But then, like a reliable, recurring virus, it all came flooding back.
The realization that I never did get my kiss.
Never felt the ecstasy of Tristan Wolfe inside me.
Worst of all, I’d told him that I was accepting his offer to take over the theater. Which meant that I would still have to work with him in some ridiculous capacity, and I’d probably hate every minute of it.
Well, at least I’d stood up to him. I still had my dignity. At least no one could call me a pushover.
I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the night stand. One message from Tristan flashed onto the screen:
Hope the trip was all right.
Stay well, Ariana. Be safe.
That’s all I ever wanted for you.
But I need you to know that I still want you.
I didn’t reply. It would be fun to let him suffer a little, to let him worry that maybe something horrible had happened to me on the way back from the air field. He should get a taste of his own medicine and realize how shitty it felt to have someone shut you out for no good reason.
I tried to tell myself that today was the beginning of a new life. I had plans to make. A theater to save. I’d been alone forever, and I would stay alone, independent, strong. Without Tristan around to distract me, maybe I could even accomplish something great.
When I’d slipped out of bed and thrown on my robe, a quiet knock sounded at my door.
“Hey Ari, you in there?” Marcus’s voice called out softly.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Come on in.”
He pushed the door open and stepped inside, a puzzled look on his face. “What the hell?” he asked. “I heard you come in early this morning. I didn’t expect to see you until tonight at least. What happened with your extended date?”
“Things didn’t quite go according to plan,” I replied. “You might say that I decided I can’t be bothered with complicated men, regardless of how rich and handsome they may be. Or you might say that they can’t be bothered with me.”
He walked over and sat down on my bed, reaching for my hand. I stepped forward and gave it to him, grateful for his touch. In that moment, it felt like all I had in this world
“I’m sorry,” he said, and he seemed to mean it. For all his animosity towards Tristan, he genuinely seemed disappointed to see me hurt.
“It’s okay,” I replied with a sigh. “I knew he was too good to be true. Hell, you told me as much, and I didn’t listen. I guess I just wanted…” I didn’t finish the sentence. Truth was, I didn’t even know what I wanted, except for a Tristan Wolfe who probably didn’t actually exist.
“I know,” he said. “You wanted to feel good about yourself, about your life, about people in general. Don’t we all?” He threw me a sympathetic smile, drew my hand to his lips and kissed it before letting go. “Listen, I made French toast for brunch. We could stuff ourselves and then hit the park. Maybe we could wander into the Met to see the new exhibit. How’s that sound?”
“Amazing,” I said. “That sounds perfect.”
Marcus got up to leave.
“Hey, roomie?” I said, stopping him.
“Hmm?” he asked, spinning around.
“Thanks for being here.”
* * *
By the time we’d finished our little New York adventure and capped it off with a quick dinner at our favorite all-day breakfast joint, it was already seven p.m. The day had flown by at Marcus’s side. I’d laughed, I’d enjoyed myself, and for a few hours I’d even managed to forget my worries.
Forgetting Tristan entirely, of course, would take a little more effort. But I’d get there, too.
“Why can’t I fall for a nice guy like you?” I asked Marcus as we walked back home along 44th Street.
“Because a nice guy like me isn’t an alpha,” he replied in an all-too-serious tone. “A woman like you needs one. You want to feel on equal footing with a man. You’re a badass, so you need a badass dude to match.”
“Pfft. Alpha,” I sneered. “That’s the kind of word that douchebags use to describe men who smoke too many cigars and abuse women.”
“It’s also a word that we use to describe the hierarchy of the animal kingdom,” said Marcus. “And the truth is, I’m not high up on the food chain where other male animals are concerned.”
“What are you talking about?” I laughed. “You’re handsome, strong, you have a good job…”
“I work for a man who uses me as his submissive minion,” he said. “I do what he wants, regardless of how vile it is. Hardly an alpha existence.”
“Well,” I said, unlocking the front door and pulling it open, “women are idiots for flocking to the world’s douchebags. We’re so damned self-destructive. We run towards danger and pain, instead of looking for comfort and happiness. I’m pretty sure we’re broken.”
“Sometimes danger and pain lead to happiness,” Marcus said. “You don’t know everything about Tristan, right?”
“No, and nor do I want to,” I said as I scaled the stairs.
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t judge him until you know more.”
“It’s weird to hear you defending him,” I said as Marcus took his turn and unlocked the door to our apartment. “I was under the impression that you hated him.”
“It’s…complicated,” he said as he walked in, tossing his keys onto the coffee table and throwing himself down on the couch. I shut the door behind me.
“Yeah, no kidding,” I replied. I threw myself down next to him. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
“There’s nothing I can tell you,” he said. “It’s not my place to explain him to you. He should have done that himself.”
“Well, I’ll probably never see him again, at least not romantically,” I said, pushing myself up with my hands. I had a sudden desire to be alone. “Listen, I think I’m going to take a bath—but thanks again for today. It helped a lot.”
“You’re welcome.” Marcus threw me a warm smile that made me more grateful than ever that I didn’t live on my own. I didn’t really know how I would have survived the day without him.
I locked myself into the bathroom and stripped my clothes off as the tub filled with hot water. While I waited, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Maybe it was my shattered ego, but I was more aware than ever, staring at myself, of how imperfect I was.
I was on the short side, my thighs too thick. My breasts, which I usually liked just fine, had lost the perkiness they’d had in my early twenties, and traces of cellulite insisted on making their way to places on my body that I didn’t even know could look like cottage cheese.
No, I wasn’t perfect. Yet Tristan, ultimate alpha male, had wanted me, and I’d tossed him aside out of anger.
Then again, he’d tossed me aside, too.
I didn’t know if I should be proud or filled with self-loathing.
When the tub was almost full I shut off the water and slipped in, reveling in the feeling of intense heat on my tired body. I’d all but forgotten how exhausting a day walking around Manhattan could be.
I leaned back, my arms on the edges of the tub, wishing I had a TV or something to occupy my mind, instead of the wall of plain tile that greeted my vision.
Try not to think about him, I repeated to myself. Think about literally anything but him. I’m sure he’s not thinking about you.
But after a few minutes of soaking, an aggressive knock at the apartment door made my heart spring to life. I told myself it couldn’t be Tristan. He was a proud man. He wouldn’t show up unannounced at my place to ask my forgiveness, surely. He wouldn’t come to tell me he’d changed his mind.
Or would he?
After a few seconds I heard voices, Marcus’, and another one. To my dismay, the second was an unfamiliar man’s voice. At first they spoke quietly, but after a minute or so, their pitch grew animated, as though they’d begun arguing.
Feeling protective of my housemate, I leapt up and out of the tub, threw on my robe,
and walked out of the bathroom, ready to tell the stranger to fuck right off. Marcus had been right about one thing—I could be a badass when I wanted to.
I was greeted by the sight of two tall men standing by the front door, their bodies tense, eyes locked in challenge. As I advanced I heard Marcus say, “I’m not letting you anywhere near Ariana. I don’t care if you’re my boss.”
Holy shit. That was his boss? What was his boss doing here, and why would he want to talk to me, of all people?
“What’s going on?” I asked.
When the stranger turned my way, I let out a gasp of shock.
His eyes were like Tristan’s. Light, incredible, piercing blue. They almost glowed as they took me in. But Marcus, too, looked odd. His own eyes, usually dark brown, had gone bright, streaks of shimmering gold lining his irises like they were on fire.
“What’s happening?” I asked again, trying not to let on how unsettled I was.
“I was just telling my employee here,” said the stranger, gesturing to Marcus, “that I need to have a word with you, Miss Clarke.”
“A word with me? Why? Who the hell are you?”
“This is my boss,” Marcus said, his tone sheepish. “Though you’ve probably figured that out by now.”
“My name is Craster,” said the man. “I believe you and I have a mutual acquaintance in Tristan Wolfe.”
I stiffened at the mention of Tristan’s name, my heart pounding in spite of myself. “What’s this about?” I asked. “Is he okay?”
“I’m sure he’s fine. But I’m afraid you need to come with me.”
I yanked my robe tight around my naked body. “Excuse me?” I blurted out. “I have no idea who you think you are, but I’m not going anywhere with you.”
The man shot Marcus a look that seemed to dictate a silent command, like he was expecting his help.
“No,” said Marcus. “Not this time, Craster.”
“Do this,” his employer said, “or you’ll suffer for it. Krane will not be pleased with you.”
But Marcus shoved his body between the stranger and me, quietly urging me back towards the small hallway that led to our bedrooms. “I don’t care. There’s no fucking way,” he snarled. “You’ll have to come through me to get to her.”
Frightened, I moved to look over Marcus’ shoulder at the other man, who had a look of such pure rage on his face that I was surprised the walls didn’t catch fire around him.
“So be it, Lesser,” he said. “I’ll risk it.”
Lesser? What was he talking about? Was that some kind of insult?
A second later I’d forgotten the word entirely when a foreign, horrifying noise met my ears. It was the sound of bones snapping, of dry twigs breaking underfoot in a parched forest. The man seemed to convulse for a second, his body folding itself up unnaturally until his hands were flat on the floor.
Then Craster was just…gone. In his place stood a massive brown wolf, panting hard, its stern blue eyes staring at me. It lowered an enormous head, baring its teeth and growling a long, low threat.
“Get back, Ari!” shouted Marcus. “Head to your room and bar the door!”
Just as I was preparing to follow his orders, the sound of rapid footsteps charging up the stairs outside the apartment met my ears. A moment later, the front door flew open. Once again, my heart started going ballistic in my chest when I saw who had barged into our place.
“Tristan!” I cried out as my eyes landed on the intruder’s. But he didn’t answer. His own eyes were fixed only on the beast who was threatening my housemate and me.
Without thinking twice about it, he grabbed the wolf and dragged him backwards, an act of pure insanity that was sure to get him killed.
The creature spun around and snarled at him, but Tristan narrowed his eyes, an otherworldly, deep growl rising up in his chest. Then, shockwaves moving like tidal waves through my body, I watched as he folded up in the same way the other man had, his head, limbs and torso morphing into those of another wolf. The difference was, he was even larger. His fur was an array of grays, his eyes wild and bright.
He leapt aggressively at the other creature, his teeth sinking into the back of its neck. The first wolf crashed to the ground, cowering in instantaneous defeat.
The animal that seemed to have emerged from Tristan pulled back and stared him down as if waiting to see what he’d do.
Would Craster be foolish enough to challenge him?
I grabbed hold of Marcus’s arm from behind, squeezing tight as I watched the first wolf pull himself to his feet and dart out the door, running for his life.
Marcus pulled himself free of my grip and walked calmly to the door, closing and locking it. Seemingly unsurprised by anything that had happened, he ignored the terrifying creature who stood by, panting, his enormous fangs tinged with red liquid.
I reached for the wall, trying to keep myself from fainting. I stared at the light-eyed wolf, breathing hard, not sure why I wasn’t more frightened to have such a beast in my home. But no, this wasn’t fear. It was something else. Excitement. A revelation, like the world had just opened up to me in a way that I’d never expected.
The wolf stared back, his head cocked like he was assessing me. Then, all of a sudden, he seemed to grow skyward, his body stretching itself again, and a moment later it was Tristan who stood there once again, his eyes fixed on me. Gently, he pushed his body past Marcus and made his way over.
“What’s going on?” I asked, shaking violently as Tristan grabbed my shoulders. “What just happened? I don’t…understand…” I wanted to cry, to laugh. I felt like I must be on drugs. Nothing was real. It couldn’t be.
I had to be insane.
“Now you know,” Tristan said. “You’ve seen what I really am, Ariana. You’ve seen my curse.”
Chapter 19
“What you really are?” I asked, my hand still pressed to the wall. His reply had created more questions than it had answered. “You’re telling me you’re a…a…”
“I think you’re looking for the word werewolf,” said Tristan, disdain dripping from the syllables. “That’s what people have called us for centuries. At least, people who don’t believe in us or know anything of our kind. People who want to turn us into myths, to scare kids and make money off of horror movies.”
“You’re actually telling me that’s what you are?” In spite of what I’d witnessed, I couldn’t quite get my head around the words. I felt like I’d been thrown into a lake full of ice water. The shock was almost too much to take. “I mean, I know I saw what I saw, but I’m finding it really hard to swallow.”
To my surprise, Tristan turned and looked at Marcus, who was standing by the door now, staring at me with a concerned expression. “She doesn’t know about you, either, does she, Mr. Granville?” Tristan turned my way and nodded back towards my roommate. “Your friend here has been keeping secrets from you, too. Secrets that have put you in danger.”
“You’re one to talk,” Marcus hissed at him. “Maybe you should tell her about your past. Maybe she’d be interested to know that.”
“Silence, Lesser,” Tristan hissed, and if I didn’t know him better, I would have said that Marcus cowered, shrinking and submitting to the other man. It was the second time I’d heard that L-word used. It struck me as degrading. Yet Marcus didn’t react, didn’t retaliate. It was as though he’d expected it, like it was a title he was accustomed to. “Leave us,” Tristan added. “I want to talk to her alone.”
Without another word, Marcus grabbed his jacket and walked towards the door, like a trained animal.
“You’re sending him outside? But that…that thing’s out there,” I cried out.
“It’s fine,” Marcus said, his tone emotionless. “I’ll be safe. Craster has no interest in hurting me.” With that, he headed out into the hallway.
“That thing doesn’t really want to hurt anyone but me,” said Tristan as the door closed. “Marcus will be fine. Look, Ariana—why don’t you sit down and w
e can talk?”
Half of me wanted to tell him to fuck off and die, for everything he’d put me through. But the other half—the half that always won out—was too curious to actually kick him out. How could I possibly let such a creature walk out of my life without giving me some answers? If nothing was ever going to be the same again, I should at least understand why.
“Fine,” I said, moving over to the couch. I avoided letting myself get too close to him. It wasn’t that I was afraid; in fact some part of me trusted him more than I ever had before, now that I was beginning to understand his monumental secret. It was that I still wanted to punish him for his lack of faith in me.
When I’d sat down, he moved to stand by the window and fixed those eyes—the eyes that now reminded me of the animal that lived inside him—on my own.
“You want to know why I didn’t tell you,” he said. “Why I didn’t just come out with it when I had the chance.”
“Yes,” I said. “I want to know why you didn’t trust me.”
Tristan shifted his weight as though he wasn’t entirely comfortable in his skin right now. “Fine, then,” he said, “imagine this scenario. I met a beautiful woman in a bar a few nights ago. So captivating, so attractive to me that I didn’t even mind that she spilled an ice-cold drink all over me. She was nervous, afraid of me, for some reason she couldn’t quite define.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly realized I had no defense against the accusation. He was right on all counts.
“I had a choice. Either keep my secret to myself, or tell her that I can change into a large wolf at the drop of a hat. Not just any old wolf, either. One who rules over all of New York, like an invisible watcher. One more powerful than any man in this city. A wolf capable of amassing an army at a moment’s notice. What do you think the beautiful woman would have done if I’d said those things?”
I wanted to tell him that I would have believed him. Trusted him. Opened my heart to him.
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