by Toni Aleo
I shift slightly as I say, “Well, I think you look good.”
“Are you wearing a suit?” she asks, her eyes widening a bit.
“I am. We have to.”
“Well, you look very distinguished.”
“Is that another word for hot?”
She laughs softly, and all I can see are her wet lips. They’re so kissable. “You’re silly.” She moves back on her couch, and I can just imagine her pulling her knees up underneath her. “Are your parents with you?”
“Yeah, they’re here, staying at their condo.”
“You don’t want to stay with them?”
“I can’t. I stay with the guys, which is good. I went shopping with my mom yesterday, though. She made me buy stuff for my house.”
She smiles. “Why are you making that face?”
Am I making a face? “What face?”
“A face like you didn’t want to.”
“I didn’t!” I laugh, and she grins. “I like my house plain. She wants it all homey and inviting. I don’t care. I sleep there and hang there. I don’t need all the frills and shit.”
“I guess, but I would think you’d want it to look nice for company.”
“Why? No one comes over except guys who don’t care. Unless…you’re trying to come over. If that’s the case, then I need to let my mom go crazy.”
Her laughter is music to my ears. “You’re killing me.”
I smile back at her as her hair falls in her face. I want to push it back, wrap it around my fingers, and just hold her. “Is that your way of saying you want to come over?”
“Not at all. Plus, I don’t have an invite.”
“You don’t need one. You’re welcome anytime.”
Her eyes sparkle more as she fights back a smile. She shakes her head and then asks, “So, the game went well?”
That disappoints me. It was the perfect in for her to ask to come over, but she shut it down. She has a habit of doing that. On an exhale, I confirm, “It did.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, but I wish you’d watched. What if I’d scored for you?”
Her tongue comes out, running along her bottom lip. “Well, that would be nice, but I haven’t watched a game in a while. Ryan doesn’t play, and I have no desire to watch.”
“Why not? You used to come to all our games.”
She shrugs, looking a bit uncomfortable. “I don’t want to accidentally see Drew.”
I nod. “That’s a good reason.”
“I think so,” she says softly, her eyes intent on me. “Did Lana work?”
“Nope, she mooched off me.”
She giggles. “Really?”
“Really. She wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. I didn’t care—I just wanted her to be happy.”
She nods. “I worked for a little bit at a gym in Philly. But then Drew didn’t want me working anymore, so I quit.”
I make a face. “That seems a bit unfair.”
“A lot of things about that marriage were unfair.”
I swallow nervously. I’ve wanted to know this for a long time, but I didn’t want to make her feel like she had to answer me. “Can I ask why you two divorced?”
Instantly, her face fills with something… Fear? I’m unsure, but she looks down. “I don’t want to talk about that over the phone.”
“Understandable. So let me take you out.”
“Take me out?”
“Yeah, anywhere. Movie, dinner, my house, yours, just let me take you out.”
“Well, this escalated quickly,” she teases, and I shake my head.
“You know it didn’t. I’ve wanted to take you out since the moment I saw you.”
She chews on her lip as she gazes back at me. “I don’t know, Chandler. I’m fine with being your friend—”
“Oh, come on. Are you friend-zoning me?”
She lets out a laugh as she shakes her head. “You know it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?” I ask in all seriousness.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I do know.”
She pulls her brows in. “Know what?”
“That I want to take you out and that you want to go. But if you want to be difficult, give me a hard time, that’s fine. I’ll break down those walls, and I’ll get you to give me a chance. So, get ready.”
She takes in a deep breath, letting it out through her nose. “I don’t think I am ready.”
I playfully narrow my eyes a bit. My voice is deep, serious. I want her. I want her so damn much, it hurts. I want to show her I can give her the world. My eyes burn into hers, and my voice is rough as I say, “You couldn’t be. You have no clue what I am capable of.”
And I can’t wait to show her.
Chapter Ten
Amelia
It’s easy to say I tossed and turned all night. Chandler’s words played over and over in my head.
“You couldn’t be. You have no clue what I am capable of.”
I don’t, and I’m not sure I want to find out what he’s capable of. It terrifies me but, at the same time, excites me. That is probably why I’m considered a difficult person. I don’t even understand myself half the darn time. But I want to know what he is talking about. I want to be on the receiving end of him breaking down my walls. For so long, I’ve wanted someone to fight for me, but it hasn’t happened. I basically gave myself to Drew when he asked, and he never did anything to keep me. But I stayed, like an idiot.
Which is why I don’t know if I am ready to jump into something with another man. What if I make the same mistakes? What if I’m just not good when it comes to love? I want love so badly that I take what is given to me. I want what my parents had. I want a man to look at me and see his world. I want to wake up knowing I am completely safe. I want to be loved. How do I even know if Chandler could do that for me? I was with Drew for so many years, loved him with everything inside of me. I thought it was the same for him, but then it all changed.
What if men like my father, or even my uncle, don’t exist anymore?
But what if they do, and I was just stuck with the bottom of the barrel for too long?
Ugh. Why is life so complicated? There should be a map. It doesn’t need to tell you who you’re supposed to be with, but it leads you to where you are supposed to be. In that spot will be your perfect match, a man who will love you unconditionally. You’ll know when you see him. But no. Instead, I’m left wandering around the world, thinking I’m making a mistake left and right.
In life and in love.
As I drive toward Perk Me Up, I let out a long yawn. I want nothing more than to turn around to go back home. Curl up in my bed and try to sleep without thinking of Chandler. As much as I want him, I can’t shake the feeling that it would be a bad idea. He’s too good of a dude. Everyone is all for a nice rebound guy, but I’m not sure Chandler actually is the right kind of guy to use as a rebound. He could be more, but I don’t want to get involved with him, only to find that I’m not ready for more.
Blah.
When my phone rings, it comes over the Bluetooth. I glance at the display and see that it’s Shelli.
“Hey.”
“Hey, you,” she says happily. “Whatcha doin’?”
“Heading to work.”
“Boo. I thought you were gonna quit.”
“I was, but then what the hell would I do with my time? I’d drive myself crazy.”
“True,” she says. “You got time to talk?”
“Yeah, about ten minutes.”
“Fantastic. So get this. I’m on stage and I’m singing, but I don’t notice my skirt gets caught on one of the props.”
She pauses, and I giggle. “Oh no.”
“Yup, rips my skirt clean off. So while I was finishing the number, one of the stagehands had to come out and wrap a towel around my bare ass.”
“The show must go on,” I tease, and she scoffs.
“Exactly.” We giggle together, and I
shake my head. She is one hell of a singer, but she has the worst luck onstage. “I booked my ticket for next week. It’s still cool I come?”
“You don’t even have to ask. I’m looking forward to it.”
“Great. Since you’re going to work, I assume Aunt Grace already left?”
“Yeah, yesterday.”
“Everything went well I guess, since I didn’t get any panicked texts.”
I smile. “It was wonderful. She apologized, I apologized, and we hardly ever spoke of Drew.”
“I feel that’s a winning visit.”
“That’s what I think too.”
“Did she ask about why you left?”
My shoulders droop as my heart starts to pound. I hate lying to my mom. I do. But I had no choice. “Yeah, she saw his check on the counter and asked about it since, you know, there was a prenup and all.”
“So what did you say?”
“That he cheated.”
“Amelia, you need to tell her the truth.”
“Why? It will cause so much shit that I do not want to deal with. I can see Ryan and Uncle Shea going after him. I don’t need that. It’s over.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“It’s been over, and I got out. They already know he’s scum, so in my opinion, I’m just letting it be.”
She doesn’t seem pleased, but she doesn’t argue. “True. I’m just glad y’all are speaking again.”
“Me too,” I say softly, and I mean it. When I go home for Ryan’s wedding, it won’t be as bad as it could be.
“Did you get your dress for the wedding yet?”
“Not yet, I was waiting for you.”
“Cool. Oh!” she exclaims, and I almost drive off the road. She’s so spastic. “What’s going on with Chandler Moooonnn?” she sings, drawing out his name.
I sigh softly.
“Oh, that sounds good! Give me the deets!”
Now I roll my eyes. “Nothing is going on. I don’t know. He came over for dinner with Mom, and I gave him my number. We texted all night but then didn’t speak for two days because I’m an asshole and forgot to text back. But then we FaceTimed last night.”
“Aww! So, what’s going to happen? You going to hook up?”
“I don’t know. I’m hesitant.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“Why again? You’re being weird. You like the guy. I know you do. You talked about him for, like, ever when you were back at Bellevue. And then Drew came along and fudged that all up.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing. Remember, he would be the perfect rebound guy. He’s recently divorced, and so are you. Bang it out and use him to move on.”
“He’s not the type of guy to be the kind of rebound you want me to have. Like you said, he’s been divorced too. I think he’s looking for a wife.”
“Okay…?” she says. “So let it happen.”
My heart actually stops, and everything goes still. I can’t make another mistake like the one I did. “That terrifies me.”
“Well, you need to stop being such a little baby and do something. I want my Amelia, the one who is happy—”
“I am happy.”
“You are not. You’re just going through the motions.”
“I am not!”
“Amelia, you are, and you need to find someone to make you—”
“I need to find my happiness within myself. Not get it from some guy.”
“I totally agree, and I appreciate that, but I feel you’re holding back. You can be happy. You are happy within—you got away from Drew—”
“But I’m stuck.”
“You’re not stuck. I promise you. You’re ten times better off than you were. Be happy, Amelia.”
“I don’t know.”
“Why are you the way you are?”
“I don’t know. I think it comes from the Justice side of the family.”
When I pass by GymMasters, I have the urge to stop. I want to go in, ask for a job, but I won’t. I can’t. I refuse to take the chance and be rejected. I can’t set myself up for failure like that. I feel like I can’t win. But then, that’s not true. I have my mom back, which is a huge step in the right direction. I need her. Maybe she’s right, I’m not allowing myself to be happy. For a split second, I think about pulling into the parking lot, but my fear won’t let me. I turn onto the road that leads to Perk Me Up as disappointment washes over me.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I am happy, but I’m not.”
“Which I feel is because you’re not getting laid.”
“I feel you are insane.”
“Well, I feel you’re being irrational and a baby.”
“Well, I feel I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hang up as I pull into my parking spot in the back. I get out of the car feeling tired, emotionally and physically. I love Shelli—God, I love her—but she is exhausting. I don’t want to consider that she might be right. She can’t be right. A simple hookup would not make me happy. I need more, and I need to find it. And not from some guy. Even if Chandler is amazing.
Ugh.
I hit the lock button on my fob as I head inside, feeling absolutely shitty about myself. The shop is dead, as I expected. It’s good, though, because I need to clean behind the machines today. At the counter is William, my boss’s son. He has been doing mornings since I decided I didn’t want to anymore. He’s a rather large man, in both height and width, but he’s very kind, with light-green eyes. He hit on me my first day. I was so fucked up that I seriously laughed in his face. I’ve felt bad about that since then, so I try to be real nice to him now.
When he sees me, he smiles before he waves. “Hey, Amelia.”
“Hey, Will. How are you?”
“Good, thanks. You got a delivery this morning.”
I scrunch my brows together as he hooks his thumb to the end of the counter where a bouquet of white flowers sits. They’re surrounded by thick brown paper with a light-blue bow wrapped around the long stems. I walk toward them, my heart pounding in my chest because I know who they’re from. I lift the bouquet, admiring the pops of white roses and then the green foliage that ties the whole bouquet together. Inside is a card, and I want to laugh at how shaky my hand is as I grab it. I lay the bouquet down and open the card quickly.
Amelia,
I wanted to brighten your day in the way that you brighten mine. Your smile can knock me on my ass, and I wanted to make you smile today. I thought maybe you’d be available for a walk on the beach when I get back. Or dinner. Or a movie. Basically anything, as long as I get to see you. I hope you have a great day.
Love,
Chandler
I tap my finger on the card and shake my head. I glance at my watch, noting the time and hoping he’s awake. I take out my phone and dial his number. He answers on the second ring.
“You like them?”
I bring the bouquet into my chest, smelling the sweet and fresh aroma of the flowers. “I love them.”
“Great. I wanted to make your day a bit more cheerful.”
“You did just that,” I say breathlessly. I walk into the back with the flowers to my chest so that William doesn’t hear me on the phone. “I’d like to see you when you get back, but this is complicated, Chandler.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to start dating someone right now. I’m over Drew and all, but I’m still a little wounded.”
“I get that,” he says simply. “And I can admit I’m about the same, but who says we can’t try to heal our wounds while getting to know each other again?”
I swallow hard, chewing on my lip.
“I’m not asking for the rest of your life, Amelia. I just want to take you out.”
I exhale heavily and shrug, even though he is unable
to see me. “You probably won’t take no for an answer, will you?”
“Of course I will,” he chuckles. “But I’ll keep asking until you say yes.”
My lips quirk at the side as I lean my head back, looking up at the ceiling. “Can we go as friends?”
“We are friends. Friends who are getting to know each other to see if there is more. But I can guarantee you, Amelia Justice, there is more. And when you decide to feel it, I’ll be ready.”
I already do feel it. It just terrifies me because I don’t want to be that girl who needs a guy to make her happy. I want to be with a guy who adds to my happiness.
Is Chandler that guy?
Chapter Eleven
Chandler
“Why am I here?”
“Will you just shut up?” I ask as I get out of my truck, and Nico does the same. “It’s free food and a case of beer. What more do you want?” I yank at my shirt that’s riding up, and then I open the back door.
“I want to know why I have to come when this isn’t my date.”
“It isn’t a date.”
“It is. This is just a roundabout way of doing it.”
“No,” I say simply. “She invited me over for dinner with her and her cousin. I don’t want to be the third wheel. Hence, why you’re here.”
Nico thinks that over for a second. “Can I sleep with the cousin?”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“I’m gonna need to come clean to my best friend that I’m trying to get with his sister, which might go badly. But if he finds out that my other best friend took advantage of his young cousin, he’ll murder me.”
Nico looks bored. “Do you realize how ridiculous all this is? You won’t sleep with her because y’all are ‘friends’—” he adds in the air quotes, and I roll my eyes “—so you bring me to make this some kind of group dinner date. When, really, me and the cousin are just decoys to keep you two from tearing each other’s clothes off. For what reason? I have no clue.”
“For one, I haven’t had the chance to sleep with her. And for two, that is probably true, but fucking hell, just go with it.”
He sighs loudly. Maybe it was a bad idea to bring him. I reach for the bouquet of daisies and red roses I picked out for Amelia before grabbing the bottle of wine lying beside it. Nico grabs his pack of beer and is still grumbling.