“Why did you tell JJ no one called you when Dad was shot?”
Again, her mouth opens and closes, without a word being said.
“Come on, Harps. I called you, and you said you’d meet us at the hospital, and then never showed. What gives?”
Picking the edge of the fruit bowl, she says, “I drove to the hospital, and when I got there, I couldn’t get out of the car. I have spent my life never having a dad, and since finding out I’m Cas’s daughter, he’s had cancer and has been shot. He’s nearly died twice.”
“And? I don’t understand.”
“I can’t bring myself to get to know him any better than I already do, because if I lose him, then I don’t want to deal with the pain of his loss. It’s easier if I just keep my distance.”
“You’re married to JJ,” I point out. “He’s a club member. He could be shot at any time too, and you’d have to deal with his loss.”
She flinches, and looks out the back door window. “It’s not the same.”
“How isn’t it?”
“Because it isn’t.”
“So why lie to your husband and tell him we hadn’t called?”
She doesn’t answer, and it’s clear she’s not going to.
“I thought we were making progress. I’m still your brother. Don’t you want to get to know me?”
She looks at me like I’m a piece of shit. “When was the last time you checked up on me? You don’t come around. You don’t call or text me. Why is it so important to you for me to be your sister?”
“For starters, you don’t come over to my house or call or text me. It’s a two-way street. And secondly, I don’t call or text Leo all that often. You being a part of this family, you should know we’re selfish and self-absorbed.” That gets me a small smile. “If you want me to check in more often, say so. You want me to come by, say so. I’m barely keeping shit together myself at the moment, and I’m not exactly known for my outgoing personality.”
“Cas hasn’t been around much since he recovered from the shooting.”
Leaning on the table, I tell her, “He’s a good dad, but one thing that hasn’t changed in all my life is that if you want to see him, you go to the club. It’s never going to change.”
“I suppose you’re right. Shit, I can’t seem to get this family thing right.”
“I don’t get it right most of the time, not with anyone.”
“Are you talking about Victoria too?”
Nodding, I tap my fingers on the table. “She was on a date last night with Angel.”
“I saw her walk into the bar. She looked amazing. But I heard your old girlfriend is back. Aren’t you with her now? I mean, Victoria being on a date with someone else shouldn’t be bothering you.”
“Sara isn’t my girlfriend. I don’t know what we are. To be honest, it’s nothing like I thought it’d be.” Everything comes pouring out, and it doesn’t stop. “I’ve thought about Sara every day and every fucking night since she left, planning to go find her as soon as I could. Apart from Tor, I haven’t seen anyone else, but her being back is weird. She’s more of an… annoyance. Before she left town, I had to be with her all the time, but now, even when I’m with her, I’m thinking of Tor.”
She smiles. “You moved on, Luca. If you’re thinking about someone else while you’re with her, it should be clear who you want to be with. Why are you fighting it?”
“Because it was always Sara.”
“But it’s not now, Luc. She was who you wanted, but it sounds like Victoria is who you want now.”
Scrubbing my hands over my face, I sigh heavily and stand.
“You’re right. I need to go.”
Just as I’m going to leave, I stop and turn back to her. “Go and talk to dad. Don’t stay away. I’ll make more of an effort as long as you do too.”
“I will.”
The ride out to Tor’s place is quiet. Coming to the end of the road, I see Angel’s bike is where Tor’s truck is usually parked. He’s sitting on her porch swing, and when I shut off my bike, he stands and walks over.
“She’s not here. She’s on her way home from work,” he tells me.
Work? She hasn’t got a job. But I don’t give him the satisfaction of asking for details.
“What’s going on between you and Tor?”
“It isn’t any of your business, is it?”
“I warned you.”
“Look, Victoria told me you two had something, but that it was months ago. I’ve asked around about you, and I was told you’re with someone else now, so I really don’t see what your problem is. Unless it’s an asshole case of you don’t want her, but you don’t want anyone else to have her?”
Fuck, I want to punch this dick.
The sound of a car coming up the drive interrupts us, and we both turn to see Tor arriving home.
“I asked her straight if she was single, and she said yes. If she was still hung up on you, she wouldn’t have agreed to a second date with me. You should leave, because if you think you’ll get close enough to break my fingers, you’ll be disappointed, and forced to spend some time in the hospital.”
“Is that so?”
The excitement of someone coming at me amplifies the violence coursing through my body, yet when Tor walks over and signs, “What’s going on?” the need to punch him quickly fades.
“Nothing,” I sign back, hoping I got it correct.
“The prospect was just leaving,” he signs for my benefit.
I don’t make eye contact with her as I climb onto my bike. Revving the engine, I call out, “I’ll see you soon, Angel.”
“I’ll look forward to it, prospect.”
Fuck this fucking asshole.
Sara’s sitting on the couch by the pool table, flicking through a wad of papers. As I get closer, I see they’re houses for rent in town, and I sigh, sitting beside her.
“How was your sister?”
“She was fine.”
I don’t offer anymore, and she doesn’t ask. The need to punch Angel returned tenfold on the ride back to the club.
“I don’t think your mom likes me very much.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because the last couple of times I’ve said ‘Hi,’ she’s ignored me.”
“Why do you give a shit who says hi to you or not?”
“She’s your mom, Luca, and since I’m sticking around town for you, I’d like it if I got on with your parents. She can’t hate me for something I did when I was basically a kid.”
I don’t have it in me to soothe her. She’s still the vulnerable girl I once knew.
“I don’t know what you want me to do about it.”
Her eyes water, and I dread her tears. I don’t want her to cry. I sit forward, and so does she.
“I don’t like this new you, Luca. If you can’t figure out that I want to be on friendlier terms with your family because we’re together, then I don’t see a future for us.”
“We were seeing what happened. I wasn’t aware we were together yet.”
Huffing, she gets up and storms off. Heaving my ass off the couch, I see Dad on my way out and tell him about my visit to Harper earlier. He tells me he’ll call her, and I head back to Victoria.
If Angel’s still there, he can either leave or I’ll throw him out. My future isn’t with Sara, and I see that clear as day now.
Tor is mine, and it’s about time she knows that, and knows that I’m deadly serious about making shit right with her.
Lucky for Angel, his bike isn’t there when I arrive. I knock on the door and stand there for a minute before I remember she wouldn’t fucking hear it. Cupping my hands around my eyes, I peer through the windows, but there’s no movement.
I walk around the side of the house and see the door to her greenhouse is wide open. Sure as shit, she’s tending to her plants in a pair of short shorts and a skimpy crop top. My dick twitches, and it drives another nail in the future I thought I had with Sara.
; I haven’t had a single boner over her since she’s been back, but one look at Tor, and my dick is straining against my jeans.
I don’t want to scare her, but I also want a few extra moments of being around her before she no doubt tells me to leave.
She stops potting, and keeping her back to me, her shoulders lift with the deep breath she takes, and her shoulders relax. She knows I’m here. Reaching out, I run the backs of my fingers down her arm, and she tenses again. Before I can slip her hair over her shoulder, she smashes her elbow back and straight into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. I double over, fighting to catch my breath. Spinning around, she shoves me back and I fall on my ass.
“Don’t ever touch me again,” she signs.
Still working to catch my breath, I sit up and sign back, “Angel has that privilege now, huh?”
“If I allow him to. I’m not dating him because I see a future.”
I’d have to be dead, cold in the ground, and my bones turning to dust before I let them happen.
She moves closer, signing so fast, I can’t make out what she’s saying. Grabbing her wrist, I pull her down onto my lap, and in one quick move, I have her lying on the floor with me above her.
Holding her arms above her head, the swell of her breasts distract me from her knee to the inside of my thigh, narrowly missing my balls.
Her eyes are ablaze with fire and anger, but the pain I’ve inflicted still tinges the edges of the flames.
Thrashing and bucking her hips to get me off, literally gets me off. I haven’t been this hard since the last time I was with her.
“Let me talk, please, and I’ll let go of you.”
Narrowing her eyes, she thinks for a moment, and then nods. Slowly releasing her, I keep my eyes open for a swift knee to the balls, but she scrambles up onto her ass and shuffles out of my reach. We end up sitting opposite of each other, neither of us going too far.
“If you’re here because I’m dating Angel—”
I hold my hand up, stopping her. “It was one date. There won’t be another.”
“Your jealously is shameful and embarrassing.”
I shrug her insults off. There’s no point in disagreeing with her. Her anger evaporates, and a sly smirk creeps along her lips, and it’s all kinds of fucked up. Crawling closer, she stops just before me, and it takes everything in me not to reach out for her again.
“You caused me so much heartache, told me you hated me, said goodbye, yet here you are while your girlfriend is right where you want her.” Her smirks grows when her eyes drop to my bulge. Crawling onto my lap, she straddles me, grinding her hips against me, the friction between us driving me wild, and we’re not even skin on skin. Her mouth hovers so close to mine, but she doesn’t kiss me. Holding her to me, it feels so fucking good to have her in my arms again. Everything I should’ve felt being so close to Sara is what I’m feeling now with Tor. She continues to grind, and like a fucking virginal teenager, I bust a nut in my pants. Feeling me shudder, she leans back, once again with that wicked smirk she wears, knowing exactly what’s just happened.
Her chest bobs as she silently laughs. Sliding off my lap, she gets to her feet.
“Clean up before your girlfriend sees you,” she signs.
Jumping up, I sign very clearly, “She’s not my girlfriend.” I’m getting extremely pissed with everyone assuming she is.
“She’s the love of your life. Just because you won’t put a label on it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”
Moving closer to her, I’m aware of the tools lying around. I wouldn’t put it past her to pick one up and threaten me with it. I need to get this off my chest before she wants me gone.
“Then why is it I’m always thinking about you? Why is it I could have everything I’ve thought I always wanted but no longer do? Why the fuck is it you get rid of my kid, but it’s you I want with me at all fucking times?”
She shakes her head, not believing I word I said, but I don’t blame her. A single tear betrays her and rolls down her cheek.
“You’re messing with me.”
Stepping even closer to her, I hold on to her arms and say out loud for her to read my lips, “I wish I were.”
I feel the second she relaxes, and she falls to the floor and curls her knees to her chest. Dropping down in front of her, I make sure she’s watching me and sign, “It’s you. I need you in my life. I’m going crazy without you.”
Another tear follows the last, and she angrily swipes it away. “So much has happened, Luca.”
“We can start fresh.”
Looking away from me, I nudge her chin up so she has to look at me.
“No, we can’t. Not until you know the truth.”
Falling onto my ass, I place my legs on either side of her and ask, “What truth?”
Digging her teeth into her bottom lip until it turns white from the pressure, she starts moving her hands.
“I didn’t have an abortion.” The air is zapped from my lungs. “The night Ellis ambushed the club, I lost it. I had a miscarriage.”
I just sit there, making sure to catch every move of her hands as she explains how her mom was bathing her when it happened.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because you didn’t want me without the baby, and I couldn’t keep living in Sara’s shadow. I needed you to hate me because I wasn’t strong enough to stay away from you. Then she came back, and I lost you anyway.”
I don’t know what to say.
“I loved you, Luca, and a part of me didn’t want to tell you the truth because it was just another thing Ellis took from your family.”
A strangled breath barely escapes me.
“We’ve been through so much, repeatedly caused each other so much hurt, I don’t see a way back from it.”
“That can’t be true.”
“You slept with someone else and planned for me to catch you. I knew you were cruel, but that was an extra level kind of cruel.”
Fuck, I forgot all about Mercy.
“Like I said, so much has happened. You can’t honestly believe we could be together.”
“I fucking do. I’ve regretted that night every single day, but I swear to you, it’ll never fucking happen again.”
“Have you slept with Sara?”
“No.”
“No? She’s been staying with you and you haven’t done anything?”
Her incredulous look clearly says she doesn’t believe me.
“She’s kissed me twice, and each time it led nowhere, because one, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and the second time, she didn’t like the way I kissed.”
Further confusion mars her beautiful face, so I try to explain. “She’s soft and tender, and I kiss like there’s no tomorrow, like the way you kiss me back. How about you? Did you fuck Angel?”
“No. We kissed, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It didn’t feel right,” she admits without looking at me.
It’s like a weight off my chest, but it soon returns when she stands and walks over to a rose bush.
I can’t stand it when she turns her back to me. Following her, I go to say I love her when she signs, “Where’s Sara now?”
“At the club.”
“You came here while she’s still around? You’re beyond shocking, Luca Jackson. I’m not expecting anything from you. It’s dangerous for me to expect shit. Until you figure out what it is you really want, I can’t do this.”
“I want you!” I sharpen my hand actions to drive the point home.
“Then when you come to me, don’t have another girl waiting for you at the club.”
Cupping the back of her head, I pull her close and kiss the top of her head before she yanks herself free.
“I’m going to sort this out and prove to you how much I want you.”
“Sure you will.”
Sara’s nowhere to be seen in the bar. I head up to my room, the glares from the twins shooting me in the back until I’m out of their sight.
I find her sitting on my bed, flicking through the rentals again.
Before I do this, I slip into the bathroom and clean myself up. My dick twitches, remembering how Tor got me off so fucking easily.
“What do you think of this one?” she asks when I step back into the room.
Ignoring the sheet with a picture of a small house on it, I sit on the end of the bed and say, “We need to talk.”
“About?” she asks warily.
My mom used to say it’s better to rip the band aid off in one go, and I use her logic now.
“You need to go home. This…” I swing my thumb between us, “isn’t going to work.”
Sighing, she puts the papers down on the bed and crawls over to me.
“I thought—”
“I’m in love with Victoria.”
“But…”
“There are no buts. I love her, and I need to be with her. I told you I’d changed, but I didn’t see it myself, not in the ways it matters.”
“You killed my dad for me so I could come back. I stayed for you so we could be together like we should’ve been before I left.”
“Technically, he killed himself,” I point out, already distancing myself from that crime. “Can you honestly say you’d be happy living here again? Being with me as a Lost Soul? You know the kind of life a brother lives wearing the patch. I can’t even kiss you without you wanting to slow down, and I’m not putting you down for that. I’m trying to say that being an old lady around here, you need to be a certain kind of woman.”
“I wouldn’t have to come to the club.”
“But you would, some of the time, when shit goes down. We could be on lockdown for weeks. You would hate it, and there wouldn’t be anything I could do. You were never meant to be that kind of woman—you’re not that kind of woman.”
“But Victoria is that woman?”
I have to bite down on a smile just hearing her name. I don’t want to hurt Sara any more than I seem to be doing now.
“She’s the same as me. She grew up here, she knows the ways and the rules. When the club goes on lockdown, she gets on with it. When trouble comes, she knows how to handle herself.”
His Twisted Heart : Sons of Lost Souls MC Series Book Nine Page 23