by Zandria West
‘My daughter is absolutely fine, as you can see.’
In the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen Alex lost for words. He opens his mouth, then closes it and doesn’t say a thing.
I clear my throat. ‘Graciela, this is Alexander and Reuben,’ I say, as casually as I can. I can’t bring myself to call her Mum. She’s a stranger. She might look like me, but I don’t know her. Not yet.
‘I’m pleased to meet you, Alexander and Reuben. I’m grateful that my daughter has had such dedicated protectors.’
They shift awkwardly at her words. Oh god, this is bloody excruciating. ‘Alright, shall we get going then?’ I say brightly. ‘It’s been a long trip and I think we’re all keen to get back into the open air.’
‘Of course,’ Graciela says, inclining her head. ‘I should warn you though, when you emerge from the cavern you may receive a warmer welcome than you’re expecting. Whatever happens, Lana, you are safe. I will explain it all, soon.’
‘So long as nobody gets shot in the head,’ I say, aiming for cheerful but falling flat. ‘The girl you sent to meet us at the roadblock made for a pretty brutal one-woman welcoming committee.’
Graciela clicks her tongue and shakes her head. ‘Irena’s never managed to learn restraint.’
‘Then maybe she shouldn’t be armed?’ I say. ‘Just a thought.’
I still can’t get the image out of my head of the man who was shot right in front of me. For all I know, he was doing nothing wrong; just driving some strangers through the mountains to earn money to feed his family. Surely he didn’t have to die?
My mother frowns at me. ‘You don’t know what it’s like here, Lana,’ she says, her tone suddenly serious. ‘To send anyone out unarmed on such a mission is to condemn them to death. Irena does not have access to magic to protect her as you and I do. So I give her the next best thing. Ammunition.’
I stiffen at her words. Gabriel places a hand on my shoulder.
‘There’ll be plenty of time to talk once we’re out of the caverns,’ he says evenly. ‘We’re exhausted, Graciela, and Lana was injured…’
‘What?’ she says. ‘Why didn’t you say? Lana, are you alright? What’s the matter?’
I frown at Gabriel. ‘I’m fine, it was probably just a sprain. Gabriel healed me.’
I find myself irritated that now, after almost two decades away, she’s suddenly concerned about my well-being. Gabriel squeezes my hand. He must have sensed my agitation through the bond.
‘Thank you, Gabriel. For everything,’ my mother says. ‘If you’re ready?’
And without waiting for a reply, she turns and leads the way out of the caverns.
30
REUBEN
I do not like this witch.
I keep some distance back from the others, allowing Gabriel to stay beside Lana, and Alex and Grayson to march close behind like guards. I can smell the magic in the air. I don’t know what’s coming but I can’t shake the feeling that we’re walking towards something we should be running away from. I’m not letting Lana out of my sight. The others are too trusting, taking too much on faith from this sorceress, Graciela.
I’m sure the fact that we’re in an underground cavern system doesn’t help my nerves. I need to see the sky, feel the touch of fresh air on my skin, walk beneath the trees. Walls and floor and ceiling of stone, this is no place for a living creature. The scent of magic on the air seems to be growing stronger, not fading as it should as we make our way out.
I follow as we leave the passageway to climb a tightly winding staircase. Lana and Graciela are making polite, if stilted, conversation. Eventually, Graciela falls silent, and we follow a final walkway towards a set of tall stone doors lit by lanterns.
I hope this is the exit that will release us into the outside world. If we never return to these damn tunnels, it will be too soon.
‘Well, we’re here,’ Graciela says. She does not open the doors yet, but waits for us all to join her. My sense of unease grows, so much that I almost want to call out to Lana, to warn her, but of what I don’t know. My heart is pounding and sweat is beading on my forehead. I want to run, to fight, to tear something apart. I look to Gabriel, to each of the others, to see if they feel it too but none of them seem to; they all look calm, if tired.
A sound like a gong rings out, echoing through the cavern. Slowly the door edges open.
For a moment the sun is so bright that all I can make out are vague impressions of shapes, dark against the light. Then I hear a sound of chanting filling the air, and the chant becomes a tumult of ecstatic cheering and crying. I see Lana step backwards, but she’s too slow. The door has opened onto a large clearing in the middle of the forest. A mass of people are waiting there for us, I can’t make out the number. As they see Lana, some fall to their knees and press their foreheads to the ground, others start tearing at their clothes and striking themselves across the chest, while a few rush towards her as though they’re desperate to touch her. In a moment, she’s surrounded. People are grabbing her arms and legs, stroking her hair. I growl. What the hell is going on?
A roar fills the air. ‘BACK’
It’s Grayson. The command he instils in that one word is like nothing I’ve heard before. I knew his Voice was one of his powers, but that doesn’t stop me being shocked by it.
The crowd falters, a sudden silence taking the place of the chaos of sound.
Lana looks stunned. Graciela puts a hand on her shoulder. I hear her say, quietly so nobody else will catch the words: ‘Do not be afraid.’ Then she raises her voice and cries ‘She is here! She has come! Izushi walks among us!’
What the actual fuck? What’s she talking about?
It takes me a moment, then I remember that Izushi was the name of the local deity, according to the girl who shot our driver. So these people think that Lana is some kind of… Goddess?
I look to Gabriel. He meets my eyes and shakes his head.
Graciela continues. ‘Just as our forebears foretold, Izushi has arisen from the darkness, her consorts by her side. She has passed the trial of the Guardian. She has come to our aid in our hour of need. Our years of waiting are over, my friends! She is here!’
‘Like hell she is,’ I mutter. This is madness. We’ve come to Lana’s mother for help, not to see Lana crowned as unwilling Goddess of some whacked-out jungle cult. Someone has to do something. I stride forward. ‘Lana, we’re going,’ I grab her arm. She looks at me, eyes wide with confusion.
‘Down, wolf!’ Graciela cries, then raises her arms and murmurs words beneath her breath. It’s as though someone’s knocked my legs out from beneath me: one second I’m standing, the next I’m face-planted into the dirt. ‘Show your true form!’ From my face-down position, I can just make out her raising her arms, her lips moving even faster. Excruciating pain tears through me. I writhe on the ground, the spasms jerking my spine, making me scrabble wildly. Froth fills my mouth and my eyes roll back.
It’s not possible, part of me is just able to think. How can she be doing this to me? The witch’s magic is forcing me to turn, right here in the open, in the middle of the day, against the moon. A ragged howl escapes my lips. Lana crouches beside me, a hand on my shoulder like she’s trying to reassure me. I swing my head, looking for Gabriel, and even as I do the bones in my face shift and rearrange, lengthening into a muzzle. My howl is more like a shriek as my teeth descend.
They have to get Lana away from me. I’m terrified I’m going to lose control. My wolf is not tame as my human is. He doesn’t know how to control his impulses, he has no reason. When he panics, he lashes out.
‘If further proof is needed, see the beast by her side,’ I just hear Graciela’s voice, and then a collective gasp as the crowd studies me. I’m just conscious enough to guess that these people have never seen a werewolf before. They may not even believe that we’re real, just as my people didn’t believe in humans, living as they did in seclusion deep in the forest on the other side of the Barrier.
Graciela comes closer and kneels down. She gazes directly into my eyes. ‘My apologies Reuben. The show is necessary. I will explain why later. For now, try not to tear anyone apart, alright?’
I growl low and long but feel my ears flattening back. I lower my head in submission.
Graciela stands again. ‘My friends, Izushi has travelled far through the realms of darkness to be with us. She needs rest, as do her consorts. I would ask that you return to your duties and allow her some privacy to recover from her journey. She will speak to you all soon.’
I watch through wolf-eyes as there’s more grovelling and prostation. People cry out praise for Izushi and prayers for her help and grace. Gradually, the area clears, though the departing worshippers keep looking back as they leave, like they can’t bear to take their eyes off Lana.
She wraps an arm around me and pulls me close to her, pressing her face into my fur.
‘I am sorry about all that, Lana. I would not subject you to it if it were not necessary. Shall I change him back now?’ Graciela says.
‘I don’t know, he’s so cuddly like this…’
I let out a low growl. Cuddly? Nobody has ever dared to call me cuddly before. Even the she-wolves hesitate to approach me when the change is on me.
‘Help him, please,’ Gabriel says seriously. ‘The transformation is not to be toyed with. I do not know what it might do to him, forcing the change as you did. I’ve never seen anything like it…’ I hear mingled disapproval and awe in his voice.
‘Very well,’ Graciela says, then places her hands on me and mutters some words.
The shift back does not hurt in the same way as the change from human to wolf, but it leaves me exhausted, gasping for breath and of course, inconveniently, butt-naked since I tore free of all my clothes when I changed.
Lana sits back but does not take her hand from me. When I finally open my eyes again, the first thing I see is her, watching with concern.
‘How do you feel?’ she asks.
I swallow. My mouth is dry and my jaw aches. It feels like my tongue has forgotten how to make the shape of human words. I’ve never changed and changed again so quickly.
‘Sore,’ I manage to say. ‘Thirsty.’
Graciela passes me a flask and I take the lid off and drink deeply. The change in my mind is almost as difficult to deal with as the change in my body. It takes a few minutes before I start to feel like myself again. I shake my head, and heave myself up into sitting, then stand on shaky legs.
I see Lana watching me, and for a moment her gaze changes from one of concern to something more appreciative of my physical form. I growl low in my body. It’s dangerous for me to feel attraction to her in this moment. My wolf is still partly in control, and he’s possessive and impulsive and will take what he wants without caring if anyone gets hurt.
‘It’s okay, Reuben,’ Lana says gently. It does the trick. Her voice soothes me and I feel a moment later I can let the wolf go. I’m my human self again, minus the clothes and the self-respect.
I turn on Graciela. ‘You made me grovel in the dirt? There’d better be a fucking good reason. If it wasn’t for the fact you’re Lana’s mother, I’d tear you limb from limb right now...’
‘Peace, Reuben. There was a reason. As I said, I’ll explain everything as soon as I’m able. Come. My house is just over this ridge. I will ensure that we won’t be disturbed there until the morning. It was important, though, that they see you emerge from the caverns, and that they witness you change. Come. I’m hoping that food and wine, hot water and clean clothing will do something to soften the injury you might feel.’
I stare at her intently. Her magic is powerful. Her intentions are unclear. I do not trust her. Then Lana smiles and takes my arm. ‘She said food,’ she says. ‘Sounds good, right?’
Lana. This beautiful human girl followed me into the middle of a fucking werewolf pack and suffered for it. The least I can do in return is to follow her now. She’s waited so long for the truth that only her mother can give her.
But if Graciela tries anything, if she makes a move to harm a single hair on Lana’s head, I swear she will not live to take another breath.
31
LANA
I make a list in my head.
Today I let Alex drink my blood. Today I saw a man killed in front of me. Today I had my leg broken by an ancient monster in an underwater cave, had a threesome with Gabe and Grayson, was greeted as a Goddess by a remote rainforest tribe, watched Reuben change into a wolf in broad daylight. Oh, and today I met my mother. You know, just your average day, nothing much happening really. I don’t know why I’d be feeling so tired.
I’m surprised to find that Graciela’s home is a small, modern design, raised on stilts, with solar panels and a satellite dish on the roof and huge windows that offer an amazing view down into the valley. I can just make out a small village of thatched huts, and just beyond them the temple complex below.
‘Please, make yourselves at home. I may have a shortage of chairs though. It’s usually just me here, so sit wherever you can. Reuben, I have some clothes for you.’
I watch with just a little tinge of disappointment as Reuben’s shapely naked butt disappears around a corner. He returns a few minutes later, wearing jeans and a t-shirt that are a few sizes too small and way too tight. I see Alex raise an eyebrow and can feel the snarky comment he’s about to make, so I elbow him in the ribs. Reuben’s been through enough today. The last thing he needs is Alex giving him shit about the clothes he’s wearing. I guess Alex gets my intention, or at least shows enough of his own common sense that he manages not to say anything.
‘Does a pot of tea sound right? I’ve baked some cookies…’
For a moment it feels like a strangely normal domestic scene. Graciela, my mother, bustling around in the kitchen, finding an array of mis-matched cups and filling a large blue teapot that reminds me of one my father kept on the shelf at home. And then, as I think of him, a deep, heavy sadness fills me. He spent his life alone, keeping secrets and searching for answers. Looking for his wife and the mother of his children who had disappeared without a word or a trace. Looking for the Key.
I miss him. I wish he was here with us now.
Alex reaches across and takes hold of my hand. I frown as a tear squeezes from my eyes and runs down my cheek. Damn, I’m exhausted, and all the different emotions keep coming at me when I least expect it.
‘Here, this should help,’ Graciela says, placing a large mug in front of me, and beside that a small plate with three giant cookies on it. Chocolate chip.
‘Is this what it would have been like?’ I say. ‘Would you have baked cookies for us?
She sighs, pours her own tea and sits at the table opposite me.
‘If I’m honest, Lana, I don’t really know. I never had the chance to find out what sort of mother or wife I’d have been. For years I was alone, moving from place to place, doing what I had to in order to survive. My life then was so far even from this… But that was what being a good mother looked like. That was the only way I knew to protect you and Jamie. And since I’ve finally found a place and settled, well I love my solitude.’ She smiles sadly,
I take a swallow of tea and look away.
‘They warned me,’ she said quietly. ‘They told me not to let myself feel too much. Your father, for instance. We were never meant to become involved. They were horrified when I fell in love with him, aghast when I went and married him.’ She snorts.
I frown. ‘What do you mean? Who was horrified?’
‘The Circle of Witches,’ she says. ‘I was given the task of finding the Key. They knew that your father’s researc
h was nearing success, and they could not allow him to uncover the enchantment alone. My job was to shadow him, to ensure that I was there before he was. I could sense the magic, you see and he, for all his great learning, could not. Even the Circle only had the vaguest idea of what might happen…’
‘Wait a minute,’ I say, putting my cup down. ‘You’re telling me you were only with Dad so you could get the Key? You did this to me on purpose?’
I’m surprised she doesn’t flinch at my words. ‘That was the task I was given, Lana, yes,’ she responds, matter-of-factly. ‘Though we did not know then, any more than he did, what form the Key would take. But when I met your father, I fell for him. I was so excited when he proposed to me. I cried with joy when I found out I was pregnant. The Key, the enchantment, all these things seemed abstract. I was only young. I knew that what I’d been asked to do was very important, of course, but I… well I guess I thought I’d be able to get it done and then get on and live the life that I’d discovered I wanted. A life with your father. With you. But the instant I felt the magic moving within me in that cave, as soon as I felt it find you, I knew that life I’d imagined was gone. My only goal then was to keep you safe, to allow you as normal a life as possible for as long as possible. I’m so sorry, Lana…’
I sit there dumbfounded. I can’t believe what she’s telling me.
When he’d explained it to me, Gabriel had made it sound as though it had been an accident. Rockfall in the cave. Ancient spell unwittingly released. But it wasn’t an accident. It was never an accident.
‘This is what I was sworn to,’ my mother says quietly. ‘Keeping the Barrier in place, protecting the human realm. That is my primary vow.’
‘And I’m just a tool,’ I say, my voice sour. ‘A magical Key in the shape of a girl. Is that right?’
‘No, Lana, you are so much more than that. You are my flesh and blood, and I love you.’
She reaches for me but I pull away. ‘How can you possibly love me? You don’t even know me.’