroom and climbed into bed. He lay on his back in the dark and wished... What? That he hadn’t done it? That he didn’t have to deal with Phoebe now? That he’d met Sunshine another way and he could have asked her out and gotten to know her as a woman and not his nanny?
The answer to all those questions was yes, he thought glumly. But there was no going back and now he was well and truly stuck with a series of situations he didn’t know how to change.
* * *
“Good morning,” Margot said brightly as she walked into the guest lounge where Bianca was waiting. Thanks to Alec’s warning the previous morning, she was braced for whatever was to follow. Well, as braced as one could be when it came to the force of nature that was Bianca.
Her client sat on the sofa, a mug of coffee in her hands, her expression both knowing and smug. Bianca smiled.
“Good morning to you. So, you and Alec. How was that?”
Margot took a seat. “I’m not going to discuss your son with you. Not in that context.”
“But he’s my son. I have a right to know what’s happening in his life.”
“Not from me you don’t.”
Bianca smiled. “An excellent answer. Good for you. Some people have trouble standing up to me. I’m glad you don’t.” Her expression turned impish. “I won’t ask about your night or mention you look a little tired, so we can get right to work.”
“How kind of you.” Margot knew that Bianca wanted to see if she could be rattled. She did her best to appear calm. She leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs. “Let’s talk about the political event.”
“Let’s not.” Bianca sighed. “It’s old news. I helped children.”
“You let a man you don’t know touch your bare butt in public. You knew it was a ridiculous thing to do and yet you did it anyway. That’s what I can’t figure out, Bianca. Why? I’ve been turning it around in my head and I can’t come up with a single reason that you would...”
Margot stopped talking as the most obvious answer popped into her brain. She had no idea why she hadn’t considered it before. What had happened wasn’t about her training methods or Bianca not caring or a
nything like that at all.
“What was the trigger?” she asked softly. “Someone must have said something or done something at the event. Something that upset you. Of course. I should have figured that out in the moment.”
Bianca sipped her coffee. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. By the way, you still owe me lunch with your sister.”
“What?” She started to ask if lunch with Sunshine was really that important only to realize the point of the statement was to distract her.
“We can discuss that later,” she said firmly, putting her feet on the floor. “Please tell me what happened at the event to upset you. I know there was something.”
Bianca pressed her lips together. “Fine. It was nothing, really. I wasn’t going to let that man touch me at all. What a ridiculous thing to ask. He was a pig, by the way. But then, when I was in the bathroom, I heard two women talking about me.”
She turned away. “I don’t know why we’re discussing this.”
Margot moved to the sofa and angled toward Bianca, meeting her troubled gaze. “I will never judge you.”
“Unless I let someone touch my bare ass.”
“I didn’t judge. I was shocked and confused, but that was all.”
Bianca’s bravado faded. “They said I was a whore and a homewrecker, which is completely unfair. I never slept with married men. It wasn’t my thing. I slept with a spy once, only I didn’t know he was a spy. He was a movie producer and very handsome. Once, when we were together in his villa up in the Hollywood Hills, the FBI raided his house and he was dragged off. It was very exciting and a little frightening.”
She smiled. “I was naked and the youngest agent just couldn’t take his eyes off me. It was like real life combined with a movie. I loved it. We dated for nearly a month.”
Margot was having a little trouble keeping up. “You and the producer?”
“What? Yes, we dated, but I meant me and the FBI agent. He was too young for me, but very sweet. The things I taught him.” She sighed. “Anyway, my point is I never slept with married men. I’ve always thought that was beyond foolish. Any man who would cheat on his wife wasn’t worth my time. But they upset me.”
“Those women? Of course they did. You must have felt awful. The truth is they were jealous, mean bitches. They felt inadequate and because they couldn’t deal with that, they had to bring you down. I’m sorry it happened.”
Bianca touched her arm. “Thank you, Margot. That’s very sweet.”
“I mean it. I wish I’d been there. I would have told them off for sure.”
Bianca smiled. “You would have been formidable.”
“I hope so.” Now everything made sense, she thought. “You probably would have been fine if you hadn’t run into that guy again. You were feeling vulnerable so you agreed to what he asked because it wasn’t like he was going to ask them if he could touch their butts. Instead you got to be wild and the center of attention and just a little bit bad. I get it.”
She softened her words with a smile. “How did that strategy work for you?”
“I thought it went well, but you and Alec had a fit.”
Margot waited. Bianca groaned.
“Fine. I shouldn’t have done it because of Wesley and all.”
“You’re always going to be a target, Bianca. You know that. We need to come up with some coping mechanisms for when you feel attacked.”
“I did like talking to the shy people in the room. They were all so grateful.”
“Everyone wants to feel special and no one is better at making someone feel like the center of the universe than you. Something else you can do is simply walk away. You’re not going to be by yourself at these events. Find Wesley. Maybe the two of you could come up with a code word so he’ll know you’re upset.”
Bianca laughed. “We already have code words. You know for when—”
Margot held up her hand. “No. Do not tell me that.”
“You and Alec might want to—”
“Stop.”
Bianca pouted. “You’re not very fun.”
“I’m not here to be fun. I’m here to help you be comfortable in Wesley’s world. Talk to him about this. Work on a plan together. He loves you and wants to help.”
Bianca’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to be broken.”
“You’re not broken. You’re...” Margot searched for an analogy. “Remember how we talked about you not being a surgeon? That’s still true. You might have an innate ability but without training, you would be dangerous in the operating room, talent or not. That’s all we’re doing here—learning new skills.”
“You do love your medical analogies.”
“I’ve used them maybe twice.”
“Still, new material, my dear. It’s always helpful.”
Margot threw herself against the sofa back. “You’re impossible.”
Bianca smiled and said nothing.
* * *
Saturday morning, Sunshine woke up way earlier than she wanted to. She hadn’t slept well at all. Despite leaving on the TV so she couldn’t hear anything outside of her room, she’d still found herself listening for Declan. Eventually she’d fallen asleep but she had no idea what time he’d gotten home or what had happened on his date or why she cared or what she was going to do with her day off.
The second to the last one was a total lie, but she ignored it, along with a sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. The obvious solution for all that ailed her was a plan for her day, including something fun. She had homework to do but maybe after that she could get a facial or go shopping or text Margot to see if she wanted to hang out. Assuming she wasn’t spending the day with Alec because, according to the text she’d gotten yesterday, things had certainly heated up between them.
She told herself that at least one of the Baxter sisters was having fun and later, it would be her turn. With that positive statement, she got dressed, then went to start coffee. She was still waiting for the pot to do its thing when Connor walked in looking all sleepy and adorable in his car pajamas. He crossed to her and hugged her tight.
“Morning.” She rubbed his back. “Did you sleep well?”
“Uh-huh. Can I have pancakes?”
“You can.”
Connor released her and scrambled onto a stool at the island while Sunshine got out the ingredients for pancakes. As it was her day off, she wasn’t required to make breakfast, but she wasn’t going to tell Connor no. Not only did she like taking care of him, she wasn’t sure how late Declan would be sleeping.
Or if he was even home!
The thought was equally unwelcome and upsetting. What if he’d stayed the night at Phoebe’s? She told herself he wouldn’t, or couldn’t. He would be worried about Connor, and Phoebe had Elijah, so even if they’d had sex, he would still come home.
She didn’t want to think about them together or anything else, but the image was in her brain and didn’t want to leave.
“We’re going to the zoo,” Connor told her. “Come with us.”
She cracked eggs into a bowl. “It’s my day off, Connor.”
“But it’s the zoo! Come on. It’ll be fun.”
“You need to spend time with just you and your dad.”
“Why?”
“We’ve talked about this,” Declan said as he walked into the kitchen. He kept his gaze on his son. “Morning, Sunshine.”
“Good morning.”
Declan hugged Connor. “Sunshine needs her time off. She has things she has to do.”
Connor shot her a glance. “Like what?”
“Like none of your business,” his dad said as he walked over to the pot and poured a mug of coffee. He added milk and then set it in front of her before pouring a second mug for himself.
Connor sighed heavily. “It’ll be better if Sunshine comes wit
h us.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but we’ll have to struggle through it as best we can.”
Sunshine added the pancake mix and stirred. Was it just her or was Declan avoiding her gaze? Did he feel as awkward as she did? Was there tension or was it her imagination?
“I’m going to go make a list of all the animals I want to see,” Connor said as he slid off the stool. “Call me when breakfast is ready.”
He ran down the hall, leaving her alone with her boss. Sunshine wasn’t sure if she should start preheating the griddle or simply bolt for her bedroom. Settling on middle ground, she picked up her coffee.
“So, how was your date?”
As she spoke, she glanced at him and he finally met her gaze. His expression was two parts stricken and one part guilty. Their gazes locked.
“I slept with her.”
Sunshine felt the kick land squarely in her gut. She knew it wasn’t her business, that she shouldn’t care, that in the scheme of things, there was no way it could matter, but she still felt stunned by the news. Betrayal joined shock, both of which made her feel hurt and uncomfortable. All this before breakfast, she thought grimly.
She took another sip of coffee, hoping to buy herself time and hide any visible reaction.
“Good for you,” she said as lightly as she could. “The dry spell is over.”
She offered a fake smile he didn’t return.
“You’re not happy?” she asked.
“It wasn’t great.” He turned away.
“You mean the sex was—”
He leaned against the counter and swore softly. “No, the sex was fine. It’s everything else. I thought I wanted to get laid and she was certainly up for it but when we were done, it wasn’t what I wanted. Jesus, I sound like a woman.”
“Not really. Your voice is too low.”
He looked at her. “Humor?”
“Too soon?”
He managed a smile. “No. It’s not too soon. I thought I’d feel great, but I don’t. I feel like shit and now I’m stuck with what happened.”
The Summer of Sunshine and Margot Page 24