After a lifetime of reining in his emotions, after years of training to keep himself orderly and responsible, after carefully considering every action, he’d become impulsive and unpredictable. He’d physically attacked another man—he’d nearly hit him. The need to come between Margot and her ex-boyfriend had grown until he’d reacted without thinking. It was the incident with the wine, but on steroids. He wanted to say his life was out of control, but it wasn’t his life—it was him. He was the problem.
He knew the cause—he understood how one small act had led to another and another until he had spiraled out of control. While he only blamed himself for the results, the catalyst came in the form of a beautiful woman, a warm and intriguing laugh, a sharp mind with a unique worldview. He had seen her, wanted her, developed a relationship with her and had entwined himself with her. He’d allowed himself to experience a connection and in doing so he had lowered his carefully erected barriers until emotions were free to come and go, grow and wane. He’d allowed that side of him, the dangerous, impulsive part of him he feared and sought to control, to run amok and now there was a price to be paid.
He started for the parking garage. The decision had been made. He’d known what he had to do long before he’d left the house, but he’d needed to be sure he was willing to do what was necessary to restore world order. There was a price for everything—his relationship with Margot had reminded him of that. And now the bill had come due.
* * *
Sunshine was surprised when her cell phone rang about nine-thirty in the evening and she saw Declan’s name on the screen. He’d already called earlier to talk to Connor and check in with her. Foolishly, she considered those brief conversations the highlight of her day. The man was traveling on business—of course he wanted to check in. It wasn’t as if he were calling because he missed her.
“Hi,” she said, putting down her magazine. “How’s it going?”
“Good. I’m in Texas.”
“So you mentioned before. Connor can’t get over the fact that his ant farm saved the day. He’s so excited to be able to see the construction of the hotel’s ant farm.”
“We’re getting plenty of information from the bug guy.” Declan groaned. “There’s a word for him and I can’t remember what it is.”
There was something about his voice. A tone or a looseness that had her—
“You’re drunk!” She did the math and realized it was eleven-thirty in Texas, then laughed. “You went out drinking!”
“What? No. Okay, buzzed but not drunk. There were shots. Heath and I needed a break from our clients.”
“At least you’re not in a rock quarry examining fossils.”
“That would be grim. I miss you.”
The unexpected statement caught her off guard. She waited, wondering if he would take it back and when he didn’t, she said, “I miss you, too.”
“No. You’re busy with your regular life. How’s school?”
School? He wanted to talk about her math class? Couldn’t they talk about the missing more?
“Good. The tutoring is helping. I’ve signed up for a summer class. It’s going to be brutal. Four days a week for three hours a day, plus the homework. It’s a general education class. Sociology—so lots of reading. I’m nervous and excited.”
“Good for you. It’s just you’re so easy to be around. And beautiful.” He swore. “Sorry. I guess I’m more buzzed than I thought.”
Beautiful? “It’s okay.”
“You sure? I think we’re heading into dangerous territory.”
She shifted so she was lying on the bed rather than sitting up, and smiled. “What does that mean?”
“You being beautiful? I’m pretty sure that’s self-explanatory. But it’s not just how you look. I want to be clear about that, although I will admit there are things about your body that drive me wild. It’s the rest of it. The you part. I miss that most. Sorry—I’m not making any sense.”
Too much information crammed into her head, but what really caught her attention was The you part. Being missed for herself rather than her ass was kind of a big deal.
“You’re making sense,” she said softly.
“I hope so. When you smile, when you laugh—I like that. And you with Connor. You’re good for him.”
“He’s a great kid.”
“I know. I’m lucky to have him. Anyway, I just want to be clear it’s more than just wanting to make love with you.”
Before she could react or even know how those words made her feel, he started backtracking.
“No. I’m sorry. Dammit, Sunshine. I apologize. That was wrong and I didn’t mean to go there. You must be so uncomfortable. I never meant to—”
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “Declan, it’s fine.”
He winced. “You’re very kind to say that, but I crossed the line. I blame the tequila.”
He had crossed the line and she’d let him. She’d encouraged a conversation that was dangerous. The right thing to do was to tell him they would go back to normal and pretend this never happened and then hang up. He would feel like crap for at least three days and that would make her feel guilty, but at least order would be restored.
“I think about it, too.” The words were soft, barely audible and the first step on the slick road to hell. Yet she didn’t want to turn back.
“You do?”
“Uh-huh.”
“When? How? Really?”
She laughed. “I’m not immune to normal human emotions.”
“I know but you’re...you. You could have anyone. I’m just, you know, me.”
Warmth spread through her, leaving her achy and restless. It had been a long time, she thought wistfully. Months, really, since she’d been with a man. She missed the touching, the teasing, the tension and the release. Only she didn’t just want a guy and an orgasm. She wanted Declan there with her, his hands everywhere. She wanted him naked and hard and looming over her.
As she imagined him pushing into her, she instinctively spread her legs, only there was no man. There was nothing but her rapidly swelling clit and a burning need to have him make her come. But he was a couple of thousand miles away and they were both alone.
“Sunshine?”
“Are you in bed?” she asked, unfastening her jeans and pushing them off.
“Yes, it’s late here and—” His breath caught. “You’re not asking what I think you’re asking.”
She pushed off her panties and shifted the phone to her left hand.
“Too soon?” she asked, closing her eyes.
“Not soon enough.”
She smiled and dipped her fingers inside to get wet and slippery, then circled her clit. “Are you naked?”
“I am now.”
“Good. Are you hard?”
“Pretty much if I’m talking to you, yes.”
“I’m wet and swollen. I took my panties off, but I left my shirt on. While I like a guy touching my breasts, I don’t enjoy it when I do it myself, which is strange because if I’m in the right mood and he really sucks on my nipples, I can come that way. He has to take his time, though, and most guys can’t be bothered.”
Declan swore. “You’re killing me.”
“I’m nervous. I talk when I’m nervous. I’m still touching myself and getting closer and closer, but I’m nervous.”
“Are you going to come?”
“Yes. Are you?”
“I’m a guy, Sunshine. My orgasm is the result of friction and fantasy.”
“Am I your fantasy?”
“You have no idea how much.”
“Good. You’re mine.”
He inhaled sharply. “Tell me what you’re doing. Describe it.”
“I’m using two fingers.” She closed her eyes to think about what she was doing. “Apparently I go clockwise. I never kne
w that.”
“Hard or soft?”
“Hard. Harder than you could do it because you’d be scared of hurting me, but I like it hard.”
“I could work on that,” he said, his voice slightly strangled. “You there yet?”
“I’m there.”
She was. The heat and need had grown until her coming was inevitable. She could hold back, she could change course, but there was a climax in her future.
“Want to come together?” he asked.
They were asking each other to trust, she thought, dipping her fingers inside again before returning to the pressing, circling movement. One of them could stop and the other would always be vulnerable. They were throwing themselves out into the darkness and asking to be caught.
“I do,” she murmured. “You ready?”
“Yes.”
She rubbed harder and faster until she was panting with need.
“Now,” she breathed and threw herself over the edge. Her body surrendered and she called out his name, wishing he were with her, wishing he could hold her and feel what he’d done to her.
She surfaced in time to hear him groaning out his release. The sound made her smile. So they’d caught each other, she thought happily.
“I need a second,” he said.
When he picked up the phone again, she laughed. “Did we forget our box of tissues?”
“We did.”
“Female orgasm is much tidier.”
“Your gender has many advantages. You okay?”
“I am. You?”
“I’m great.” He chuckled. “The truth is, that was the best sex I’ve ever had and you weren’t even here. What does that say about the state of things?”
She smiled. “I’m not sure. We’ll have to discuss it when you get home.”
“I look forward to that.” He yawned. “Sorry.”
“No. It’s late there and you have to talk about ants in the morning. Go to bed. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”
“Okay. Thank you, Sunshine. That was amazing.”
“It was. Good night.”
“’Night.”
They both hung up. She was still smiling when she fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Margot told herself that the fact that she hadn’t seen Alec in a couple of days didn’t mean anything. He was busy, she was busy... Still, she worried. He hadn’t once knocked on her door to invite her to join him for anything. Not a drink or conversation or sex. As far as she could tell, he was barely around. While she knew he was probably wrestling with what had happened with Dietrich a couple of days ago, the longer they went without talking, the more she was concerned.
They had to talk. What he’d done had been so amazing and wonderful. Surely he knew that. He had to see that how he’d come to her defense was the stuff of dreams. If she hadn’t already been in love with him—something she wasn’t really admitting to anyone but herself just yet—that single act would have pushed her over the edge. Only she was terrified he wouldn’t see it that way. Given who he was, his past, his mother and pretty much everything else in his life, she was concerned he would find a way to turn his heroic act into something bad.
This morning, she promised herself as she went downstairs. If he wasn’t at breakfast, she would find him and insist they talk it out. What they had was practically perfect and she wasn’t going to lose it. Not when they’d barely found each other.
She walked purposefully into the dining room. She expected his chair to be empty. She thought she would have to confront him in his office or bathroom or wherever else he might be. Only Alec was where, until two days ago, he had always been. In his seat, reading the newspaper. Everything was exactly as it had always been, she thought in relief. Only then she saw it wasn’t at all.
There was no place setting for her. No neat napkin, no knife and fork, no coffee cup or juice glass. Instead, there was a tray—as if she was expected, once again, to take her meals in her room. As if their time together had never happened.
Alec put down his paper and cleared his throat. She looked at him, saw the careful blankness of his expression, recognized the firm set of his jaw and knew that whatever they’d had, it was now lost. He was done. There was only the horrible, painfully awkward, heartbreaking goodbye.
“I hope you can understand that this has been a mistake,” he began. “All of it. While on the surface we were a good match, in truth I have no room in my life for someone like you.” He frowned. “Not you, exactly. For a relationship.”
Even as her heart shattered and she began to bleed from the broken pieces cutting through every part of her, she knew exactly what he was trying to say. That was the hell of it, she thought grimly. She knew him, understood him, so while what they had was life affirming and fun and amazing, there was a price to be paid. Emotions had to be engaged. And to feel the way he had was to lower the barriers he kept in place. The very act that had made her love him more had been the single moment when he’d been forced to walk away.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She believed him. He was sorry, but not for the reasons she was. She was sorry that they would never have a chance. She was sorry that she had finally found the one man who appreciated her quirks, who delighted her as much with his conversation as his skill in bed, the man who had shown her the best version of herself, and that she had lost him. For years she had given her heart to an unworthy man and when she finally found a worthy one, he couldn’t be bothered.
Because that was what it came down to. Feeling was too hard. Loving required too much. He would rather be alone, and how could she fight that?
She looked for anger, only there wasn’t any. There was just the gaping hole and the knowledge that he had forever changed her in a thousand ways.
She had no idea what to say to him, so she nodded and walked back the way she’d come. She made her way to her bedroom where she began to pack her things. After a few minutes, she had to stop because she couldn’t see through the tears. She collapsed on the edge of the bed, covering her face with her hands as she cried.
She was aware of someone coming into the room, sitting beside her and holding her tight. Sadly it wasn’t Alec. She inhaled the scent of Bianca’s light perfume and forced herself to get something close to a grip on herself.
She wiped her eyes and faced her client. “I apologize. This is very unprofessional.”
Bianca hugged her. “Screw being professional. I was afraid Alec would snap. It was the Dietrich thing, wasn’t it? Stupid man. Doesn’t he understand how many fantasies he fulfilled in a single moment? I don’t care if it’s politically correct or not—every woman wants to have her man fight for her.”
Bianca released her. “All right. Let’s figure this out. You obviously need to leave. I understand. I’ll help you pack.”
“Thank you.” Margot pressed a hand to her chest. “I just need a moment to think. Where will we continue your lessons?” She couldn’t come back here. She just couldn’t—it would hurt too much. Maybe a hotel would work.
Bianca shook her head. “You’ve been trying to dump me for weeks now. We both know I need to get on with my life. I’ve been afraid not to have you around to tell me what to do, but it’s time for me to be brave.”
“Are you sure?”
“If I don’t know the right fork, I’ll let someone else pick up theirs first. If I feel pressured or nervous, I’ll excuse myself.” She offered a wry smile. “If a man wants to touch my ass, I’ll tell him no. I’m ready and even if I’m not, Wesley loves me and despite the arguments you and I have had on the subject, I do genuinely love him.”
“I know you do.” Margot took her hands and squeezed them. “You have a warm, giving heart. You’re going to do great.”
“As are you. I’m sorry my son is acting like this. He’s always had trouble with strong emotions
. He thinks they make him weak.” She grimaced. “Or maybe it’s that he thinks they make him like me. Either way, it’s difficult for him. He needs time. He’ll come around. He’ll see you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.”
Margot nodded because it was expected, but she knew it wasn’t true—not the promise that he would come around, and that was the only part she cared about.
“Tell me we’ll stay friends,” Bianca said.
“Of course. I’d like that very much.”
“Good. Me, too.”
Margot collected her belongings and Bianca put them in the suitcase. In less time than she would have thought, she was ready to leave.
As they carried her suitcases to the car, she kept hoping Alec would burst out of his office and tell her not to go. That he would sweep her into his arms and confess that he loved her and swear that they belonged together forever. Only he didn’t and, after Bianca went back in the house, there was nothing for her to do but get in her car and drive away.
* * *
When Math 131 had started, Sunshine hadn’t been sure she could last a week, let alone the entire semester. But here she was, sitting through the review session, going over material for the final exam and she understood it. All of it.
She and Ann had scheduled a couple of extra sessions and they had made all the difference. Now, as the professor reminded them of what they’d studied, Sunshine was able to keep up easily.
She was going to do it, she thought happily. She was going to pass the class, and with a good grade. She had confirmation for her summer school class and had already signed up for a study group. Yes, she had miles to go before earning her degree, but she’d taken the first steps and she was proud of herself.
The Summer of Sunshine and Margot Page 32