Elizabeth had been using masturbation as her only form of sex for so long that she’d forgotten how much better it could be with human interaction. Hell, she’d convinced herself she didn’t even need it. She had orgasms. Powerful ones. She used porn and books and her own imagination to get off. And then Flynn stepped into the picture.
She realized he was offering her the world without saying a word. He didn’t need to. His feelings were written on his face. He cared about her. He would put his own needs aside for hers, and he had.
In that moment when he’d clipped the pin on her nipple, she’d not only felt a deep longing, but she’d seen true admiration in his eyes. And it scared the hell out of her.
She was a hot mess. Damaged. She was faking like she could be a regular human, but the truth was she doubted she could keep it up. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to let him sleep in her bed.
After years without a single nightmare, the damn visions had returned lately to infiltrate her mind in the middle of the night, causing her to toss and turn and wake up in a cold sweat. No one wanted to see that. And honestly, she didn’t want to explain it. Not in detail. It had been years since Master Phil had taken a part of her and destroyed it. She should be over it by now, not rehashing it. It should be buried. Done.
It wasn’t.
And that infuriated her.
She’d had another revelation tonight. Not only was masturbation not quite going to cut if for the rest of her life, but she also acknowledged that she couldn’t dominate herself. It sounded stupid even in her mind, but she hadn’t been kidding. She had used those clothespins on her own nipples. She’d used other things too, including butt plugs. She would close her eyes and pretend an amazing fictitious Dom was controlling her body.
It worked. It had gotten the job done. It had served her needs and ensured she had good sex and great orgasms as often as she’d wanted.
But now that entire premise seemed like a lie she told herself to avoid human interaction. Flynn had no idea how much he had rocked her world. And she was too much of a coward to tell him.
She shook that thought from her mind, but sleep wouldn’t come. The next visual was of their conversation in the car. She’d promised him she wouldn’t allow her scenes to become sexual. She curled into a tighter ball as she tried to internalize that. It had seemed like a simple enough request at the time, but had she been willing to consent to just about anything to get her fix from him?
She squeezed her eyes closed and took several deep breaths, reminding herself she wasn’t weak, just human. People didn’t live in a vacuum. Not physically or emotionally. Just because she’d done so for too many years didn’t make it right. Or healthy.
Hell, she hadn’t even been a kind person most of that time. She was ruthless at work. And then instead of turning that around and letting herself submit in the evenings, she kept that dominant hat on and spent her time in clubs still ordering people around.
It was exhausting, really. She wasn’t sure why she’d done it all these years. Who was she proving anything to? Herself? Master Phil? The man probably hadn’t even thought about her a single moment since she’d left him. And yet she’d allowed him to infiltrate her thoughts often. All the time lately.
It was like a dam had opened up when she spotted Flynn at Club Zodiac, and the water wouldn’t stop flowing out. It was moving at a rapid speed, and she couldn’t stop it. What if it all drained away and left her empty and broken?
She wasn’t ready for this. It was too much too fast. Maybe she would never be ready. It had seemed like fun and games even this evening, right up until the moment when Flynn had given her the power to climb over him and take the reins.
She’d known he wasn’t switching roles. It wasn’t like that. He was still the Dom the entire time. He’d simply been gracious enough to give her the freedom to set the pace.
Something in her had torn when he’d given her permission to mount him. And that tear had broken completely the moment she slammed down over him, burying him inside her so deep the breath whooshed out of her lungs.
It had scared her. She thought she hid it well, but she’d been freaking out inside. And then everything shifted again when she started to move. It felt so fucking good. She lost herself in the sensations, let herself experience nirvana. When she came around his cock, she was a ball of pure feeling.
And then the fear crept in. While she was sprawled out on his chest, she’d let her mind take over, warning her this was a dangerous, slippery slope. A bad idea.
It was happening too fast. No one should go from zero to one hundred this fast. It would eventually blow up in her face.
She wasn’t ready for more, and she didn’t want him to ask her for more. It was already huge that he’d asked her not to touch other people intimately. He’d easily consented to the same too.
So what was this? After two great fucks in four days, were they exclusive or something? She wasn’t even exclusive material. She was too much of a mess to drag someone else with her. He didn’t even have all the facts. He didn’t really know what she’d gone through. And she never wanted to talk about it. Not with anyone. She had no desire to drag the past out and rip open old wounds.
Or maybe you’re just scared.
She took another deep breath. She was scared. Out of her mind. Visions of what Flynn probably thought the immediate future looked like made her so nervous. Did he think he could just spend the night and then they would go to work in the morning together and share a muffin and giggle at each other? And then what? Then they would take this thing to the club or back to his place and switch from working mode to D/s mode?
She feared that was exactly what he wanted. If she’d asked him to stay, he’d be wrapped around her right now. Kissing her neck and saying all the right things. The man was infuriating that way. He never fucked up. He didn’t even fuck up leaving her. He’d taken her cue, hardly flinched, put his clothes back on, and then kissed her as if she hadn’t just kicked him out.
She tried to picture making breakfast with him, her feeding him bites of bacon, him sliding her onto his lap. Ugh. What a disaster. Why had her damn emotions gotten involved?
Space. That’s what she needed. A few days to think and figure out what she wanted. She could do that. It would be easy to tell him she had appointments with venues and vendors and Lavern. He wouldn’t question her. For one, he’d given her his word that this gig was hers. For another thing, he was too damn polite.
Where was his breaking point?
Surely the man would eventually snap. If he didn’t, it would mean he wasn’t nearly as invested as she thought he was. Maybe that was the key to everything. She could take a few days away from him to think, and as a side bonus, she would find out how patient he was.
It wasn’t fair to him. Not even close. And what did he have to do to prove himself to her in this game she’d created without telling him the rules? Not call? Would that convince her he wasn’t pushy or too invested?
What if he called every day, incessantly, driving her bananas? Then what? Would that indicate he was too needy?
So, her goal was some arbitrary middle ground where he texted just enough and not too much but then eventually showed up hurt and confused? This was a risky game. A very unfair one.
In the end she would probably lose and lose big.
But she didn’t have the energy for anything else. Not now anyway. She was tired. So very tired. It turned out holding all that anxiety inside for over a decade was exhausting. She needed to sleep for a month.
Chapter 22
Flynn tried hard to ignore the radio silence coming from Elizabeth on Thursday and Friday. He realized they had experienced something pretty profound. It had shaken his foundation too. It wasn’t hard to believe she would need time to process it. And he would give it to her.
She’d texted him twice on Thursday to update him on her various meetings and once on Friday saying that she was close to nailing down at least the venue and the bigger det
ails.
He had no concern about her abilities. And it was surprisingly easy to give her carte blanche and let her run with this event. She was far over qualified.
But he missed her. A lot. Her scent. The feel of her hair sliding through his fingers. The way she moaned when she came. The blissful look she got on her face. He even missed watching her dominate. So majestic. Confident. Regal.
She wasn’t at Zodiac Friday night, and he couldn’t keep himself from texting her the following morning. Disappointment that he hadn’t even seen her consumed him. He’d hoped to at least be granted a few minutes of her time, even if it was only to exchange a few words.
By Saturday, he felt like she’d pulled away. There was no way to deny she was ghosting him. Why?
He paced his living room half the morning, flipping his phone in his hand, willing it to ring. He needed to hear her voice. He was confident she was interested in him beyond a friendship or even a D/s arrangement. Either that or she was an amazing faker.
Nope. He knew she liked him. She was scared. Licking her wounds. And that had been fine for a few days, but not any longer. If he let her, she would pull all the way out of their new relationship and find some reason to shrug it off.
Maybe it would take some convincing to get her to see they had something between them. It might even take more than that. But he wasn’t about to give up.
Time to throw his cards in. He lifted his phone and sent her a text.
Miss you.
He stared at it a few moments and then tossed it on the end table and headed for the shower. At least that would keep him from staring at it, willing her to respond for ten minutes.
When he came back in the room, towel around his hips because he couldn’t wait long enough to put jeans on, he was relieved to see a response.
Sorry. It was a busy week. I needed some time to think. I’m not used to being accountable to anyone.
He read her message over and over, trying to think about how he might want to respond. Finally, he took a breath and went for the risk.
Can I see you tonight? Will you be at Zodiac?
Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long for her response.
Yes.
It was one word, but it was a good word, and it gave him hope.
It was weird that he’d gone from having the most amazing night of his life Wednesday to feeling such a disconnect that he wasn’t sure this relationship was even a thing by today. He felt like he was climbing uphill and might not get to the top at all. It was painful.
Flynn headed to the restaurant to keep his mind busy with the Saturday rush. He even came out of his office and helped out at the bar and in the front. His manager, Jeremy, lifted a brow a few times, but didn’t ask any questions. Not until his mom came in that is.
Julie Taylor could be a whirlwind when she wanted to be. Her impromptu visit led to her asking Flynn questions about Elizabeth that caused Jeremy to lift both brows now and smirk. All he said was “Ah” as if that explained everything. It kinda did.
It was impossible not to admit to himself that he was doing everything in his power to keep his mind from wandering to Elizabeth and what he wanted to say to her tonight. How he might go about convincing her to come home with him.
God, he missed her. She’d only been in town three weeks. He’d only had her in his bed for the first time a week ago. It seemed like much longer though.
It seemed like a lifetime.
By the time he left the restaurant to head for the club, he was a ball of nerves. Completely out of sorts. His usual confident self was uncertain and frustrated.
He arrived intentionally late, mostly to make himself seem less desperate. Elizabeth’s Toyota was in the parking lot. So were a number of black trucks. The problem with black trucks was that tons of people drove them. None of the ones in the lot were specifically a Ford Ranger either. Once again Flynn could kick himself for not ensuring that at some point he was close enough to that truck to get the plate number.
The club was in full swing when he entered, and he spotted Elizabeth within moments. She was alone at a station zipping up her toy bag, a good indication she had just finished dominating someone who apparently didn’t need aftercare.
Flynn wasn’t sure what he wanted to say or if she would feel pressured if he spoke to her. Hell, he wasn’t confident she was interested in talking to him at all, and he had even less assurance that she wanted people to see them interacting. Even if he didn’t dominate her, would she think he was messing with her mojo if he approached her?
He decided it didn’t matter how she reacted. He had to know. He needed the contact. Any interaction would be better than nothing. As he slowly made his way toward her, trying not to rush across the room and draw attention to himself or appear desperate, another man intercepted him, stepping right into her personal space.
Flynn was at her back, but close enough to hear the man speak. “Hey, pretty lady, how about if you let me show you some of my moves?” The guy was about an inch shorter than her. He had a shaved head with just enough of a shadow to indicate how far his hairline had receded. His stance was cocky, and his expression made Flynn’s skin crawl.
“Sorry. I don’t sub. I’m not a switch.”
Flynn flinched, but then again, he couldn’t be mad at her for doing whatever it took to brush this guy off. He rubbed Flynn wrong.
The guy reached out and stroked a finger down her bare arm. “Maybe you just haven’t been with the right Dom. I’m Master Sean, by the way.”
Flynn fisted his hands at his sides, wanting to rush forward and punch this fucker in the face. He knew this wouldn’t win him any points with Elizabeth though, so he forced himself to remain where he was. Elizabeth could handle this Master Sean guy on her own. Flynn’s instinct to protect would not be welcome right now.
Elizabeth took a step back and jerked her arm out of the guy’s reach. “Not interested. I don’t sub for anyone. You’ll have to find someone else to dominate.”
Sean swayed forward, his smirk even more pronounced. “Feisty. I like it. I’m always up for a challenge.”
Luckily, Carter came forward, taking long strides to get to Elizabeth’s side. “Is there a problem here?”
“No problem at all.” Sean held both hands up in the air as if in surrender. “I was just offering my services to this lovely lady here.”
“It would seem she told you she wasn’t interested more than once.”
Sean chuckled and waved a dismissive hand. “Do women really know what they want? Sometimes it takes a firm hand to remind them.”
Carter flinched, and two seconds later, he had Elizabeth behind him.
Flynn was done, however. He’d shown incredible restraint, but he’d finally snapped. Rushing forward, he took the smarmy fucker by the shoulders, spun him around toward the door, and gave him a shove. “I suggest you walk out of here on your own two feet before I throw you out.” This guy was no Master at all. He didn’t deserve the title. He could call himself a Master if he wanted, but no Master would treat a woman this way.
Sean spun back around, straightened his shirt, and glared at Flynn. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Stay out of my business, asshole.”
Flynn stepped forward, forcing the bald guy to take a step back. “I’m the guy who’s going to smash your nose into your face in about two seconds for disrespecting someone. I suggest you get the fuck out of here before I take a swing.”
The guy flicked his gaze toward Elizabeth. “You fucking her or something?”
Flynn couldn’t stop himself. That was the last straw. He lifted his right arm and gave a hard jab toward the asshole’s face.
Someone grabbed his arm in midair, however, and Flynn twisted his head to find Lincoln at his side. The commotion would’ve caused someone to alert Lincoln. He set a hand on the guy’s shoulder. “Let’s go.”
Sean shrugged Lincoln off and then glared at the trio of men closing in on him. “Hey, no reason to get carried away. I haven’t done
anything wrong. No law against trying to get a pretty lady to let me dominate her. After all, that’s what this club is for.”
“Not even close, buddy,” Lincoln gritted out. “We have rules here. You’re breaking about ten of them right now. You need to leave, and you won’t be welcome back. I’ll give you five seconds and then I’m calling the police.”
The fucker had the audacity to roll his eyes, his gaze coming to Flynn. “She yours?”
Elizabeth shoved Flynn out of the way with her shoulder as she came up beside him. “Listen, asshole. I’m nobody’s property. I don’t belong to anyone, especially not you. I suggest you take the opportunity to get out of this club before things get a whole lot worse for you.” She had her hands fisted as though she would personally punch him if needed.
Flynn had no doubt she would and could too. She was formidable. Impressive. A force to be reckoned with. He needed to remember never to piss her off. He was also proud of her.
The dickwad dared to turn his gaze toward Flynn. “If she’s yours, you better take her in hand. She’s a mouthy bitch.”
Carter and Lincoln both lurched forward at those words, each grabbing an arm to haul this asshole toward the entrance.
Flynn watched them until they left the main room, and then he spun around to find Elizabeth jerking her bag off the floor and stomping past him.
What the fuck?
He followed her, even though she was moving at a fast pace toward the hallway. Maybe she simply wanted to get out of the main room without causing any more of a commotion.
When she finally spun around, the glare she landed on Flynn informed him she was pissed. At him? “You okay?”
She narrowed her eyes farther. “I had everything under control. You didn’t need to come in all He-Man trying to pump your muscles. I’ve taken self-defense classes, and I’m assertive enough to put people in their place with my words.”
He winced, taking a step back. “You’re mad at me? For stepping in when some fucking asshole was harassing you?”
Tempting Elizabeth Page 14