—your friends is what I was about to say, but I suddenly felt embarrassed to act so…involved.
Darkness, as if oblivious to my feelings, only laughed. “There are some things I can’t tell you because you’re my friends. It’s nothing all that important anyway. Just a family matter. This household borrowed money from that lord. My father was supposed to repay it a little bit at a time. But he hasn’t been in the best of health lately, so Alderp has started pressing the matter. He wants to know if my father can really repay him before he dies. He also said that if I would marry him, he would forgive the debt. That’s it. That’s the whole story.”
“That’s it,” my ass.
“You mean your family is in debt to that moron? Hang on, I thought your dad was supposed to be some kind of VIP in this country. Couldn’t he go to the king for money? And anyway, it’s almost—” I snapped my mouth shut.
Almost like…
“Like I’m being sold to pay my father’s debt? Yes, that’s exactly what it is. But that’s not so strange among noble houses. The daughter of one family is sent as a bride to another. It’s nothing more than that.” Darkness sounded as if it really was nothing to her. When she saw my expression, she went on. “Don’t make that face, Kazuma. You know what kind of men I like. I think that lord wants to make me his own the moment he gets the chance. He’s shoved aside all kinds of traditional ceremonies to hurry up the wedding day. He’s so frustrated, I don’t think he’ll even be able to wait for our first night together. He looks like he might just take me in a back room somewhere. Heh! Do you think he might starve me? Refuse to give me food or water? It’s enough to make my heart pound…!”
She laughed. She was trying to fool me. Pretend it was a joke… Well, if it was as funny as that, why did she look so sad?
“So that was why you were so hell-bent on us defeating the hydra by ourselves. And I had to go and get all those people involved… How much is this debt? I could—”
“Please don’t say you’ll pay, Kazuma. I’m a noble. Nobles are supposed to protect the common people. Have a commoner repay my debt using money he earned at the risk of his life? I would sooner choose to sell myself. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. The debt is so large that even your current resources couldn’t cover it.” She stared straight at me as she spoke.
I was still on top of her. In the starlight, I took a fresh look at Darkness, whom I hadn’t seen in so long. Her proud, stubborn blue eyes gazed back at me. Her golden hair was splayed across the bed, glowing faintly in the reflected light from the heavens. Her breathing still wasn’t quite under control from the struggle earlier, and a bead of sweat dribbled down her cheek.
With each hard inhale and exhale, her chest, covered only by her sheer nightgown, rose and fell, making its presence inescapably obvious. The fight with me had caused the straps of her negligee to fall down off her shoulders. Her whole body was warm…
Panicked, I mentally intoned some magic spells to help clear my head.
My mom half-naked, rolling around in the living room…
When I realized that underwear belonged to my grandmother…
Dust’s butt in red panties…!
I beg of you all, give this heart of mine a moment’s peace!
The magic had its effect; I was startlingly calm. Right, now I could deal with this a little longer.
Looking up at me, Darkness smiled gently and whispered, “Can you imagine stealing such a rich prize right from under Alderp’s nose? How about it, Kazuma? It’s just the two of us. Shall we make adults out of each other?”
The magic suddenly stopped working.
Calm down, Kazuma Satou! Think!
Darkness is just saying that because she’s all set to be a bride. She’s given up; she doesn’t believe she’ll ever see me again.
It can’t end like this, can it?
No, it can’t. I’ll never let someone like him have her.
That meant it wouldn’t be right to cross that final line here and now. What, was I ready to be Darkness’s boyfriend?
Hell no! Get it together, Kazuma Satou! Remember what you came here to do!
As I tried to keep myself from falling apart, Darkness gently took my hand and began drawing it closer to her body…
She seemed to be at a loss where exactly to go with it. Maybe she couldn’t quite bring herself to put it directly on her chest.
I looked at her anxious face, hesitated for about two seconds, and then…!
I decided not to worry about what came next and just let the moment sweep me along.
Darkness put my hand gently on her stomach and shivered. She closed her eyes. I knew this was the time to say something really smooth. I ran my hand over her pale, supple skin and said…
“Wow. Your abs really are ripped.”
6
Darkness and I faced each other in the star-washed room.
Her eyes were bulging and her fists were up, ready to fight. What had happened to the sexy times I was about to have?
“I’m sorry! I said I’m sorry! I just wasn’t thinking! Geez, I couldn’t stand it any longer!”
“I’m not always just playing at being upset, you know! You have a woman who’s ready to give herself to you, who’s totally committed, and you humiliate her like that?! Don’t think you’re going to get off so easily. You’ll be lucky if you get off alive!”
“Young Lady,” I said, “such base threats are beneath a woman of your station.” Then I dropped the fancy-butler act and said, “Geez. If you were in love with me, why didn’t you just say so?!”
“Who said anything as stupid as that, you big, dumb stupid-head?! Now I’m really angry! And stop calling me ‘Young Lady’!”
Darkness flew at me even as she shouted. My speed was buffed like everything else, and I easily avoided her.
I heard footsteps in the hall again. That was it. We could only make so much noise in the middle of the night before there was no more throwing them off.
“Ha-ha! How about that, Kazuma? The house staff is on the way! If they find you in here, believe me, you’ll suffer. Forcing your way into a noblewoman’s bedroom? If I don’t intercede for you, all the smooth talk in the world won’t keep your head on your shoulders. So how about a little kowtow and a nice heartfelt apology?”
Apparently, my avoiding her attack had pissed her off even worse. I could practically see the steam coming out her ears. I could sense a whole crowd outside, and there was a fevered pounding on the door.
“Young Lady! Young Lady, we’re coming in now!”
Darkness held her arms wide, preparing to grab, and then she jumped at me. Even under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have had any real trouble getting away from her, but with Aqua’s spells, there was no way I could lose.
And all this after I had worried and worked so hard to get here. If she thought I was going to give up now and beg for help, boy was she wrong!
“Come at me, Erosader! That’s right—you’ve got nothing but your hot body and your stamina and your muscles! I’m from the weakest class of all, and I can overpower you! Can and will—and I’ll leave you a crying wreck, just you watch! You saw me get serious back in the capital—you want some more of that?”
I said every word of this in Darkness’s own voice. Then I caught her hands in mine and we leaned into each other.
“D-don’t you steal my voice!”
“Y-Young Lady?! What on earth are you doing in there?!” The voice on the other side of the door sounded very confused. Fair enough: Darkness and I did sound identical now.
The key scrabbled in the lock. I glanced toward the door and shouted, “No, you mustn’t open it! Your sweet Lalatina isn’t wearing a shred of clothing! You mustn’t look at meeee!”
“Whaaa—?! S-sorry!”
For a second, the key went silent. I took the opportunity to use Drain Touch on Darkness, stealing her vitality. But she was a cut above mere royal knights; a quick Drain didn’t even make her flinch. She just gripped my hands even
harder, her face turning red.
“Spare me this ‘you mustn’t’ nonsense! In my own voice, no less! Hey, don’t listen to him! He’s an invader, using magic to make himself sound like me!”
“Y-yes, miss! Right away, miss!”
The key started up again.
Damn it all!
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Victory goes to me this time, Kazuma! I haven’t always bested you in our battles, but how satisfying to triumph this one last time!”
I was draining her even as she spoke, but she was holding her ground.
One last time? Screw that! Now I’m really not gonna lose!
I let myself go limp; Darkness, who had been leaning into me, pitched forward. I took the opportunity to free my left hand and slammed it down on her back.
I didn’t make any effort to sound like anyone but myself as I bellowed, “Freeze!!”
“Nnngaahh!”
Darkness yelled and quaked as the ice magic suddenly assaulted her skin. Her face was still flushed and her body still trembling as she collapsed to her knees. I wrenched my right hand away from her, and—
“Young Lady!” The door flew open with a bang, but I was already pointing my palm in the direction of the entryway.
“Create Earth!”
It was the simple blinding tactic I so often used. When Darkness saw the pile of dust in my hand, she knew exactly what I was planning and tried to warn the staff.
“Everyone cover your—”
—eyes! is what she was going to say, but I was too fast.
“Wind Breath!”
A magical gust sprang up.
7
Kazuma here.
I’m an adventurer from Japan.
My dream is to live free and easy with so much money that I never have to worry about anything again. It’s a simple dream, and until this moment, I have lived a life of peace.
“Did you find him?! He’s not in the shadows over here! Our enemy has the Ambush skill, so be sure to check even the dark corners where nothing appears to be! Capture him—do not let him get away! In the name of the Dustiness family, I charge you to find that man and bring him to me!”
“““Yes, ma’am!!”””
At that moment, I was trying desperately to figure out a way to put some distance between me and Darkness, who had well and truly lost her mind.
“Kazumaaaaa! Where are you? If you turn yourself in like a grown-up, I’ll let you off with ten of my full-strength punches. But if I have to find you myself, you’ll have it way worse than that.”
Darkness, veins bulging as she shouted, was standing directly behind me. I was crouched down with Ambush on, creeping along the hallway.
It looked like every ounce of blood in Darkness’s body had gone to her head. She was in no fit state to talk, so I was going to call it a night. Anyway, I had a feeling that if she caught me now, she might legitimately kill me—knowing that Aqua could just resurrect me again.
I ducked into a nearby room, one that I thought might conceal a way out of the house. Luckily for me, the door wasn’t locked.
Okay. Now out the window…
Just as I was creeping toward my exit, a small voice came from the bed in the middle of the room.
“Is… Is someone there…?”
It was Darkness’s father. Even in the poorly lit bedchamber, I could see how thin his cheeks were, how pale his skin had gotten.
“Oh, it’s you…,” he whispered. “Imagine, seeing you here in the middle of the night… I see… My daughter has truly been blessed with fine friends…” His bony cheeks lifted in a smile.
Apparently, my mere presence was enough for him to figure out what I was there for. I guess they didn’t call him the kingdom’s confidant for nothing.
Even so, he looked nothing like he had the last time we’d met. He had been so full of life; now he smiled weakly. What kind of illness could ravage a man so quickly?
Footsteps hurried down the hallway.
“Sir, I’m sorry to ask a favor when you’re so ill, but your daughter is very, very angry right now. Do you think you could talk her down for me?”
The old man laughed merrily from his bed. “Is that right? She’s kept herself locked away in her room for so long. Is she finally feeling well enough to get angry?”
I really don’t think most fathers would laugh at that.
…And I had a thought.
“Sir. I’ve heard the story—how this family is indebted to Lord Alderp. But I have trouble believing someone like you would ever borrow money from someone like him. And your lifestyle doesn’t look that extravagant, either. So why the debt…?”
This was my chance to question Darkness’s father about the things that had been bothering me. I felt bad interrogating him when he was in such poor health, but Darkness wouldn’t tell me what was going on; maybe her dad would.
“…Mm. Young Kazuma,” he said after a moment, “I knew you were intelligent. Perhaps I really shall entrust my daughter to you. I’m very sorry, but…please take her. Take her and run away somewhere safe.”
What the heck was he talking about? I ask him about a debt, and he tells me to elope with his daughter?
“I’ll pass, thanks. That one’s a miss for sure. In fact, it so happens that I’m in this room because I’m trying to run away from your daughter. Very ladylike young woman you’ve raised there.”
“Ha-ha! Indeed. Ladylike and kind. Purehearted and shy, and loath to cause anyone trouble.”
He ignored my sarcasm and even seemed to be proud of his daughter. Whatever was making him sick, it looked like it had affected his brain. I wanted to ask him if we were talking about the same person, but I kept my mouth shut.
Darkness’s dad looked right at me. His body might have been wasting away, but there was still a powerful light in his eyes.
“Please don’t ask me why. My daughter knew about the debt when I entered into it, but— Well, if she isn’t here, then that’s that. I can sell the house; it will bring a fair amount. Anyway, I’m exploring various possibilities. The debt itself may yet disappear.”
So… Did that mean the debt was unjust? Whatever. Dad was capable enough to take care of that.
“It’s my daughter. She’s the one who’s rushing to give herself away. I wish only that she be stopped. Young Kazuma, if I understand correctly, my daughter does not think ill of you. Perhaps my pride misleads me, but I believe she is a worthy young woman herself… Do you agree?”
“Oh. Uh, what a question. She just told me a few minutes ago that she was going to murder me.” Anyway, there was something more important to deal with now. “Tell me what’s wrong with you. We have an excellent Arch-priest… Er, well, excellent at magic anyway. She can even use Resurrection. I don’t know what’s ailing you, but I’ll bring her here.”
Darkness’s father just smiled faintly at that. “No… It’s hopeless. Illness can’t be cured with healing magic, and those who die of illness can’t be brought back with Resurrection. Sickness has to do with our allotted life spans. No miracle can touch those who have lived out their lives. Whatever the cause of our end, we should be happy to run our race and go to the gods. So you needn’t look so somber.”
I hadn’t realized I had let my thoughts into my expression.
“Could you at least let our Arch-priest look at you? I mean, for your health to fail right at this particular moment…”
“You suspect His Lordship has poisoned me?” Dad finished the thought before I could.
…That was exactly what I suspected.
I had seen how Alderp lusted after Darkness. It was completely plausible that he was behind this…
“I’ve already investigated the possibility. It was the first thing I did. But there was no sign of poison.”
…I knew he was a sharp one. He had probably considered scenarios that hadn’t even occurred to me.
“Still?! You still haven’t found him?! Kazuma, get out here! And explain to these people that you were just imitating my
voice! I didn’t say those things!”
A wry smile crossed Darkness’s father’s face when he heard his daughter in the hallway.
“I’m asking you… Take care of her.”
N-no thanks… Really…
“Can’t you ask the king to intercede on your behalf or something? You’re a big deal in this country, right? If Alderp is trying to stick you with an unjust debt…”
The old man closed his eyes and shook his head gently. “Perhaps I could, but my daughter would still end up married to him. Where did she get such tenacity? If I went to the king, my daughter would only chastise me for using the people’s taxes in such a way and insist that she go to wife to settle the debt.” He paused, then murmured, “How did I raise someone so uncomprehending?”
My question exactly, sir. Ex-act-ly.
I really wished he could do something about his stubborn daughter…
At just that moment, the door flew open, and there was Darkness, nostrils flared, glaring in our direction.
“Heh-heh-heh… So this is where you’ve been hiding. Ha-ha-ha! Now, what am I going to do with you…?”
“Hey,” I said, “there’s a sick man here. Keep your voice down. And get your head together already. I came here on behalf of the party because we were worried about you!”
Darkness showed no sign of having heard me; she looked like a woman possessed. “No excuses! For someone who’s worried about me, you sure succeeded in destroying my reputation in record time! This is a matter between noble houses. A commoner like you shouldn’t get involved. Go back to your mansion and make some more of your weird little toys!”
Why, this obnoxious—!
“Forget about the stupid debt already!” I said. “Why can’t we just run away from it?! Why can’t we all just start over somewhere new? Anyway, you know as well as I do that if I slink back home without you, those two—especially Megumin!—are gonna do something terrible for sure! Don’t be surprised if the whole ceremony goes down the tubes on your wedding day!”
“Just you try it—I’ll have them arrested, and you as a coconspirator! Don’t like it? Then keep a leash on your party! I’m not going to run away! If I did, the burden would just fall on someone else! Forget it, you and I have other business—!”
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