I peered over her mound, trying to catch a glimpse of her face. She was propped up on her elbows, looking down at me, and when our eyes met she let out a cry. She sank back down, fondling my nape as I sucked her clit between my lips. I reached up to caress her breasts and clinched a nipple between two fingers. Her face was overwhelmed with ecstasy.
“Fuck,” she breathed. “Fuck, baby, Jenelle… fuck!”
She was getting close, and I wanted to bring her over the edge – but not quite yet. The longer I drew this out, the more delicious it would be when she finally got there. I darted my tongue lower, pushing it inside her as far as it would go. Her body bucked, and a cry tore out of her. She liked this move – she liked it a lot. I’d have to remember it for next time.
My heart lurched. There wouldn’t be a next time.
Her legs were shaking on either side of me, and I could feel the tension in her body. As she cried out again, grabbing my head, I knew she was climaxing. I dutifully kept going, bringing her through the orgasm and over to the other side. When she was done, I backed away slowly. My mood had gone sour.
“Are you a wizard?” she panted, her eyes bright. “That was pure fucking magic.”
I managed a small laugh. “Just talented, I guess.”
“God! That’s an understatement.” She shook her head, pulling me upward and into her arms. I lay flat against her, every inch of our bodies pressing together. She ran a fingertip down my chest. “It’s your turn now.”
My desire returned in full force. “Is that so?”
“Mm-hmm.” She began to move downward.
“No, stay where you are.”
I wanted her flat on her back. I straddled her face, and after a second she caught on.
“Like this?” she asked, her breath hot against my center.
“Exactly.”
I lowered my hips to close the distance, and her tongue darted up to meet me. A gasp came immediately through my lips. I’d forgotten how good it felt to be pleasured by a beautiful woman.
She held onto my waist and I rocked against her. Her tongue swept around my bud, then dipped below to delve inside me. I rode her face, my fingers balling into the pillow. I liked taking the lead. Liked making her do what I wanted. Who would’ve thought the little shrew from the children’s agency would end up lying beneath me, lapping eagerly at my pussy?
“Fuck yeah,” I moaned, reaching behind me to squeeze a breast roughly. “Lick it for me. Yeah.”
“Mmm…”
It sounded like she was enjoying this as much as I was – and when I twisted my head around, I saw she was touching herself, too. That little hussy! I grinded harder against her, moving like her tongue would erase all my worries and fears and frustrations. The sensations she was sending through my body were overpowering. Who was in control here, me or her?
Her tongue swirled faster, and my thighs clamped around her head – a telltale sign that my climax was quickly approaching. Unable to stay up, I gripped the headboard. Just for this moment, I’d be hers to do what she wanted with. I’d take control back right afterward, but for now – for now…
“Oh, God.”
Everything was gone in that moment. Everything but my knowledge that I belonged to her.
Seventeen – Sylvia
“You were out late.” Arlene sat in the kitchen, a thick novel on the table alongside a steaming cup of tea. My roommate had picked a great moment to take up reading at nighttime.
I glanced at my watch, doing my best to pretend nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “It’s only midnight.”
It felt like it was four am. Jenelle had been a wild, passionate lover. After we’d each made each other come once, we’d continued taking turns for hours. Something inside me had been released, some urge I’d kept hidden for so long. I’d never had sex like that before. It’d felt… monumental.
Between rounds, we’d held each other and talked – although less than I thought was probably normal. I still didn’t know many of the basic things about her, and it seemed like she wanted to keep it that way. She still had her guard up, even if she’d let some parts down.
But why would that matter? It was only a one-time thing.
“You never stay out until midnight,” Arlene said, setting her book aside and examining my face.
“Sometimes I do. I know you’ll feed Deedee for me.” Hearing her name, the cat sauntered up and rubbed against my feet.
“You got laid, didn’t you?” Arlene said.
My jaw clenched, which must’ve been a dead giveaway.
“Wow, Sylvia!” she cheered. “About damn time!”
“It hasn’t been that long.” Pulling my purse up on my shoulder, I scoffed. “I’m going to bed.”
She ignored the second part. “It seems like it’s been months, at least. I’m sure you haven’t been with anyone since you had that weird thing with your client.”
I stayed silent and turned my face away. The door was only inches from me. If I could just get there before she figured it out…
“Oh my God, Sylvia!” She rocketed out of her chair. “It wasn’t your client, was it?”
I pressed my lips together. “You know you’re my roommate, not my keeper, right?”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Her face was pale. “That’s a huge ethics violation.”
“I know, and it was only one time, okay? It’s not going anywhere. We’re both on the same page.” The way Jenelle had mocked that phrase echoed in my mind. Why had she been so hung up on it?
“Even so.” Arlene shook her head. “I just think you’re a little crazy. If anyone found out…”
“How would they find out?”
She bit her lip. “So you won’t tell Max about it?”
“Do I look fucking stupid?” I whipped a hand over my mouth. I was turning into Jenelle now. “I mean… no. I wouldn’t see the point to that. It’s not going to happen again.”
“Forgive me for not believing you, but that’s exactly what you said when you went to dinner with her.”
“That was different.” I searched my mind for an explanation of exactly how. “Back then, we were both curious about each other. Now we’ve gotten it out of our systems. The curiosity has been satisfied, and we can be professional with each other from now on.”
“Was it not good?”
“Of course it was good.”
“Then what’s going to stop you from wanting to go back for more?”
I glowered at her. “Arlene, I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.”
Thankfully, she didn’t stop me this time. I’d had just about enough of her judging me – especially since I knew she was completely right. I shouldn’t have slept with Jenelle, that much was for sure.
But Arlene was wrong about me wanting to go back for more. Half the time, my romantic adventures ended after one night, anyway. Sure, sometimes I went back to the same woman a few times, if I enjoyed her body enough. It was never a pressing need, more a matter of convenience. Why would Jenelle be any different?
Just because we’d had months of build-up? Because the sexual tension between us was tangible and overpowering? Because I’d gone from finding her not-bad-looking to the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen?
No, none of that mattered. I had control of this thing between us – and now, it was over.
I told myself that as I went to work the next day, and the day after as well. In my visits with Jenelle and Mercy, I kept our interactions completely aboveboard, and I never dropped a hint of what I was thinking or feeling to Max.
I had to say I’d pulled that off pretty nicely. If I was going to sleep with a client, I couldn’t have done it any better.
Except for the fact that, for the life of me, I couldn’t get Jenelle off my mind.
I thought about her when she wasn’t around, wondering what she was up to and how she was doing. I imagined how she’d react to things that happened, or what she’d say if I told her about my day. I was preoccupied with her, and it was
unsettling.
I assured myself that the thoughts would go away soon. I’d never fixated on someone like this before, which meant I had to be imagining it. If I just ignored it, it’d disappear. It had to.
After two or three weeks, I was finding it harder to believe that. I was starting to ask myself… was this what it felt like to like somebody? Was this what “feelings” were?
I quashed the idea as soon as it popped into my mind. It was so far-fetched, I couldn’t even acknowledge it. If I were to fall for somebody, it most certainly wouldn’t be Jenelle.
Even if she was unbelievably gorgeous and fascinatingly complex and a demon in bed… Even if a glance from her made my knees weak.
“Dammit, Arlene,” I whispered to myself as Jenelle left one day after her visit. I’d been staring at her the whole time, and our brief moments of interaction had left me dying for more. “Why did you have to be right?”
And what was I going to do about it? I couldn’t keep being neutral to her. Every time I saw her, I wanted to tear her clothes off and have my way with her. I could still hear her gasps and moans in my mind, could still picture her features tightening as she approached another orgasm…
I paced around the playroom, telling myself I was cleaning up. The toys were still in order, though – Jenelle, in all her stubbornness, still refused to use them. I took a few books from the shelf and started to put them in alphabetical order, then let out a sigh. This was stupid. I was stupid.
I went into the bathroom and reached for my phone.
Jenelle answered after a single ring. “Sylvia?”
“Hey.” I licked my lips, unsure of what to say. “I know we said we weren’t going to talk anymore, but…”
“You miss me?” Amusement crackled through the phone.
The sound of her voice sent butterflies fluttering through my stomach. “I guess I do. How’s it going? How was the visit?”
“You were there. You should know.”
I leaned my head against the stall door. Why was talking to this woman the most frustrating thing I’d ever experienced? And why did that make me want to do even more of it? “I want to hear it in your words.”
“It was a little rough.” She exhaled slowly. “Mercy is growing more and more comfortable with her foster parents… less and less comfortable with me. And how can I blame her, when she only sees me twice a week? Plus they can give her opportunities she never had with me. They have a puppy, for Christ’s sake.”
“Jenelle, I’m sorry.” My throat was tight. I’d almost forgotten the reason she came in, the way all of this looked from her perspective. How self-centered was I to think she’d thought of me at all? “You can give those things to Mercy, too. You’ll have more cash flow now that you have the child support, and maybe a new job soon. And she still loves you, I can see it when I see her with you.”
“I don’t know.” Her voice broke. “Sometimes I think she even likes you more than me. You’re so good with her.”
“Not at all.” I’d gotten to be fond of the little girl, and she seemed like she didn’t mind me, but there was no way her affection for me compared with her love for her mother. Sure, she was a little stiffer with Jenelle than she used to be, but they’d go back to normal soon after Jenelle got her back. “She adores you.”
“I hope you’re right. I just love her so much.”
Her words pierced through my heart. I wished I could fix this for her – snap my fingers and make everything go magically back into place. But there was only so much I could do. “Have you been taking the parenting classes?”
“Three so far.”
“Three!” I stood up straight. That was fantastic! “That’s so fast!”
“I’ve been trying to make it to all the ones I can possibly make.” She should’ve been proud of herself. Instead, she still sounded defeated.
“That’s amazing, Jenelle, seriously. I’m amazed.” When she didn’t speak, I continued. “And the job search?”
“I had another couple of interviews. No offers yet.”
“It’ll happen!” I couldn’t keep a grin from spreading across my face. She was making progress, and I was so proud of her! My little project from months ago was turning out to be a success. Except that she didn’t feel like a project anymore. She felt like someone I cared about.
It had been so strange to not know what was going on with her, to keep our interactions cold and professional. This, here, now… this felt right.
“You’re pretty optimistic,” she said doubtfully.
“Because I know you can do it.” I paused, wondering if she’d say yes if I told her I wanted to see her. It was more than a want, actually. It was more like a need, and it was strong enough that I couldn’t stop myself from asking her. “Could we get together sometime?”
The tone of her voice shifted, deepening slightly, darkening. “Thought last time was such a one-time thing.”
“I thought it was. I…”
I didn’t know what I wanted. For her to stop acting like I didn’t exist when she came here, for a start. But for some reason, I kept thinking about the time we’d had dinner together. About how nice it’d felt to talk to her normally, laugh and make jokes together. It’d felt comfortable and natural, and incredibly pleasant. I could’ve done something like that again and again.
That night had felt so much like a date. Did it mean something that I wanted to repeat it? No, I assured myself, of course it didn’t. I could spend time with a woman before having sex with her. It didn’t mean I had feelings. A small emotional connection made the sex better. It wasn’t like I was going to marry the woman, build a life with her.
I was still a solo wanderer in this adventure called “life,” and that wasn’t going to change. Not for Jenelle, not for anybody.
“I want to see you,” I finally said. “Don’t ask me to explain it, because I don’t fucking know. I just want to.”
A creaking sound came from outside, and I straightened up in a panic. It couldn’t be Max, he’d be in the men’s room – okay, the sound wasn’t inside the bathroom at all. I put a hand over my heart, willing it to calm down.
I’d almost missed Jenelle’s response. “I’m okay with that, if you are. It’s your job that’s on the line.”
“I’ll make it work.” I squared my shoulders, thinking rapidly. “I’ll get a burner phone. I’ll only meet you in private.”
“Oh, you have it all planned out now?” She still sounded amused… with maybe a hint of smugness. She hadn’t said much about what she wanted, other than being open to seeing me. But she liked knowing I wanted her, didn’t she?
“I’m just thinking out loud.”
“Sure, sure. So, tomorrow night? Your place or mine?”
The implications of that phrase sent tingles through my lower belly. “Your place is better. I have roommates.”
“You do?” She sounded more surprised by that than by me calling her in the first place. “Somehow I never pictured that.”
“Now you know.” I suddenly felt self-conscious. “Tomorrow around seven?”
“Okay, baby. See you then.”
She hung up, and the pet name echoed in my mind. My face was hot, and… oh, God. My panties were wet.
This was a bad idea. A terrible one. Possibly the worst idea I’d ever had.
But I was going to do it anyway.
I just wished tomorrow night could come sooner.
Eighteen – Jenelle
One night with Sylvia led to another – and then another.
She got a burner phone, as she’d promised, and she texted me frequently. Not even just about when we were going to meet up. She sent me job postings she came across, or articles about getting your child back from CPS. And she asked how my day was going and sent me little tidbits about hers.
We weren’t dating, of course. It was only sex, since that was what she wanted. But the sex was wild and sensual, often lasting for hours, and we were both totally focused on pleasuring the other. We had
definitely learned to push each other’s buttons.
As for the long, deep conversations that were interspersed between bouts of lovemaking? Those didn’t mean anything. At least, I told myself that.
It was an odd feeling for me. My hook-ups had never massaged my back in slow, smooth strokes, or offered to make me dinner. My other friend with benefits had focused solely on sex. We hadn’t talked about the problems in society or how to get ahead in the world, the way I did with Sylvia.
A few weeks after we started hooking up, we lay in bed, an empty pizza box on the floor beside us. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it,” Sylvia said. “Work just to pay your bills so you can wake up and work some more. When do you get to enjoy life? The weekends are over before they even start. Half that time is all filled up with chores.”
“You’re telling me.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “But what’s the alternative? To kill yourself?” Honestly, there’d been times when I’d almost seen that as an option. But it couldn’t be, because I had Mercy.
“No,” she said, looking at me strangely. “I mean like, move into a cabin in the woods. Hunt and forage for survival.”
I burst out laughing. “You? When’s the last time you killed anything?”
“I could hunt,” she said defensively.
I snickered. “You could forage, maybe. You’d be living off berries and blades of grass.”
“Shut up.” She shoved my bare shoulder.
“For real, you’re that dissatisfied with your job? I thought you liked it.”
“Mostly, yeah. It has its ups and downs.” She waggled her eyebrows at me. “I might be happier if I lived in the forest.”
“You must be saving a pile of cash, living with roommates and all.” I always liked to tease her for that. “Why don’t you go do it, already?”
“I might, if…” She hesitated.
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