Yes, I can help. Dr. Granger’s words rang like sweet music in Suzie’s head. But could he? She scoffed silently at the way the medical doctors had refused to take on the ailment. They’d explained that they couldn’t deal with something they couldn’t diagnose, and left her to her own devices.
She parked in front of the apartment she’d rented, plodded inside, and walked up the beige carpeted steps to the bathroom. She grabbed a sponge from under the sink but stopped. She barely had the energy to slog into the bedroom.
She threw the scrubber on the floor and stomped it. If only she could stamp out this disease. She’d taken stamina for granted when she cared for her own apartment, held down a job, and spent her evenings in social engagements. Now if she wanted A, she couldn’t have B. She trod to the bed and fell on the blue and white comforter. The soft mattress on the white wicker bed caressed her body, and she dozed.
Abrupt swirling and weakness sweeping over her like a fever when she had the flu woke her. It struck again and again. Her insides vibrated then her entire body shook. She doubled up until it subsided. In this condition, only idiots would move to a strange place where they knew no one.
She chuckled. Laugh or cry. What choice did she have? Now that Mom had died, there was no one to help her make decisions. She hadn’t seen her biological dad since she was two, and from what Mom had told her, it was for the best. No sisters or brothers. No one but Carson. Nausea crawled in her stomach. His screams for her to find help and stop embarrassing him resounded in her head.
Well, Carson, that’s what I’m doing. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she blinked them back. If she went on with life as though all of the symptoms weren’t happening, would they go away? She could dream, couldn’t she?
She forced herself from the bed and traipsed back into the bathroom to the shower stall, turning the water to lukewarm. Hot water drained her. Once, any water refreshed her, especially when she swam. She puckered her mouth and made a fish motion as she stepped out. Then she dried off and wrapped up in a royal blue towel. Yep. She was part fish.
She walked to the closet, the coat hangers scraping across the rod as she pushed them back. A sinking sensation hit in the pit of her stomach. Her clothes never entered her mind when she’d moved to Destin in a flurry. Breaking her apartment lease, training a replacement for her job, finding a place to live, and getting the coaching position had taken all the time and energy she’d had.
The trendy skirts, pants, and blouses that once gave her a stylish flair swallowed her. They no longer appeared fashionable, just baggy. Here, she’d forgotten about these. She tugged on the jeans and blue-flowered shirt she bought the same day she purchased the skirt and blouse for her interview with Matt. She trekked outside, slipped into her car, and backed out.
Zipping down Highway 98, she passed few vehicles. She tried to forget about Carson’s cruel remarks and clothes that no longer fit as she turned off the main road into the pebble lot in front of The Wharf and parked. She slid out of the car and ambled to a white wooden building, resembling a home by the sea, a place where she could gaze at the horizon and let her mind wander far away from her problems. The smell of fried fish wafted through the doorway as she entered and her mouth watered. She loved fish.
She followed the hostess to the weathered wooden deck, a refreshing breeze hitting her in the face as they walked toward a tall table near a railing. She glanced at the ships docked in the calm lagoon beside it. Only one other person sat out here, and he was turned toward the harbor, probably admiring the peaceful scene. That’s what she intended to do. Settle her nerves.
The man who practically leaned over the balustrade never flinched when she plunked into her seat. She pulled up her chair. It scraped and he turned, his brown eyes wide.
Matt! She let out a tiny gasp. What was he doing here? It was a public place. Suzie spun in her seat and directed her gaze at the sea to avoid eye contact with him. Now she couldn’t see the menu, and her diet was limited. She had to study it before she made a selection. She reached behind her and slapped around the table. Had it blown away? She faced forward for an instant and snatched it. Then she twirled to the side to read it. She couldn’t eat in this position.
Matt lowered his head.
Thank you. He couldn’t peer at his pants through an entire meal, could he?
His head moved up.
She stared at her lap. When the waitress came back, she’d ask to move, or she could sit on the other side of the table. And deliberately put her back in front of Matt. Would that be rude?
“Hi.”
She jumped.
Matt stood across from her with his hand on the back of a chair.
Surely he wasn’t going to join her.
“We seem to have chosen the same restaurant. There’s no one out here yet but us. We might as well eat together rather than play peekaboo, if that’s all right with you.”
Suzie tried to chuckle in agreement, but it sounded nervous. She’d erase it if she could. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed. “Sure. Have a seat.” Her heart raced. Did she really have to dine with him? During the meal would he notice something wrong with her and not hire her? Shivers slithered up her spine, and her hands trembled. She thrust them in her lap as Matt sank into the chair across from her and pulled up to the table.
The sloshing of the emerald sea against the hulls of the boats which lulled her moments ago swooshed in her ears like a racket to escape. The bright golden-red sky turned to gray, twilight claiming the day as gloom fell on her. Would this meal end the new job before she started?
Matt reached for a menu between the ketchup and mustard bottles at the end of the rustic wooden table and handed it to her.
“I’ve already seen this one.” She patted the bill of fare in front of her. “Thank you.”
He laid it down then smiled, exposing perfectly straight white teeth. An orthodontist would have been proud to have him in an ad for his dental practice. “It’s so unusual for a professional to apply to coach summer league swimming and move here to do it. Do you want to remain in Destin permanently?”
Why was he prying? How could she know how long she’d be anywhere? Get hold of yourself.
Matt leaned back in his seat. “I suppose I’m nosey by nature. It’s none of my business.”
Suzie waved her hand in the air. What she wanted was to get well, but that wasn’t the question. He’d been making friendly conversation. “As you know, I used to be a reporter. By their standards, you’re not nosey. Becoming a full-time Destin resident would be nice.”
“I respect you for following your desire to live by the sea no matter how long you’re able to stay. I think some people wait until it’s too late to do the things they dream of.”
He respected her? Perhaps she wasn’t as disgusting as Carson seemed to think.
Try as she might, she couldn’t keep the days of his insults from haunting her. The first time he’d spewed his venom she’d attended his tennis match. For an unknown reason she suddenly shook uncontrollably and grew so weak she could hardly sit up. It frightened her so she almost burst into tears. He marched over and ordered her to go home or go to a rehabilitation center but not to come to his competitions in such a state ever again.
She slumped in her chair like she’d done that day. Tears threatened to explode inside her as they had then, but she glanced up.
Matt gazed at her with admiration in his eyes. “I frequent this place, so I rarely look at the choices. If they changed up something on me, I’d be in trouble when I ordered. I’ll shut up and give you a few minutes to make up your mind.”
A few minutes to collect herself was more like it, but Matt hadn’t let on if he’d noticed her near meltdown. His kind nature calmed her inner turmoil. She perused the menu. Sweet potatoes and two other food items would go down without intensifying her already bad indigestion. “Oh, I know what I want.”
Matt’s lips turned up on the corners. “You found something you enjoy?”
“I did.
I’ve been eating quite a few sweet potatoes. I didn’t know fish houses sold them. I assumed they’d have French fries and coleslaw, that sort of thing. They do, but all of these other selections are amazing.” Had she sounded too excited about the available food?
Matt raised his dark eyebrows. “We have sophisticated taste in Destin.”
Suzie chortled at his teasing voice. She hadn’t laughed from deep inside in a long time.
The waitress moseyed over. “Hi, what can I bring you?”
Suzie motioned toward Matt.
“I’ll have a fried grouper sandwich with French fries and mixed vegetables.”
“And for you, ma’am?”
“A sweet potato with butter only and a side of broccoli with butter.”
The waitress’s mouth gaped. “Will that be all?”
“Yes, thank you.” She hoped with all her heart Matt wouldn’t make any comments about her choices.
She’d gotten so tired of explaining to Carson that she simply couldn’t eat very many foods right now. He’d smirk then say, “All I want to do is go out and enjoy a hearty dinner. Is that asking too much?” He’d rub his hand against his forehead. “You’re hopeless.” Suzie shivered. Then she glimpsed at Matt. She savored the smile of a friend. Butterflies danced in her stomach.
The glow from soft lanterns washed across his rugged features, making him look as handsome as a movie star. A reflection from condominium lights across the lagoon danced on the water. The sea washing around the boats lulled her as it had when she’d first walked out on the deck, and her tight muscles unwound. Concerns over the illness, life as she’d known it in Blue Mountain, and the strangeness of a new place drifted from her mind like the waves washing out to sea.
Matt leaned across the table. “It’s always peaceful out there. If you have time after we finish eating, I can go for a walk with you on the dock, show you around a little.”
His invitation brought sunshine to her heart and broke through the darkness this disease and Carson had caused. “Yes, I’d enjoy that.”
The waitress served two steaming plates of food.
“Tell me about this magazine you worked for.” Matt poured ketchup on his French fries and swirled one around in it. A mischievous twinkle filled his eyes. “When you were nosey.”
Suzie smiled at Matt’s “nosey” remark. “I managed and edited Western Insider, a community magazine covering the Blue Mountain area of North Carolina.”
Suzie couldn’t wait to devour her meal. Strange how she got hungry, but food gave her horrible pains in her chest and abdomen, or worse, she started shaking when the first few bites hit her stomach. She picked up her fork. Sweet potatoes, broccoli, and bison burgers never caused trembling. Was it because she nibbled only those foods when the medical doctor had told her to restrict her diet and drink all the water she could hold? How could she know? Nothing about this malady made any sense. She bit into the sweet potato then the green vegetable.
Matt cut off a piece of fish. “I read that on your application, but what exactly did you do?”
Why was he so interested in the magazine? Odd they weren’t discussing swimming. Her hands quivered only slightly, and so far, dinner settled on her stomach without consequence. What they talked about made no difference.
“Let me see. Where to start? I wrote profiles about people in the community. I called on merchants, restaurants, and other businesses. If they purchased an ad from us, I featured their company, a special sale, or whatever they wanted.”
“Sounds like a lot of human interest.”
“Right. I ran articles on festivals, summer stock plays, and anything else that came to town.”
“Are you on sabbatical? No. That’s a college professor? Or perhaps a leave of absence? Can you return to the job after a certain amount of time?”
Suzie’s heart dove into a tailspin, and she nearly dropped her fork. The life she’d once known no longer existed. She could never go back. The love she’d had before her family had died and she’d gotten ill floated around in her head like yellowed, torn pictures from a photo album.
In her mind’s eye, Mom made spaghetti. It was Saturday afternoon, and Mom’s new husband, Ralph, waxed Suzie’s car. He was the closest person she’d known to a dad. Now, he was gone too. Sentimentality brought tears she couldn’t afford. She blinked.
“No. I helped train the new managing editor before I left.” This uncomfortable lopsided conversation hurt too much. “What about you? Exactly what do you do?”
“I oversee the upkeep of our parks, public beaches, and forest nature preserve as well as the golf and tennis courts. I’m also involved with personnel, administration, and the budget. Summer league swimming falls under my umbrella, but as I mentioned earlier, Pat has always handled it.”
“When it comes to the Parks and Recreation Department, you’re not a swim team coach, huh?”
Matt laughed. “Definitely not.” He snapped his fingers. “But speaking of Pat reminds me. I have papers for you to sign. I’ll bring them to the pool tomorrow. Ellie Longmore will drive the kids there from our activity center after their parents drop them off. Ellie’s a forty-year-old divorcee. Her husband worked for the county and unknown to any of us, beat her.”
Suzie put her hand over her mouth.
“Yeah. It was a bad scene. Anyway, he hit the road after they parted ways and left Ellie with nothing. They’d married in high school, so she never went to college. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever known. We’re using her as a temp until we find a permanent spot for her.”
“I’m sorry for all her trouble.”
“Yeah, me too. You’ll like her. If you ever wanted to see a good-hearted person in action, watch Ellie.” Matt thumped his fingers on the table.
Poor Ellie, but it was the other woman he mentioned, Pat, that Suzie needed to meet. She, not Ellie or Matt, would have answers about the Okaloosa Dolphins Swim Team. Looked as if they left her with the county’s handbook. “Do you know the children’s swimming levels?”
Matt fiddled with the wrapper from his napkin and silverware. “Nooo. I doubt many of them could afford private lessons.” His eyes lit up. “Some of them may have gotten public instruction.”
Suzie’s muscles knotted.
“With your knowledge, experience, and background, I’m sure the Okaloosa Dolphins will have a great team.” Conviction rang in Matt’s voice.
His smooth talking hardly compensated for his apparent lack of responsibility for the Okaloosa Dolphins.
He laid down his napkin as the waitress placed a bill on the table. He paid with his credit card while Suzie unzipped her purse. He threw up his hand. “No, my treat. It’s a welcome to Destin.”
“Thank you very much.”
They stood, and he placed his hand on her back.
His touch sparked warmth that had lingered untapped for months until this moment.
He guided her down weathered gray steps to the dock.
Their footfalls echoed on the planks as they walked past the lagoon on their left and small shops on their right. A refreshing breeze blew across the sea and caressed Suzie’s cheeks. Did Dr. Granger and this peaceful, magical place hold the answer to wellness? She smiled at a young girl sweeping the deserted patio of a restaurant overlooking the harbor.
Matt picked up several napkins that blew into their path and tossed them in the garbage can. “I suppose we should head back. It looks as though they’re closing down. You’ll need a good night’s sleep before you face the little monsters tomorrow.”
She hadn’t slept through the night in months, but she chuckled at his joke. “I can’t wait to meet the little monsters.”
They wheeled around and headed toward the parking lot at The Wharf. Matt slid his arm around her waist, his strength and energy seeping into her pores. Would he be as friendly if he knew about the illness? Thank goodness, it wasn’t contagious.
CHAPTER THREE
Suzie jumped up in bed then plopped down, weakness
engulfing her like a tornado, the white wicker chair in her gaze fading. Her insides raced like a car engine running as fast as it would go. Then she shook. She pulled her knees to her chest and scrunched under the blue and white comforter, shutting out the world until the episode subsided, leaving her drained. Energy trickled through her as though it came from a spigot turned on low. Tears she didn’t want welled up as she slipped into a sad place the way she did every time this malady tormented her.
Before she attempted to get ready for the day, she lay still waiting for strength to fill her. She swung her feet to the beige carpet and plodded into the bathroom, switching on the light. The faint voice of hope gasped for breath and whispered in her head. She’d see Dr. Granger after coaching.
She splashed cool water on her face and breathed deep. Trying to suck in the freshness of a new day, she meandered to the closet. Did these clothes belong to another person, or were they hers before she became another person? The black Bermuda shorts tied around the waist with a matching ribbon didn’t look too baggy when she put a North Carolina State Swim Team shirt over them. She bent down to tie her tennis shoes and a head rush hit her. The room spun as she stood.
She grabbed hold of the white painted handrail as she trudged downstairs to the kitchen. She dreaded eating, but she had to or she’d have no energy for work. She grabbed cereal from the cabinet and poured it into a bowl. Dings hitting the porcelain resounded into the quiet morning, only the sun up outside. She stood by the white cabinets, gulped breakfast, and swallowed as much as she could before the food landing in her stomach shook her body. Yearning to be well, she filled a water bottle then strolled outside. Only her sense of responsibility and hope for a cure pushed her above the madness.
A brown lizard sunning on the front stoop darted under the purple flowers around the palm tree, barely escaping one of Suzie’s footsteps as she hurried to her car. She slid into the driver’s seat and backed out. Within fifteen minutes she drove through light traffic, steered into the parking lot at the Destin Community Club, and cut her engine. She’d coached summer league eight years. Still, her stomach knotted over the newness of the job and people she’d never met. Taking a deep breath, she scooted out of her car and walked through the gateway of the natural wood fence to the recreational area.
Barely Above Water Page 2