by M. Mabie
Forgiving him wasn’t about him though. Somehow, it released me. Resentment was heavy and if I ever wanted to heal myself, I couldn’t carry it forever. I didn’t want that for my future.
Matthew was different.
“What will happen to him?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I imagine he’ll go to jail or prison. Maybe for a long time—a just and fair amount of time. The FBI have a lot of information on him and what he was doing. They suspect most of it was behind my father and the Legacies’ backs, but they’re still investigating.” I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. It would almost be easier if they all got in trouble and everything shut down.
“So the FBI knows about Lancaster?”
He linked our hands and ran his thumb over my knuckles, smiling when my ring sparkled in the morning light.
“They know. They’ve known about Lancaster for a long time, but it’s sort of a gray area.”
It didn’t seem gray to me. Not anymore. “Why?”
“Because everyone has the right to freedom of religion. And no one there tells the truth. They’re trained to hide who they are, even from themselves. The FBI can’t just come in, guns-a-blazing, and make everyone stop worshipping the way they do simply because it’s strange. The truth is, everyone in Lancaster is free. They can leave or stop whenever they want. We’re proof of that. The Griers are proof of that. Robbie and Jenny are proof of that. They’re not—out right—forcing anyone to do anything. Manipulating them? Yeah. Lying to them? I believe so. But it’s not illegal to have strange beliefs, and according to the agents I spoke with, they haven’t been able to find anything that actually breaks the law.”
It was all so confusing. In my heart, there was so much happening in Lancaster that was just plain wrong. I shook my head.
“Hey,” Abe said. “Don’t worry. They’re not ignoring it anymore either. They’re looking deeper now. I talked with them for a long time yesterday about my experience. About things I’ve seen. About how we met.”
“But you said they can’t do anything.”
“No, but I can. We can. And they’ve agreed to help.”
“How?”
“I’ll be in Lancaster this weekend, and I’m speaking out on Sunday at services. My father and the Legacies have been in control of those people for far too long. It’s time someone stood up—before God and everyone there—and told them the truth.” He brought our linked fingers to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand. “You don’t have to go or do anything. But on Sunday, anyone who wants help and a way out, will have one.”
MY MIND WASN’T INTO math or science for the second day in a row, but Cassie was patient with me. We went over the few sheets I’d done as practice on my own, and she explained where I was doing well and where I was making mistakes. Even if I felt kind of dumb, the last part was helpful.
However, it was hard to focus and before our time was up, I called it for the day.
“I’m sorry you keep coming out to help me, and I’m not getting it. The last few days have just been really distracting,” I explained as I stacked up the papers in front of me and slipped them into my notebook around ten.
“Myra, this stuff can take years to learn. You’re doing fine. If anyone understands what it’s like to have a lot on their plate, it’s me.” She rolled her eyes. “So stop it with the apologizing. We’ll get there when we get there.”
Cassie, although harsh sometimes, was a good person. Sure she’d been rude and short with me, but I was ashamed of how I’d judged her too. Especially since she was there helping and not quitting on me.
After all, maybe she was right. It was only Wednesday of our first week studying together.
I went to get her cash out of my purse. She’d left without me paying her the day before, but my brain had been so scattered that I hadn’t realized it until long after she’d gone.
“Here’s enough money for the rest of the week,” I said. “Try again tomorrow?”
Cassie packed up her bag and offered me another tiny grin. “You’re damn right we’re trying again tomorrow.” She walked to the door and then paused before pulling it open. “And Myra? I’m really sorry you went through all that—growing up like you did. It wasn’t fair, but you got out and you’re trying to make a better life for yourself. A lot of people just give up.”
My mind went to Jacob. It had been too much for him. I didn’t feel like he’d given up, but my heart ached knowing how alone and trapped he must have felt.
Cassie added, “I know you’re paying me and everything, but you’re helping me too. It’s nice to be around someone who I can relate to. Someone who knows what it’s like to be kind of tossed away. But we’re strong, and we’ll make it.”
Ms. Perry was young, but she was wise already. I had no doubt she’d get whatever she wanted out of life—no matter how much harder she had to work or how much longer it took her. I respected that.
“Thank you. See you tomorrow.”
“Eight a.m. sharp,” she replied and headed to her car.
I poked around in the cabin for a while, but I couldn’t find anything to do. There were enough pizza leftovers for lunch and plenty of roast beef still for supper. Before too long, I found myself wandering down to the shop to see if there was something I could do for Abe.
He had the music on, but when I walked in, he turned the song down. How was he always so handsome? Why did every part of him attract every part of me?
“Done already?” he asked.
“I wasn’t into it today.”
He nodded and then leaned his hip against the workbench. “Everyone has off days.”
I strolled closer. “What are you doing? Anything I can help with...” I paused and then added, “Partner.”
He chuckled and I would remember to call him that again when I needed to hear him laugh.
“Well, partner, since you asked, I was down here thinking up a few new designs. You know. Since I’m not limited to bare wood anymore.”
A surge of pride grew in my chest. “I can’t wait until we work together every day.”
“Me either.” He pulled a flat pencil from behind his ear and pointed it at me. “And that’s why I’ve decided to give Ted my two-weeks notice. There’s a ton to do before we can open, and a lot of inventory to make. And as soon as we close on the building there’ll be a lot to do in the store to get it ready too.”
Usually, when things happened quickly life felt out of my control, but not this time. It was exactly what I wanted.
He winked at me and said, “That smile looks so good on your face.”
“Thank you. It feels pretty good too.”
He quirked an eyebrow and there was almost a challenge in his stare. “Bet it tastes nice.”
My stomach did somersaults when he talked like that, but I loved it.
“Would you like a sample?” I closed the distance between us and slipped between him and the workbench. I linked my arms around his neck and lifted onto my toes. “Kiss me, Abe.”
A rumble came from his chest as his hand slid into my hair and around to my nape. He tipped his head just barely to the left and pecked my lips. Then did the same slightly to the right. Almost like a kiss countdown to the main event.
Next, he stole my breath and made my knees feel like liquid as he consumed me with such intensity that I nearly saw stars. His tongue played chase with mine until I moaned into his mouth, completely swept away in the moment.
I felt his lips grow tight as he grinned down at me and slowed the kiss. “I could kiss you all day long, but that’s not going to get the work done. But I’ll sure as hell make it up to you tonight. Hopefully a few times.”
My head was fuzzy, and I was up for whatever he wanted...whenever he wanted it.
“I’ll hold you to that,” I said. Then stole his pencil and tucked it behind my ear. “Let’s get to work.”
Abe showed me how he used old templates to make new ones, and he even asked my advice on what I thought looked good. We
spent the rest of the morning and that afternoon making plans and discussing styles we thought would sell well and we each made lists.
I’d already found some inspiration on Pinterest. Naturally, I still gravitated toward styles that were more cleanly shaped and plain. But that allowed for fun fabric patterns and accents that stood out. There was a very good chance I’d never be into ornately decorative things, but that was okay.
Sometimes simple is beautiful too.
I was truly happy, but as we walked back to the cabin early that evening, there was one thing missing for me. Something I’d gone without for too long. Something that made me who I was.
“Abe?” I asked climbing the porch.
“Myra,” he answered.
“Will you take me to your church this evening?”
32
Abe
From the moment I’d stepped foot in The Love House church I’d wanted to bring Myra there, but it had to be her decision and desire to go. Myra could form her own opinion on whether or not it felt right to her. But when she asked me to bring her, I jumped at the opportunity to show her what worship could be like. There was so much that was different at that church from the one we’d attended in Lancaster.
There were smiling faces and many different kinds of people and families. Just as Brad, the preacher’s husband, had told me, they welcomed all walks of life there and somehow that made it even more authentic to me.
The music and Samantha’s message we heard that night had Myra’s face lighting up like she’d never been to church before, and maybe she hadn’t. At least, not one like that. She was amazed a woman ran the service and every so often she’d gaze over at me with wonder in her blue eyes.
It was hard to pinpoint or explain it, but there was joy inside that sanctuary. Laughter. Peace. Love.
God was there.
Best of all, Myra and I were experiencing it together, and it made such an impact on me.
Over the past few months we’d shared a lot with one another. Our minds. Our bodies. Now, we were finally sharing our faith, and it was soul-satisfying like nothing I’d ever felt.
Seeing her carry her Bible again sealed and mended something inside me. It bonded us. Made me love her even more.
When we got home, I worshiped God through her. Praised him as I praised her. Thanked him repeatedly as I loved a woman he’d created. A woman perfect for me. And I wasn’t ashamed to think like that because deep within me, I knew it was so. I would serve them both with love and use my body to protect, provide, and please her for the rest of my life.
“ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT to do this?” I asked Myra one last time before we went inside the Banded Church of God on Sunday. What a contrast to the way Wednesday evening felt outside The Love House church. My girl, dressed in a knee-length sweater dress and leggings, was beautiful. She looked like herself. She’d even put on makeup and styled her hair the way she did at home.
“I’m sure. I’m not scared,” she said and held her head high in the passenger seat of my truck.
We were there early, having stayed at the Holiday Inn in Brashear the night before.
There wasn’t a single Sunday I could remember as a child when my father hadn’t come to the church early to go over his sermon one last time before service started, which was why I wasn’t surprised to see his vehicle parked in the lot already.
Before I did what I came there to do, I was going to have a talk with him.
However, I wasn’t there to debate or negotiate. I was there to tell the Pastor what would happen. If he knew what was good for him, he would listen finally. Because for once, he didn’t have a choice.
I was in control. It no longer mattered if he approved.
Leaning over, I puckered my lips for a kiss. “How about my girl give me good luck?” I requested.
She beamed and met me in the middle. “Happy to, but you don’t need it. You’re doing the right thing, and God knows it. I can feel it, Abe.” Her eyes shut and she pressed her warm mouth to mine. “I love you. I’ll be right by your side.”
When we came through the front doors, we were met with my father’s voice coming through the entrance of the sanctuary.
“Lean into your faith. Do not forsake God and he will not forsake you when—” My father paused as Myra and I marched, hand in hand, into the giant room.
“Good morning, Abraham.” He buttoned his jacket.
Did he think it would make him look grander? More powerful? More put together?
Would he ever understand appearances didn’t matter?
At least they didn’t to me. Hell, I wore my hair down, a pair of jeans, and a black button-up shirt. But my boots were clean. If that wasn’t good enough for him, he’d have to get over it.
He eyed us both up and down, and added, “Good morning, Myra.”
“Hello,” she replied in full voice.
“I didn’t know whether to expect you two or not,” he said.
We filed down the center aisle to the pulpit. “We’re here early because we need to talk before—”
My father interrupted, “I already know about New Mecula, son.” He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and ran it across his forehead.
“Things are changing. Now.” The smell of wood polish filled my nose and for maybe the first time I didn’t feel dread as I stood there in his church. “I’m speaking here today, and you can either step aside and make this easier on everyone, or you can make yourself look worse than you already have.”
He squinted and his lip curled. “To who? You? You think I’m just going to hand all this over right now? When my people need me the most? Who do you think you are? All of you young, ambitious fools think you can come in here, take what I’ve built and threaten me.” More sweat beaded on his brow. “I have news for you, I am Lancaster. These people do what I say. They wouldn’t listen to Matthew and they won’t listen to you.”
At least from the way he spoke, I was somewhat relieved he didn’t support what Matthew was doing, but he was far from innocent.
I shrugged. “Maybe not, but maybe they will. All I know is, you can’t stop me from telling them the truth. So the way I see it, you can either make peace with it, accept what’s about to happen, or fight me, but you won’t win. Not this time.”
Myra squeezed my hand and set her shoulders back, standing taller at my side. “We’re not afraid of you, Pastor Hathaway. You can’t do anything to us. The way women and children are treated here is wrong and we’re not going to stay silent anymore.”
Never did I expect her to speak up like that. So bold and confident. I gazed over at Myra and her eyes were set on his, not cast downward like I’d known her to do.
“Was it really that bad? Did I treat you poorly? I gave you my son. And then another. A place to live. More money than you know what to do with. What exactly, my dear, have I done to you?”
“You lied to me. You objectified me. You made decisions for me without my consent. You controlled me. Controlled everyone, but not anymore. You can’t use God against people. You can’t hurt and oppress us anymore.” Myra let go of my hand and stepped closer to him, pointing her finger at his smug face, shouting, “Who gave you the right?!”
“They did, little girl! They gave me the right. Weak minded women like you. Weak men like Jacob. The weak. That’s who. They need a leader. They need me.”
“A leader has respect. All you have is their fear,” she said back. “I pray for your soul.”
His eyes widened, and he stumbled backward. I’d never known anyone to speak to him that way. With conviction. With grit. With power.
She wasn’t my girl. She was my woman.
I explained, “When this sanctuary fills up, you can stay if you want, but you can’t stop me. The FBI is coming this morning. They have a list of people they’re going to meet with. Including you and the other Legacies. If you’re wise, you’ll tell them the truth because you’re not going to fool them. They don’t care who you are. It’s over.”
; “They can’t stop us from believing what we do.” He had the audacity to look self-righteous.
“I have all of Jacob’s letters to Andrew Yakle. He killed himself, but I doubt that’s news to you.”
“Because of Matthew,” he argued. “Not because of me.”
My jaw tensed and I tamped down my anger. “You tormented him his whole damn life, and you knew what Matthew was doing—to Jacob and probably in New Mecula. You could have stopped it, but you didn’t. And, so help me God, if I find out you knew Jacob was going to kill himself and you ignored it, I won’t quit until I find something for the FBI to put you away with. Then again, they’ll probably do it all on their own. I hope they throw away the key when they do.”
His eyes glazed over. “You’ve got nothing on me.”
“Maybe not. But I’m sure they’ll find something. My guess? Racketeering. Fraud. Tax evasion. Larceny. Blackmail. Embezzlement.” I cleared my throat. “Probably a little of each.”
“No one will testify against me.”
“You don’t think? Did you forget all the times you doled out Service and Testimony to your loyal flock? Every family you convinced to stay in Lancaster when they should have left. All the families you broke up and the people you banished? I’d say you have some praying to do.” I looked at my watch. “And don’t try to run. The FBI and State Police are already outside in unmarked cars. You can’t hide from this.”
For the first time in my life, I saw my father hit his knees. Whatever he whispered into his hands was between him and God.
THE CHURCH FILLED LIKE I’d seen it do every Sunday throughout my childhood.
Their organist played.
Their Pastor sat quietly in a chair behind the pulpit, Bible clutched tightly in his hands.
Myra and I sat patiently at the front with my arm around her shoulders until the church was completely full at the stroke of nine. That’s when I rose to my feet, kissed my fiancé, and then marched up to the podium.