by JC Harroway
Kenzie’s face must have sunk as much as her heart at the statement because Jose immediately backpedaled.
“Or I’m just happy to serve it to you anytime!”
“Actually, I’m leaving tomorrow,” Kenzie said. She was surprised by how sad it made her to say it out loud. Somehow it made it all the more real. She was really giving up, saying goodbye to Antonio. She was really leaving.
“Oh no!” Jose’s face fell. “But don’t you have the rum mixer tomorrow night? I mean, all of Miami is planning on going.”
“Actually, we’ve hit a snag and it looks like we’ll have to cancel.” Kenzie hated how phony it sounded, but what was she going to say? The situation with the distillery and with Antonio was too heavy, too complicated. And it looked like Jose had other customers.
“Bummer,” Jose said. A good-looking couple who appeared to be on a first date sat down at the bar a couple of stools down. “I was really looking forward to it,” he said with a smile, before moving down the bar to take the couple’s drink order.
Kenzie swirled her drink around thoughtfully, took another sip and then set it down on the bar. It would probably be her last drink for a while. Her adventure in Miami was over. It was time for her to go home. But first there was one more place she needed to visit.
CHAPTER NINE
KENZIE ALWAYS HATED going to the cemetery. Not that it was something most people enjoyed, but the eerie stillness and the open graves, just waiting to be filled, freaked her out. The last time she had been to one was for her grandmother’s funeral when she was fifteen. She remembered everyone wearing dark clothing and how she had huddled in between her parents, waiting for the ceremony to be over.
When Cole died, she and his family had agreed that his body would be cremated. She knew it was what he would have wanted. Kenzie was relieved to not have to witness her love’s body being lowered into the ground. She couldn’t bear to think of him in a grave during the winter, when the ground was cold and covered with freezing snow. Instead, she had scattered his ashes in the place the two of them had loved best. The Palisades was the place they used to go on the weekends together, to hike and just be together in nature. It was so beautiful—almost like the Grand Canyon, with steep cliffs that overlooked the glimmering Hudson River.
On a rainy June morning, Kenzie had climbed the Giant Stairs by herself, just like she and Cole had done together so many times before. Once she reached the top, she offered a little prayer and said her final goodbyes to the man she was supposed to be walking down the aisle with just a few months later. That day, she released him to the wind, but somehow the moment had not been as cathartic as she had hoped. The pain was still with her, and she carried it around everywhere she went, like an overloaded backpack. She never returned to their special place after that day.
Even though it was late afternoon, the Florida sun was still blisteringly hot, and Kenzie shielded herself with her hat and sunglasses. After receiving a map from the office, she walked along the path, following the markings until she found where Aunt Lilly was buried.
The grave was unassuming, and still unmarked with a headstone. Kenzie placed a stone on the spot where Lilly lay, and then sat down on the ground to take things in, and to think. Naturally, she assumed a cross-legged position and formed her hands into prayer mode. It seemed reverential and like the right thing to do.
“Lilly, I’m sorry we’re meeting like this for the first time,” Kenzie said out loud. She was alone but also didn’t really care if anyone overheard her words. They were words that needed to be spoken.
“I’m sorry for not getting to know you. You seem like a pretty amazing person. Or were,” she said, bowing her chin to her chest solemnly. “I wish you were here to tell me what to do. I screwed up something you worked hard on and I want to apologize.”
Kenzie’s eyes welled up with tears. “I tend to screw things up. In life. In love,” she continued. “I guess you knew what it was like to lose someone you loved.”
Kenzie closed her eyes and tried to picture Aunt Lilly like she looked in the picture Trudy had shown her. But instead of seeing the woman’s face, Kenzie had a vivid picture of Cole in mind. It was the clearest she had been able to see him since the night of the accident.
I miss you, she said, this time speaking only in her mind. She saw herself and Cole, three years ago, lying on the couch together, their limbs intertwined as they channel surfed the TV. It was the last time they had spent together. It wasn’t monumental or dramatic, it was just them, the way they usually were—easy and comfortable.
Drive safe, Kenzie had said before she kissed him goodbye. Cole smiled at her and went to his car. She saw his blue eyes staring at her. It was the last time she ever saw him.
That was usually what happened when Kenzie dreamt of Cole, but this time, he kept looking at her. In her mind’s eye, he was speaking to her.
Kenzie, he said, his voice so deep and familiar. I want you to be happy.
Kenzie opened her eyes and saw that a small tan-and-yellow bird was sitting on the spot near where she had placed the stone. She watched it for a moment and then stood, brushing the dirt off of her shorts.
“Time to go now,” she whispered, wiping her face with the back of her hand.
* * *
Kenzie took a car back to the city and after getting something to eat, spent an hour just walking around in the heat until she saw a small sign with the word yoga printed on it. Looking at the unassuming building, she opened the door and climbed a steep stairway to the third floor where she found a small community practice.
“Welcome,” said the woman seated at the desk. She was surrounded by Indian art, knickknacks and volumes of books on yoga that cluttered every visible inch of space. A small cat was asleep in the corner and a few members were talking and warming up.
“I’m not a member,” said Kenzie, feeling out of place.
“Come in and join us anyway,” said the receptionist. “It’s free yoga. All are welcome.”
Kenzie found a mat and smiled at a few of the other yogis who were looking in her direction. Just as she went to place her phone on silent, it started to buzz with a series of incoming text messages. They were all from Antonio.
I’m sorry about today
I need to speak to you
Where are you?
Kenzie hesitated and then turned to the receptionist. “What’s the address here?”
“736 6th Street,” she said.
Kenzie typed it into her phone and after hesitating for a moment, she clicked send.
It was a spur-of-the-moment decision and she didn’t actually expect Antonio to come. As the class filed into the main room, Kenzie followed, taking a place toward the back of the class.
The room was cozy, with candles burning and Enya playing on a boom box. The class was filled with all sorts of people—cute young women in expensive yoga outfits, senior citizens, middle-aged moms and dads, even a few teenagers. Kenzie placed her mat down and sat on it, waiting for class to begin. She loved to take other instructors’ classes from time to time. It was always an eye-opening experience and she found it was a way to pick up techniques, learn new adjustments and just gain a new perspective. She needed that now, but most of all she needed to feel a sense of community, to not feel so desperately alone.
“Let’s begin in a cross-legged position,” said the instructor, who turned out to be the same woman who was sitting at the receptionist’s desk. She was in her forties with a long golden braid that went all the way down her back and past her waist. She had a happy, peaceful expression and the class seemed captivated by her as she took her seat in front of the class.
“For those of you who are joining us for the first time today, my name is Astrid,” she said, looking in Kenzie’s direction. “Welcome. Let’s begin with some breathing techniques.”
The classes that Kenzie taught wer
e very physical in nature, so she relished the opportunity to focus on slowing down and remembering her breath. She closed her eyes and let Astrid lead her in a simple pattern—in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Just as she inhaled, she sensed that another student had joined the class, but decided to keep her eyes closed so she could remain focused.
“Welcome, welcome,” Astrid said, interrupting the instruction with a soft whisper. “Find a seat. You’re fine.”
Kenzie sensed someone sitting down next to her and as she breathed in, the familiar smell of masculine sweat and aftershave filled her nostrils. Unable to stay focused any longer, she blinked her eyes open and saw Antonio seated next to her.
“What are you...?”
“Shh...” Antonio whispered, bringing his index finger in front of his lips. He gave Kenzie a half smile and then closed his eyes. Following Astrid’s instructions, he lifted his arms up as he inhaled.
Kenzie was the only person in the room besides Astrid with her eyes open, and she looked around, dumbfounded that Antonio had arrived so quickly, that he had actually come. She had so much she wanted to tell him, about her visit to the cemetery, about hearing Cole speak to her. But this was not the time or the place. So as difficult as it was, Kenzie closed her eyes, too, and tried her best to concentrate on the class.
She thought to herself that it was pretty cool that Antonio could so readily go out of his comfort zone to be with her. She knew yoga was not his thing, but here he was, doing sun salutations along with a group of strangers for the sole purpose of being near her. She peeked out of the corner of her eye to see that he was wearing an undershirt with dress pants, his suit jacket lay neatly by the side of his mat, and she couldn’t help but crack a smile.
“Bend at the knees, flat back and open heart,” Astrid instructed. Kenzie and Antonio went through the flow at the same pace, their bodies moving in unison. “Now, rise up, and inhale,” said Astrid, holding her hands up high and wide like she was greeting the sun. Kenzie and Antonio matched her movements and without looking over at him, Kenzie could feel how much they were in sync. Was she making a mistake leaving this man behind?
When the class was over, Kenzie and Antonio filed outside onto the street.
“I can’t believe you actually came,” Kenzie said.
“I thought it was going to be a bar.” Antonio smiled. “Or at least a coffee shop. Can we go get some?” Antonio looked at Kenzie expectantly. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, trying to buy time to make up her mind.
“Yeah. Sure.”
Antonio led the way to Las Olas, his favorite place in Miami Beach for strong coffee and Cuban sandwiches. As they walked, he thought about reaching out and trying to hold Kenzie’s hand, but he could tell that the vibe was still strange between them. He wanted to explain to her that he wasn’t the one responsible for reporting the distillery—in fact he would never fathom doing such a thing. He could understand why Kenzie would be skeptical, but he still wished she would have trusted him a little more.
Inside the café, they took a table near the window and Antonio ordered for both of them. Reaching out across the table, he took Kenzie’s delicate hands in his and looked directly into her eyes.
“What do I have to do to get you to stay?” he asked. He knew he was making himself vulnerable, but he didn’t care. Kenzie was worth taking the risk over.
Antonio watched as Kenzie moved her hands away from his and played with a straw wrapper. She shifted her gaze from him and looked out the window. The sun was beginning to set, and it was finally cooling off.
“Antonio, I’ve loved the time we’ve spent together,” she said gently in a tone that he knew was setting up for a “but.” There was always a “but” when a woman started to speak in that manner.
“But,” she said, predictably, “we’re from two different worlds. This can never work.”
“Why not?” Antonio questioned. “I think the fact that you and I are so different is what makes us great together.”
Kenzie looked like she was going to respond, but just then the waitress delivered the coffee and sandwiches to their table. When she walked away, the two of them sat in silence for a moment until Kenzie finally spoke.
“I can tell you have so much love to give. I know you’ll find the right person who’s worthy of it.” He could see that her eyes were welling up with tears, that she was fighting an internal battle he couldn’t begin to understand.
“I don’t want the right person. I want you,” he said, banging a fist on the table. Something about Kenzie made him lose control of his temper. It wasn’t a side of him that he liked to show, but with her it was impossible to fake being calm.
The sandwiches sat between them, uneaten. They were so close, but yet so far away from each other, Antonio thought. He looked at Kenzie and waited for some sign that she felt the same as he did but her expression was impenetrable. Standing up, he tossed a bill on the table, and made his way out onto the street.
CHAPTER TEN
TUESDAY MORNING ARRIVED, and Kenzie was all packed and ready to go. She had checked out of her hotel room and was waiting in the circle in front of the main entrance for the valet to get her a cab to the airport. Even though her flight wasn’t until the late afternoon she figured she would get there early, have a leisurely lunch and catch up on some work. Just then, a bright blue Lamborghini pulled to a screeching halt right in front of her. The window rolled down and Antonio lowered his sunglasses and flashed her that devilish smile that made her heart do flip-flops in her chest.
“I was worried I wouldn’t see you again,” Antonio said, staring at her as a small frown played across his face.
“I’m headed home,” Kenzie said, matter-of-factly. She didn’t know how to be polite, or pretend things were okay when the truth was, she was heartbroken. She understood why he had walked out on her in the café. He had poured his heart out to her and she’d given him no response. But what he didn’t realize was that she was saving him from heartache, from waking up a month or two from now with the realization that he was with someone who was incapable of loving or being loved. She was ignoring him out of love. He didn’t realize it yet, but she had actually done him a favor.
“Get in, there’s something I want to show you,” he said, unlocking the doors.
“Antonio,” Kenzie said wistfully. “I can’t go to another sugar cane field with you...”
“That’s not where I’m taking you,” he said, getting out of the car and coming around to where she was standing. “Trust me. Just get in.”
Kenzie reluctantly got into the passenger seat. Antonio threw her bag in the trunk, hopped back in the car and they sped off, to where Kenzie had no idea.
“So, you were just going to leave town without telling me?” Antonio asked as they drove.
“I didn’t think it mattered,” Kenzie said softly.
“Of course it matters. Kenzie, I spoke to Elena. I told her she was out of line to act on my behalf.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Kenzie said abruptly. “I don’t want it anymore. The distillery is yours. I don’t want anything in return.” Her voice caught when she said that last part. And even though her words were harsh, inside she was falling apart. She was doing what she had to do to protect herself from getting hurt even more—to protect Antonio, too. But a small voice in her head kept telling her she was being a coward, running away when things were getting serious. She knew that real relationships weren’t all rainbows and unicorns, but she was also pretty sure that if she stayed, she’d be setting herself up for a never-ending pattern of ups and downs. Being with Antonio could feel like the highest of highs—but when she felt uncertain about him, it was the lowest of lows. She could just hear Missy’s voice chastising her, Girl, you’ve got some serious abandonment issues. Okay, so maybe she did, but not without good reason.
“Kenzie
, Baracoa doesn’t mean anything to me if you’re not going to be a part of it.”
Kenzie turned to look at him, her eyes welling up with tears. Before he could say any more, a police officer appeared, blaring a siren and redirecting traffic onto the side street.
“Must be an accident up ahead,” Antonio said as he turned off the main road. “Come on,” he said, pulling into the first parking spot he saw. “We can walk to where we’re going.”
Antonio and Kenzie walked hand-in-hand down the smoldering Miami streets. They walked past office buildings and restaurants, getting sweatier with each step and holding onto each other. Kenzie gripped his hand a little tighter when the thought occurred to her that this might be the last time she ever saw this complicated, dynamic man.
“Almost there,” Antonio said, reciprocating her squeeze. “I promise, this will be worth it when you see it.”
They rounded the corner and Antonio stopped in front of an empty storefront. It was a large, corner space with floor-to-ceiling windows and was totally gutted inside. Antonio opened the door and held it for Kenzie.
“Shall we go in?” he asked.
“Are you sure we’re allowed?” Kenzie asked.
“Don’t worry, I know the owner,” Antonio said with a wink.
Was it possible that he owned the place? Kenzie wondered. Then she remembered—when it came to Antonio, anything was possible.
Kenzie watched her step and headed inside, still not sure what the purpose of their visit was.
They stepped into a giant main room, which looked like maybe it had been used as a dance studio at one point. It was bright and sunny, on a quiet street. Kenzie could tell immediately that it had a good vibe.
“What is this place?” Kenzie asked, curious to learn why Antonio had walked her twenty minutes in the heat to see an empty storefront.
“This,” Antonio said with a flourish that was maybe a little over-the-top for such a bare-bones place, “is the potential home of Honor Yoga Miami.”