by Jerry Cole
The weight of the world had been lifted from him and, although usually he felt as dark as the clothes he wore, today he felt as bright as the fairground. That wasn't to say he was going to change his clothes, of course. He loved them. He loved the way he looked. He had forgotten long ago if he chose his appearance just to intimidate people or because he actually liked it deep down. But now he liked it. It had grown on him. It was part of who he was now.
Sure, it was supposed to look intimidating and off-putting, and he didn't want to intimidate people or put them off any more. But he could correct that with his attitude. He had already seen it. He just had to be a nice person. It might take some practice, though.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Nate knew that Janet and Veronica were old enough to feel ashamed of not having a father for family “funday” at the fair. They had rejected his offer of acting as their father for the games. Besides that, they were both getting a bit old for a lot of the activities. They found more fun in listening to music, trading stickers, dressing up and eating cake than in running around like lunatics and winning rosettes.
It would just be adding insult to injury if they were forced to dress in sports gear and participate in three-legged races with their older brother rather than their actual, absent father. They couldn't handle it, especially if they were seen by someone who knew them.
Nate understood that feeling well and, although he felt bad for them, he wouldn't make them take part. He had been there too. He had been around that age when his siblings' father had left. It was awkward to tell people you didn't have a father. Much worse to explain why, to explain that he had been sick and tired of having so many kids. It was doubly embarrassing to be the reason you didn't have a father. So Nate wouldn't force these events on his little sisters. They were happier buying cake with their mother. They were laughing and smiling, enjoying the sun and the park, making memories that would follow them forever. They were old enough to take more pleasure in that.
However, Jack wasn't that old yet. He was more ashamed of having to miss out. There was nothing more humiliating at the age of six than being the kid who wasn't allowed to do things. The kids his age were more understanding of different family dynamics, in part because of the sheer diversity of their group and in part because they weren't old enough to understand social constructs like a nuclear family yet. But they were completely and utterly merciless when it came to a kid being disadvantaged.
Nate loved spending this time with Jack as well. Nate had never enjoyed this sort of a relationship with his adoptive father, and he was thrilled to offer Jack a better childhood. This was how the world got better, one happy smiling kid at a time.
Jack was proud of his older brother, and Nate was proud of Jack. All he wanted was to see that beautiful smile on his baby brother's face. It was the most magical thing in the world, like a superpower the kid had to melt away all his older brother's fears and concerns.
Jack was still sweating from a hurdle race he had competed in. He had come in fourth, narrowly missing out on the rosette he had been so eager for, but it hadn't broken the boy's spirits. He was already discussing how many more rosettes and even cups there were to win, as well as the various toys being given out as prizes.
"What is the next contest?" Nate asked Jack as they walked up to the stand where the announcements were made. "I'm sure you'll get a prize by the end of the day."
Jack nodded determinedly. "It's a three-leg race. You tie your leg to mine and we have to run, run, run as fast as we can and win. But without falling over. ‘Cause if you fall over then you get slowed down and you can lose, like the sack race. So we can't run too fast."
"So we need to run fast, as fast as we can, without running too fast?" Nate asked. "I'll do my best not to let you down this time," he added, recalling the slightly embarrassing incident when he had been too enthusiastic in the fathers' sack race and had fallen flat on his face.
Jack nodded. "You were doing super good until you fell and smacked your face. And that was funny anyway, so I'm glad I saw."
Nate stuck his tongue out at Jack, who was just grinning, probably at how much of a wit he thought he was. Nate knew there was a fine line between being mischievous and being a bully, but he felt his brother trod the line with care, only teasing people who he knew were strong enough to take it.
The race would be fun. Nate tied his ankle to Jack's as his brother told him all about their strategy. Which mostly consisted of "run really, really, really fast, but don't fall over this time". Nate looked up and down the rows of children. Most of them were about Jack's age and size, but quite a few were older or taller. Being a closer height to their fathers gave them a bit of an edge, and Nate wasn't sure his brother could win this one, so he didn't want to hype the poor kid up. He just nodded, smiled, and reiterated that he'd do his best. Because he would. The announcer counted down, the families got into place, and they were off.
Nate tried his best, but he knew that Jack wouldn't be able to keep up the pace against the older kids. Jack was truly giving it his all, moving his free little leg as fast as he could, almost bounding forward to allow Nate to take bigger strides. No doubt part of the strategy. But it wouldn't do much, and Nate knew better than to either encourage or dissuade his little brother. Just let him live in his own world, live his own thrills and falls.
The other kids were pulling ahead already, aided by longer legs or more even energy. Nate wouldn't be surprised if they came in dead last. Not that it mattered to him. Jack, after all, had to learn to deal with disappointment as well as victory. It was all part of life. What Nate could do to help him was be there, be supportive, be kind.
Surely enough, Jack was running out of energy and Nate slowed down to avoid tripping his brother over. Jack shouted something about going faster. Nate laughed a little to himself. Jack, like so many children his age, had no concept of risk. He didn't care if he fell or got bruised. He probably didn't care if Nate started running, dragging Jack after him. Right now, all Jack actually cared about was the sliver of a possibility that he might win. He probably didn't even remember the prize, just his own drive.
They didn't win. Jack's face fell and he started grumbling about not crossing the line first. Nate understood this as well. He hugged his brother. "It's all right. Sometimes you don't win."
"What if we never win?" Jack said, a slight whine in his voice.
"You will. Maybe not today, maybe not this week, but one day you will find something you're really amazing at and then you will always win," Nate said.
"You really think so?" Jack asked, obviously trying to avoid crying. "You really think I would be amazing?"
"Definitely. There are amazing things in everyone, so eventually you will find what you have," Nate insisted, hugging his brother close.
Suddenly, the announcer's voice came loudly. "The next contest for the family ‘funday’ will be the coconut toss!"
"We could win that one!" Jack exclaimed instantly, eyes lighting up. "You have great aim, don't you? We can win!"
Nate nodded. "Yeah, I've had good aim for a long time. That's one of the things I'm good at."
"One of the things you're amazing at?" Jack asked.
"No, I don't think so," Nate replied, extending his hand to his brother on their way to the coconut toss stand. "Truth be told, I haven't found anything I'm amazing at yet. Just things I'm good at. Maybe I need to practice them to find what I'm amazing at, or maybe I'll find something new. Who knows?"
Jack fell silent, as though thinking it through. Even as Nate began throwing the first tennis ball at the delicately balanced coconut, Jack was silently observing.
Sure enough, Nate struck one of the coconuts. Then another. Then a third. Just like that they were already through to the next round. Jack didn't do too badly either when it was his turn to knock down the coconuts. He was actually above average for the kids his age, striking one of the three coconuts.
His thoughtfulness forgotten in excitement, Jack watche
d as the new round was set up, involving a series of fixed coconuts and paint bombs, measuring the strength of the contestants as well as their aim. Jack was bounding around so much, Nate wasn't sure how much he'd be able to focus.
As the water balloons burst against the target, splattering it with paint, Jack was getting more and more thrilled, cheering his brother on. Nate knew he had to win this. He kept going, trying to get the highest possible score by hitting each coconut only once and covering them in paint.
In a final test, the targets were brought closer and lowered. Jack, who had been closely observing Nate's throwing techniques, managed to outperform all the other children. Nate realized that his younger brother, despite the usual excitement of a six year old, was forcing himself to focus. He wanted to do well. He was probably already trying to decide what it was he would be amazing at. Nate was glad. And, just like that, they managed to win the coconut toss.
The tiny remote control car was theirs, as was the rosette. It was a cheap fun fair prize and a strip of ribbon with a card labeled "1" glued to it, but it meant the world to Jack. He was so happy, so excited. This was what Nate wanted to see in all the kids he was educating: his siblings, his students, and hopefully his own children.
"Maybe throwing is something I'm amazing at!" Jack exclaimed proudly as he examined the rosette. "I did better than even the older kids."
Nate nodded. "Maybe it is. Don't rely on it, though. Maybe there are lots of things you're amazing at. You need to keep working them out. Because you can never be skilled enough."
To the left, a father was explaining to his son that they can't always win, and offering to buy the boy and his friend ice cream instead. The child was glaring at Jack the whole time, and as soon as his father walked off toward the ice-cream stand, the two boys walked over. They were glaring at Jack more every second, but even though Nate wanted to draw his brother away from the obviously angry kids, Jack stood his ground, glaring back like the bold kid he was.
Nate remembered the same thing from when he was younger—being the stubborn brat who wouldn't realize his own weakness for a long time. Except Nate had it all but kicked out of him in middle school. He didn't want the same for Jack.
Nate was at a loss as to how to avoid the confrontation. If he knew the kids from his own school, he'd have more leverage. But they were from the school his brother attended, Hillside Elementary, not Reagan Primary Academy. The boys were obviously a year or two older than Jack, but at Hillside Elementary that didn't mean a lot. The classes were smaller, so they were often combined into groups of two or three grades that would be watched over by a single teacher. So they could easily be from Jack's class.
"You cheated!" one of the boys shouted.
"Did not!" Jack replied. "We won fair and square!"
"It's a family funday, you should be doing this with your dad, or at least your mom," the boy scoffed. "You can't just bring anyone. That's cheating. Kids without proper families shouldn't even be allowed."
The insults were far too close to home for Nate. He remembered going through all the same when he was back at school, after his adoptive father left. They made fun of him for not having a father, they made fun of his mother for not having a husband, they made fun of how he didn't look much like his siblings. As the insults flowed from the boys, Nate felt almost powerless. How could children no older than eight be saying the same damn words to his baby brother as he had heard from teenagers? It was just plain wrong that they were so cruel so young.
It struck another nerve with him too. He knew that if kids still weren't accepting of something as common as a single mother, then how would they accept gay fathers? How could he dare still consider the option of having children, of raising them as a gay man, when they might be tormented like this? Especially as he was standing by like this, so helpless. What could he do against a kid? As a teacher he had authority, but as a simple adult, just standing by his brother's side, he was powerless.
It was within Nate's ability to raise his own kids as was fit, but it was beyond his ability to educate all the kids in the world. How could he fix a problem for which other parents, other teachers were responsible?
"It's open to all kids and their parents and guar-guardians," Jack grumbled.
"But that's not your dad, is it?" the leader kid asked with a sneer. "That's your brother. You should be disqualified ‘cause that's cheating."
The other kid nodded in agreement.
Jack was starting to cry and, fearing a physical confrontation, Nate picked him up away from the other kids who were glaring angrily. "No! He's my brother and he looks after me and teaches me and protects me and buys me stuff. So he's family. And it's a family funday, not a father funday, so it's good, so there!"
The leader kid scoffed. "You should just give me the prize. I deserve it more. Hand it to me, okay?"
"Pick on someone your own size," Nate said, trying to lead his brother away. The kids were following and he glared at them. "Seriously."
The boy looked up, obviously wary of an adult who was getting involved, but also more than aware of the fact that adults had no power over them unless they were parents or teachers. And Nate was nothing to these boys.
"What do you have to do with it? If you're his brother you're basically a kid too, right? And another cheater. So what are you gonna do? Beat us up?" the boy laughed.
Jack was beginning to sniffle, obviously worried about what might have happened if Nate had not been there.
"Aw, look at the little baby crying!" the boy said to his friend.
"Don't you brats have something better to do than going around bothering younger kids?" Nate growled. "Let us be, or I'll report you to the staff at your school."
"Yeah, whatever. Do what you want," the boy replied. "It's not like they'd believe you. I'll say you were out picking on little kids and they will get mad at you and call the cops."
Nate hesitated. The kid's logic wasn't quite right, but his point was sort of solid. If the boy said Nate had been hostile or called the police, then Nate's position as an educator would be threatened. Still holding his younger brother, he kept walking, hoping that the bullies on their tail would get bored and turn back soon.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Victor was enjoying the sights and sounds of the fair, picturing how he might spend the day with his own family like this. It wouldn't be easy to do, of course. He knew that. It hadn't been easy to complete college, or to become a teacher, or to go through anything in life really. And that lady had just confirmed to him that it was hard being a parent. There were things he would reconsider, things he would learn along the way. But how rewarding it would be to help a kid smile every day?
The laughter was lovely especially. It was so nice to hear kids being happy. Actually, now he thought about it, that had been part of his look all along: he wanted to look like a super hero so kids would always find him approachable, even if adults did not. He wanted students to feel he was someone from their world, not from the adult world.
A less pleasant sound cut through the happy noises around him. A kid sobbing and shouting in impotent rage. Crying was one thing, but Victor knew the sound of aggressive bullies when he heard them. And the sound of at least two angry bullies followed. Victor knew this would probably be handled by the parents of the kids in question. But what if it was not? What if the parents were busy? What if these were some of his students?
Overwhelmed by a sense of protective duty, Victor marched through the crowd, toward the source of the noise. When his eyes landed on where the noise was coming from, he was surprised. It was Nate. Nate was there, holding a kid aged around five or six, who was crying and shouting at a couple of slightly older boys who were following them, basically being little assholes to the boy Nate was carrying.
Victor could see some close similarities in features between Nate and the kid, and he marched up, confident as ever, to his friend and lover. "Hey, Nate," Victor said, waving and grinning.
Nate looked relie
ved to have something resembling backup. "Hey! You're back! So soon?"
Victor nodded. "Yeah, I got back late last night. Tried to call and tell you, but you were busy here, I guess."
"Yeah. Good to see you though," Nate said, eyes glimmering with excitement.
"This your little brother?" Victor asked, smiling down at the kid who seemed to be confused out of his tears suddenly. "Why the long face?"
"Those – guys – k-keep – teasing – me," the boy said between the choking, heaving breaths of a kid who had been crying totally uncontrollably.
"Well, that's not very nice," Victor said, glaring at the children. "I would have thought you two would have something better to do than to pick on a little kid just having a nice day out with his family."
"Well he cheated," the kid replied. "He let his brother play when it was for parents and children, and they won, and that's cheating so I should have the prize."
"Did the judges say it was cheating?" Victor asked. "If you're really worried, you can go and tell them, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't say anywhere that a kid can't play with his older brother."
"Who are you, anyway? It's not your business, you're not in charge here," the boy said in the tone of voice of a child who was never refused anything. "You're not a judge and you weren't even there so you know nothing about any of this."
"I know that you shouldn't be picking on a kid because you lost," Victor replied flatly, suddenly identifying the two boys.
"Yeah, well – Well you should just shut up and leave us be!" the kid shouted. "You have no business here!"
"Well, I am Mr. Walker, and I taught you math two years ago. I know both your names, and I will call the school and tell them," he said. "I wonder what they would all say about this... I bet you're both going to be in big trouble, Jason Smith and Elias Petersen."