“And you chose to present yourself as a Teddy Bear?”
“I’ve looked after Kyveli since she was a baby.”
“I like Teddy like that,” she said and patted it on the head.
A black bird descended down on the group and flew close to Kyveli. It was a raven.
“Danger!” Teddy said and pointed it’s stubby hand at the bird. A laser beam shone from the ship above.
“Please don’t hurt it!” Guillermo said, trying to stop the avatar.
The raven squawked something that looked insulting and flew away.
“I wasn’t going to hurt it!” Teddy complained. “I just scared it away. Why the hell do you have-” Slight pause, “-ravens flying all over the place?”
“It’s an old legend. It’s said that six ravens must watch over the Tower of London, or the Crown will fall. Simple superstition, really,” Guillermo explained to them both. “These people with the fancy hats, they’re the seven Ravenmasters that protect the Tower ravens from harm.”
“A protector. I can respect that,” Teddy said and took a hat from one of the Ravenmasters standing at attention, and put it on.
Kyveli shivered.
“What’s the matter, your Brightness?” Guillermo asked.
She was quiet. “We have a similar saying. When the daughters that divide are gone, the universe will cease carrying on.”
Guillermo saw that this was a touchy subject so he didn’t ask for more. He simply nodded, trying to comfort her, and made sure to ask Lorenzo about it later on. He opened the doors to the main exhibition and presented the Crown Jewels.
They were showcased on top of red velvet that contrasted with the gold nicely. “Saint Edward’s Crown, the orb, the sceptres and the ring. The only complete regalia on Earth, worn by all British kings and queens at their coronations.”
Kyveli seemed pleased. Smiling, even. She touched her nose and palm on the display case glass.
The alarm went off, and Guillermo started. Then the alarm turned off.
“Does the princess enjoy her visit?” Guillermo asked hopefully.
Kyveli turned her big eyes up to him. Her expression was the mother of all puppy dog eyes.
“I want to take a selfie with the Crown,” she said.
Teddy complied instantly and began lifting the display case. An actual royal guard rushed inside and gripped arms, hesitating.
Guillermo stopped them. “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath.
Chapter 13
“I don’t like you,” the ship’s avatar said. It still wore the Ravenmaster hat it had previously stolen.
Guillermo got shivers from the place. The Tower of London’s dungeons didn’t exactly have the best ambiance. Centuries-old stone, damp floors, mold growing in the cracks and the terrible feeling that so many people died in there.
“Touch Her And You’re Dead, we need to sort things out. Actually, let’s start with your name, can’t I call you something else?”
“No,” the Teddy Bear crossed his fluffy arms.
Guillermo touched the bridge of his nose. This was getting ridiculous.
The avatar Teddy floated at his level and poked him on the chest. “I don’t like you.”
It was hard to take the intimidation of a Teddy Bear seriously. It must have sensed amusement in his microexpressions because it got really angry and then tore out Guillermo’s arms from his sockets, blood gushing everywhere.
Guillermo gasped and grabbed his arms. They were still in their place. “What did you do to me?”
“I merely showed you a sim of one way I can kill you. Wanna see another?” the Teddy avatar smiled and tilted its head. It wasn’t silly now.
“No-”
Guillermo got drowned in a floating bubble of water, that defied all rules of gravity and stayed attached around his head like a reverse diver apparatus. He flailed and thrashed, gasping for air and taking in water but the bubble remained around his head.
Then it was gone. Not a drop to be seen anywhere, except his sweat and his agony.
“What are you doing, please stop this!” he pleaded.
“I have come up with 147.000 different ways to kill you, and I rerun the sims for my entertainment.” The Teddy avatar was now creepy beyond measure.
“Please… Stop. I’m no threat, I would never…”
“Say. My. Name.”
Guillermo gulped. “Touch Her And You’re Dead.”
Teddy raised an eyebrow.
“And I’m dead.”
“And what did you do the very first second you’ve met her?”
“Touched her.”
“Aaand?”
“I’m dead.”
Avatar Teddy patted his head. “Not yet, cause she seems to like you. But there won’t be a second time.” It walked away, towards the stone steps.
“Yes, Mind. I see now that your name serves as a reminder. You have chosen well.”
Avatar Teddy turned back to look at him. “Ooh. I see you’re not as stupid as you look.”
Chapter 14
“I do not enjoy giving away my things,” The Queen said with cold words.
Guillermo bowed before Her. “Your Majesty, I don’t think we have a choice.”
It was an urgent audience with The Queen. Prime ministers, foreign Chancellors and dignitaries had met The Queen in this room at Buckingham Palace. And now, Guillermo had to ask Her to give up Her precious Crown Jewels.
“The answer is no, I’m afraid.”
“Your Majesty, forgive my insistence on this matter. You see, if we don’t do our best to please the Princess, the whole Earth blows up. Along with the Crown Jewels, I might add.”
She scoffed. “Now that’s a fine way to extort everyone!” She seemed old. The deageing miracles from the aliens had benefited her dearly, much to the dismay of her next-in-line. She was still sharp and strong, going close to a hundred years old.
“It is, Your Majesty. That’s exactly why the Dieretis Empire is feared and respected.” Guillermo was offered to sit, but even Churchill himself stood when briefing the Queen so he did the same. Joaquin’s lesson gnawed at the back of his mind.
The Queen seemed to consider it. But he knew that it was an act.
This is why he didn’t like working with royalty any longer.
She was about to decline and there was nothing he could do.
“I don’t like to repeat myself, mister Reysolo. The answer is still no.” She rang the bell.
The audience was over.
“Your grandchildren, Your Majesty.”
“What about them?”
“They won’t be safe.”
The doors behind him opened. The man there glowered, waiting for him to leave. But he had Her attention.
“Tell me.”
“My impossible task is to do whatever might please the foreign princess, or else our entire planet blows up. Please, I beg of you, try to comprehend that. The entire planet.”
“So this is a terrorist threat, you say?” She stood up and shook her finger. The Queen actually knew quite a bit about war and threats on her life. Scarred and weary, but she still kept soldiering on.
“In essence, yes. Your Majesty should think of it as a polite visit from a princess strapped with all the nuclear arsenal in the world, and even that’s not enough to compare.”
She straightened her dress.
“Fine. She can have my Crown Jewels. Make sure they are personally returned to me afterwards. The Crown is too heavy for me to wear these days but I’m quite attached to it.” She smiled.
Guillermo sighed in relief. “Of course, Your Majesty.” He turned to leave, thinking he had outstayed his welcome.
“I have heard of you, mister Reysolo,” She added. “Should you survive this royal tour, consider sending a letter with your curriculum vitae at Buckingham.”
Guillermo bowed deeply. “I’m honoured, Your Majesty.”
Then he stormed out of there to go borrow the Crown.
Chapter 15
“This is too heavy!” Kyveli complained.
Teddy slapped some tiny devices on the Royal Crown.
“Light as a feather,” she said and turned it in her fingers. Then she put it on her white hair.
She made it work, of course.
Tilting it to one side, the crown that symbolised power on Earth became nothing more than a fashion accessory on her.
An oval of a mirror appeared out of nowhere. Guillermo remembered Lorenzo talking about mirror fields, energy-hungry force fields that mirrored things as a defence against speed-of-light attacks. This was wasteful like using an aircraft carrier’s engines to go fishing. She posed for a few holographies. Arching her back, opening her lips seductively, twirling her finger, every tiny movement made Guillermo hot and flustered. The finishing stroke was when she modelled the thing, catwalking up and down the Jewel room.
The way her hips swayed was too much. Guillermo bit down hard on his lips till they bled. He used an old trick Joaquin had taught him to put his erection under control, by gripping his thumb in his fist. He had no idea if it worked or not, but he was down to try anything.
Then she blew a kiss his way.
Okay this was it. Guillermo mumbled an apology and ran outside the room. He put his back against the cold stone wall and calmed himself down.
He lost his erection completely when the man from MI5 scowled at him.
“Yes, I’ll get them back,” Guillermo said and went back inside.
Kyveli tried on the various capes. She made everything work, but it was a bit too much red with her complexion.
Guillermo pulled the princess’ stylist aside and whispered, “Tell her the Jewels are old and stuffy.”
The man went pale. A lifetime of adoration was a hard thing to change. “Please, don’t force me to do this!”
“Okay, calm down.” Guillermo sighed and looked around.
The man’s comm device chirped and he pulled it out. He tapped his adoration for his Princess and went on to write a comment.
Guillermo perked up and snatched the comm from the man’s hands.
“No, give it back.”
“Let me.” He typed a single comment. “There, take it back.”
The stylist read the comment that was posted from his account and sagged on the floor as he had just been sentenced on death row.
The MI5 agent kept scowling at him. Would his plan work? Would a single comment in the vast sea of trillions make any kind of noticeable difference?
But the Ekrignontes had gotten used to unbridled adoration. They hadn’t seen what an internet troll can do.
Chapter 16
“Boriiing! I grew tired of it,” Kyveli announced and tossed the Crown aside. Guillermo lunged to catch it from afar.
The MI5 agent was faster and thankfully saved the Jewels.
“Thank you,” Guillermo hushed and the man just scowled in response.
He watched the man leave and felt a weight lift from his shoulders.
Oops. Weight. Lifted. Antigravity devices.
Oh well, he guessed the future kings and queens of England wouldn’t have to worry about the Crown’s weight anymore.
Kyveli’s face said it all. She kept pulling the same comment on her augmented reality, swiping it away in disgust and then calling it back to read it again.
A single downvote in a trillion subjects. ‘Eww, old and wrinkly.’
Guillermo covered his smile. He had saved the Jewels situation, but he needed to get her mind off of it, quick.
“What else would you like to see, your Brightness?”
She twitched her nose. God, she was lovely. “I want to see a hurricane. I hear they are quite impressive from orbit.”
Back on the ship ‘Touch Her and You’re Dead,’ they promptly shot up into space. Guillermo’s stomach lurched. He couldn’t get used to these things at all. He was certain that there was no physical sensation of movement, but watching the Earth suddenly whoosh from below was terrifying.
He propped himself up on a railing.
“No hurricanes for now, your Brightness,” Pollux announced.
“Make one for me, then! Do I have to think of everything?” she screamed.
“What? No.” Guillermo leaned down on the window. He knew there wasn’t an actual window there but it was a super-display that made it look like a window looking down.
“Launching weather control,” Teddy reported simply.
Underneath their feet, a gigantic swirl of clouds started forming on the coast of Africa. Guillermo looked fascinated as the hurricane formed.
Hurricane Kyveli.
Just like that. And she wasn’t even paying attention, she was trying some Earth wine from a huge selection of bottles.
“Please, your Brightness, stop it. People will get hurt down there!” he pleaded.
She took a sip, then tossed the glass aside. It smashed on the floor and a courtier rushed to clean it up.
“But I want to see a hurricane,” she said like a child demanding cartoons.
“Princess!” Guillermo bit down his rage. “Not all humans can weather these extreme conditions. I beg of you.”
“Come on!” She laughed. “A little weather can’t hurt anyone.”
Guillermo squeezed his fists. “I have an idea. Watching a hurricane from afar is not exciting enough. Let’s go down and witness it properly.”
She swirled another sip of wine and eyed him. “What a great idea, Guillermo. Take us down, Teddy.”
Guillermo stared down at the swirling vortex of white clouds. Serene from up top, it looked like a sink draining, and they plunged right in the middle of it.
Chapter 17
Guillermo had never seen simple air being this catastrophic. Trees broken and torn apart like weeds, ground flying off like sand from your palm when you blow it away, rain pelting down and bending aluminium rooftops.
They were safe in a field bubble. Guillermo walked in the mud next to her. They gave him boots made of hydrophobic material, which meant mud didn’t stick on them. She, of course, stepped on hovering disks that alternated and created steps for her, like flat rocks on a pathway. He was surprised to see Teddy being in the mud as well, though it didn’t stick on its body. For a fleeting moment, it appeared to him that the avatar was enjoying new experiences.
They walked towards a village, safe in their own circle of the world. Outside, it was an act of God, and God acted harshly.
Guillermo didn’t know exactly where in Africa they landed, somewhere on the west coast. He expected huts made of palm trees or something like that, and he felt shame for his preconceptions. The village wasn’t modern by any measure, but it wasn’t stuck in the stone age as he had assumed.
He swore he’d keep an open mind next time. The village was in need of amenities. Roads, cars, electrical wires, there was none of that.
But you could tell it was a normal neighbourhood just like any other. A DIY cellphone tower erected in the middle of the village from some bright young engineer, tilting dangerously by the wind. Carts, plastic containers for water and oil, Coca Cola cans repurposed for a million uses, children’s toys scattered next to stools where the women sat and went on with their chores while keeping an eye on them.
A home.
Ravaged by the whims of an alien princess.
“Did they evacuate?” Guillermo asked Teddy.
It looked around. “Yes. The village appears to be empty. Wait, no, picking up a transmission. Basic mobile communications protocol. SMS?” it asked. “Oh, Simple Messaging System. How quaint, no encryption whatsoever.”
“Nevermind that! What does it say?”
The cellphone tower lost an anchoring cable and angled towards a house.
“It appears there’s a human trapped inside…” the avatar moved its stubby arm like a dousing rod, “there.”
Guillermo’s instinct knew the answer before Teddy told him. Of course, it would be the one house that was in danger of the cellphone tower.
&
nbsp; He lunged forward, away from the protection of the field bubble.
Kyveli tried to grab him. “Guillermo, what are you-” she asked, and then there was noise.
Impossibly loud noise. Pressure. Wind pounding on his skin. He remembered the one time he got on a roller coaster with Infanta Sofía, the crushing flow of air pushing him down like a torrent of water. It was like that, dragging him to the side. He angled his body against the wind at such a degree where he would fall if the hurricane wasn’t there.
He tried to protect himself with his coat. It felt no thicker than a leaf. He took a step towards the house. Then another.
He could hear nothing but the howling of an act of God.
A cable snapped and the cellphone tower fell even deeper. It crushed the roof of the house, and was moments away from making it all crumble.
Guillermo ran inside and searched frantically. Books, plates, toys, scattered everywhere. No television. No electric appliances. A poster of a Hollywood movie star torn in a kid’s room. He ran in there. Under the bed, he found a pair of scared little eyes looking back at him. He said something to comfort the little girl but he couldn’t even hear himself. She held an old-model phone in her hand, squeezing it. Tears ran down her cheeks.
She resisted for a moment, but then she hugged him and gripped on tight.
He ran outside the house.
The cellphone tower snapped in half from all the tension and crushed the house. Guillermo thought about turning the girl around to keep her from watching all this, but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. Every step was an immense effort. His boot plunged into mud, and the ground tried to pull him under. Debris from the village flew in circles at skull-crushing speeds. All he could do to protect the child was to hold her with his arms.
The safety of the field bubble was just three metres away. It might as well have been three kilometres.
His knees gave way and he fell, exhausted.
He lost consciousness for a moment.
When he opened his eyes again, he heard muffled sounds and saw the most beautiful girl in the galaxy leaning over him, worried. She said something.
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