Frida smiles and nods.
“Björn told me you had a great time.”
I nod.
“Diana is tremendous, right?”
I nod again.
“And how are those two?” she asks, looking over at Graciela and Dexter. “Have you played with them yet?”
“To answer your first question, from what I sense, they’re fine. And in reference to your second, no, we haven’t played with them yet.”
Half an hour later, Sonia gets a call from her current boyfriend. Marta and Arthur offer to give her a ride and leave. Laila is talking to Jurgen.
“What do you think of Laila?” I ask.
“She’s very nice. She was Hannah’s best friend.” When she sees me frown, she asks, “What is it that really worries you about her?”
I don’t want to reveal what I heard from Simona and the perception that Björn doesn’t want anything to do with her. “Has she ever played with Eric or you?”
“Never. I think our thing is not her thing. Why do you ask?”
I’m glad to know Eric hasn’t lied to me. That calms me down.
“Just curious.”
14
Two days later, Sonia and Marta invite us to their graduation from parachuting school.
Eric goes, but reluctantly. Since I’m forcing the issue, in the end he doesn’t have much choice but to be present and support his sister and mother. During graduation, he tries to keep his composure in spite of how nervous he is. But when his sister and mother and the other students disappear into the plane and it ascends into the sky, he leans my way.
“I can’t look.”
“What do you mean you can’t look?”
“I said I can’t look. Just let me know when they’re back on terra firma, OK?”
I feel for the guy. He’s making herculean efforts to try and understand us all.
Excited by the feats his grandmother and aunt are about to perform, Flyn applauds wildly. And when one of the monitors tells me the two dropping to the right are Sonia and Marta, I tell him, and the little boy cries out with Arthur, who has him perched on his shoulders.
“Amazing! They’re one on top of the other!”
Eric curses. He’s heard his nephew, and now he’s in a tizzy.
Stuck together like glue, Graciela and Dexter can’t seem to stop kissing. They’re not bothering to watch the show at all. Their kisses and caresses are enough for them. That makes me laugh. It took them forever to decide, but now they can’t let go of each other for a single minute. I can’t even begin to imagine the bacchanal in their room. Their level of togetherness is so intense, Flyn now calls them the Limpets.
I look up at the sky and watch as various dots come rushing toward us. The parachutes open, and they begin to slowly drop. Eric’s white as a sheet. I’m worried. “My love, are you OK?”
He shakes his head while staring at the ground. “Have they landed yet?”
“No, my love . . . they’re still coming down.”
“God, Jude, don’t tell me that!”
Trying to understand the effort he’s making to be there, I run my fingers through his hair to try and calm him. “They’re here, my love. They’ve touched down safely,” I say as soon as Sonia and Marta are on the ground.
Eric’s breathing changes, he looks where everyone’s looking, and claps so his mother and sister can see him.
What an actor!
As the days go by, I notice Laila is charming with Graciela and me but considerably less so with Simona. What is going on?
One afternoon when we’re at the pool, Eric and Björn come by after work. They look so handsome in their suits.
“C’mon, dudes, take a dip with us,” says Dexter, who’s in the water with us.
Eric and Björn vanish, then come back about ten minutes later in their swimsuits and dive into the water.
Eric immediately swims toward me and encircles me in his arms.
“Hello, beautiful,” he says after giving me an adoring kiss.
I return his kiss, and two seconds later we’re playing in the water like a couple of kids. Simona leaves us a tray poolside with various goodies. Without hesitation, Laila goes to the tray, fills a glass with orange juice, and brings it over to the edge of the pool for my German.
“Here, Eric, freshly squeezed. Just like you like it.”
Eric happily takes it, but I am somewhat astonished. She doesn’t look at me; she only has eyes for Eric. And then suddenly, she adds, “And this Coke with double the ice is for Judith, which I know she loves.”
That gets my attention. She’s quite observant.
“Thank you, Laila.”
“Thank you for always being so kind to me.”
Twenty minutes later, we’re all sitting on the edge of the pool, and Björn playfully shoves me in the water. Quickly, Eric pushes him, and he falls in too.
“Let’s race,” he challenges me.
I don’t answer but start to swim with all my might toward the other end of the pool. When I’ve practically reached my goal, Björn grabs my feet and pulls me back.
When I manage to get my head out of the water, he grabs me by the waist, and pulls me to where I can stand.
“You’re a cheater, you know that?” I say as he lets me go.
“I’m like you. I don’t like to lose.”
We both laugh, and, when I think I’ve found the right moment, I ask, “What’s going on between you and Laila?”
“Nothing.”
But his gaze is tense, and I can tell he wants to know what I know. We look at each other for a moment and understand one another perfectly.
“Something has happened between you two, I know it.”
“You’re too nosy.”
“And you’re a terrible actor.”
“Shut up!”
“Oh my God—it wasn’t hard to see that you barely talk to her, and you won’t go near her. That’s strange in a predator like you. She’s very cute, and the logical thing would be that you’d be throwing everything at her.”
Björn smiles. I’ve surprised him. “All I will say is that I’ll be happy when she leaves.”
“Does Eric know you can’t stand her?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“Yes, but not now. Another time.”
I nod. I’m sure he will, so I go back to playing. I shove him, and he shoves me back. When I get out of the pool, Eric hands me a towel.
“It’s so nice to see how well you and Björn get along,” says Laila.
“He’s a good friend,” I respond.
“The best,” Eric says.
Björn looks over and smiles.
“Well, you can’t deny he’s very handsome,” adds Laila.
“Thank you, Laila,” says Björn, but the expression on his face is telling her to shut up.
“Yup, Björn is very handsome and sexy,” I say.
Eric looks over at me. I grin and give him a kiss.
“But there’s no one like you, my love!” We all laugh. But then Laila decides to take it up a notch.
“If you hadn’t met Eric, would you have been interested in Björn?”
Her question strikes me as funny, and so I respond honestly, like always. “Of course. I’ve always liked dark-haired men more than blond ones.”
“Seriously?” says Graciela, laughing.
I nod, and then Eric grabs me by the waist and lifts me up.
“Well, you’ve married a blond man who doesn’t plan to let you go.”
“I don’t want you to let me go,” I say as I kiss him.
My crazy love throws me over his shoulder like a caveman. “Hey, everybody . . . we’ll be right back.”
“Let me go!” I say, laughing.
“No, my love . . . I’m getting payback for what you said.”
“Go on and make her pay for the nerve of liking dark-haired men, my friend,” says Dexter.
Without pause, Eric tak
es me all the way up to our room and throws me on the bed as if I were some bundle. “Get that off,” he says as he drops his trunks.
I’m grinning ear to ear as I strip off my bikini. Eric throws himself on me and touches the cleft of my sex.
“You have me going a thousand miles an hour, sweetheart,” he says.
We give in to our wild side and make love as if possessed.
15
I wake up at seven in the morning. It’s Sunday, and I’m going to be competing in a motocross race. I leap out of bed and go straight to the shower. I dress in a pair of jeans and go down for breakfast. I find just Dexter in the kitchen.
“Good morning, my queen.”
I get some coffee and sit at the table with him. He offers me a madeleine, and I give it a nibble.
“Eric is pretty anxious,” Dexter says as I devour everything in sight. “He barely slept knowing you are going to be in that race today.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because when I came down to get a glass of water at four in the morning, he was sitting in that very chair.”
“And what were you doing awake at four in the morning?” I ask.
Dexter smiles. “I couldn’t sleep. Too many headaches.”
I take a sip of my coffee. “Do those headaches begin with G-R-A and end with C-I-E-L-A?”
Dexter leans back in his wheelchair. “I’m confused. I’m not sure being with her is fair.”
“From what I know, she’s thrilled, Dexter.”
He nods, but something’s seriously bothering him. “When I had my accident, my life did a one-eighty. I stopped being a desirable man, someone whose cell never stopped ringing, and became a man with desires but whose cell never rang. There was a time I struggled to accept what had happened, and I managed to get over it when I stopped having romantic feelings toward women. Everything was under control until Graciela—”
“But you like Graciela, right?”
“Yes, so much.”
“And you’re especially surprised because of what you and I know, right?”
Dexter nods. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt her or that she’ll hurt me. I’m well aware of my limitations and—”
“She knows about them too, and I can assure you she doesn’t care,” I say, cutting him off. “Maybe if you were a more typical couple, that would be important and worrisome to you, but you’re not, and I think you both walk the same sexual path. I wouldn’t worry.”
“And what about kids? Shouldn’t that worry me? She’s a woman, and, sooner or later, she’s going to want a baby, and I can’t give her that.”
Talking about kids is the last thing I want to do. “What do you mean you can’t?” I ask.
Dexter looks at me with amazement. I think he thinks I’ve gone crazy.
“There are many kids in this world in search of a family,” I say. “I don’t think a baby has to come from you for you to love it, care for it, and protect it. I’m sure that, if and when the moment comes, you and Graciela can have your child if you both want one. You just need to talk about it. For the moment, enjoy it. Enjoy Graciela and let her enjoy you. Now is the time for the two of you to love each other, to have a good time, to get to know each other and not let anyone or anything get in the way.”
“I understand my friend more and more each day,” Dexter says as he takes a sip of his coffee. “You’re a beautiful woman, not just on the outside, but on the inside too. May God grant you many years, my dear Judith.”
“Thank you, handsome,” I reply.
“Wow, trying to make it with my wife behind my back?” teases Eric as he bursts into the kitchen.
“Dude, my hope came alive again after she said she liked dark-haired men!” Dexter says.
We all laugh. Nobody would understand our particular friendship, but we do, and that’s all that matters. When we finish with breakfast, it’s time to go. I see Simona—with so many people in the house and so much activity, we’ve barely talked.
“Everything OK, Simona?”
She nods, but I know she’s not OK.
“I know there’s something going on with Laila.”
She looks up at me, surprised.
“When I get back this afternoon we’ll talk, all right?”
Simona says yes. I hug and kiss her.
“I’ll see you later,” I whisper in her ear.
“Good luck!” she responds, smiling.
At ten thirty, we arrive at the address Jurgen gave me. Dexter, Graciela, Laila, Norbert, and Flyn are with us, and I’m restless and dying to get on my motorcycle. Eric is having an anxiety attack. Marta and Arthur are waiting for us. Sonia apparently can’t come.
I haven’t been able to do jumps on a motorcycle since days before my wedding, and, though I drove several Jet Skis on my honeymoon, it’s not the same, and I can’t wait to mount my Ducati.
We park the car, and Norbert and I go register while Eric brings the motorcycle out of the trailer.
“Number sixty-nine. Pretty sexy, huh?” I say to Eric.
My crazy love smiles, but it’s not a very relaxed smile. I know he’s tense, but he has to chill, and he’s the only one who can help himself with that. Jurgen and I hug. He’s as excited about the race as I am. He gives me a map of the circuit, and, like my father back in Jerez, he tells me about the jumps and on what curves I need to be extra careful so I won’t fall. Eric listens in and memorizes everything Jurgen says.
Jurgen marches off with Laila.
“Remember, be careful on curve number ten, and try to take it easy on fifteen,” Eric says, pointing at the map.
“Yes, sir,” I say and he grins.
Flyn is nervous and delighted with so many motorcycles around. He and Marta accompany me to the dressing rooms and help me put on my jumpsuit.
“Fantastic!” he says when I’m fully equipped for my motocross.
“Jude is our very own superhero,” says Marta as she winks and takes her nephew’s hand.
“You look incredible,” says Laila when we go back to the group.
“Thank you.” I smile.
“Judith, are you sure about this?” whispers Graciela.
With my helmet under my arm, I nod. “Absolutely.”
Eric looks at me but he doesn’t smile. He’s afraid. I’m not.
The race is divided by gender. I accept it, but I prefer when it’s mixed. They tell me I’m in the third round. I watch the first two as I listen to Guns N’ Roses on my iPod.
Music like that always gets my adrenaline going, and to compete and win, I need to be at my peak. I’ve never raced on this particular circuit, and I need to see how the competition works in order to get a handle on my own race. Eric’s beside me, watching and not saying a word. He lets me concentrate, but, every time someone falls, I can see that he’s horrified.
When they call the third round, I give him a quick kiss and put on my helmet. “I’ll be right back; wait for me!” I take off.
I know he’s a mess, but I can’t say goodbye as if I’m going to war. I’m simply running a race that lasts barely seven minutes. Once at the starting line with the other racers, I look for my guy and quickly spot him next to Flyn and Marta. I adjust my helmet and goggles.
I focus on the track. I visualize the circuit I went over with Jurgen and plan to lean to the right on the first curve, which is on the left.
We start our motors. My nerves are on edge when I finally hear a clang, and the hooks that keep our motorcycles in place are released. I take off like a bullet.
I accelerate and grin happily when I take the first curve exactly how I wanted to. As soon as I leave the curve behind, I skid and make the bike jump, and when I hit the ground, I notice my wrist hurts. But I’m not leaving this race because of some silly ache.
The rough patch almost kills me though, and I scream with pain and give the bike gas so I can get out of there as soon as possible. When I get to the next curve, I almost eat it. I can’t go that fast, or I’ll end up falling.
/> When I can, I keep myself in the first few slots, and, when the round is over and I’m in third place, I smile and sigh with relief. I now qualify for the next round.
When I leave the track and head toward my people, they all applaud, and Flyn jumps up and down with joy.
“I’m here, my love,” I say, loud and clear so my handsome Mr. Zimmerman can relax. I take off my goggles and helmet and wink at my husband.
He hugs me and kisses me without worrying about the dust and the dirt. I hug him and kiss him back.
The next two rounds are a challenge because of the damned pain in my wrist, but I refuse to give in and manage to qualify for the final race.
It hurts like hell, but I know I need to shut up, or my husband will pull me out of here. I grit my teeth, but, when there are still ten minutes to the women’s final, I turn to Graciela.
“I need you to change my bandage and make it as tight as you can.”
“But that’s not good, Judith. It’ll cut your circulation.”
“It doesn’t matter. Do it.”
She can tell it hurts me more than I’m saying.
“Judith, if it hurts that much you shouldn’t—”
“Do it. I need it.”
Without another word, she does as I say, and, when I put on my glove, my hand is practically rigid. That takes care of the pain, but it limits my movements and is very uncomfortable.
“Hey, put a smile on that face, my love,” I say to Eric as he comes up to me. “This is my last race.” He nods. “You should buy a big display case for my trophies. I’m hoping to come in first place here.”
My confidence relaxes him, and he gives me a kiss.
“Get out there, champ. Get out there and show them who you are.”
His positivity motivates me. All right, Zimmerman!
I’m at the starting line again.
It’s the last of the women’s races, and there will be three winners. Jurgen, Marta, Eric, and our whole group scream and cheer me on. I smile at them. I look all around me. The other racers are good, but I want to win. I really want to.
When the race begins, my adrenaline hits infinity and beyond.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see one of the other girls is trying to get ahead of me. She’s good, very good, but I have confidence in myself, and I want to be better. When we get to curve number fifteen, I take it easy, but that makes me lose time, and another racer gets ahead of me. That enrages me, but there are two laps left so I still have time to beat her. I manage it and take the lead. There you go! But when we get to the rough patch again, my hand works against me, and they get ahead of me once more.
Tell Me What You Want—Or Leave Me Page 15