by J P Barnaby
“And you don’t even know what that is.”
“No. Then, one day after things began to calm, I stood at the enormous window overlooking Midtown. I watched all the tiny people on the street below rushing about their day, and I realized I was completely, painfully alone in the world.” Tears swam at the corner of Aleks’s brilliant blue eyes. They didn’t fall, but they glistened in the expensive track lighting.
Thomas couldn’t stand the open and naked pain in Aleks’s face. The booze lubricated his brain, and he braced one hand on Aleks’s knee for leverage and used the other to trace the lines of his new fiancé’s cheek. Aleks raised his head, capturing Thomas in a storm of blue. Still he waited, watching Aleks, waiting for that sign of permission. His skin tingled with Aleks’s breath against it, and finally, slowly, Aleks tilted his head and let his eyes flutter closed. Thomas tested the waters with a single tender kiss, opening a floodgate, a lifetime of closeted need. He pulled Aleks close, pressing their upper bodies together. Heat radiated through their clothes, sparks of denied longing as their mouths melded together, tongues touching. His cock hardened in his expensive pants as Aleks’s arms wrapped around his waist.
Aleks whimpered into his mouth, and Thomas slid his hand up that warm, lanky body to entangle in Aleks’s tailored shirt. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Instinct fought sense and pressed them closer. Aleks trapped Thomas against the counter. They were almost equal in height, so everything lined up nicely.
“I remember this,” Thomas whispered between kisses, groaning as a half-hard dick rubbed against his own.
“I dream about this,” Aleks countered.
Thomas’s low moan vibrated their lips. “What comes next?”
“In the dream?”
“Tonight.”
Aleks broke the kiss gently and let his forehead rest against Thomas’s; the only thing between them, their mingled breaths. “I have fantasized about this moment for so long.” His reverent whisper barely reached Thomas, who allowed himself another quick kiss before Aleks continued. “I never thought you would be attracted to me. Best-case scenario, I figured you’d help me with my father’s murder and maybe I could get my friend back. I never expected this.”
Thomas didn’t have any words for the moment, so he kept quiet.
“But our first time isn’t going to be on the kitchen island. Besides, I’d never be able to walk in here without getting hard. Let’s wait and see what Fate has for us.” Aleks let out a breathless chuckle, and Thomas smiled—his first real smile in longer than he could remember.
“I think we can do that.”
Aleks glanced over Thomas’s shoulder and pulled away. Thomas felt cold without the body heat pressing against him. “It’s after ten. Let me put a few things away in here, and then I’ll take you home.”
It took very little time for Aleks to wipe down the counters and grab the garbage he didn’t want to leave out in the empty house. Thomas sat at the island and watched him work. He couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like to do that every night. Hannah drying dishes at the sink while standing on a little stool. Their own little family.
“Ready?”
Thomas grabbed the card, rose, and his jacket, and they headed back out to the Jag. Once they were settled in the car, he wanted to reach over and grab Aleks’s hand, but he couldn’t find the balls to move his fingers over those six inches to his left. It seemed like such an intimate thing, and no matter how attracted they might be, their marriage would be an arrangement.
The silence in the car stretched from window to window, stringing out in a way that made his skin itch. By the time they’d reached the entrance ramp to the interstate, he couldn’t take it any longer.
“When do you want me to start looking into your father’s finances?” he asked.
Aleks took his eyes off the road for a brief moment to look at him before turning back to the sparsely trafficked lanes ahead. “There’s a laptop for you in the trunk. It’s state-of-the-art and fully encrypted. I promised you that I would protect Hannah, so we can get started after—”
“No,” Thomas interrupted. “You’ve been a man of your word. I can get started now. You said you wanted to have a quiet ceremony next week anyway.”
Aleks grabbed his hand and squeezed it quickly before letting go. “Thank you.”
“What do you know already?” Thomas pulled out his phone so he could take notes.
“Well, he was working closely on a few projects at work in the weeks before he died,” Aleks said as he moved over to the left lane.
“Is that unusual?”
“He oversaw the entire company. He didn’t have time to get into the details of every project. I saw references to them on his planner.”
“Okay, what else?”
“He’d been taking all these trips to New York. Our company has partners there, but not enough to warrant that kind of travel.”
“Maybe he had a girlfriend? Maybe he had a girlfriend who was someone else’s wife. This might not be about money at all.”
Aleks shot him a glance. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
Thomas shrugged. “People will do strange things for love.”
ι͵
“FOR SUCH an influential guy, your father had a really small digital footprint.” Thomas balanced his cell phone between his ear and shoulder as he finished making Hannah’s soup.
“What do you mean?”
“Aleks, there’s no personal Facebook, no Twitter, no other social media for Dimitri Lukas Sanna, and that’s not exactly a common name. I didn’t find any product reviews, no blog posts, no website comments—nothing with your father’s name or personal email address. It’s weird. Most people have at least some kind of digital footprint.”
“My father was a very private man. He hated Facebook because of the threats that come along with data mining. In fact, he’d rejected two proposals for data mining projects at the firm. He didn’t think other people’s personal business was our business.” Thomas heard the squeak of Aleks’s office chair.
“Okay, so, I tried something else, but I don’t want to talk about it over the phone.” Thomas carried the bowl of a soup along with a sandwich for himself into the living room, where he placed them on the battered coffee table.
“Wes is going to bring some stuff by for you, including an Amex in your name from my account. He needs to go over some wedding stuff with you too, and then I want you to take Hannah shopping for her pretty dress and whatever else you think she needs.”
“Aleks, I can’t—”
“Okay, then, just the dress for right now. Can we agree on that? I promised that sweet little girl a dress.”
“Compromise is the key to any marriage, right?”
Aleks laughed, a rich, sweet sound that Thomas liked more each time he heard it. Hannah came down the stairs as he hung up the phone. She bounced a little more than usual.
“Hey, how’s my favorite kid feeling today?” Thomas asked, pleased with the color in her cheeks.
“I’m your only kid,” she reminded him. “I feel better. The medicine made the throw-up go away.”
“Good, I’m glad,” Thomas said, and remembered Aleks’s warning about Wes and shopping. “Hey, come here for a minute. I want to talk to you about something.”
Hannah backed off, a little wary. They didn’t have heart-to-heart talks often. In fact, the last time they did, he’d told her they were going to have to move. He didn’t blame her for being a little gun-shy.
“It’s not bad. It’s a good talk.”
She took those last few steps to the couch, a little slower than she would have without “the talk” looming between them. When she reached him, however, she didn’t hesitate to climb up into his lap. Her little tartan pajama pants rode up to her midcalf, and he pulled them back down to her ankles as he tried to figure out how to begin. He had no idea where to start. How did you tell your seven-year-old daughter that you were marrying a man to save her life?
&nbs
p; “Okay, let’s start with this. Do you have any questions about Aleks?”
“Uhm… a million.”
“You have a million questions? That’s kind of a big number. Are you sure?”
“Yep.”
Thomas laughed and rubbed his thumb over the shadow of hair on the side of her head. It never ceased to amaze him how soft her hair was, growing back. “Well, let’s just take them one at a time, then.”
Her little mouth twitched to the side like it did when she thought hard about something. She looked over at the television as if she were searching. “Is he nice?”
Of all the questions Thomas had dreamed his daughter would ask, that wasn’t the one he expected. “Do you know how Aleks and I met?”
“No, I just know he wants to marry you.”
“Aleks and I lived together when we were in college. We were roommates, and we were best friends.”
“Like SpongeBob and Patrick?”
“Kind of,” Thomas said with a laugh. “We’d play games together on the computer and do homework.”
“I wish I could go to school. I want to have homework,” she said wistfully.
“I know, baby. One day you will,” he said, a little more confident in that assertion than he had been even a month ago.
“But you and Aleks played games together? What kind of games?”
“Oh, they were video games like Call of Duty, and I liked Final Fantasy. Sometimes we wrote our own games.”
“You played games like Mario?”
“Yep, we played Mario sometimes. Aleks was better at that one than me.” He laughed again, remembering how Aleks would sometimes count aloud to get the timing right because he’d played the same level over and over, memorizing the patterns. He’d admired Aleks’s skill, just like Aleks admired his code.
“Did you have a fight? Is that why you aren’t friends anymore?” she asked, the question full of a child’s simplicity.
“No. Then I graduated and we didn’t see each other anymore.”
“Why not?”
He wasn’t about to tell Hannah about the drunken kiss. Thomas had promised himself to always be honest with her, especially about stuff like pot or being in prison, but she should be a little older for those conversations. “We both got jobs, and we didn’t have a lot of time. Then I met your mom, and Aleks and I just didn’t have a lot in common anymore.” He thought hard about her original question. For this to work, in his heart, he had to make himself believe that Aleks was being truthful. “I think he’s nice.”
“Why did he come back?”
“This is a harder question. His dad died and he wants me to help him find out what happened.”
“But you’re not a policeman.”
“No, but I’m really good at finding things on a computer.”
“Isn’t that why you went to jail?”
Thomas sat back on the couch, stunned. Shrapnel from the bomb that had just exploded in his heart made the rest of him ache. His daughter knew about prison. She knew he was a criminal. It hurt more than he imagined it could.
“How did you know that, Hannah?” He tried to keep his voice down, but the panic made the words come out sharper than he intended. There wasn’t enough air in the room.
“I heard you and Meemaw talking about it. I asked her, and she said that you did something bad but for a good reason. That you wanted to help people, but you did it wrong.”
Thomas sat quietly for a very long moment, trying to bring his spiraling pulse back under control. He wasn’t sure if he was angry with his mother for telling her. They’d decided they would wait until she was really old enough to understand. Apparently his mother felt now was that time.
It took a few minutes, but Thomas decided that he wasn’t angry. Hannah was a little girl trapped in the house without school or many friends, so her questions were incessant. His mom had put the best possible spin on it for him, and now the truth was out.
“Daddy, are you mad at me?” Her sweet voice hurt his heart.
“Of course not, baby. I’m just surprised she told you. We were going to wait until you were a little older.”
“Will policemen take you away if you help?”
“No, I’m smarter now,” he said with a smile, trying to reassure her he wouldn’t be leaving her again. He tried not to show that the gesture was in vain.
He could see her sharp mind working, and waited for the next of her twenty questions.
“Why does he want to get married?”
“Because he wants to help you,” Thomas hedged. He didn’t want to tell her that the marriage was an insurance policy against him going to jail again.
“What do you mean?” Hannah’s head tilted.
“Aleks has a lot of money, and he has amazing insurance. You’ve heard us talk about insurance, right?”
“Yes, it pays for my medicine and stuff. So he wants to help make me better?”
“Yes.”
“But I thought people got married when they love each other, like Shrek and Fiona?” Once again, his perceptive daughter got right to the heart of the matter. Her innocence made him feel like a criminal all over again.
“They do, but sometimes people get married for other reasons, like to help people they love.”
“Do you love him, Daddy?” she asked, and with her eyes on him, he couldn’t lie.
“I like him,” he hedged.
“Will we have to move?” That question he had expected.
“Yes, we’ll move into Aleks’s big house in the city. You should see it, Hannah, it’s amazing. It even has a pool and a huge yard to put a whole playground in for you,” he said, trying to sell her on the move and distract her from her real questions.
“It has a pool? Like, the blow-up kind?”
“No, a real pool in the ground. I think it has a slide into the pool.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, it kind of is.”
“What about Meemaw?”
“She’ll stay here in the house.”
“Why can’t she come with us? Doesn’t Aleks like her?” Her tiny brow furrowed in worry. Still sweetly naive, she believed deep in her heart that everyone should like everyone else.
“He does like her, but this is her house. He bought it for her, so I think she’d want to stay here. She’s lived here since I was a little boy. But we’ll come out and visit anytime you want, and she can come and visit us.”
Hannah seemed to consider that for a few long minutes before she nodded. “And he wants to help make me better?” she repeated.
“Yes.”
“Can he make me better?”
“We’ve talked about this, and I don’t want you to get too excited about something that’s out of our hands, but…. Aleks can get us medicine and doctors we wouldn’t be able to afford on our own. So, yes, he might be able to make you better.”
“If you like him, I like him too.”
He held Hannah tighter against his chest and kissed her on the head. God, if only it were that simple.
The doorbell rang then, and Thomas dumped Hannah onto the couch as she giggled. He pulled his jeans a little higher and opened the door to find Wes on the porch. Wes wasn’t wearing a standard-issue Polytech polo but a short-sleeved button-down with jeans, casual and relaxed. He’d tamed his blond hair to stand up slightly, artfully in front. Thin Armani-framed glasses rounded out the picture, giving him a put together, distinguished look.
“Hello, Mr. Aberthol,” Wes said with a smile and held out a blue Polytech messenger bag. “It’s nice to actually meet you.”
“Come in. And God, please call me Thomas.” He closed the door behind Wes and led him into the living room, where Hannah waited on the couch. Her eyes widened, and she wrapped thin arms around skinny legs, pulling herself into a defensive ball.
Thomas picked her up and sat her back on his lap as he indicated the chair for Wes. The messenger bag lay on the couch beside them.
“Hannah, honey, this is Aleks’s f
riend Wes. Wes, this is my daughter, Hannah,” he indicated each with a hand, and Wes smiled.
“Hi, Hannah, it’s really nice to meet you. Aleks told me a lot about you, but not how pretty you are.”
Hannah smiled but didn’t say anything. His mother had told him before the cancer, she’d been one of the most outgoing kids. The physical changes, including losing her hair, had made her wary of people and their judgments.
“She’s a little shy,” Thomas explained but didn’t apologize. He didn’t want Hannah to feel like she needed to accommodate anyone who wanted to engage with her. She could handle what she could handle.
“I am too sometimes,” Wes admitted. He stood up and grabbed the messenger bag off the couch before perching on the edge of the chair. “So, Aleks sent a few things for you and a few instructions for me. Shall we see what our secret mission is for today?”
Thomas liked Wes’s easygoing manner. He felt comfortable with him in a way he didn’t usually feel with people. Once they found out he was an ex-con, things got awkward. A criminal past would do that, especially in a smaller Southern town. Wes pulled a card, a note, and a catalog out of the bag. He handed the card to Thomas.
“I really wish he wouldn’t do that,” Thomas said, putting the Amex card with his name emblazoned on the front into his otherwise empty wallet.
“We’re going on a secret mission?” Hannah perked up in a way she rarely did.
“That we are, Miss Hannah,” Wes said with a gentle smile.
Wes grabbed a catalog from the bag and rested it gently on Hannah’s lap. She looked up to Thomas, who rubbed the backs of her shoulders.
“It’s for your new bedroom. Aleks sent the catalog so you can pick out what kind of furniture and stuff you want,” Wes explained as Hannah’s eyes grew wide as little blue saucers.
“You don’t have to do it right now, honey—” Thomas started, but Hannah tossed Lizzy on the couch next to her and ripped open the catalog.
“Oh, Daddy, look at this one!” she cried, showing him a room with a castle for a bed and dresses hanging inside an intricately carved armoire. He stared, trying not to look at the prices at the bottom, but they assaulted him with their vulgarity.