by J C Ryan
In the first days after Carter was moved to Boston, they had discussed a funeral, but the idea ran out of impetus. How could they have a funeral with no bodies?
“Maybe we could have a Memorial Service,” Mary suggested.
He nodded but let the idea slide. I don’t want a funeral or a memorial service! He screamed inwardly; I want my wife and son back! A pretend ‘lay them to rest’ ceremony was just more than he could bear to think about.
It might be very different if I had their bodies he pondered, but I don’t, and I’ve never been one to pretend. Then he’d berate himself as he realized that what Mary and Steven required was closure. They needed something, a point in time, to signify it was time to move on.
In those early days back in Boston, he’d toss and turn in the dead of night trying to accept that closure was necessary, yet dreading even the thought of any kind of ceremony designed to say goodbye to Mackie and Liam. They all needed closure, and he knew it, but the whole idea was revolting to him. I can’t say goodbye to them; not here, not now. I need to go home; I need time to myself; I need Freydis.
He finally suggested to the Andersons they have their own Memorial Service for their daughter and grandson and allow him to do something for them when he was ready. Maybe when I’m back at Freydis where we were a family.
It was the best he could do to help resolve the issue. He saw the puzzlement in their eyes, and then the anger followed by hurt which gave way to partial understanding as they talked. In the end, he believed, like it or not, they accepted it. The subject never came up again.
On one of their visits, they said they felt he should have Jeha, who was growing up, and needed to know his permanent home. They were not his family, Carter was, and it was right that Jeha should return to Freydis with him. He had some misgivings as he realized the little dog would bring back memories of Mackenzie and Liam that would be painful. However, he did love the little pooch and, in the end, decided they needed each other and told Mary and Steven he was happy to accept. And so they began the regulatory red tape game to get Jeha over the Canadian border.
As the weeks passed, he started to feel a bit more like his old self. Of course, he wasn’t that man any longer, and the mere thought of picking up the reins of his work for A-Echelon sickened him. After all, it was that work which killed his wife and son. How could he ever return to it? If he’d never taken on that job, they’d still be alive; he was convinced of that.
The Dean of Faculty from the archeology department at the University started paying him regular visits as did several of his colleagues.
They brought news of what was happening in the outside world; of events at the University, new findings and information from the underground city he’d discovered. None of it interested him anymore, and sometimes he was glad when they went away again. He had nothing to add to their conversations and felt stilted and trapped by them most of the times.
A few days before he was due to leave for Freydis, the Dean came by for another visit, and Carter finally told him he was resigning.
“Carter, my friend, I figured you were going to do something like this.”
“Good, then you understand, and there won’t be any problem.”
“That’s not quite the case. I’ve been waiting for you to hand in your resignation so I could hit you over the head with it.”
The new approach picked up Carter’s interest; this was the first time someone was threatening to become firm with him instead of being sympathetic.
“Well, it’s what I have to do,” Carter said before the Dean could continue. “I can’t see myself ever picking up the reins again, and of course, financially, I don’t have to.”
The Dean nodded, “I see, so this is how you are thinking. You lose one side of your life to a ghastly tragedy so you will destroy the other side of your life to balance things up, is that it?” The Dean’s voice rang with an anger Carter wasn't used to.
“You don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand? Just where the hell do you think I’ve been all my life? Locked up in that damnable office, never having anything bad happen to me? Do you think I’ve never experienced the pain and agony of loss? Do you really think your brand of suffering is unique?”
Carter had never heard the Dean expound so graphically before, and it had the effect of pulling him out of his deep sinking determination to let go of everything. He’d underestimated the Dean. He softened and spoke quietly, “No, of course not, I’m sorry. Of course, you’ve suffered loss too, even if I don’t know about it.”
“No, you don’t know about it young man, and that is your mistake.” His voice was trembling with emotion, “Now, first and foremost understand this: you are not on your own. You may feel like you’re an island in a vast ocean, but you’re not special. Life is hard, damn near impossible sometimes, and there’s no such thing as ‘Happily Ever After.’ If you can get that through your head, I will have at least served some purpose in this life.”
He stopped and drew a breath before Carter said, “I don’t know what to say. I can’t ever imagine wanting to go back to work, not the sort of work I was doing anyway. I believe it is what killed Mackie and Liam, and I can’t face it.”
“Okay Carter, I can understand that, but time changes many things, and as you are still officially on sabbatical, I insist you ride out that time before you do anything rash. Will you, at least, do that for me?”
Carter gave a half-hearted smile and shrugged, “I can’t really say ‘No’ now, can I?”
“Good! My day is made. I’ve had one win; that is a rare thing in my life Carter, and don’t you forget it.”
With that, the Dean whisked out the door and was gone leaving Carter feeling like a puppy who’d wet on the carpet – small, shamed, and out of favor.
However, it had done him no harm, and the adrenalin from the confrontation, quite apart from the realization that the Dean would fight tooth and nail to keep him, began to put some building blocks in place. Blocks he could use to clamber slowly up.
At last, Carter was released from the hospital and, carrying Jeha in a case, along with his ticket, they boarded the plane to Quebec where Ahote would be waiting for them.
When they landed, Ahote greeted them warmly, hugging Carter and rescuing Jeha from her confinement. The little dog was excited to have gained freedom and wiggled wildly in his arms. Ahote helped Carter transfer his luggage, and the squirming furball, into the small private plane.
As Ahote lifted the plane off the ground and turned toward Freydis, an enormous load slid from Carter’s shoulders. Freydis, where his Grandfather Will had lived out his life and where Carter grew up, was home. Even though it was now empty of his loved ones, he would be able to grieve properly. Here was the place where he, Mackenzie and Liam had the most precious moments of their short time together.
***
A few weeks of Bly’s home cooking and common sense, plus some fishing and riding around with Ahote began to work its magic. The wolves turned up on Carter’s first day back and looked at Jeha with disdain. In the end, she was far too ‘cute’ for them to take her seriously, so they more or less ignored her.
Watching the interaction of the wolves and the little dog, Carter came to realize that pups understand ‘ignore.’ He watched with amusement as Jeha behaved with an attempt at great dignity when she was within sight of the two wolves.
He was intrigued by the fact that the wolves were never far away. If he went out, they were with him, if he was inside he would catch sight of them lurking near a building or sitting near the edge of the tree line. He was telling Bly and Ahote about it over dinner one evening. “I’ve never known wolves to behave like this. They are wild; there’s nothing domesticated about them and yet they, of their own free will, won’t let me out of their sight. I don’t understand it.”
Bly and Ahote smiled and nodded, “It makes sense Carter. I don’t think we ever told you, but the night of the explosion they sat just outside our barn and
howled all night.”
Carter looked at Bly inquisitively.
“It’s true. The next morning,” Ahote continued, “we went to look around your place. They’d done a great spying job there, even looking in windows.”
“You’re kidding me, surely.”
“No, you could see where they’d stood on their back legs to see into the house.”
“Then, when we got back here,” Bly continued, “they were waiting for us. I went over to them and patted them.”
“They accepted that?”
“More than that, Carter, they needed it; they were severely disturbed. However, after I’d sung them an Indian lullaby, they returned quietly to the woods.”
“Two days later Jim called and told us what had happened,” Ahote finished.
Carter shook his head, “Well there’s no understanding that unless they could feel something.”
“I believe they did Carter; animals have senses and intuition that we can’t even begin to understand.”
***
Carter finally felt he was ready to take up residence in his own home again and made plans to return there. He asked Bly to take care of Jeha for a few more days as he had a trip in mind that he wanted to make alone. Bly agreed, and Carter packed a sleeping bag, food, and water, and headed for the cave.
It was here he had first made love to Mackenzie, proposed marriage to her and watched Liam grow in her tummy. It was their place, and he knew it was where he needed to be if he was ever going to pick up the reins of his life again and be more than a hindrance to all the people who had given him their love and support.
When he left the hospital and arrived at home, the snows had melted away, and spring was already in full bloom. Now Freydis was in the height of late summer. Before long, autumn would turn everything to amber and gold, but for now, it couldn’t have been a better time to return to the cave.
Keeva and Loki still accompanied him everywhere, and the attention of the two wolves bemused him. If he went riding, they would suddenly appear and go with him no matter where he went.
By the time he reached the cave, settled the horse, and unpacked his provisions, the scents and peace of the place was seeping deep into his bones; bones that were raw with bruising, the agony of loss, and new healing. He had come to understand that profound loss affected every part of his body as well as his mind and soul, and the sense of being out here away from everything and everyone gave him a release he’d thought would never happen.
He stood for a long time, staring out over the grasslands down to the river, across the valley to the mountains on the other side, and watching the eagles ride the currents in the summer sky above. He was, at last, alone and able to be himself. He didn’t know who he was anymore, or who he would be in the future, but it would be here that he’d find himself again.
That night as he sat by the fire watching the embers climb their way to the stars, his mind began to unravel, the tight knots he had fastened around himself fell loose, and he began to cry in earnest, huge wrenching sobs from deep within his soul.
Keeva and Loki moved in close and lay down on either side of him, supporting him as the pain poured out and out and out, seemingly without end.
Never in his life had Carter understood tears. He’d cried over losing Will when he was alone, but nothing like this. There was no stopping this. His body wouldn’t let him stop until it had turned him inside out, releasing all the grief, and then he collapsed into a state of sheer exhaustion.
He didn’t even know he’d finally curled up with the wolves. It wasn’t until the next morning when he found them still there, pressed close against his body that he knew what they’d done for him.
They’d taken his pain and sent it to the stars.
He spent the rest of his time at the cave swimming in the icy waters of the river, running wild and naked through the long dry grasses, chasing anything that moved, shouting and yelling and then returning to the cave completely worn out ready for a meal and good night’s rest. Keeva and Loki remained ever present.
A week later Carter returned home, picking Jeha up on his way. Bly sensed a change in him, but kept it to herself, allowing only a smile to surface on her face.
He began his morning Tai Chi rituals again, registering how much of the poise and keenness he’d once had was gone and determined to regain it as soon as possible.
There were big differences in him now, that was clear. This new man was a stranger to him, but he felt it was an improvement over his old self. There was a greater sense of awe and mystery; things he’d always chased in his profession, but never knew could be part of his own life as well.
Something had shifted, and now he was ready to begin again. It would be difficult hoeing the hard row, but he knew he was now able.
What he wasn’t yet ready to do was pack Mackie’s and Liam’s things away. There was no need to, they weren’t haunting him as he expected, they were just there, as they should be. Maybe sometime in the future, he’d pack them away, but not now.
Jeha jumped into bed with him every night, and Carter found he liked the company. A small living creature breathing and snuffling nearby was better than a big empty bed all on his own. The little dog had wormed her way into his heart and was clearly going to stay there.
Chapter 16 -
The next mission
With Youssef Bin-Bandar’s sudden and tragic death, the King of Saudi Arabia sought the wise counsel of his old time confidant, Xavier Algosaibi. The astute King knew it would be in the best interest of the House of Saud to appoint another member of the Wahhabi community in Bin-Bandar’s place. After all, the Wahhabis were his power base, and he had to make sure that he appeased them. Algosaibi was a highly respected and revered man amongst the Wahhabis and if he supported the King’s appointment of the deputy director of the General Intelligence Presidency, then the King was assured of the support of the Wahhabis.
Algosaibi was extremely pleased and honored by the Kings request for his advice and had no hesitation in recommending Ibrahimi El Fadl as the new deputy director.
Algosaibi had known El Fadl and his family for nearly 40 years. El Fadl was an educated and intelligent man with a Ph.D. in International Relations and Strategy from Princeton University He started working at the General Intelligence Presidency shortly after he completed his Ph.D. and had been noted by his superiors for his diligence and loyalty. Algosaibi knew El Fadl had been steadily rising through the ranks over the years and was ready for a top position.
The most pleasing aspect of El Fadl’s profile, something which didn’t appear anywhere on his record and which the King didn’t know, was his devoted loyalty to Xavier Algosaibi and his unwavering commitment to destroy the House of Saud.
Although El Fadl was unaware of the existence of the Foundation of the Real Princes of Saud, he would not have had any hesitation to swear allegiance to them. He would have been very pleased to know that he had, unknowingly, actually done quite a bit of work for them already.
Once El Fadl’s appointment as Deputy Director of the GIP became official through royal decree, Algosaibi would reveal to him what was expected of him in the plot to bring down the House of Saud.
Algosaibi was satisfied that his plans were slowly but surely getting back on track since the setbacks of the two half-baked missions planned and controlled by that inept Youssef Bin Bandar.
He was confident that El Fadl would do a much better job than his predecessor and that it would, hopefully, not be necessary to get rid of him, as he was forced to do with Bin Bandar. Algosaibi was still intensely angry and felt like killing Bin Bandar again every time he thought of how the man had missed the golden opportunity to abduct Professor Carter Devereux, as well as the loss of that irreplaceable text, the Sirralnnudam.
He grinned to himself when his thoughts turned to Hassan Al-Suleiman, also known as the Sultan of Syria, and his True Sons of the Prophet. If ever there was a wise business decision he had made, it was going into partnership with
Hassan. As Algosaibi sat staring at the luxurious Persian carpet on the floor of his lounge, sipping his coffee, he wished it was physically possible to pat himself on the back.
It was his foresight to study and follow Hassan’s rise to power, to research him and his men and pick the time to engage with him that enhanced the power he felt within himself. The allegiance with True Sons of the Prophet was going to play a vital role in his plans. Hassan was a worthy leader, an intelligent man but unfortunately, he had a very limited vision. However, that was not an issue yet. All that counted, for now, was that the Sultan of Syria’s influence was rapidly expanding.
Hassan was shrewd – he made sure that the True Sons of the Prophet maintained excellent relations with ISIS. His forces would never oppose ISIS, and he ensured that they understood that both groups subscribed to the same Wahhabi ideology.
The difference was ISIS conquered and ruled by fear while the True Sons of the Prophet won over the hearts and the minds of the people. They brought peace and prosperity to the war-weary populace. Therefore, Hassan was adored and respected wherever he and his armies set foot. He and his men received a hero’s welcome in every city and town where they showed up. Those who lived under ISIS rule implored him on a daily basis to come and liberate them from the fear and oppression incurred at the will of ISIS.
Algosaibi knew that the day was fast approaching when ISIS would wake up and realize that Hassan had swept the country from under their feet. He also realized that it was probably going to be too late for ISIS to rectify their mistake.
With their endless posturing about their barbaric atrocities, which was leaving a trail of blood and destruction across Syria and Iraq, ISIS had been inviting their own destruction. It was just a matter of time until the world would have enough of ISIS tyranny and join him to wipe them out.
Hassan’s military forces had the best trained and disciplined soldiers in the Middle Eastern theater of war, and his unit of highly skilled, secret, Special-Forces could be counted among the best of all the armies of the Middle Eastern countries.