by Toni Aleo
“But they’re not. You don’t say that to someone you love. Even if you think they’re making a mistake. It’s their life. They gotta navigate it.”
“Exactly!” I exclaim, throwing my hands up. “I know they hated Drew. I get it. I gave up everything for him, but I was in love.”
“Everything?”
“I had a full-ride scholarship for gymnastics at Bellevue, and I abandoned it to move to Philly with Drew.”
He makes a face. “Man, we were really stupid young adults. I marry a girl after a month, and you give up everything for a guy. Not the smart people we are now.”
“Yeah.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “They were so mad, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted to be with him.”
“I hear you. I would have given my life for Lana. Glad I didn’t, though.”
I quirk my lip at the side. “Yeah, that would have been bad.”
“While you did give up everything, it was your choice, and all that matters is how you feel about it. Not them. Do you regret it?”
“All of it,” I admit, and his smile falters.
“Then, in all honesty, that’s enough to deal with. You don’t need someone telling you how wrong you were. You know it.”
“But I know she’ll come at me with all of it, which is why I haven’t spoken to her.”
“I know your mom, and I’m sure she regrets everything she said. I bet she was doing it out of love. Problem with that is that when you do something out of love, the other person doesn’t always see it that way.”
“Yeah, I didn’t. I do now. But when it ended, I felt so alone.”
“That sucks ass. They shouldn’t have done that to you. Or let it go that long.”
I shrug. “You know how we are—a bit stubborn.”
“A bit? I watched Ryan go at it with your uncle over mashed potatoes. I seriously thought they were gonna fight, and at one point they did with their spoons. When you guys think you are right, you guys are right.”
My face breaks into a grin as I shake my head. Sounds like my family. “This is true.”
“But I think, and this is just an outsider’s point of view, that after you talk to your mom, you’ll feel a lot better. I think you’re holding on to all this anger and resentment against her. I know I would. Shit, maybe I’m stubborn?”
I’m still grinning, even with tears in my eyes. “Could be.”
His eyes are sparkling as they hold mine. “But once you two clear the air, I think everything will be better. Especially for you, since you’re still so hurt. You might be holding on to the guilt of fighting them so hard but then them being right the whole time. I don’t fault you. I did the same thing, and it took a while to realize maybe I should have listened to people who know how life works better than a young buck in love with some hot ass.”
My face hurts from smiling. “I thought Drew and I were in love. We dated all through high school.”
“My mom told me that it’s hard to trust young love. That we’re still growing, and either we grow together or we grow apart. Lana and I grew apart.”
“Wow, that’s the realest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“My mom is pretty badass, but even I thought she was wrong, and I argued with her. It happens. But now we just gotta be smart, ya know?”
My heart hurts as I gaze up at him. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I’m feeling. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“I want to relish that comment, but I feel I am never right. So I’ll wait to see how it goes.”
I giggle softly as I rock back and forth on my heels. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime. Wanna finish our run?”
“You want to?”
He nods, a silly grin on his face. “I’m committed to this run. We gotta get the crazy out so you can talk to your mom.”
Tears threaten to fall again as I gaze up at him. “Thank you.”
“Anytime. Do you need a hug? I’m told by my mom that I am a wonderful hugger,” he says, that grin still on his face as he holds his arms open. I step into them instantly, wrapping my arms around his torso and hugging him tightly as he envelops me in his embrace.
“I think your mom is the realest woman ever.”
“She is,” he says against my hair. “It’s all going to be okay. You’re one strong-ass chick.”
I close my eyes and squeeze him a little tighter. I want to tell him that I’m not. That I’m a weak, dumb chick who stayed with a man for far too long out of stubbornness and pride. He never asked why I left Drew, and that surprises me. He was honest with me, told me everything about his ex, but he never asked about mine. I don’t know why, but I am thankful for that.
I pull out of his arms because if I don’t, I’ll stay there. “Ready?”
“Born ready,” he says, his voice a little rough. “You good?”
“Yeah,” I lie. I’m not good, haven’t been in a while.
“Cool, let’s go.”
As we run, I pray he’s right, that talking to my mom will help.
But truth is, talking to Chandler actually did wonders for me.
And that can’t be good.
As I take a long sip of my wine, I stare down at my phone. It’s just lying there, ready to be used, but dialing my mom’s number terrifies me. We’ve only communicated through email. Usually in response to a long and wordy email from her, I would write back that I was fine. That was it, those three words, even if they were so far from the truth. I couldn’t ever tell her how bad it was. I couldn’t admit that she was right, that I was stupid to give up everything for someone who wouldn’t do the same for me. I’d thought he would, but Drew wasn’t that man. I’d really believed he was. He showed so many of my father’s amazing traits when we were dating. He was kind, funny, and he treated me like a princess. That all changed quickly when we got married. I wanted so much to experience the fairy-tale love my mom had, but I got nothing of the sort. Drew wasn’t even half the man my dad was.
Tears rush to my eyes as I stare at my phone, trying to find the strength to dial my mom’s number. If my dad were still here, none of this would have happened. He may have agreed with my mom, my uncle, and even Ryan, but he would have kept everyone calm. He would have urged me to live my life and let me know they’d be there for me if it ended. He always kept my mom level-headed. Without him, she isn’t.
I keep trying to remember what Chandler said, that this would be for the best, but I don’t want to face what is coming.
You’re one strong-ass chick.
God, I want to be.
I pick up my phone and dial my mom’s number. She answers before the first ring even pauses for the next one. “Oh, Amelia.”
My name from her lips guts me. “Hey, Mom.”
I can hear the emotion in her voice, and tears instantly spring to my eyes. “I miss you so much, baby.”
“I miss you.”
“How are you?”
“I’m okay. You?”
“I’m so much better hearing your voice.”
“Same here.”
“You’re at Grandma’s house?”
“I am.”
“Are you working, or are you enjoying the beach every day?”
I smile through the tears as they roll down my face. “Both, I guess. I’m at a little coffee shop downtown. It’s new. I don’t like it.”
“Because you belong in the gym.”
I swallow hard. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Isn’t that one gym you went to, when we stayed the summer there, still open?”
“I think so. I pass it every morning on my way to work.”
“You should stop in.”
“I don’t know.”
“I think it would be wonderful for you. Being in the gym makes you happy.”
I didn’t expect that from her. I thought she would demand for me to come home. While she’s right—I do belong in a gym with all the apparatus I grew up learning to compete on and win—things have chang
ed. I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Who would want a college dropout?”
I honestly don’t know why I said that. It sets her up to tear me apart. “Any coach would die to have you. College dropout or not, you’re talented as all hell. I know Sofia wishes you’d come work for her.”
“I know. She asks me all the time.”
“We’d love to have you back home.”
There it is. “I like it here.”
“That’s good. Whatever makes you happy.”
Her words sting. “Where was that four years ago when I first moved in with Drew?”
She takes in a sharp breath, and I sit up straighter. “Amelia, he was trash. I saw it. No man should ask you to give up everything for him. You had all the pieces in place to be so successful.”
“But I loved him—”
“Listen, I get it. I do. But I knew he was going to hurt you, and it’s my job to protect you. You have to understand that, baby.”
“I have to make my own mistakes.”
“You’re absolutely right, Amelia. You are. But to me, I knew this was a mistake I could save you from. I am all for you learning from your mistakes, but my love, you weren’t seeing clearly. You were blinded by love—young love, at that—and I knew you deserved better.”
“It doesn’t matter. It was my choice, and you went as far as to say who I should choose. How dare you make me choose between my family and the guy I loved? It doesn’t matter that you may have been right. I loved him, and when I left him, I was completely alone. I didn’t have you. I didn’t have Ryan. I had to do it on my own.” My tears are rolling fast down my cheeks. My heart hurts, my chest aches, and I feel empty. “That’s not fair to me. And let’s be honest, I couldn’t unload on Shelli the way I wanted. She’s so much younger than me.”
“You’re right, and I was wrong,” she admits. “If you’d had talked to me sooner, I would have expressed that.” Her words are full of emotion, and when her voice breaks, I close my eyes. “Amelia, I wasn’t seeing clearly either. I wasn’t even thinking when I said it. I was so upset, so mad, and I knew you were making the wrong choice. Ever since your dad died, I have had this pressure on me to love you and protect you enough for both of us. I was scared to death that I couldn’t raise you right because I didn’t have him. When you said you were leaving, the only thing I could see was all the hard work Daddy and I had put into you going to waste. I felt like a failure, and I said something I shouldn’t have.”
A sob escapes. “I needed you.”
“I know, sweetheart. I really fucked up, excuse my language, and I’m sorry. Amelia, I’m so sorry. I am.”
I swallow hard around the lump in my throat.
“I have been a mess these four years. When you were in Philly, I wanted to go up there and steal you back. When you left Drew, I wanted to search for you, but everyone said to give you space.”
I don’t know what I would have done if she had come for me at the beginning. I had been so in love with Drew; I really thought it would get better. I know if she’d come and had seen the bruises on my body, the bloody lip, and all the other injuries, she would have freaked. Would I have left him? I don’t know, but I’m glad she didn’t show up when I came here. I needed the space, and I needed to heal.
“I know you felt alone but, baby, I felt the same. I have been lost without you, and I hate that I hurt you. You’re my baby girl, and the guilt is all-consuming, knowing that I ruined that relationship.”
“You didn’t ruin it,” I whisper. As much as she hurt me, she is my mom and I love her. Four years of stubbornness on my part and hers doesn’t erase the nineteen years of love and guidance she gave me before. She is the best mom, and she loved me wholeheartedly. I know that now, but back then, I didn’t. “I’m still yours.”
When a sob leaves her mouth, I cover mine to keep my own in.
“I love you, Amelia.”
“I love you.”
Our sobs mingle together, and I wish she were here. I want my mom.
“Tell me everything, Amelia Grace. Fill me in on these last four years.”
My heart clenches in my chest. “You should come visit,” I say instead.
“I’ll leave now,” she says, and I laugh.
“Seriously, Mom.”
“I am serious. I can be on the first flight. You say the word.”
“Please?”
“Done. Let me see if I can steal Elli’s plane.”
I couldn’t be happier, I really couldn’t. But I’m certain what she wants to know, and I have to figure out what I’m going to tell her.
Because no one can ever find out that Drew laid a hand on me.
Chapter Seven
Chandler
I haven’t seen or heard from Amelia in three days, and if I’m honest, I’m yearning to see her. I’ve been at the coffee shop every morning and afternoon trying to see if she’s around. Finally, yesterday, I asked, and her manager said he didn’t know when she’d be back. That she has personal things going on. I have no clue what that means, and I’ve had to basically stay at Nico’s to keep myself from going over to her house to check on her.
I don’t know what she would say. Would it be weird? Would she think I’m crazy? I feel we truly connected the other day on the beach. We shared and talked about both our failed marriages, but then she went radio silent. It’s insane and more than a bit frustrating. I want to see her, I want to talk to her, and God, I want to touch her. Even if it’s only a simple brush of our hands or a hug, I crave it. Her. I crave her. I think I might have it bad for her. But then, I had it bad for her in college, so I don’t know why I’m surprised by my feelings now. They hit me pretty hard. I’m unsure if it’s lust, infatuation, or more, but in a way, I don’t care.
I just want her.
I really should be paying attention to what my dad is saying, but my thoughts are completely and utterly stolen by Amelia. Maybe I should text Ryan?
“I was convinced the shot was going in at that point.”
When my mom sets a glass of sweet tea in front of me, I smile up at her. “Thanks, Mom.” She cups my face, patting it lightly before I glance back at my dad. “I thought it would too, but Tampa’s goalie is a beast.”
“But you’re better,” he says with a wink before taking a long drink of his sweet tea. My dad has always been my biggest fan. While my mom is too, she wasn’t as hard on me and didn’t push me to work harder. She spoiled me, loved me, and always made Dad’s harsh words a little kinder. Good cop, bad cop is how they raised me, and I couldn’t be any more grateful.
“When’s the next game?” Mom asks as she leans back in her chair, laying her legs across my dad’s lap. Even after thirty years of marriage, my parents are completely in love. I want that so badly; I just have to find a girl who wants it too.
“Tuesday. Then we go on a road trip.”
“I told you that, Lizzy. We’re going on this one.”
Mom glances to Dad and then nods. “Oh yeah, West Coast?”
“Yup. You guys going to hit the beach?”
“Of course, and shop a lot,” Mom gushes, but my dad rolls his eyes.
“Always spending my money.”
“Always,” she says, kissing his cheek in a loud, smacking kiss. She then glances over at me. “How’s the house? Are you all settled?”
I shrug. “As much as a single dude who doesn’t know how to decorate can be.”
She sends me an encouraging smile. “As long as you’re happy with it.”
“I am.” Sadie comes barreling into the living room, coming right for my crotch. I jump as I hold her head in my hands, trying to protect my precious jewels. “You’re going to make it where I can’t give Grandma and Grandpa a human grandchild.”
Mom tsks. “Come here, furry grandchild.” Sadie comes for her and jumps her big self half across my mom’s lap. Mom kisses her head and runs her hand down Sadie’s back. “I love my girl—yes, I do—but we would like a human grandchild.”
She looks up at me from under her lashes, and I snort. “Gotta find someone first.”
“At least you didn’t have any with that ex of yours. Can you imagine? That would have been messier than it was.”
Mom smacks Dad before glaring at him. “Charles, come on. No need to bring her up.”
“I know. Chandler, I’m sorry,” Dad says, but I wave him off. “I was just stating a fact, Lizzy.”
I chuckle lightly. “I agree with both of you, but I don’t want to talk about her.”
“For sure, better things to talk about. Like your plus/minus is looking mighty good. Record year, maybe?”
I love my mom. “We’ll see. I feel good this year.”
“Like a 110-pound weight has been lifted off you. A divorce can do wonders in this case.”
My dad doesn’t want to stop. “Jesus, Charles, you’re killing me.”
“I’m just saying,” he says once more, reaching out to love on Sadie. “But you are looking real good this year. I feel good about it. All the IceCats look solid. Nico is killing in goal.”
“He is. He’s super focused.”
“He always is,” Mom says fondly. “I love that kid. Such a sweetie.”
I smile. My mom was a billet mom when I was in high school and college. She loves hockey and loves spoiling kids. My parents come from old money, the kind of money regular folks like them shouldn’t have. They met and got married very quickly. They wanted a huge family to spoil and love. Unfortunately, my mom couldn’t have kids. It was a huge blow, and they were devastated. They continued to try, hoping the doctors were wrong, but they weren’t. So they found and adopted me.
“We can’t have him,” Dad reminds me, and Mom feigns shock.
“I’m sure if I asked him, he’d come live with me right now.”
“For your shepherd’s pie, yes,” I joke, and she grins happily at my dad.
“See, I’m amazing.”
He leans over, kissing her nose. “That you are, my love.”
They share an intimate smile, and my heart swells in my chest. Mom leans her head on Sadie as she looks back to me. “When is Ryan’s wedding?”