The Stories of the Three Burglars

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The Stories of the Three Burglars Page 7

by Frank Richard Stockton

name is James Barlow, talked to me insuch a way that I began to suspect that he intended to commit aburglary, and openly charged him with this evil purpose. 'You may callit burglary or anything else you please,' said he; 'property is veryunequally divided in this world, and it is my business in life to makewrong things right as far as I can. I am going to the house of a manwho has a great deal more than he needs, and I haven't anything like asmuch as I need; and so I intend to take some of his overplus,--not verymuch, for when I leave his house he will still be a rich man, and I'llbe a poor one. But for a time my family will not starve.'

  "'Argue as you please, James Barlow,' I said, 'what you are going to dois nothing less than burglary.'

  "'Of course it is,' said he; 'but it's all right, all the same. Thereare a lot of people, Thomas, who are not as particular about thesethings as they used to be, and there is no use for you to seem betterthan your friends and acquaintances. Now, to show there are not so manybigots as there used to be, there's a young man going to meet us at thestation who is greatly interested in the study of social problems. He isgoing along with us just to look into this sort of thing and study it.It is impossible for him to understand people of our class, or doanything to make their condition better, if he does not thoroughlyinvestigate their methods of life and action. He's going along just as astudent, nothing more; and he may be down on the whole thing for all Iknow. He pays me five dollars for the privilege of accompanying me, andwhether he likes it or not is his business. I want you to go along as amechanic, and if your conscience won't let you take any share in theprofit, I'll just pay you for your time.'

  "'James Barlow,' said I, 'I am going with you, but for a purpose fardifferent from that you desire. I shall keep by your side, and if I candissuade you from committing the crime you intend I shall do so; but ifI fail in this, and you deliberately break into a house for purposes ofrobbery, I shall arouse the inmates and frustrate your crime.' Now,James Barlow," said he, turning to the stout man with a severeexpression on his strongly marked face, "is not what I have saidperfectly true? Did you not say to me every word which I have justrepeated?"

  The stout man looked at the other in a very odd way. His face seemed tobroaden and redden, and he merely closed his eyes as he promptlyanswered:--

  "That's just what I said, every blasted word of it. You've told it fairand square, leavin' off nothin' and puttin' in nothin'. You've told thetrue facts out and out, up and down, without a break."

  "Now, ladies," continued the tall man, "you see my story iscorroborated, and I will conclude it by saying that when this house, inspite of my protest, had been opened, I entered with the others with thefirm intention of stepping into a hallway or some other suitable placeand announcing in a loud voice that the house was about to be robbed. Assoon as I found the family aroused and my purpose accomplished, Iintended to depart as quickly as possible, for, on account of the shadowcast upon me by my father's crime, I must never be found even in thevicinity of criminal action. But as I was passing through this room Icould not resist the invitation of Barlow to partake of the refreshmentswhich we saw upon the table. I was faint from fatigue and insufficientnourishment. It seemed a very little thing to taste a drop of wine in ahouse where I was about to confer a great benefit. I yielded to thetemptation, and now I am punished. Partaking even that little which didnot belong to me, I find myself placed in my present embarrassingposition."

  "You are right there," said I, "it must be embarrassing; but before wehave any more reflections, there are some practical points about whichI wish you would inform me. How did that wicked man, Mr. Barlow I thinkyou called him, get into this house?"

  The tall man looked at me for a moment, as if in doubt what he shouldsay; and then his expression of mingled hopelessness and contritionchanged into one of earnest frankness.

  "I will tell you, sir, exactly," he said; "I have no wish to concealanything. I have long wanted to have an opportunity to inform occupantsof houses, especially those in the suburbs, of the insufficiency oftheir window fastenings. Familiar with mechanic devices as I am, andaccustomed to think of such things, the precautions of householderssometimes move me to laughter. Your outer doors, front and back, are ofheavy wood, chained, locked, and bolted, often double locked and bolted;but your lower windows are closed in the first place by the lightestkind of shutters, which are very seldom fastened at all, and in thesecond place by a little contrivance connecting the two sashes, which isheld in place by a couple of baby screws. If these contrivances are ofthe best kind and cannot be opened from the outside with a knife-bladeor piece of tin, the burglar puts a chisel or jimmy under the lower sashand gently presses it upward, when the baby screws come out as easily asif they were babies' milk-teeth. Not for a moment does the burglartrouble himself about the front door, with its locks and chains andbolts. He goes to the window, with its baby screws, which might as wellbe left open as shut, for all the hindrance it is to his entrance; andif he meddled with the door at all, it is simply to open it from theinside, so that when he is ready to depart he may do so easily."

  "But all that does not apply to my windows," I said. "They are notfastened that way."

  "No, sir," said the man, "your lower shutters are solid and strong asyour doors. This is right, for if shutters are intended to obstructentrance to a house they should be as strong as the doors. When JamesBarlow first reached this house he tried his jimmy on one of theshutters in this main building, but he could not open it. The heavy boltinside was too strong for him. Then he tried another near by with thesame result. You will find the shutters splintered at the bottom. Thenhe walked to the small addition at the back of the house, where thekitchen is located. Here the shutters were smaller, and of course theinside bolts were smaller. Everything in harmony. Builders are socareful now-a-days to have everything in harmony. When Barlow tried hisjimmy on one of these shutters the bolt resisted for a time, but itsharmonious proportions caused it to bend, and it was soon drawn from itsstaples and the shutter opened, and of course the sash was opened as Itold you sashes are opened."

  "Well," said I, "shutters and sashes of mine shall never be opened inthat way again."

  "It was with that object that I spoke to you," said the tall man. "Iwish you to understand the faults of your fastenings, and anyinformation I can give you which will better enable you to protect yourhouse, I shall be glad to give, as a slight repayment for the injury Imay have helped to do to you in the way of broken glass and spoiledcarpet. I have made window fastenings an especial study, and, if youemploy me for the purpose, I'll guarantee that I will put your houseinto a condition which will be absolutely burglar proof. If I do not dothis to your satisfaction, I will not ask to be paid a cent."

  "We will not consider that proposition now," I said, "for you may haveother engagements which would interfere with the proposed job." I wasabout to say that I thought we had enough of this sort of story, whenAunt Martha interrupted me.

  "It seems to me," she said, speaking to the tall burglar, "that you haveinstincts, and perhaps convictions, of what is right and proper; but itis plain that you allow yourself to be led and influenced byunprincipled companions. You should avoid even the outskirts of evil.You may not know that the proposed enterprise is a bad one, but youshould not take part in it unless you know that it is a good one. Insuch cases you should be rigid."

  The man turned toward my aunt, and looked steadfastly at her, and as hegazed his face grew sadder and sadder.

  "Rigid," he repeated; "that is hard."

  "Yes," I remarked, "that is one of the meanings of the word."

  Paying no attention to me, he continued:--

  "Madam," said he, with a deep pathos in his voice, "no one can bebetter aware than I am that I have made many mistakes in the course ofmy life; but that quality on which I think I have reason to be satisfiedwith myself is my rigidity when I know a thing is wrong. There occurs tome now an instance in my career which will prove to you what I say.

  "I knew a man by the name of Spotkirk, who had i
nvented a liniment forthe cure of boils. He made a great success with his liniment, which hecalled Boilene, and at the time I speak of he was a very rich man.

  "One day Spotkirk came to me and told me he wanted me to do a piece ofbusiness for him, for which he would pay me twenty-five dollars. I wasglad to hear this, for I was greatly in need of money, and I asked himwhat it was he wanted me to do.

  "'You know Timothy Barker,' said he. 'Well, Timothy and I have had amisunderstanding, and I want you to be a referee or umpire between us,to set things straight.'

  "'Very good,' said I, 'and

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