I thought I heard a scream out into the corridor. Judging by the exact angry pitch, this wasn’t someone who was after a Band-Aid. They got to the door, but the head doctor opened his hands in a violent motion and sent a crack of yellow blue lightning blasting into the guy. I got a chance to see that he had an ethereal ghost body before he exploded.
Behind the doctor, half the medical staff lined up to help with the fight as the others saw to their patients.
“Come on, Eve,” Sonos hissed as he pulled me around. He opened his hand, and a Hell gate appeared behind him.
I could see my bedroom.
I shook my head. “If I go home, Hilliker is going to know exactly where I am.”
“Hilliker is still trapped. His priests are still trapped, too.”
“But what about the army of possessed he has?”
“Trust in your home. It has more protection than you can imagine.” With that, he pulled me in through the portal.
It took precisely no time at all to arrive back in my house.
Though it hadn’t been that long, it felt as if I hadn’t seen this place for years.
We arrived inside the foyer, just behind the vault door. I distracted myself with trying to figure out if more of the floor had fallen in until I realized exactly where we were. I frowned quickly at Sonos. “How did you breach my door? If it was easy, then Hilliker will be able to—”
He pointed down at my engagement ring.
I stared at the glinting diamond for a few seconds before my brow compressed. “But we’re not really engaged—”
He tilted his head. He gave me this look I would never forget. Then he turned, moved his hand in a circle, and called on another Hell gate.
“Sonos, don’t,” I said. I snapped a hand toward him, but it was already too late.
He stared over his shoulder at me as he fell forward into the Hell gate. “Stay safe. That’s all I ask. I will return.”
That promise echoed – not just through the room, but through my head – as he disappeared. As the last few faint crackles of the Hell gate disappeared, I fell down to my knees. I sat there for way too long. I was empty – confused – kind of broken – but really excited at the same time. My lips were still tingling like crazy from the kiss. My body wanted more. But it would not get it. Not anytime soon, anyway.
It took way too long to pull myself up. I instantly locked my arms around my waist and let my fingers trail over my elbows. I was cold. And tired – really tired. All I wanted to do was race up to my bedroom and fall face-first on my pillow. Sonos wouldn’t have brought me here unless he was confident it was safe – for now. That meant I could rest, right?
I shook my head, my tangled hair trailing over my shoulders. “Wrong. Hilliker will be out there. It’s only a matter of time.”
I was cold. Seriously damn cold. So I walked into the main sitting room. I barely ever came in here. Only when I was thoughtful and ruminating – which didn’t happen very often.
I clicked my fingers at the plush chair beside the fireplace. The chair remained exactly where it was. I clicked my fingers in frustration once more until I remembered.
I closed my eyes and tipped my head back. “No magic, ha? This is a new one.” Trailing my shaking, white fingers down my brow, I walked over to the chair and sat in it. But I was still way too cold. I reached over to my fire and waved a hand in front of it, forgetting once more that I did not have the magic to ignite it.
Wincing, I pushed down to my knees. There wasn’t even any wood in the fireplace. Hell, there was none in the castle. I’d have to go out into the forest and find broken branches. While Sonos had said I’d be safe here, I really didn’t think it was a good idea to go traipsing through the woods. Now I had no magic, maybe the wolves would no longer be scared of me and they’d take the opportunity to snack on my legs.
“Fine, I’ll find some other way to get warm.” I crumpled in the chair and brought my legs up, but I continued to shiver badly. It got bad enough that it felt like I would chew through my own teeth as they clattered in my skull.
Knowing full well I had to get warm before I blacked out and made myself weaker, I realized I didn’t actually have to burn wood. All I had to do was find something that would combust. And in a castle that was literally falling down around my ears, that was not as hard as it sounded.
I went to the four corners of the large sitting room. It had a brilliant, massive plateglass window to one side. While several panes were broken, fortunately they didn’t let in the roaring wind from outside. The magical force field was still in place. There was leaf litter everywhere, though. There were even chunks of dirt, too. And fortunately for me, there were old branches. I began to collect absolutely anything that would combust. I couldn’t carry much. I was too weak. In fitful bursts as I found the energy required to move only to lose it again a few seconds later, I carried chunks of plaster, rusted beams, twigs and leaves over to the fire. I soon created a fine enough mound. Then I tried to find matches. But there were none in my house. Why would someone who could practice magic ever require a frigging match?
Dejected, tears trailing down my cheeks at the futility of the situation, I crumpled in front of the fire. I was now so cold that my arms were white.
Shaking all over, I tried desperately to rub some warmth into myself, but it wouldn’t work. “Dammit,” I whispered. “I can’t black out. I have to stay awake. Come on.” I slapped my cheek. It did nothing. “Frigging come on, dammit,” I shouted at myself once more.
But no matter how much I hit myself, it couldn’t count. I was starting to black out.
Just as my head tilted toward the metal grating around the open fireplace as if I was going to use the jagged iron as a pillow, I forced myself up. Clenching my teeth, I reminded myself of what was at stake.
I stood. It was one of the most laborious things I’d ever done. Securing my fingers together and gritting my teeth, I clicked them. I tried desperately to make a spark. “Come on, anything will do. Come on,” I whispered again.
I clicked my fingers over and over again until they were so tired I could barely move. Then finally, with one last chance, I did it. A single spark alighted on top of my fingers. Groaning, I shifted over and let the spark fall into the mound of rubbish. At first nothing happened, and my heart fell as I realized my best effort wasn’t good enough, anyway. Finally, finally the fire took.
I sat there in awe of my magic for possibly the first time in my life. This was hardly the most impressive thing I’d ever done. Once upon a time, I’d been able to topple whole mobs with my power. But I would take this.
As the fire raged, I tucked my knees up, locked my arms around them, and nestled my head against my legs. I stared at the flames. And I waited.
And I waited. If I’d been feeling stronger, I would’ve walked back and forth to the front doors. I wasn’t. If I’d been feeling smart, I would’ve realized that back in the hospital, I’d been able to open my subspace pocket and do other small displays of magic. Now it was either leaving me more, or something was getting in the way of me and my final few charges.
I couldn’t tell you how many hours drifted past. I knew for a fact that a fight for Sato’s Emporium wouldn’t take long. For one, Sato would go all-out. He would not tolerate someone battling him on his home turf. He would use every single impressive weapon in his arsenal – and all the crazy he had on top of that, too. Barney would fight to the death, as well. And as for Sonos. “He wouldn’t let them fall,” I whispered as I gave another shiver. “So why aren’t you back yet?”
I was getting warmer. I was no longer hugging my legs. I hadn’t used this fire in years. I only did so when I was ruminating in a melancholic mood. Staring at the flames always made me attune to my broken past. But the fire itself was magically encoded to the rest of the house. As long as I kept it stoked, it would keep the whole house at a steady temperature. The flames were starting to die, however. Reluctantly, I pulled myself up on the search for more rubbish.
/>
I was still damn weak. I might’ve heated up, but the more I focused on the fact Sonos was taking too long, the more I stumbled.
I found more junk. I dragged it back to the fireplace and grunted as I threw it inside.
At the back of my head I realized that I was feeding the house to itself. That wasn’t a great thing where magic was involved. I tried to use branches and twigs that had fallen in from outside where I could, but there weren’t enough of them. I had to heap whole chunks of plaster into the fire and rotten wooden beams.
... I wondered if it was a metaphor for what was happening to me. As my resurrection magic was stolen by Hilliker, it was like my magic was being broken down to feed the last few of my resurrection attempts.
If I was this weak now, how weak would I become when he killed me again? And how weak would I be when I only had one life left?
Shivering, I had to lock a hand on the wall beside me. That just meant my hand went right through the plaster.
I caught a glimpse of the world outside. It was dusk. I was too confused to keep track of time. Had it been night when I’d come here? I’d traveled through so many time zones that I had no clue. But I got the impression that even if it hadn’t been night, my pocket space was reacting to my internal power and mood. The sun was going down on it just as it went down on me figuratively.
Soon enough I had to look further afield to keep the fire on. That took me to the one place I hadn’t been in years. My ballroom. As soon as I took a step inside, I froze. Every time I danced with Hilliker in the snow globe, I tried to pay more attention to the ballroom. I’d gotten the impression that it looked a little bit like this place, but now I was here I could not deny the familiarity. I gasped. Somehow forgetting how injured and tired I was, I ran over to the middle of the ballroom. I stared at the spot where Hilliker and I had been dancing. Sorry, it hadn’t been in this particular ballroom, but that didn’t matter. I still got down on my hands and knees and pathetically trailed my fingers over the spot where, in his pocket space, we had embraced.
Tears became trapped in my lashes. They shivered there until they trailed down my white cheeks. I sat on my ass with a bang. I looked up at the broken chandelier above me.
Tears suddenly took me – not by half, but by full. They gushed out of me as I sobbed back and forth. I grabbed my arms around my knees. “Why the hell did I let it get this far? Sonos... you’re gone, aren’t you? It’s been too long. You’re dead.” As I croaked that word out, it felt like someone strangled my insides.
I stopped again. And I started to rock, back and forth, back and forth as violently as I could. I was beginning to damage the floor underneath me. The floorboards were groaning under my continuous weight. Soon enough I couldn’t take it anymore, and balling up a fist, I smashed it down. I fractured more of the floor.
This was not fair. Screw Hilliker. It all came back to him. I’d been made to think that Sonos was the bad man all these years when Hilliker had been hiding behind him. Yes, Sonos could have told me the truth earlier, but that wasn’t the point. I was no longer going to shift the blame. Everything – including my parents’ death – was down to Hilliker.
I’d felt nothing but weak and pathetic since I’d come home. Now as I clenched a hand into a tight fist, I let my anger rise. A few faint sparks of magic met it. They were not enough to light up this ballroom nor the rest of my castle. But they could force me to my feet.
I had a box waiting for me upstairs in my bedroom – one people had promised me would reveal everything. Though I’d already seen what had occurred at the orphanage, I knew instinctively that there had to be more important information in there.
I had been told by multiple people that I could not open that box until I was strong enough. I was certainly not strong enough. I was weaker than I ever had been – including when I’d been a newborn.
But that didn’t damn well matter. I was sick of being kept in the dark.
If I had known about Hilliker, if I’d understood what he had planned for me, I would’ve fought harder. I would’ve thought ahead. I would’ve decided what he needed the most, and just as he’d done to my parents, I would’ve taken it from him.
I kept a hand clenched into a fist. It was either that or the distracting thought of destroying Hilliker that made me walk out of the room – not stumble.
In reality, it was neither. For as I had sat there in the middle of my ballroom, a little of my energy had returned without me paying any attention. It filled me now as I raced up my stairs and reached my room. I threw myself in to see the box still on my dresser. I frowned at it, dragging my lips over my teeth as if Hilliker was in the room with me. “Bastard,” I said as my mouth crumpled hard. I stalked over to the box, and I grabbed it. I turned and sat on my bed. With my legs dangling off it, I settled the box on my lap. I grabbed the catch. I tried to open it with mere strength alone, but I shouldn’t have to tell you that that didn’t work. So I just dragged my teeth harder over my lip until I could’ve made it bleed. “Come on,” I spat. “You will not remain locked for me anymore.” If the force of my voice alone were enough to open this box, it would’ve gone on to rip through reality – it was that strong.
I had wanted to open the box previously. But now I needed to with all my heart. Time kept ticking on, and Sonos wasn’t here. The longer it took until he came back, the more likely it was that he had failed or died.
Tightening my eyelids until they were as hard to open as the box itself, I jerked my head to the side, stray tears trailing down my hand. They splashed onto the box. I felt a little spark under my fingers. I opened my eyes quickly. I stared as the sparks disappeared.
“This box... it’s not encoded to my tears like that vault box, is it?” I didn’t need to force myself to cry – all I had to do was flatten my palm over my cheek and collect more of the tears that had stained it. Then I smeared them on top of the box. It certainly reacted to them, but it didn’t open. I concentrated on the lock, but that did nothing.
“Come on,” I said as frustration filled me like a bomb. I smashed my fist down on the top of the box. It did nothing, but at least it alleviated some of my anger.
“Come on, you bastard. Open for me. I’m ready to see the full truth,” I screamed.
The box did not react. So I threw it at the wall. It was fine – the wall was not. I lurched over to it, picked it up, and chucked it on the floor. It fell through.
My library was below this room. I stomped over to the hole in the floor that would take me down to it but quickly thought better of it. Yes, I was full of anger, but no, I couldn’t break my ankle just to spite the box.
I reluctantly walked downstairs and headed to my library. I found the box down on its side next to my recliner. I picked it up, my fingers so tense, I thought I’d break every bone in them.
I walked over to my recliner and sat in it. I settled the box on my lap. “I need to be strong to open you, ha? Why? If you belong to Hilliker, then you’re just some other test, aren’t you? And he—”
I opened my eyes. All he’d cared about was my ability to access the Deep. He’d mentioned it several times – though he’d added that there was no point in it now. I was so close to death – real, actual death anyway – that accessing the Deep would achieve nothing.
But it would open this box. I cast my mind back to Purgatory. The energy I had felt when I had forced that transport node to take me back to reality had been like nothing else. It was... it was like reality itself had condensed down into a beam and shot through me. It had been heady, exciting, thrilling, and terrifying all at once. It had almost offered me a glimpse into eternity.
I tried to replicate that now as I squeezed my eyes shut and kept my fingers locked on the box.
Nothing happened. I didn’t give up. Frustration could only get me so far. Sheer anger had brought me to this room. But if I really wanted to open this box – if I really wanted to reveal its contents – then I had to go deeper.
I smiled at that.
/>
Hadn’t taking things at surface-value always been my problem? Sonos had said as much back in the clinic. I couldn’t read the writing on the wall. I always kept fighting the obvious. I chose to believe what I wanted to believe. I never peered into reality to see what was there – and I sure as hell never went deep. Because that terrified me. I’d already admitted that the concept of finding out what I really was had terrified me so much that I hadn’t done anything to further my cause previously. If I hadn’t been so fundamentally scared of my powers, I would’ve researched Sonos sooner. I would’ve found my adoption records. I would’ve pulled the wool off the eyes of this entire situation. Instead, I’d held onto my anger and frustration, and that was it.
“Come on,” I said, for the first time my voice quiet. It had power, but it didn’t bleed out of me like an open wound.
I let my fingers slowly drag back and forth across the box. They were still slightly sweaty, and they left a pattern over the smooth varnish.
I knew I could go deeper. Maybe it required my magic – but I doubted that. For if I was a real child of the Deep, the Deep was a part of me – always there, always within reach. It would be like my genetics, right? No matter what you do, you can’t run from what you really are.
I just had to find a path – a permanent doorway between me and that force.
I knew if Sonos were here, he would stop me. He’d want me to rest and recoup.
Or at least I assumed that. I’d assumed a lot of things about Sonos, and wasn’t it time I stopped?
I clutched the box tightly, pulling it up and nestling it against my chest. I reminded myself of what had happened back in Purgatory. When all hope had been lost, I’d damn well believed in it, anyway.
... And that was it, wasn’t it? Hope. That’s precisely what Hilliker had said. Not about the Deep – but about my cross. It gave me hope when nothing else would. And what is hope but a path through uncertainty and defeat when all other paths are blocked off?
I was still wearing my cross. I grabbed it. As soon as my fingers locked around it, the box lit up. I wasn’t accessing the full power of the Deep yet, but the two objects were reacting to each other. I just had to connect the power of the cross with the box. If I had my ordinary power still, it would be easy. Even the simplest magical practitioner knew how to use themselves as a conduit.
Better off Dead Book Three Page 5