I give her my undivided attention. “Shoot.”
Her tongue flutters out to lick her bottom lip, and I remember how her lips slid along my cock last night, slow and seductive, really putting her whole heart into it.
I refocus as she starts to speak. “I talked to Wyatt and Jackson this morning.”
“All right.” I’m having a hard time being interested in them right now. I want to think about her, and me, and later on when it’ll be just the two of us and I can have my filthy way with her.
I’ve lusted after plenty of women in my time, but I’ve never been distracted and preoccupied by one. I think only Cat is capable of that.
She clears her throat. “I told them I wanted to pull back from my responsibilities.”
I think of her story about the horses. “Oh yeah, and do what?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know yet, but I want the opportunity to find out, and that’s what I told them.”
“How’d they take that news?” I can’t imagine all that well.
“They’ll get used to it.” Another shrug. “They don’t need me anyway.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
She smiles. “You’re just being nice because we’re sleeping together. We both know I’m not vital to the operation. Wyatt and Jackson are the visionaries. I’m just the executer.”
I lean back in my chair and lace my fingers across my stomach. “Don’t knock it. Without that person, not a lot gets done.”
“True, but I’m not talented.” She meets my gaze. “Not like you are.”
It doesn’t sit well with me that she believes this. “We all have different talents, Catarina. It doesn’t make one person more or less valuable than the other.”
She shifts in her chair. “I want to find out what my talents are, though. It bothers me that I have no idea.”
“So what are you saying?”
She blows out a long breath. “I told Jackson and Wyatt I want to turn over a big chunk of my responsibilities to you.”
I start shaking my head before she even finishes the sentence. “No, Cat.”
She nods. “Yes. You’re better than me.”
“I’m not.”
She laughs. “Name one thing I’m better at than you.”
“You charm those executives into buying rum in a way I never could.”
She tilts her head, as though thinking about it. “Only ’cause you’ve never tried. Wyatt and Jackson are both hard marks, and they took to you in about thirty seconds. And anyway, that’s nothing. That’s not the hard stuff.”
I sit forward and take her hand. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Minimize all your value. Can’t you see how everyone needs you?”
She shakes her head. “Not really. I just take care of all the leftovers.” She tilts her chin with something that sparks like defiance. “I want to be the main attraction.”
I lean over the desk and stare intently into her eyes. “You’re my main attraction.”
She rises to meet me in the middle, her free hand snaking around my neck to pull me close, sucking me in with her mouth and tongue and teeth.
When we break apart, she whispers against my lips, “I want something that feels like mine.”
She has it; she just doesn’t see it. And if I can help her find it, I will. Because in this moment, I would do anything for her. “I’ll do what I can to make it happen.”
“Good.” She kisses me again. “Say you’ll take over the operations.”
A sense of foreboding slithers down my spine, but I decide that’s the past, an old script playing its tired story. I want a new story, with her.
“I’m not sure that’s smart.”
“Why’s that? You’re so good, Caden. Better than I’ll ever be.” She licks across my lips, and I groan.
“This isn’t why I came here.”
“Maybe not, but this is what you’re getting.”
“I don’t think I should.”
“Why?”
The words tumble out before I can stop them. “I think I’m in love with you.”
I expect her to stiffen and pull away, but she doesn’t. Instead she gets up, climbs over the desk, and slides onto my lap. “Oh yeah?”
I put my hands on her hips. “Yeah.”
“I think I’m in love with you too.” She rocks into me, and my eyelids close at the feel of her in my arms.
I run a path up her spine. “Are we crazy?”
“Probably.” She brushes her breasts against my chest. “Do you care?”
I shake my head. “Not at the moment. But I don’t want you to think—”
She cuts me off. “It’s my idea, Caden.” She tilts her head down and plants open-mouthed kisses along my neck. “It’s what I want. Will you please take the job?”
“Okay.” I manage to get out before I’m entirely lost in her.
And before it all slips away, I think that maybe, in Cat, I’ve finally found my home.
Now all that’s left to do is help her find hers.
Cat
* * *
Friday has finally rolled around, and Caden and I are sitting at Beau’s in the back booth, bathed in the late-afternoon sun, sipping draft beer from the pitcher between us. It’s been a crazy week as Caden, Jackson, Wyatt and I hashed out which of my job duties are going to be passed off to Caden and which I’m going to keep.
My brothers did their typical big-brother thing, and I didn’t object. Since Caden will be spending a lot more time with both of them, I thought it best to let them vie for dominance without my assistance.
All in all, he did well for himself.
I can’t complain.
The light from the windows casts him in a golden glow as he smiles at me. “You regretting anything yet, honey?”
I shake my head. “Not even a little bit.”
It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, one that had been there so long I hadn’t realized it weighed me down until it was gone. I’m not sure where I want to go next, and trying to figure out what I want from my life is daunting and overwhelming, but I’m certain it needs to be done.
“You sure?” His large hands wrap around the mug, and I shiver a little at the thought of them wrapping around me. “’Cause it’s not too late to stop this whole thing and go back to the way it was.”
“Not on your life.” I’ve started now, and there’s no going back.
He chuckles. “So what are you going to do with all your free time?”
It made sense to give Caden everything that had to do with operations and farming. It’s his gift. He loves it, but I don’t. What I do enjoy is the front-end stuff—the things that were easy to let slide when my operational duties monopolized my time.
Part of me is curious what would happen to the business if I actually focused on growth and development—something always on my list that I never get to. I’m anxious to see if I have any love for it without guilt as an albatross around my neck.
At least it’s something that gives me a stirring of excitement, and I’m not sure where else to start. After the meeting was over and Caden had been given a new title of operations manager reporting directly to my brothers, I put in a call to Gwen’s sister Hope and asked her if she had some time on Monday to talk.
I figure even if it’s not my love, I have stakes in the distillery, so the more it succeeds, the less dependent I’ll be on my salary. That will give me the freedom I’m craving.
“I’m not sure yet,” I tell Caden. “For the moment I’m going to give this business-development thing a go and see what happens.”
“Is that your dream?” Caden pushes, getting that look in his navy eyes.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know what my dream is anymore.” I shrug again. “It’s too late to be a horse breeder, and that’s the only one I remember from my childhood.”
“Why’s it too late?”
I shoot him an incredulous look. “Do you know
what it takes to be a breeder?”
“Nope.” He gives me a pointed look. “Do you?”
My brow furrows. I don’t actually. It’s not like I looked into it or anything. I give my head a small shake.
“So no?”
“No.” My chin tilts.
“That could be a start.”
I wrinkle my nose. “I’m sure it’s not feasible.”
He raises a brow. “Isn’t it worth at least one of those Google searches you’re so fond of?”
He has a point, but still, that dream feels far away, like it doesn’t belong to me anymore. “It was a girlhood fantasy. I haven’t even ridden a horse in a million years.”
“Well, do you want to? Ride a horse, that is?”
I think back to the last time I was on a horse, the way the wind felt in my hair, the sun on my skin. The rhythm of hoofs pounding in my ears. It’s a good memory. I felt free.
I nibble my bottom lip. “Maybe.”
Caden scrubs a hand over his jaw. “Can’t hurt, right? To see if you remember it the same way, if it rekindles something in you?”
I experience a mild irritation, like an itch in the middle of my back. “It’s not your job to fix me, Caden. I need to do this alone.”
“I’m not trying to fix you.”
“That’s what it feels like.”
“You are perfect, just as you are.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand, squeezing a little. “But I notice you like to define things by what can’t be done, instead of what can.”
The words are like a punch in the stomach, because they vibrate through me with a truth I want to ignore. They brush against a fear I’m attempting to keep at bay, so I don’t panic. “Childhood dreams are just that—dreams.”
He tangles his fingers in mine. “I’m not suggesting you change your entire life and become a breeder. All I’m suggesting is that when you’re trying to figure out your life, it helps to revisit the things you used to love.”
“And then what?”
“I don’t know.” He gives me another squeeze. “Maybe nothing, maybe something, but it’s a place to start.”
I pull my hand away and glance out the window. “I’m afraid, you know?”
“I know.” His voice is soft. “What you’re doing isn’t easy, but I do believe in you, Catarina.”
“I feel caught between two seemingly hopeless what-ifs.”
“Tell me about them.”
My gaze narrows. The sun blazes like a fiery ball of reds, oranges, and yellows. “It’s the last thing I remember wanting, remember really caring about. What if I ride a horse and it’s everything I remember, and I want it but can’t have it?”
“And what’s the other one?”
I swallow past a tightness in my throat. “What if I ride a horse and feel nothing, and I’m left with no idea what makes me happy?”
“That’s a lot of pressure on a ride.”
I look back at him, and for a second I’m struck by his sheer presence. The gold of the late-afternoon sun streams over him, making him appear almost godlike, beautiful with all his hard lines and sharp angles. I can hardly believe he’s mine, and I feel a flash of fear that he’ll be taken from me. That some tragedy will befall this perfect cocoon of contentment and the only peace I’ve known probably since the day my daddy went out for cigarettes and never came back.
And in this moment, I come face to face with the knowledge that I don’t know how to live life without looking over my shoulder like the devil is chasing me.
My eyes prickle with sudden tears, and I blink them away.
Caden slides out from the booth and comes over to sit next to me. Putting his arms around me, he kisses my temple. “You’re gonna be okay, honey. I promise.”
I nod against his chest. “I guess maybe I should start by not assuming the worst all the time, huh?”
I feel him smile against my hair. “How about we just make some time to take a ride and worry about the rest later?”
It’s a start. And it seems like something I can do. “Okay, I’ll try.”
He crooks a finger under my chin and raises my head so he can brush a kiss over my lips. “Want to come back to my cabin?”
“Yes.” It’s one thing I don’t have to think about, that I know with certainty.
“Let’s go.” He grabs my hand and leads me to the exit.
I wave to my uncle Beau and he smiles at me, nodding what I think is approval as we make our way out the door.
The drive home is light and fun, filled with laughter—ease to keep the worry at bay. We park, and Caden turns off the engine. As soon as we’re out of the car, Gwen comes flying out of the front door, waving to us. “Caden…um…”
He tilts his head toward the cabin. “We were just about to go in.”
“Come here.” Her hand gestures become more urgent. “I need to talk to you, Caden.”
The first trickle of alarm slides down my spine, but I brush it away, chalking it up to old patterns.
She walks down the steps. “Cat can go to the cabin, but I need you for a second.”
I smile, raising to my tiptoes and kissing him on the cheek. “Welcome to being the boss.”
He grins down at me, giving me a hard kiss on the lips before patting my ass. “Go inside. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Well, well, well…” A female voice I don’t recognize floats across the air, and every muscle in Caden’s body stiffens. “Why am I not surprised?”
I jerk back, and behind Gwen is a beautiful woman with long, golden blond hair and cunning eyes.
Caden has become a statue. He glances down at me, and at his expression, my stomach turns.
He looks back at the woman standing behind a fretting Gwen and nods. “Hello, Meredith.”
She smirks and walks down the steps. “There he is, my long-lost fiancé. Did you think I was going to let you get away that easy?”
22
Caden
And here it is.
Just as I let myself believe in a future, the past comes back to haunt me.
I knew it would happen. Deep down where I didn’t want to look, I felt it in my bones. Only, after falling for Cat, I’d started to believe my luck had finally changed.
A mistake on my part—I see that now. You can never escape the past.
Cat pulls away from me, and when I look down, she has a pale face and panicked eyes.
“Cat…” I trail off, not exactly sure what to say. My brain is desperately churning to provide an explanation for what she’s witnessing.
“Fiancé?” The word is a croak.
I shake my head. “No. Wait.”
The nightmare that is Meredith Hayes stalks over to us, smiling at Cat. “He didn’t tell you?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Tell her we are not engaged.”
“I’ll do no such thing.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “That last time you slunk your cowardly ass from my bed, were we not engaged to be married?”
I want to curse in frustration, but that’s not a good plan with Cat. Chaos makes her jumpy. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought it best that the McKays understand who they’re dealing with.” She pushes her hair over her shoulder. “I thought it only fair, considering.”
Cat’s rigid next to me. Tension radiates off her in waves. “What is going on, Caden?”
“It’s not what it looks like. Just give me a chance to explain.”
But how? Cat sees everything in black and white and is always waiting for people to leave her. On the surface it’s so similar. I know that, of course. It’s why I never told Cat the truth. I didn’t want her to think it’s the same, when it’s not.
“Please do,” Meredith says, waving. “Tell her how you came to us looking for work, seduced me, and then ran off when things got too hard.”
I grit my teeth to keep control of my temper, which is escalating and boiling beyond my control.
Cat’s hands rise in front
of her chest, like she’s protecting herself from an approaching enemy, and she walks backward, shaking her head. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t want any part of it.”
Then she turns and runs up the stairs. Gwen darts her eyes between Meredith and me, her brow furrowed.
“Whatever happens, don’t let her leave until I talk to her,” I tell Gwen.
Gwen’s frown deepens, and she turns and follows Cat, disappearing into the big, white house.
Indecision wars inside me. Do I go after Cat or work on getting rid of Meredith? I turn to look at the woman before me. She’s not responsible for fucking up my life. I bear that burden all on my own. But she is a mistake that will not let go, that keeps haunting me, no matter how hard I try to shake it.
It’s a losing battle, but I hope for easy, just this once. “Are you happy? Does this satisfy you? You’ve taken your swing, and it was a direct hit. You can go home now.”
“It’s a start.” Meredith’s voice is sticky sweet. “But I’m not vindicated yet.”
“What’s it going to take for you to feel vindicated?” The knot of panic I’ve been dogging for days settles into my gut. I shouldn’t have ignored it. Those warning bells have been clamoring, but as usual, I handled it in the worst way possible. “What do you want? Whatever it takes, I’ll give it to you.”
She tilts her head toward the house. “Didn’t take you long, but then it never does, does it?”
“It’s not the same thing.” I deliver the words like bullets. It only looks the same, and I hate that it does, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. My only recourse is to clean up the mess as best I can. “I’m in love with her.”
“You loved me too, or at least that’s what you said.” Meredith’s chin tilts, and she smooths a hand over her white top tied at the waist, flashing a strip of skin above the waistband of her jeans.
“I thought I did.” I scrub my hand over my jaw. “I’ve got to talk to Cat.”
“I’ll wait.” She walks over to the chair Cat’s grandfather built. The one I’d been sitting in the night Cat finally came to me.
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