by Scarlet West
“Thanks,” I said. I walked softly across the sitting room and on toward the kitchen.
In the doorway, I paused. Trina had her back to the door, stirring a pot on the stove. Alex was making something on the island, the rhythmic chop of a knife on a cutting board the only sound in the quiet space. I found myself staring at Trina, reliving the moments the night before when I had laid beside her, my body pressed to the sweet warmth of hers.
I coughed, my throat tight with memories. She turned, a look of shock passing over her face.
“Hi,” I said weakly, stuffing my hands in my pockets.
“I didn’t think you’d be here,” she said. She was looking at her hands, then at her shoes. Everywhere but at me.
“I didn’t think I would, either,” I said.
She finally met my gaze. Her eyes sparkled and I caught sight of a rapid throb in the vein of her neck. She was as aroused as I was.
I saw Alex look at us, appraisingly. Then she shrugged.
“I’ve got to take this salad out. See you guys.”
She walked briskly out to the backyard, leaving me alone, with Trina.
“About last night. I…”
“Not here,” Trina said, softly, cutting me off. “It’s not the time or place, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, my heart aching. “Trina. What did I do?”
Her eyes caught mine. She smiled, a small, sad smile. I felt my heart flip over even as I tried to understand what was going on.
“You didn’t do anything,” she said.
I waited for more of an explanation, but she offered none. I frowned. She was looking at me with those pale blue eyes tender and distressed. Her mouth was twisted into something like a smile, though I read regret in the expression too. I reached forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. She flinched and turned away. My body ached, feeling her soft skin under my fingertips.
I let my hand fall aside.
“I should get this dressing out to Randall,” she said, stirring something on the stove again. “He’s going to start the barbecue soon and he needs it for the fish.”
“Can I do something useful?” I asked.
She looked up at me. Her mouth quirked and I thought for a heart-melting moment that she was going to say something naughty. But her face slipped back into its practiced state of neutrality once again.
“No,” she said, turning away again. “I’m finished. Really.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Trina! Have you seen any..?” Skyler’s voice trailed off as she strode in, seeing me. I froze where I was and looked round, embarrassed as a schoolkid caught cheating.
“I just came in to see if I could do something useful,” I said.
“He was helping with the sauce,” Trina lied. I caught her eye and saw a spark there. “He’s got hidden talents.”
I nearly choked and tried to keep a straight face as I nodded. “I like cooking.”
Skyler looked between us, visibly confused.
“Okay,” she said.
Trina lifted the pot off the stove and went outside. Skyler followed her and I was left alone in the silent kitchen.
“Oh,” Alex said, coming in a moment later, reaching for an apron. “Are they finished? Well, you can come and sit in the sitting room, then. We were talking about our trip to Lake Michigan.”
I shrugged and followed her into the sitting room to join the other guests.
I enjoyed the evening, though the strain between Trina and I was obvious. I could barely think of sensible things to say to her, and she hardly spoke to me, keeping up conversation with Randall about prices. I ended up in a long discussion with Alex about the finer points of ta -law, which all went straight over my head.
“Sorry,” Trina said at about ten o’ clock. “I need to go.”
“I’ll walk you out,” I said instantly, shooting out of my chair. Tom and Skyler both gave me odd looks, but nobody said anything. Trina held my gaze.
“Okay,” she said softly. “Thanks.”
It was warm out, and the evening breeze ruffled the soft white dress Trina wore, lifting her hair in a pale aura around her head. I wanted to reach out to touch it, and I could barely stop myself from kissing her.
“Trina,” I said softly. “Whatever I did, then and now, I’m sorry.”
She looked at me, her face all rueful sadness. “You don’t know what you’re sorry for, Drake,” she said.
Then, before I could ask her to explain it further, she walked out of the gate and around the corner. I ran after her, but she’d gotten into a VW Golf by the time I’d rounded the bend and she was already starting the engine. I sighed and walked back to the party.
9
Trina
I leaned back on the chair in Skyler’s room. It was Saturday evening, the day of the birthday party. The kids were all in the backyard, playing games. I could hear the squeals of laughter floating up through the evening warmth. I glanced around the quiet space at the half-drawn linen curtains.
“I don’t know what I feel,” I said.
“He’s a fool,” Skyler said. She swore under her breath, adding further expletives to her description.
“He is,” I agreed, seeing it pointless to deny it. “But I can’t quite be mad at him.”
Skyler sighed, shaking her head. “You know what? It’s your opinion that matters. I can think he’s an asshole however much I want. It’s your view of him that matters, and your choice. I just can’t believe he hasn’t asked to see Millie.”
I looked at my best friend and took a deep breath. I was about to admit something to her that I never had before.
“He doesn’t know,” I said softly.
“Trina!” Skyler sounded shocked. “You mean, you’ve never told him?”
“Think about it, Skyler,” I explained. “If he knew, he might give up his career to be close to us. That’s not fair to take that away from him. No, there’s nothing here for Drake.”
“There’s you and Amelia,” Skyler said angrily. “Don’t you dare count that as nothing.”
“I don’t think we’re nothing, Skyler,” I said gently. “I just don’t want him to resent me for saddling him with a kid he didn’t plan for.”
“But why does he have to give it all up and come here? Why can’t you go to New York?” she asked me. “What would I do?” I asked. “New York is full of hairstylists. And where would I leave Amelia? I don’t have friends or family there and neither does she. I’d need somebody l I can trust.”
“You’d have him,” she pointed out.
“Well, only when he was at home,” I said slowly. Stupidly, I hadn’t thought about the fact that, as an actor, he had time in between shows when he could be there to care for Amelia while I worked. “And that’s just assuming he’d be happy to be a father.”
“Are you crazy? Why wouldn’t he be? Millie’s amazing.”
“Well, think about it. Not every guy would be overjoyed to discover a woman he was with ten years ago had a kid. Who even says he feels the same way for me that he did back then?”
“Are you kidding?” Skyler made a face at me. “Trina, his feelings for you are written all over his face. He’s crazy about you.”
“Seriously?”
She shook her head. “For a smart woman, you sure can be dumb. How can you not know how he feels about you?”
I chuckled. “You really think he still wants me?”
I knew it was ridiculous, but, even after the evening when we’d gone home together, I still had misgivings. He had walked out on me ten years ago with no goodbye, after all. He’d chosen his acting career instead of me and any future we might have had. I thought he’d taken me back to his hotel because I’d been the one to initiate. And what sane, warm-blooded male was going to turn down guaranteed sex?
But maybe there was more to it.
I blushed, recalling the way he’d whispered to me, the way he’d been with me, so passionate and tender. It clearly hadn’t been just a quick fuck for the sake
of gratification. It had meant something. Deep down in my bones I knew that.
“Trina Amery Clarke.” She shook her head slowly. “Do you have any idea of the way he looks at you? I rarely see a face like that outside of movies.”
My cheeks went pink. “Thanks, Skyler,” I said. My throat was tight. I had carried the weight of Drake’s imagined indifference for so long. I couldn’t quite believe how good it felt to finally have it washed out of me.
“No problem,” she said with characteristic forthrightness. “Now that we know that, what will you decide to do?”
“Talk to him?” I said softly.
“You think you’ll tell him about Amelia?”
I shrugged, still so unsure of what to do about that.
“I still don’t know, Skyler,” I said.
She pursed her lips but made no judgement. “Your call.”
That didn’t make it any easier.
If I tell him, that means I’ll also have to tell Amelia. If I tell Amelia, I will have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.
She had always assumed her dad and I were out of contact; that he lived far away. That, for whatever reason she imagined, it would have been impossible for me to get ahold of him.
She had no idea that I could have called him up any time I wanted. I could have hidden that part of the story from her, except for Tom. Telling her, meant telling him. And that was a whole new challenge.
Tom would never forgive me for hiding that truth, and he’d probably kick Drake’s ass.
“Listen, you have to do what you think is right, but don’t you think it’s going to be hard to keep hiding her from him for the next month? There are only so many times you can ship her to a friend’s house or whatnot when you see him. And Bridgeway isn’t that big. You’re bound to run into him with her,” Skylar pointed out.
The thought had crossed my mind. It was summer time and I couldn’t keep my daughter locked up all the time for fear of running into Drake while she was with me. And I’d often thought about what would happen if they met. Would they instantly feel a connection? How would I be able to explain her away when she looked so damn much like him. In all honestly, I didn’t know how Tom had never figured it out.
But if I was determined to set the past to rights if for no one else but my daughter, I would have to figure it out.
“Okay. I’ll do it.”
Skyler nodded. “Great. If you need me to do anything, I’m glad to be there. Though I don’t know how that would go over.”
I looked at the slightly guilty expression on her face. “What did you do?” I asked her suspiciously.
“I might have threatened to kick his ass if he hurt you again,” she said.
“Skyler!”
“Hey, in my defense, I didn’t know that he knew nothing about Millie. But even so, he still broke your heart when he left all those years ago. I jut put him on notice.” She shrugged.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. Skyler was a great friend. I hadn’t realized how much I had longed for someone to take my side. Skyler had done so, unequivocally.
“Thanks,” I said. My voice went wobbly and a tear ran down my cheek. She shook her head.
“Don’t cry,” she said, reaching for a tissue from the box on her side table. “I didn’t want you to cry.”
“I know,” I sniffed. “That’s what’s making me cry.”
She shook her head, laughing gently at me. “You’re funny, Trina,” she said. “Now, get your shit together.”
I laughed and nodded. ” “How about if I invite him out to the farm tomorrow?” she asked. “You guys could take a walk around the place and have some good quality time together. How does that sound?” she asked.
I thought for a moment of what it would be like to have my daughter and her father together in the same place for the first time. I couldn’t think of a better place than Skyler’s beautiful and peaceful farm.
“I think it sounds perfect,” I answered.
Skyler looked at me for a moment before asking, “You sure you’re ready for this?”
I let out a breath and nodded my head. “Yeah. Ten years is long enough to keep a secret.”
10
Drake
I was lying in the bed in my hotel room, trying to sleep. It was Sunday morning, about eight o’ clock, and I was still tired. The previous evening I’d barely slept, my brain full of thoughts of Trina.
I didn’t know what to do; how to reach her and get her to talk to me. She ran so hot and cold that I was in a perpetual state of confusion around her. I had texted her and tried to call, but she hadn’t answered me.
Her words kept on playing round my head, the night at Tom’s when I’d apologized. What had she meant? I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. It seemed to imply that there was something more than my leaving that had affected her.
“It would help if I had any idea what that was,” I griped out loud.
I had surprisingly little insight into her. As an actor, I had spent my years at college learning to get inside the head of my characters. With enough information and time to research, I could become Ray Rayburn, or any one of the people I played. I could learn to feel their feelings, understand their goals. But I had no insight into what was going on in Trina’s mind.
I needed to talk to Tom. If anyone knew her better that I did, it was her twin. With that resolution in mind, I rolled over and reached for my phone. I was scrolling through my messages when a text came through from an unknown number.
Hi, I read. I got your number from Tom. This is Skyler. We’re having a lunch on the farm and Trina asked me to invite you.
I stared. The message was so unexpected, so strange, that I had to read it a few times for it to sink in.
Skyler was asking me to a lunch? With Trina?
Maybe she was trying to say she was sorry for threatening me the other evening. Perhaps she realized she’d been a bit over-protective and was trying to make amends.
I laid back in my bed, trying to think of a suitable response. If I was honest, I was scared of Skyler. She was efficient and ruthless in her protection of Trina.
I was really surprised she was letting me anywhere near her friend, much less willingly inviting me.
I read the message one more time, just to make sure there wasn’t a catch, then set about replying to it.
Hi Skyler, I wrote. Thanks for the invitation. I’d love to be there. Just send along directions when you get the chance.
I sent the message.
Almost instantly, she shot back a reply.
I’ll be in town for groceries. I’ll fetch you from the hotel.
That scared me even more. But it was helpful, so I texted back.
Thanks.
We texted back and forth a bit as I found clothes, opened the curtains, and aired out the room. She agreed to fetch me around ten o’ clock. We would drive to the farm about half an hour out of town and have a short hike and then lunch.
I showered and tried to suppress the growing excitement. After drying off, I tried to decide what I would wear.
I surveyed my luggage, feeling suddenly awkward. I wanted to make the best impression on Trina. I had with me two pairs of jeans, a formal pair of slacks and matching jacket, three good shirts, and two t-shirts. The rest of the clothes I’d brought were super-informal, good for rehearsals on-set but nothing else.
I tried on outfit after outfit, frowning at myself. I had faced audiences of a thousand people with no such anxiety.
I didn’t really care what they thought of me. Besides, then I was playing a character. This time, I was trying to put my best foot forward with Trina.
And Trina was someone I desperately wanted to approve of me.
Giving my reflection a sidelong glance, I decided to stick with my last clothing choice.
I headed downstairs for coffee and breakfast. I had an hour before Skyler would arrive.
“Hey,” she greeted me as I waited on the step an hour later. She was exactly on ti
me. Wearing jeans and a loose white tunic, she looked a little less menacing than she had at Tom’s a few nights past..
“Hey,” I replied. “Thank you for coming to get me.”
“Sure,” she said awkwardly before turning to get walk back to her vehicle. I followed her to the pickup in silence.
“Listen,” she said, as she rammed the gearshift back into reverse, fingers tight around the handle. “I know I wasn’t exactly friendly on Friday. But whatever I said, I can put it aside. Trina cares about you.”
“She does?” I stared at her.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake” Skyler shook her head impatiently. “Listen! How blind are you people? Of course, she does!”
I stared at her, her reaction confusing me. “You people?”
“Never mind,” she sighed distantly. “Listen. Trina’s my best friend. And, whatever I think of you right now, doesn’t matter. You hurt her very badly, and I hope you don’t plan on doing it again.”
“I don’t.” I replied firmly.
She shot me a warning look that said I really needed to mean that. I did.
Half an hour of silence passed as we rumbled through the countryside. The surroundings were beautiful; nothing like what I’d become used to in New York. I found myself nostalgic for the peace and clean, open air of the meadows surrounding us. A small farm came into view and Skyler slowed the pickup.
“We’re here,” she said succinctly.
Hills reached up into the distance, clad in tall pine trees. The grass was green, and stretched out towards the hills, flattening in the wind. The day was bright, and the only sound was the creak of the engine settling and the throaty song of birds.
Skyler had already jumped out of the pickup and was going around to shut the gate behind us. I jumped out, feeling stupid.
Opposite the next gate was a field where two people stood. One, her pale hair tugged loose from its ponytail by the wind, skirt billowing about her legs, was Trina.
The second person was climbing up the gate. She was small and blonde, and in the bright morning she looked like a younger, heart-faced version of Trina.