Derek’s idea to stay here was a good one too, but what if it wasn’t the good enough one? Striking out on her own wouldn’t give her that industry acceptance she craved. Also, she would have to learn to believe in herself. That was even harder.
“Maya?”
Insecurity hovered like a two-ton boulder. She couldn’t speak.
“I wish you could see yourself like I see you.”
Maya glanced away.
“What we have will endure whatever choice you make,” he added.
Old desires mixed with the new ones, congealing into a thick, confusing mass. “Whatever choice I make?”
“Absolutely.” He nodded.
The shimmer of Laura’s name-brand recognition and the glitter of mainstream success dangled before her, all shiny and fresh and new. A craving arose within her. “I’ll accept the position in New York.”
Silence—the suffocating kind of silence that paralyzed—settled between them. Did she make the right choice? What if she didn’t?
“I support you,” Derek said. “I’m here for you.”
“Really?”
“Most definitely.” Derek’s eyes glistened.
His assuredness pressed on another facet of her heart, the facet she’d have to ignore if she was going to make all of this work. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“Thank you for believing in yourself.” He squeezed her hand gently. “You’ve come such a long way.”
“It was a hard road getting here,” Maya said, her voice a whisper. “It still feels hard.”
“I know it does. But you’re an ingenious talent. Even better, you’re a wonderful person,” he said.
Her dreams were coming true. Excitement filled her once again, but then something else came afterward, a twinge of sadness. Maya wanted to pull him into her arms and stay in his embrace forever, but she didn’t. Better to get used to the distance now. Maya was going to follow her heart, and a big part of her heart was in New York.
Yet the other part was now here, with Derek and Jamila. Maya ignored this other part.
“I have some paperwork to catch up on with the store . . . and I need to think,” Derek said. “But I’m so very proud of you.” With a light peck on Maya’s cheek, Derek left for his back office. The door opened and quietly closed.
This was a good decision, Maya. A really good decision. Right?
That sadness gathered strength and settled in the pit of her belly, but she resolved to build her new life around it. No matter what.
The following day was rainy and dreary. Derek had tossed and turned all night. By morning, he was exhausted. He couldn’t get that conversation with Maya out of his head.
At five o’clock, he got out of bed and headed to the kitchen, intent on getting Maya off his mind. After turning on the teakettle, he caught sight of a picture that he had taken with Maya at the photo booth from Heather’s wedding. He studied the two of them caught up in laughter and kisses. Unease settled within him. He was going to miss her.
The teakettle whistled, and he poured the steaming water into a pale yellow stoneware mug. A box of chamomile tea bags sat half-open near the bright red spoon rest. He took one bag and let his tea steep.
The back side of that picture stared at him, beckoning him to have another look.
“Not happening,” he muttered.
Reading would get his mind off Maya. He walked to the living room and quickly scanned the area for a book or something. He picked up a paperback that he’d checked out from the library a few weeks ago but hadn’t sat down to read. Upon glancing at the cover, he exhaled. The author’s first name was Maya. Maya Angelou. Lord. This whole plan to not think about Maya wasn’t working out too well.
He put the book down and sat at the desktop computer. He pulled up the website for the Post and Courier’s classified listings. Maya was leaving for New York, so he needed to place a job listing. Thanks to the trunk show and the publicity, he was caught up on the mortgage. He could easily afford to pay a new employee too. He needed to focus on moving forward.
Outside the window next to his tiny wooden desk, the raindrops made long streaks against the foggy glass, reminding him of tears. Derek blinked, blinked, blinked against the darkness threatening to rush his eyelids. He had to focus on finding a new replacement for Maya, not on this sadness at not seeing Maya as often as he’d like.
The Property for Sale ads popped up on his screen. Sketches of his conversation with Marlon from three months ago returned in snatches. All of Marlon’s talk about selling the boutique came to life.
He wouldn’t sell it. Maya enabled Always a Bride to have plenty of buzz, and he would have to build off that after Maya left. Plus, Jamila loved the boutique.
Derek took a breath and refocused on the screen. If he concentrated on getting a new hire, then perhaps the doubts would disappear. That was the plan anyway.
Seconds later, the soft shuffle of footsteps coming down the stairs broke his flow. Jamila was up. He craned his neck. Jamila’s arms were filled with books and papers and flyers and brochures, accompanied by a wide smile. At least someone was happy around here. “Morning, baby girl. Where’d you get all of that stuff?”
“From Ms. Reese, my English teacher. I told her that we were going to start visiting New York, and she ordered this free information from their tourism office. She even wrote a list of her favorite things to do in the city.” She unloaded the stuff onto the dented coffee table in the middle of the living room, and the items scattered in a haphazard collage. Derek squinted at them and softly winced—a map of New York City, a tourist’s guide to Manhattan, brochures on Broadway shows, and a handwritten list of things to do in the Big Apple covered the surface. This wasn’t good at all.
“Oh,” Derek said.
“I was thinking that for our first trip to see Maya we could go to the Statue of Liberty and see a Broadway musical.” She smiled brightly and played a song. “I heard that Hamilton is excellent. I was listening to the musical soundtrack on YouTube, and it’s amazing. You think we can do that?”
The hope in her voice crushed him. How would he explain this to Jamila? Not very well. That was for sure. “Um. We have to talk.” He closed the browser for the Post and Courier website.
“About what? You don’t want to see the Statue of Liberty? We can catch a ferry out there.” She opened a brochure and pointed to a paragraph printed in black. “It says here that they run every hour.”
How in the world was he going to break this to her? “After you left for the movies, Maya said she got a big promotion in New York.”
Jamila’s eyes widened. “A promotion? That’s great. She’s doing real good with her dress-design stuff. We’ll have to celebrate when we go there next month. Maybe go out for ice cream or something.”
Or something. That was the part he needed to discuss. Derek scratched his scalp and braced himself. “When I was talking with Maya yesterday, things didn’t go as planned.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know I told you that we’d be visiting Maya monthly, but we won’t be visiting as often.”
Disappointment flashed across her dark brown eyes. “What? Why? What happened?”
“Her new position means that we won’t be able to see her as much. She will be traveling a lot. Maya may be out of the country for months at a time.”
“Months at a time?” Jamila asked.
“Yes.” He paused. “We will try to make it work, but we won’t be there every month.”
This was the part where he explained everything very quickly so as to soften the blow.
Jamila’s eyes flitted back and forth, as if she was trying to make sense of all he said. “She doesn’t want to see me?”
The hurt in Jamila’s voice grabbed him by the wrists and squeezed. “No. No. No. That’s not it at all. Her job has extra responsibilities. That’s all.”
Jamila tilted her chin and appeared to focus on the papers on the coffee table. The soft lights shone on her int
ricate cornrows and freshly moisturized scalp. He’d made those cornrows himself, and for that, he was proud. Would Jamila retreat again? Would she retreat so much that things reverted to how they were just a few months ago? Never allowing him to comb her hair or be a father?
“I know this is a lot of news to digest, baby girl, but don’t think that she doesn’t want to see you. Her job will require more than she anticipated.”
“I don’t believe that. I think she doesn’t want to have anything to do with us, or else she would stay here. She wouldn’t let anything get in the way of hanging out with us . . . not even a fancy job in New York.”
Her words stung. When Derek offered another option to Maya, her first choice was the head designer position, not building a business here. Did Maya’s choice also reflect her feelings toward Derek? And by extension, her feelings toward Jamila?
Were he and Jamila second choice? The question stung.
Derek shook his head. “No. No. That’s not true. Maya has been working very hard to get this position. She cares about me and you. She helped you with the school project and everything. Why would you think she doesn’t want to have anything to do with us?”
“Maya only helped with the project because I’m your daughter. That would look really bad if she snubbed her boss’s daughter.” Jamila twisted the corner of her mouth and crossed her arms. “Ain’t it true?”
Derek tilted his head to the side. Jamila had a point. What employee would turn down the boss’s daughter, especially a girl as cute as Jamila? How did his daughter know so much about life?
His heart squeezed tight. Jamila had experienced way too much, enough to last two lifetimes. “I’m sorry, Jamila. I shouldn’t have . . .”
What? What shouldn’t he have done? Should he have never taken a risk by falling in love again?
Something still restrained him from voicing that truth, from saying that he no longer loved Maya, because love wasn’t something you could quickly delete or Wite-Out or erase. Love took time to build. It took time to nurture, and in the months of knowing Maya, Derek had found someone whom he’d thought he’d never find again. He found her.
Even with Maya’s illness, he still wanted Maya, but Maya chose New York first. Jamila’s doubts now made him doubt.
“They all leave. Don’t they, Dad?”
The soft sounds of the Hamilton soundtrack filled the silence between them. That, mixed with the sounds of raindrops pitter-pattering against the windows, was the worst.
“They all leave”? “Who?”
“Mom. Grandma. And now Maya. They all leave. It’s the truth. Don’t you agree?”
Did he? He didn’t want to reaffirm negative beliefs about people leaving Jamila’s life. Then again, the evidence spoke for itself.
A worry spread inside of him. Jamila’s statement settled deep and rooted in that well of emptiness that Derek had tried so hard to bury.
“Don’t they, Dad?” Jamila repeated a third time, glancing at him with expectant eyes, but it wasn’t the kind of expectation that filled him with hope. This was the expectation that came from living a lifetime of disappointments, except Jamila was too young for this. Twelve years old.
Did they all leave like Jamila said? No, they didn’t. Derek would have to show Jamila that not everyone left. How could he do that since Maya was leaving too? “Maya is pursuing a dream that she’s been working toward for a very long time. She deserves this new job. She’s not out of our lives for good. We will be together again.”
“When?”
When. That was the million-dollar question. Maya’s new job had an unpredictable schedule. “I don’t know.”
It hurt to say those words, but they were the truth.
Sadness colored Jamila’s face. Derek got up from his chair and sat next to her. The scent of Jamila’s shea butter hair cream soothed some of his sorrow. He wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to comfort, but who knew if it worked?
“We will see her again. I’m not leaving you, baby girl. That will never change. I guarantee it.”
A tear dropped down Jamila’s cheek and stained Derek’s creased khakis. “I’m gonna miss Maya when she leaves for New York.”
He swallowed the thickness gathering in his throat. “I’m going to miss her too.”
The joyful sounds of the Hamilton soundtrack strained through the music player.
Longing—a longing as deep as the Atlantic Ocean—reached inside of Derek and made its home in his heart. Derek cherished many things, but most of all he cherished the possibility of a new life with Maya, a life where they could count on seeing each other regularly even while she was in New York. Now that possibility would be radically adjusted. Now they would have to see each other sometimes—maybe.
Would this new plan work out? Things could change in an instant once again, and then their “sometimes, maybe” could turn into “never and no.”
He’d have to hold on to what he cherished, and so Derek made a wish to see Maya again soon. He put his wish into an imaginary glass bottle and tossed it out to the imaginary sea.
Perhaps Maya would stumble across the bottle and find her way back to him again.
Chapter Seventeen
All Maya needed to do was finish packing and go over her father’s medications with him. Then she’d be ready to return to her normal life in New York.
Except she wasn’t ready. Not really.
Maya unzipped the bright turquoise shell suitcase and flipped it open. She’d already neatly folded her clothes into smart little squares, because that’s what a woman did to get her mind off a guy. It worked. She’d spent all morning preparing for her flight home.
She glanced at the bolts of fabric and dress supplies on her flowery quilt, and she shrank inside. Derek had gifted her those fabrics. He said they belonged to his mother and that he saw no use for them. Maya had tried to give them back after their last talk, but he refused.
Why’d Derek have to be so kind, even in their hard conversations?
No matter. She was packing and leaving the Lowcountry. Her dreams awaited. Maya reached for the first short pile of folded clothes and placed it in the corner of her suitcase. The top shirt popped out over the edges. “Sorry, clothes, but you’re not resisting me.” She shoved the shirt back into the suitcase.
Her bedroom door creaked on its hinges, and her father poked his head inside, all smiles. “I made lunch for you. Pancit and lumpia.”
He rarely made Filipino food. “Pancit and lumpia. What’s the occasion?”
“You.” He stepped inside and crossed his arms. “Having you here these last few months caused me to think a lot about your mother. That’s all.”
Maya stopped packing and smiled at him. She was gonna miss her father when she returned to New York. “That’s so sweet, Pops.”
He glanced at the fabric on her bed and then at her rolling suitcase. “You sure you’re gonna be able to fit everything into one piece of luggage?”
She really should’ve returned the fabrics to Derek. “Nope. I was planning on shipping them to my apartment.”
“Good call.” He nodded. “Come on out of your cave and grab a plate. This will be our last lunch together before you return to the Big Apple.” He left her room and she followed him down the dimly lit hallway.
“You make it sound so final. I’ll still visit sometimes. Well, I’ll be traveling for work, but we can videoconference and stuff.”
“Uh-huh,” he said, not sounding convinced.
She brushed aside his response. Maya would visit her father, just not any time soon.
“Don’t worry about visiting me, though. I’ll be plenty busy. Ginger and I are thinking of taking our first vacation together and living together as well.”
Maya stopped. “Really?”
He smiled. “Yes. I really like her.”
At least somebody was getting a happy ending. Hers was ending on a questionable note. “That’s great, Pops. I’m so thrilled about this news. I really am.”
They walked to the kitchen and she sat at the maple table. Her father had a steady girlfriend. That was cute, and she was truly happy for him. Truly.
He set out the bright yellow plates.
“Oh wait. I forgot.” Maya got up from the table, grabbed her purse from the living room, took out a folded piece of notepaper, and returned to the kitchen.
“What’s that, hon?”
“Your medication schedule, as well as some tips for making sure you get in enough exercise every day.” Maya waved the paper in the air. “I wanted to go over it with you before I leave.”
Her father gave her a get real look, but she shrugged it off. “Hey, last time you ignored my suggestions, you ended up with a fractured hip.”
“What suggestions?”
“To stop trying to fix everything yourself. Outsource.” She waved the paper in the air once again. “I wanted to discuss that too. I have a plan for you.”
Her father rolled his eyes. “You have a plan, eh? Don’t worry about me. I’m sure Ginger will help me with all of that. I want to hear about all of your plans. This is an exciting time for you. I know Derek must be thrilled as well.”
Derek. Derek! Why’d her father have to bring him up? Maya ran her index finger along the edge of the empty plate. “Uh-huh.”
“All you have to say is uh-huh? I know you mentioned that he’d be visiting you. When is he making his first trip to see you?”
A Lowcountry Bride Page 20