by Zandria West
Gabriel presses something into my hand. A small metal flask. He undoes the lid for me and helps me lift it to my lips.
‘Just a few sips, Lana. It will help.’
I take a small mouthful and splutter as the fierce heat of the liquid burns my throat.
‘What is that?’ I ask when I’m able to speak. I can feel the warmth settling in my veins, and gradually the dizziness and discomfort recede a little.
‘Whiskey,’ Gabriel says. ‘With a few additional choice ingredients from your mother’s cabinets.’
I hear some colourful cursing as Graciela also exits the cavern, and collapses onto a boulder nearby, shaking her head.
‘I’m getting too old for this sort of thing,’ she says.
‘I thought you said last time you were too young?’ I groan.
‘That was also true,’ she glares at me.
‘How did it go?’ Gabriel looks between us, anxiously. ‘How did they react?’
‘They were pissed off at Graciela,’ I say.
‘Oh, that was just Arielle. She’s always got a bee in her bonnet about something that woman,’ my mother rolls her eyes.
‘You did a good job of looking apologetic,’ I say, grinning.
‘And you did a good job of making me sound like candidate for a mother of the year award,’ she gives a hearty laugh and shakes her head. ‘Thank you for that, Lana.’
‘So, what happens now?’ Gabriel asks.
I look away.
‘Now, Lana must pass through the Jaws of Death and fulfil the final prophecy of Izushi.’
‘Now as in… today?’ I close my eyes. I can’t imagine having the energy to do anything except lie around and complain for at least the next twenty-four hours.
‘Today. We have the support of the Circle, we should not delay. But we will do nothing further until we’ve both had a shower and an aspirin.’
The men fuss over me when I return home but I’m not in the mood for their attentions. I do as Graciela suggested: take painkillers then half drown myself in the shower. When I get out, Alex is waiting for me in the steamy bathroom holding a large towel.
‘You,’ I say, frowning. The physical discomfort has made me grumpy and the grumpiness has made me realise I have a bone still to pick with my errant vampire.
Alex lowers the towel an inch and peers over it. ‘Me?’
‘You. You were spying on me for Graciela.’
As soon as I say it, he looks so disconsolate that I almost immediately want to forgive him. He passes me the towel, gaze lowered, face crestfallen.
‘I was under orders, angel. I was told it was important, for your own wellbeing. And besides I felt like if you knew…’
‘Yes? If I knew?’
‘Well, you’d pretend things were going better than they were, perhaps. And I didn’t want that. That seemed like a risk to me, if we allowed you to be the own judge of your readiness, if you see what I mean.’
I sputter with outrage, not sure exactly where to start on all the things that were wrong with that statement. ‘So, hang on, let me get this right. You lied to me and spied on me because you didn’t trust me? Exactly how does that all add up to something for me not to be angry about?’
Alex reaches around and wraps the towel around me in one quick movement, giving me a not-entirely inadvertent hug in the process, before judiciously taking a couple of steps back, away from me.
‘Well, I never said you shouldn’t be angry. I just knew that you’d want to pretend things were going well, to stop us from worrying about you, you know?’
‘And how do you think I’d do that? I can hardly think about sneezing without you knowing about it in advance and handing me a tissue.’
Alex crosses his arms and I’m momentarily distracted by how damn handsome he looks today. He’s dressed down, wearing perfectly-fitted leather jeans and an open-necked white shirt and honestly, he’s absolutely smoking. I see a corner of his mouth lift.
‘Why thank you, my dear,’ he purrs.
I groan and look up at the ceiling. ‘See? See what you just did there? Exactly my point.’
He deflates a little. ‘Okay, right. But the thing is, you might not realise this, but you have been shielding your mind a little from me recently. I think your protective instincts sometimes override the connection between us, so when you’re really scared, or truly in pain, I feel a kind of a… gap. I can guess what you’re feeling, but I don’t get it direct from you, not like I used to.’
‘Gosh that must be frustrating for you, not being able to read my mind every moment of the day.’
He shakes his head. ‘In a way it’s a relief. I’ve never experienced anything like this with anyone before, Lana. With other humans, I get a kind of blurry sense of how they’re feeling. I might get flashes of images, the occasional word if it’s strong enough in their mind, but that’s it, and I can block it out whenever I want. But with you…’ He holds his hands out wide. ‘I don’t know how to block you out of my mind. It’s exhausting sometimes.’
I look away, drying myself quickly with the towel before hanging it back up and looking for where I left the clean clothes to get dressed into – a simple dress that Graciela gave me to wear for whatever the hell this next ceremony involves. I’m almost beyond caring.
‘I want to protect you Lana,’ Alex says quietly. ‘I want to protect you from everything. And I can’t. And that hurts.’
I feel the truth of his words. Suddenly I’m tired. My anger doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not going to hold a grudge, I’m not going to hold onto bad feelings for something that he did, when I know he truly thought he was doing it to help me. What’s facing us all is too big and too dark, the future too uncertain. What’s the point in being distracted by some petty disagreement when all that matters now is that I love these men with all my heart? I’m desperate not to lose them.
‘You’re breaking me,’ Alex says, his voice hard, and when I meet his gaze I see – hang on, is that really what I see? There are actual tears in his eyes.
‘I didn’t know vampires could cry?’ I say, pulling him to me.
‘Doesn’t happen often,’ he says, frowning. ‘Don’t tell anybody.’
‘Your secret’s safe with me.’
I loop my arms around his neck, lift my face up to his and kiss him.
17
LANA
It’s dusk and a soft, golden light is filtering through the forest canopy. Reuben and Grayson are walking beside me down the narrow path. On some level, I still can’t believe that they’re real. They’re the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. Power oozes from them with some kind of aphrodisiac energy that makes me want to tear their clothes off and take them both on the grassy ground beside the path, even now when my mother is just a few steps ahead.
Not the time, I tell myself.
Even though night is falling, it’s still warm in the forest. As I walk, I feel a line of sweat caterpillaring its way down the centre of my spine. At least I can walk unaided today. I’m dressed in a simple, pale blue shift dress. I’m wearing strappy sandals on my feet, and half a dozen jangling bracelets around my wrist. It’s more of an earth mother/hippy look than what I’d usually go for. My hair is long and loose. Irena spent the better part of an hour brushing it out. I think she enjoyed the pain it caused me as she worked out all the tangles. She should swap torture tips with Grayson sometime, she could teach him a thing or two.
As we walk, I become aware of a sound. The rainforest is full of sounds, of course. It’s like that talkative friend that just doesn’t know how to shut up. There are bird calls ranging from strange low growls to high pitched whip-like noises, the buzz of insects, the hush of the wind in the trees. And then there are the random, unidentified sounds. They’re the ones that freak me out. Creaks and howls and knocking noises, all sorts of weird shit, the source of which elude me. The sound I hear now is completely different, though. I can only describe it as a roar.
Graciela turns to me and smiles. �
��Almost there now, Lana.’
Somehow, I don’t find this reassuring.
The roar quickly becomes so loud that it overwhelms every other noise. It fills my brain with a fierce static that pushes thoughts away. I glance across and see Grayson and Reuben exchanging a look. We round a corner and I am confronted by the source of the tumult. A waterfall. Not just your average gentle trickle of a stream down a few rocks framed nicely by a fern or two, but a tremendous torrent storming with astonishing power and rapidity over the edge of a sheer, towering cliff-face.
I slow to a halt, not because I mean to stop walking, but because my legs have frozen up from terror. Whatever it is my mother wants me to do, I can’t do it.
Graciela turns to me. ‘You will have protection. I’ll cast a spell on you that will be of my most powerful magic. It will find the path to the deepest waters and ensure that you avoid the rocks. All you have to do is jump.’
All I have to do is jump.
I want to laugh. She’s got to be fucking kidding me. I can see the villagers assembling at the base of the waterfall to watch. They’re hundreds of feet below, so far away I can’t make out any of their faces. All I can see are tiny figures, splotches of colour. I know that Irena is somewhere down there with them. My brother too, I think. He’ll probably enjoy being a spectator at my possible death.
‘Let me jump with her,’ Grayson says. ‘It will make it easier.’
‘I’m fine,’ I say automatically, though I know my men can all tell that I’m not. Even if it wasn’t for the fear slicing through the Binding, they’d only have to take one look at me to see that I’m just about ready to pee myself with terror.
‘This is something Lana must do alone,’ Graciela says gently. ‘But not unaided.’ She turns to me. ‘I swear to you, child, I have been preparing for this day for years. My magic will not fail you. It will be like a cloak of safety wrapped around you.’
I grit my teeth.
‘This is the final part of the prophecy,’ she reminds me. ‘Izushi will arise from the darkness and fall as from the sun into the Jaws of Death and yet live… But as I said, my magic will guide you and protect you. There is no risk, Lana. I would not ask you to do it if there was.’
‘Do prophecies always have to be so damn dramatic?’ I ask, rubbing my forehead, which is sheened with sweat – as much from fear as from the afternoon’s heat and the exertion of the walk.
‘When you are ready,’ my mother says, with a tone of finality.
I’ve come so far. Risked so much to get here. The Circle of Witches is waiting on me. The Barrier is disintegrating. I can’t fail now. I touch the amulet I wear around my neck. Its cool, smooth surface provides some degree of reassurance. My amulet at least doesn’t think I’m in imminent danger. Graciela sees it and smiles. ‘So, my gift found you safely. I hoped that it would.’
I frown. ‘It was a present from my father,’ I correct her.
She nods and doesn’t stop smiling. ‘Indeed. I’m glad he gave it to you. It was one of my more powerful creations.’
I swallow. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘The amulet itself was found in an ancient tomb. I bought it in a marketplace in Cairo, years ago. The inherent power of the object made enchanting it all the easier. I told you, Lana. Everything I’ve done has been to try and keep you safe. Trust me on this: if it is within my power, I will not let any harm come to you.’ Her expression is serious and intense.
I trace the shape of the amulet, so familiar, so beloved. Touching it makes me feel safer. Without the warnings provided by this amulet, I would probably be dead a dozen times over by now. I always thought of it as my father’s protection. It turns out my mother’s magic has been guarding me all this time too, without me even knowing it.
‘Thank you,’ I say at last.
‘Please, there’s no need,’ Graciela says, formally. The smile she gives me has only the slightest tinge of smugness to it.
I turn to face my men. They’re watching, their expressions solemn and tense. Of all of them, Gabriel looks the most relaxed. I take that as a good sign. If he has faith in Graciela’s magic, I should too. I’ve entrusted my life to the amulet time and again. Now I have the source of its power standing beside me, promising to protect me. My own mother.
I realise that I do trust her. I believe what I told the Circle – she has done her best to protect me and prepare me for this day. I can do this, I tell myself, though I’m not sure that the muscles in my legs agree with me. Someone might still have to carry me to the edge and physically throw me off.
‘I don’t think that’s quite the effect we’re going for,’ Alex murmurs. I hadn’t noticed that he was standing beside me. He must have done his speedy-vampire thing. He pulls me into a quick, tight embrace.
‘Did I mention I’m not very good with heights?’ I say into his shoulder, where my face is being mildly crushed. ‘Pretty sure I mentioned it at some point. Maybe last time I had to jump off a cliff? No more cliffs after this, okay? This is the absolute last one.’
He kisses me on the top of my head, stroking my hair back away from my face. ‘We’re here for you,’ he says. ‘Grayson will fly on wings of flame if you need him. Gabriel will lend his magic to Graciela’s to strengthen it. Reuben will call on all the powers of the wild forest to protect you and see you safe. I can cast myself off the edge and be with you before your heart takes a beat. You have nothing to fear, Lana. Nothing.’
I can’t speak. I swallow and nod. Bravery isn’t about how you feel, I remind myself. It’s just not letting yourself think. You pretend that whatever is happening isn’t really happening for as long as it takes to do the thing that has to be done.
‘Alright,’ I hear myself say as I look back to Graciela and across to my men. ‘I’m ready.’ I bend down and slip off my sandals. No point ruining perfectly good shoes with this stupid stunt. ‘Look after these,’ I say, removing the bangles and the amulet and passing them all to Alex.
‘The dress,’ Graciela says.
I wince. ‘Oh, come on. I’m going to jump off a goddamn cliff into a pounding waterfall. I don’t have to do it naked on top of everything else, do I?’
‘The symbolism is potent,’ she says.
‘The symbolism? You’re fucking kidding me,’ I mutter.
‘I don’t think there’d be much left of your dress after you jump anyway, angel,’ Alex says. ‘The power of the water would shred it. I’m the quickest, I’ll take it for you. Meet you at the bottom. Minimise the public exposure.’
I snort, and shake my head, but pull the shift over my head without arguing any further. The air is so balmy I honestly hardly notice the difference between being clothed and unclothed. And at least the villagers are all so far away, they won’t be able to make much out. I pass it to Alex, and he presses it to his face and sniffs. I snort. I can’t help it; snorting is a thing that happens sometimes when I’m nervous. ‘Do you have to do that?’
‘Sorry. It’s just… so sweet…’
I shake my head and roll my eyes.
‘You’re ready, Lana?’ Gabriel steps forward.
I nod. I look across to where Graciela has already started working on whatever spell she’s casting. It involves lots of muttering and tightly closed eyes. I wonder how I’ll know when she’s ready. I don’t want to jump too soon. Pretty sure that would be fatal.
‘On my count, Lana,’ Gabriel says. ‘I can feel the magic building. I will tell you when it’s time…’
I force myself to take one step and then another, inching my way closer to the edge. The roar is so loud now I can feel it in my chest. I turn and look towards the precipice before me, where the rushing river pours itself off in an endless race to oblivion. A large, flat rock rises like a monument just on the edge of the cliff. One look at it and I know that’s where I’m meant to jump from. I take another step. I try not to look down, the drop-off makes me dizzy. I’m terrified that I’m going to fall before it’s time, that there will be no magic to guide me a
nd protect me and I’ll plummet into the aptly-named Jaws of Death. I close my eyes and take a few deeper breaths to steady myself. I know my men are close, ready to do anything to protect me, to help me. The knowledge calms my fear.
I open my eyes and step up onto the rock. Small indentations in the surface perfectly fit the shape of my bare feet. The rock feels warm to the touch. A light breeze rises, chilling me so my skin prickles with sudden goosebumps. For a moment, I allow my gaze to shift. I ignore the river, the roiling water below, the watching villagers. I look out to the vast, dark expanse of forest that stretches for countless miles and beyond it, to where open plains extend, scattered with towns, carved by roads. In the distance, so far away that it seems like an impossible dream, I see the glint of the ocean. I am naked before it all.
This world is so beautiful and so precious. And in such peril.
My feelings don’t matter. My life doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I do what I am fated to do to protect this human world.
‘Now, Lana,’ I feel Gabriel’s voice in my mind rather than hearing it with my ears. The words are like a push, a moment of impetus. I finally force myself to look down, to see the vast distance below me, the water smashing down onto the rocks with unimaginable force, misting into clouds of white.
I’m going to die. There’s no way I can survive this drop, magic or no magic.
‘Lana!’ Gabriel’s voice is more urgent now.
Don’t think. Just act.
I close my eyes and take a step forward, teetering on the edge. I take a breath, don’t think about what I’m about to do. Jump. The blaze of brilliant sunshine surrounds me, warming me. For a moment it’s as though everything is paused. There is no time. There is no gravity. There are no consequences.
And then, I fall.
18