“I’m gonna kill him. Who is he?”
She stares at me. “Look, you’re not in a good head space. I don’t want you doing anything rash.”
“His name!”
“Why don’t you come talk to Maddie.” Reaching out, Denise cautiously touches my arm. “You care about her, don’t you?”
“Of course I do!”
“Slow down. Breathe.”
“Is she home?”
“Yes, I’m just helping out with Bucky because she’s in a deep depression. It’s bad. I haven’t been able to snap her out of it. I even brought her a cookie, and she didn’t want it.”
“What?”
“It’s from when we were kids. Look, if you want to come over, it might help her.”
“Let’s go.” I swipe Bucky’s leash. “I’ll walk him. I need something to do with my hands.”
Denise mutters, hurrying after me, “Oh, she is going to kill me for this.”
CHAPTER 29
M ADISON
M y front door opens and I flip my pillow onto my head burrowing deeper into the comfort of warm blankets. I’ve piled them high, in the fetal position, no light coming in. I’m back in the womb here. When times were simpler. When someone else was paying the bills.
How am I going to make rent?
I called my parents to ask for help, but I hung up before they answered. Turned my phone off three days ago. Don’t want to talk to anyone. I feel so ashamed for letting the kids down. For not quitting sooner. For not saving enough money to handle an emergency situation like this. I’m not a big spender, but I also didn’t make enough to get ahead.
I was a good nanny.
I’ve studied so hard.
What am I going to do for a living?
“Maddie?” Denise calls, voice filled with concern as it has been more and more each day.
I hear the bedroom door creaking slowly open.
“Maddie,” she whispers. “Are you sleeping?”
“I just want to be left alone though, okay? You can go home now. Thank you for walking him.”
A deep voice says, “Madison, it’s Nicholas.”
My breath hitches and I push the pillow harder down on my head as my heart starts racing. “What? Go away!”
“Madison,” he repeats, his voice gentle and closer. “She told me what happened.”
A knot forms in my throat, tightening by the second. “Go away.”
“Hey, come on,” he whispers as the bed dips under his weight on my left side. “Give us a minute, Denise.”
The closing of the door tells me she agreed.
I croak, “Traitor!” and moan as tears gather, “Don’t see me like this, Nicholas, please!”
I feel his hand on my hip, pressing firmly, the touch of a friend. It’s a struggle to stay composed, to be strong. I don’t have any fight left in me. I begin to quietly cry. His calming touch stays here while I break down. He lies down atop the blankets, moving to spoon me, his face pressed into the pillow that’s over my head. “Shh, it’s going to be okay. I’m here now.”
My voice is hoarse, halting. “I’m so scared!”
“I’ve got you, Maddie. I’m right here. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Nicholas gets under the blankets and wraps his arms around me, “I’ve got you, Slugger,” spooning my shaking body as a fresh release of tears stream. We stay like this for a long time, until my tears finally subside.
“Thank you,” I whisper, sniffling.
He rises up, leaves the room. “I’ll be right back. Just getting you some tissues. I’m not leaving, okay?”
Seconds later I hear the door clicking shut and the bed dipping as he sits down and taps my cocoon with the box.
Pushing the blankets back and my pillow aside, I slowly sit up and see him for the first time. It’s jarring, him so handsome and familiar, gazing at me with those beautiful eyelashes half-mast in kindness. I’ve never been shy about blowing my nose in public. When you’ve gotta blow, blow. But I feel very weak and self-conscious, so it takes me many tissues to finally clean up. “Were you at the gym or something?”
He glances to his running shorts and athletic shirt, drags a hand through hair that dried wet without combing. “Ran into Denise and Bucky at Piedmont.” Laying his hand on my calf, layers of blankets between us, his forehead twists, voice tormented, “I’m so sorry I didn’t call you earlier.”
“It’s okay,” I sniffle, reaching for another tissue. “You weren’t supposed to.”
“Yeah, I was.”
“Why? We didn’t leave it—”
He touches his chest, “—In here I knew I wanted to call you.” Dropping his hand, he frowns at the wall, giving me his profile. “I have strong feelings for you, Maddie, and I didn’t know what to do about that.” Meeting my swollen eyes he rasps, “I can’t stop thinking about you. And I understand why you didn’t return my phone calls, but now that I know what you’ve been going through, I wish I’d tried harder. I wasn’t going to stop calling, but if I’d have called earlier, or just come over—”
Squinting with confusion I ask him, “Phone calls?”
“I called you twice.”
“When?”
“The last two days.”
My shoulders slump. “Oh…I turned my phone off.”
He nods. “Can’t blame you.”
“I would have called you back.” I blow my nose again, rubbing it as I stare at him. “Maybe.”
He smiles, “Still have that sense of humor.”
“Can’t remove spots from a leopard.”
“What if the spots were just mud, and he bathed?” Nicholas rubs his chin with his thumb, staring at the blankets. He reaches down and picks at them while he asks, “What if underneath he was really just a jackass?” Neither of us say anything for a second. He continues picking, voice quiet as he confesses, “When we were on that date, I was all for going home with you. Totally forgot about my promise to earn your trust, but not because I just wanted sex. I felt very connected to you since the night of that fire. I wanted to be even closer. It was just a guy’s way of bonding. Because for me, that night, it wasn’t the same as…with those other women you saw me with, when I didn’t know you. That date was my attempt at giving this a shot because I’d searched for you for three months and I knew something had happened to me when I met you.” He pauses, laying his palm flat as we both stare at it. “Truth is, I haven’t been with anyone since the fire.” He meets my shocked eyes. “Didn’t see that coming, did you, Slugger?”
I start to speak, but can’t.
He rests his hand on my calf again, glancing over at the dark curtains. “Hard to see anything in here, though.”
“I might just be a novelty.”
He laughs, “Oh, you’re definitely a novelty. You know what my dad said to me once?” With an impression of his father, he recites, “Our dad, your grandfather, taught us to be real men. And your Grandma Nance, she told us to hold out for a different kind of woman. That’s what I want you to do, Nicholas. Hold out for a different kind of woman.” His eyes flicker, voice changing back to his own. “That’s you, Maddie. You’re different. And I guess I need that, because I need you.”
Mystified, I choke, “Really?”
All those times I saw him, plagued with the weird feeling that he was supposed to be with me, and here he sits on my bed, while I look like this, saying those instincts were right?
“Come here.” He gathers me up.
“My breath is terrible!”
As I press my wrist over my mouth, he grins, “I was just going to hold you.”
Crumbling, I encircle his beautiful neck and burrow into it, shoulders shaking again.
“It’s okay, Slugger, let all your fears wash away now. I’m going to make this right.”
Buried in his salty skin I whisper, “You just did!”
CHAPTER 30
N ICHOLAS
Sitting back, I look at her gaunt, swollen face. “You’re tired, Slugger. Why don’t you take a
nap, and I’ll come pick you back up tonight, bring you and Bucky to my place to watch a movie. Just a movie this time. Get you out of this place for a few hours.”
Running a hand through tangled hair, she sighs, “That sounds nice. I’ve been sleeping so much, but it hasn’t been a good sleep.”
“Would it be now?”
On a small smile she nods, “Yeah, I think it would. I’m awake now, right?”
Chuckling I answer, “Yep.”
“Okay, then yes, I think I need some real sleep.” Reaching for her phone she shows it to me. “See, off. I’ll set the alarm. What time do you think?”
“Midnight too early?”
She swats at me. “Shut up.”
“Seven, put in seven. I’ll grab you guys at eight. Just text me if you need more time.”
“You do the same,” she smiles.
“I’ve taken enough time away from you.” I kiss her forehead and stand up. “I’ll tell Denise.”
Madison snuggles under the covers and pulls them up under her chin, watching me leave. “Thank you.” I turn around and gaze at her for a second, wanting to ask about her boss, but feeling it’s not right to.
“See you soon. Rest.”
“Bye Nicholas.”
“Bye Slugger.”
It would be selfish to ask, when she’s in this state. And I don’t want to be selfish anymore.
The only question I want to ask right now is: How can I make her feel better?
As I walk into her hallway, Bucky runs up to keep me company. My sister Zoe pops into my mind and I frown at the thought of what if this had happened to her? What if some guy had made a move on my baby sis? The desire to hurt him rushes back to me two-fold.
Denise sees my face, her curiosity instantly turned down. “Uh oh, what happened?”
I wipe the fury away, trying to regain my composure. “Nothing. I mean, everything went well. I’m coming back for her later. We’re going to spend time together tonight. She just needs to sleep.”
“And eat. She hasn’t had anything but crackers for days.”
“Her appetite will be back. I’ll have some food sent over.”
“No, you will not!” Denise’s head swings back. “I’m here, aren’t I?” She walks past me for the kitchen. “I’ll whip something up from the groceries I bought.” Glancing back, she says, “You’re not the only one who cares about my Madison!”
“Okay,” I chuckle, hands up. “You were here first, I get it.”
“And I’m gonna be here last,” she says, eyebrows raised before she disappears.
Heading for the door, I lean down and pet Bucky while I say, under my breath, “You might have company.”
“I heard that!”
“Good!”
Her laughter vanishes as I walk into fluorescent lights and shut the front door, pulling out my phone.
After a few rings, I say, “Hey, Grandma Nance, question for you. Have you heard a rumor about a nanny coming onto someone’s husband? Two kids, I think. Any gossip rolling around?”
“Oh, Nicholas, I almost didn’t recognize your voice!”
Chuckling, I tease her, “You knew it was me.”
“You never call, so how could I?”
“I’m sorry, you want me to call more?”
“What a dumb question. I thought you were smarter than that! Of course I do! Come and see your grandparents once in a while. Your cousin Ethan does. Why, he told us you two ran into each other at this restaurant he found. Said you joined them at their table. He’s always so proud to find the new places in town, first.”
“He what?” I climb into my Tesla—which I did buy after Ethan had his three, because I admired them so much. But that restaurant was my find! Adjusting my long legs as the engine comes to life, I defensively tell her, “I was there first! I was on a date with this amazing girl, and that jerk swooped in and turned it into a family affair. All of a sudden it was babies and marriage and it was my first date!”
She chuckles, “I know.”
Staring out the windshield I blink and stutter, “Wh..what?”
“I had to get you to tell me about this date, somehow, didn’t I?”
“Oh, Grandma, you’re sneaky.”
“I raised six boys, Nicholas. I learned some things. Now tell me about this girl. She still around?”
As I pull onto the road I toss back, “Is that sarcasm I detect in your tone?”
“Yes.”
Laughing, I admit, “As of today, she’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”
Brightening up, Grandma Nance asks, “Are you bringing her to Sofia Sol’s wedding?”
“Oh, wow, that’s next weekend, isn’t it?” Checking for traffic in the right lane before merging, I tap my tongue on the back of my teeth. “I was hoping to take things slow. I think she needs it. Our beginning was a little rocky.”
Making a tell-me-about-it sound, Grandma says, “Nothing was more rocky than the start your grandfather and I had, and look at how we turned out!”
This is news to me. “What d’ya mean, I thought you guys lived the fairy tale?”
“Fairy tales take work, Nicholas. Just ask her to come. She’ll say yes.”
“It’s moving kind of fast. We haven’t even had our second date yet.”
“But just think, if you stay together you will regret not having had her there. With those bikers and our family all together for the first time? Your grandfather has been biting his nails, just between you and I. Don’t tell him I told you that. I, however think it’s going to be fun! Tell her we’re not scary.”
“Yeah, right. To you, maybe.”
“Is this girl fragile?”
I frown, the memory of her just now, and of her before, so different. “No, but something happened to her.” I turn the wheel into a parking space right in front of my building. Need to shower, myself. I am ripe. Cryptically I add, “And if it happened to any woman, they wouldn’t want to be dancing around, meeting a family as big as ours.”
After a pause, Grandma’s voice is quieter. “Nicholas, did someone…” She stops, doesn’t want to say the word.
“She fought him off, he didn’t get far. But he ruined her name in the circles that would hire her, said it was her who came onto him.”
A gasp comes through the phone. “Oh my gosh! And she’s a nanny? The wives would surely blacklist her for good!”
Angry all over again, my temper shows in my tense voice. “Exactly. He lied, Grandma. I guarantee she didn’t do anything. If you knew her—”
“I don’t have to know her! I know you, Nicholas Cocker, and if you believe she is telling the truth, then of course she is!”
“Wow, Grandma. Never heard you so fired up.”
Huffing, I hear her slam a hand on something, probably her kitchen counter. “Well I am tired of people like him! It’s not just men, either. Women can do some shady business when they want something that wasn’t meant for them. I’m sick of it. When you get as old as I am, believe me, tolerating bullshit is no longer attractive.”
Impressed, I jump out of the car. “I’m right there with you.”
“That’s why you called?”
Strolling through the courtyard, I nod to one of my neighbors who’s outside watering her plants. “Yes, I was hoping you knew who he was. Madison’s at home napping—she’s really drained and I didn’t want to drag her down into it. You haven’t heard anything in the rumor mill?”
“I’m also too old for gossip. The ladies at the club know better than to whisper in these ears. But I’ll poke around. They’ll be happy to spill the beans if I show even a hint of curiosity. I’ll call you if I find anything, Nicholas.”
“Thank you,” I exhale, throwing my keys on the sofa. “I thought about calling Mom, or any of my aunts who go with you to those club events, but why not start at the top.”
She chides me as I head for my bedroom to pick out some clothes for tonight, “Don’t butter me up. You’re not off the hook. I’ll expect you at
lunch with Ethan and Charlie soon. But not until after the wedding. I have too much to do before then. I’m going to root around the gossip tree now. I’ll call you either way with what I find out. Lunch though, you promise?”
“I promise. And hey, I’ll even do you one better.”
“Oh?”
“I’ll ask Maddie if she wants to be my date for the wedding.” On a smile I add, “I think you’ll like her. She’s different.”
“Then I’ll love her. Different is always better, that’s what I always told my boys. We have enough same in the world. ”
CHAPTER 31
M ADISON
P adding out I hear Denise’s favorite show streaming from her iPad. “You still here, D?”
“Where else do I have to be?” she calls back.
Smiling I walk over to the living room, see her on my sofa with Bucky beside her. “You two look comfy.”
She surveys me. “Your eyes are clearer. Get some good sleep?”
“Yes. I set the alarm but I can’t believe I actually slept all the way until it went off.” Petting my dog I smile into his sweet face. “Guess I needed it.”
With her curiosity unable to be contained a moment longer, she asks, “So what happened with you and Nicholas?”
I hold her excited look for a beat before answering, “He wants to date me—I think just me.”
Her eyebrows rise as she squishes her lips with appreciation. “He stepped up, huh? Interesting.” On a shrug she admits, “I knew he would.”
On a laugh-snort, I argue, “Yeah, right!”
“I knew it all along. He just needed a second to get his act together.”
“Uh huh.”
“That’s why I told him you were a wreck and needed him, when I ran into him at Piedmont.”
“Yeah, sure you did.”
She shrugs, stifling a smile, watching me climb onto the couch, snuggling up to Bucky, the three of us taking up every inch of space now. “Well?”
“Well what?”
Closing her iPad she cries out, “Tell me everything he said! Duh!”
Nicholas Cocker (Cocker Brothers Book 16) Page 14