by A I Knowles
“Most of it.” he scoops fruit onto my plate, then onto his. I grab the scrambled egg scoop before he can do it for me, and add some onto the white ceramic. Then there’s toast, and something that looks like an odd sort of oatmeal. Once my plate has as much food as I think I can bear to eat, I follow El to the far end of the room. Instead of taking us to a table he walks over to a corner of the wall and slides down, crossing his legs and propping the tray on one knee.
I follow his example, and for a moment I just watch as a crowd of people files in and lines up at the food table. “Do you always sit over here?”
El has a large amount of eggs speared on his fork, which he stuffs in his mouth before answering. “Nah.” At my grimace, he places his fist in front of his mouth until he manages to swallow. “Sorry. I usually sit with them,” he gestures to the same group of young men I saw him interact with last night. “But you didn’t seem like you’re quite ready to join the throng yet.”
I eye him with mild suspicion. “Are you this helpful to all of those who come from The Society?”
He shrugs. “Most of them spend their first few days in isolation before we can convince them they’re safe and we’re not actually barring them from a wonderful life as an android. A lot of them even get violent and have to be restrained.”
I can only imagine. It was all hard enough to believe, and I’d had warning that The Society wasn’t being truthful. I can’t imagine being on my way to the Process, thinking I’m about to start a new life of luxury and endless choice, only to end up here. I glance around at the dimly-lit mess hall with its dingy brick walls and worn floors. It was definitely a shock after the austerity and sterility of the Compound. If I’d come here without any advance warning, I can’t imagine what my reaction might have been.
“Are any of them here now?”
“Sure.” El scans the room, and points out a few faces, giving them names I know I’ll never remember. When he points to one girl, I stare at her, feeling as if I know her.
“Wait. What did you say her name was?”
“Neesha. She came from your Compound, I think.”
My heart races as I rise from the floor, forgetting all about my food tray. My eyes are fixed on the exotic girl with the dark skin and slanted eyes as I surge forward toward the crowded tables. I walk around the end of the nearest table, then up the aisles between them. I barely notice the people who lift curious gazes to me.
She’s here. She’s alive. I saw her as an HA...but that doesn’t matter. She’s alive.
“Neesha.”
Neesha pauses with her fork halfway to her mouth, and turns slowly. Her eyes meet mine and widen. “Alyss?”
“Neesha. You’re alive.”
The girl laughs and launches herself from her chair, which skids backward to clatter to the ground. “Alyss!” She squeals and grabs me in a tight hug. “Alyss, you made it!” She squeezes me so tight I can barely breathe, but I don’t care. Finally, a familiar face among all of the change. Someone alive who I thought was dead. So many questions, but they don’t matter now.
When Neesha finally releases me and holds me at arms’ length, tears glisten in her eyes. “Alyss, they told me they rescued someone, but I never thought it would be you...two years and they’ve never rescued anyone else from our Compound…” her breath catches, and she releases me to wipe her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”
“Me too.” I don’t know what else to say. I’m torn between elation and the knowledge that we never really knew each other that well, back in the Compound. Then again, nobody really ever knew anybody else, and Neesha and I had been friendlier than many of the other girls. “But I saw you...you came back…”
“What?”
I nod, and Neesha takes my by the arm and leads me out from between the two tables, now that people are starting to complain. “Alyss, what do you mean?”
“You came back...I mean, the HA that looks like you came back…”
Neesha laughs with disbelief written all over her face. “Wow, those bastards. Just had to keep up their appearances, didn’t they?”
“I’m just glad you’re alive.”
She pulls me in for another hug, and I get a nose-full of the scent of her shampoo before she releases me again. “We have to catch up. You have to tell me everything that’s happened.” Her brows furrow and she reaches out to pull my hair aside, then she gasps. “Alyss, what happened?”
“I’m afraid I must claim fault for that one.” Neesha and I both jump, and I turn to see a woman with long, pale brown hair walking down the aisle between two tables. In her blue eyes and hollow cheekbones I see a likeness to the face I saw just moments ago in that restroom mirror. She’s clad in a simple black shirt and black pants much like El’s. A large “A” in a flowing font is tattooed on the inside of her wrist, along with a date. My birthdate.
“Lily!” Neesha bows her head and steps aside. My stomach goes cold as I look at the woman who stands in front of me.
I’m not ready. This wasn’t supposed to happen now. What do I say? What do I do? Is this really my mother?
The woman steps forward and reaches out a hand. With gentle fingers she touches the spot on my eyebrow where the explosion scarred me. “It’s my fault.” Her voice is little more than a whisper, and it breaks on the last syllable. “Alyss. You’re here.”
***
“Nandroid?” I’ve just turned seven, and I’m finally able to climb onto the benches in the exercise yard without scraping my legs. The Nandroid stands watch over the two dozen of us out here, attentive to our actions and our needs. I’m close to the bottom of the pack: only five other girls are younger than me. The rest are older, and will go through their Process before I will.
Moana and Joanna just came to the Compound yesterday, and they’re still unsettled. The Nandroid says this is normal, especially since they are older than most of us were when we came. They’re five, and they’re twins. I know what siblings are, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen any. They are so odd, because they look almost exactly the same. The only way I can tell the difference is by their wristbands. Moana has a black wristband, Joanna a gray.
“Yes, Alyss?” The austere android turns to look at me, before returning her gaze to the other children.
“I heard Joanna say her mom died. Did my mom die?”
“Yes, Alyss. Both of your parents are dead.”
“Not like Linea’s parents, who didn’t want her?”
This time, the Nandroid fixes me with a stare, and I shiver when I realize I’ve said something bad. “Linea’s parents simply desired what was best for their child. It was not a matter of ‘not wanting’ her.”
“Oh.” I scramble onto the bench and sit with my legs swinging. “What happened to my parents?”
“They were killed in an accident, Alyss. Now, please get down and go play with the other children.”
I sigh. I never knew my mother. All I have is a vague memory of brown hair and gentle kisses on the top of my head. I can’t even remember her voice anymore. I was just a baby then. The Nandroids assure me the memories will fade in time, that one day I won’t remember her. They say this like it’s a good thing.
Resigning myself to the inevitable, I jump down from the bench and join the other girls, who are running and giggling as they try to catch the leaves which spiral down from the tree’s branches. In just a few weeks I’ll be eight, and there will be only ten years left until I’m a grown-up and I get to become an android like the HAs. It will be fun to be able to choose my face and hair, but it will also be weird to not be me anymore.
Thoughts of my mother fade into the back of my mind as I join the other girls in their game.
***
“They…” My voice cracks, and I swallow. My throat is so dry. I catch a glimpse of movement from the corner of my eye, and turn to find El standing there. “They told me you were dead…”
The woman, who looks so much like me, catches her breath in what sounds like a sob.
“I’m so sorry, Alyss. I never meant for you to end up with them.”
“What...what happened?”
She glances around at everyone who’s now watching us. All the conversation has died away into dead silence, as if the entire room holds its collective breath, waiting to see what will happen. “Not here.” She turns and strides away, leaving me with no choice but to follow. I cast a glance behind me to find El and Neesha standing still, staring after us.
I follow her out of the mess hall and up the hallway until we reach the door to the stairs. She pushes it open and holds it for me to pass through, but instead of heading to the basement, she takes the stairs that lead upward. I follow her, my stomach so tight it feels as if it’s lodged at the base of my throat. Is this really my mother? The one I’ve spent the last decade thinking was dead? The woman who allowed me to be raised by constructs of metal and silicone rather than in her own arms? Resentment flares within me, and for a split second I debate following her at all. I don’t owe her anything. Not only did she abandon me, she comes back into my life and I almost die because of it.
But my curiosity gets the better of my anger, and I follow her up to the next floor, where we step out into a hallway that is much emptier than the one below, and has the feel of disuse. A thick cloud of dust lays over the white squares on the floor, marred only by a thin track down the middle where footsteps of various ages have disturbed it. Some of the steps are recent.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere we can talk.” She doesn’t even turn to look at me, just throws this over her shoulder. Resigned, I follow as she leads me down the hall until we reach a door that looks just like all the others. It appears the makers of the other footprints came here too, because all but one set turn at this point to enter this room.
Lily leads me inside, and I find a table of deep, burnished mahogany taking up most of the room’s rectangular floor space. A wide, covered window spreads across the entirety of the room’s far end, and twelve faded rolling chairs surround the table. I stop short in the doorway when I realize two men and another woman occupy three of the chairs at the end of the table nearest to us.
“Please, sit.” Lily gestures, and I take a chair in the middle of the table, one which separates me from the other people by two spaces. Lily sits directly across from me, looking rather forlorn all alone in the midst of the chairs. I glance at the other people. There’s a pale man with white hair who looks quite old, a rather nondescript man I guess to be about Lily’s age, and a woman whose features remind me a bit of Linea.
Lily steeples her fingers in front of her and touches them to her lips. “We owe you an explanation.”
I glance at the other people. “Who…”
She points to the old man, then the middle one, then the woman. “Zhen, Rob, Tina. My fellow Council members. We lead the rebels.”
I swing the chair back to face her. I can’t decide what I’m supposed to feel right now. Relief? Gratitude I’ve found my mother? Confusion? Anger at being abandoned?
Nah, confusion sounds about right. “Why am I here?”
Lily frowns and leans forward, but the old man puts a hand on the table. “Lily, you knew this would happen. The girl doesn’t know what’s going on. You must be patient with her.”
She sighs, and closes her eyes for a second. “What do you want to know?”
I lean back and cross my arms. “Well, first of wall, why I grew up in a Compound if you’re still alive.”
Pain flits across her face. “Alyss, I had no choice...I…”
Zhen lifts a hand again, and Lily’s urgent voice quiets. He swivels in his chair to face me. “Alyss, your mother didn’t know you were alive. When your father died, she thought you were killed along with him.”
“My father?”
The old man nods. “He was killed in a car accident, and you were with him.”
I frown, and transfer my gaze to Lily. “that doesn’t make sense. If I’d died in a car accident, my body would have been there.”
Lily shakes her head. “Alyss, the car was incinerated. There was nothing left. ‘Accident’, as Zhen puts it, isn’t quite true. We knew the Society was punishing your father for defying them.” She closes her eyes. “I went into hiding once I found out, because once I saw the wreck, I knew it wasn’t accidental.” Her eyes fix on mine, and I see pleading there. “I thought you were dead. If I’d known...I would have tried harder to find you.”
“So how did you find out I was alive?”
“I didn’t know you were, until last week. But I never gave up hope, and I never gave up searching for you.” Lily sighs, and stares off toward the window. I follow her gaze, but the brightness of the light and the blinds make it impossible to see what stands outside. “I managed to hack the Compound’s database, and that’s when I found your record. ‘Alyss Ingrid Knowles, born December 16th, 2165. Scheduled for Processing on December 16th, 2183. Born the daughter of Lily Knowles and Sh…”
Before she can finish saying my father’s name, the woman named Tina speaks. “We had been working on a way to communicate with Compound children via their implants, but this was the first time we’d tried it. The consequences were unthinkable if we failed, and could result in even earlier deaths for the children if the connection was discovered.” She waved a hand at Lily, who has pinched her lips together. “Lily thought it was worth the risk. We had no idea it would destroy your implant.” Tina shakes her head sadly. “I’m afraid you were our first and possibly last attempt to gain allies on the inside of the Compounds.”
“Especially since Lily tried hacking into the school system and got herself discovered,” Rob remarks. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”
Lily pinches the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “Rob, just stop.”
“No.” Rob’s voice rises. “When we elected you Chancellor, it was because you were the most intelligent and most ruthless of us all. You wear that pin because of your ability to strategize, not because you throw away our one chance at having eyes and ears inside The Society because of your personal feelings.”
Zhen slaps his hands on the table. “Rob, enough. We have saved another child, and we can be satisfied with that.”
“But how many will die…”
Lily stands so quickly that her chair rolls backward and hits the wall. “No more than will die from your insistence on doing nothing.”
Rob opens his mouth as if to retort, but a sudden beeping sounds from somewhere near Lily. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small device. “Yes?”
A voice issues from the device. It’s so quiet I can barely hear what it says. “Chancellor, they need you on the Hill. Our link’s missed the check-in.”
“I’m coming.” She pushes the device back into her pocket and glances at Zhen, who nods at her.
“Go. We will follow.”
Lily walks around the table and I stand, no less confused or unsure than I was when I entered this room. For a long moment, she just stares at me, then she steps forward and envelops me in her arms. She is slightly shorter than me, and her arms are thin, unlike El’s.
She steps back and places her hands on my shoulders. “Whatever you may think of me...I love you, Alyss.” With that, she spins on her heel and walks away. The door creaks open, then slams shut in her wake. Rob and Tina follow, but Zhen remains, his blue eyes fixed on my face.
“I...what am I supposed to do now?”
Zhen stands, smoothing the creases out of the simple black shirt and pants he wears. It seems ironic the high-ranking Rebels wear clothing that’s so plain and colorless, and therefore closer to what The Society provides, while the rest of them are dressed in a rainbow of color. “Come with me. I will return you to your eager young tour guide, and let him continue assisting you in your acclimation.”
I follow him as he walks out of the room, and flinch as the door slams shut behind us. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how loud many things are here. I quicken my steps
to walk alongside the old man, who stares thoughtfully off into the distance.
“Sir...am I really Lily’s daughter?”
He shrugs. “Unless the Society falsified your records, yes. And why would they do that, if they think both of your parents are dead?”
As much as I still feel strangely resistant to the idea of Lily as my mother, I can’t deny the truth in his words. The physical similarities are striking. Though Lily’s face and frame have more angles and less softness than mine, she looks much like me. It was like looking into that mirror all over again. “Who was my father?”
“That is for Lily to tell you, in her own time.”
I pause, and frown at Zhen’s back as he continues to walk. “But she tried to say his name, and that other woman stopped her.”