by A I Knowles
“Lily had no way of knowing her access to the implant would end up frying it.” Dell’s voice is sad, and I can tell he’s looking at my neck. “She learned from it, though. Lily always does. She’s got a plan, and it will actually work this time.”
I set the visor down on the table. “But what about the hospital? We don’t even have a place to live, let alone bring the other girls back to.”
Dell takes the visor back. “Rescuing them is only the first part of the plan. Once we have them, we plan to attempt to escape the Society’s reach altogether.”
“What?” I gape at him. “How?”
He waves his hand. “That’s a story for another day. But with the Society’s attack, our timeline has been compressed. We know it’s only a matter of time before they come back to finish the job. Honestly, we don’t know why they haven’t done it already. Your Compound is the easiest to access, and therefore the only one we’ll have time to raid. We can only hope we manage to get them out in time.”
“So what do you need from me?”
Nate takes a piece of paper and a pencil and hands them to El, who passes them to me. “We need you to draw the Compound again. Then once you’ve done that, Dell will create it in the computer. When that’s done, we’ll have you look at it again and make sure everything is correct.” His blazing eyes fix me with a stare. “It’s of vital importance that the map be correct. If it’s not, the whole plan could fail as soon as our people enter the Compound, putting all of them at extreme risk.”
I swallow hard, and nod. “So...no pressure?”
The HA’s furrowed eyebrows make me wonder if I’ve found the first flaw in his programming, or if his human counterpart just doesn’t understand sarcasm.
***
After I’ve drawn up the map, I hand it over to Dell to input in the computer. He tells me to come back in a couple hours, so I find myself roaming the near-empty hallways with little sense of direction or purpose. El and Nate had both disappeared while I was occupied with my drawing, and nobody seems to have any further use for me.
I soon find myself at a set of glass doors which open onto the gorgeous garden I saw earlier. The sky over the walls is painted with the brilliant reds and oranges of sunset. Little electric lights glow along the edges of the stone pathway and among the leaves of the trees. Two strings of the lights stretch across the garden from corner to corner, crossing in the center over the fountain to create a giant X. The scene is so beautiful it takes my breath away. I wish I had more paper to capture some of the magnificence, even if it could only be lines on paper...a ghost of the real thing.
Entranced by the sight, I push down on the handle and step into the garden. The air is so much warmer here than it was at the rebel building, whether because of the walls or through artificial means. Winter doesn’t seem to touch this place, which is as green and thriving as if it were the middle of summer.
Walking down one of the side paths, I reach out my hand and let it trail along the leaves, which cluster thickly by the side, as if they’re straining to overtake the smooth stones. I lift my head to watch through the leaves of the trees as the brilliant colors leach from the sky, giving way to the pale gray of early night.
“There’s nothing like it, is there?” I gasp, and whirl around to see Nate sitting on a bench in a dark spot beneath a tree. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I like to sit out here and watch the sun go down...it seems to be an interest we share.”
As I approach the bench, he pats the open space next to him and I sit, following his gaze across the gently waving foliage to where the illuminated fountain wavers behind the leaves. “It’s wonderful.” I turn to look at him, and he gives me a sad smile.
“It is. Then again, beauty was always something I appreciated.”
The way his eyes fix on me make me a little uncomfortable, and I turn away to watch the fountain as it burbles in the twilight. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” He chuckles. “Do you wonder how an android, a construct of metal and silicone, could appreciate such a human concept as beauty?”
Without taking my gaze away from the fountain, I nod.
Nate sighs. “The thing is, Alyss, I don’t see myself as just a computer. Human Nate’s memories, everything that made him who he was, they were copied and put inside me. He was studied extensively, and every piece of him became every piece of me. Intellectually, I know I’m not human. I know Nate died to allow my creation. But I don’t feel like a construct. I feel real.”
“But how can that be possible? I’m sorry, but you’re just a computer. Nate is dead.”
“Don’t be sorry. As I said, I know this. And I, well, Nate...didn’t believe in the destruction of life, which is why I fight for the rebel cause.” His hand covers mine where it lays on the bench, and I turn my head to look at him, wincing as the motion pulls at my sore ribs and neck. “What the Society is doing is wrong. Causing death is wrong. I want to help stop it.”
“Even if it’s your own people doing the killing?” People? I really am going crazy.
He nods, his earnest eyes fixed on mine. “Of course. Debates about the characteristics of life aside, there is no need for humans to die to create androids. The only reason this is done is to prevent the humans from understanding what is happening. If they did...the results would be catastrophic to the Society. You have seen the destruction they are willing to cause to prevent the loss of their secret.”
“But how...how did they know?”
Nate’s gaze leaves mine, and he pulls his hand back. For the first time, I realize I hadn’t noticed the coolness of his skin. After all, I grew up with very little human touch...this is more normal to me than the warmth and emotion behind each time El touches me. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to find out, but there’s only so many questions I can ask without causing suspicion. The news says an HA factory exploded. This makes little sense, as many would be glad to see rebels destroyed. I don’t understand any of it. None of it makes sense.” He stands and straightens his suit. “There are things I must do. Please feel free to enjoy the garden as long as you wish.” Without another word he walks off, his white clothing visible even in the dimming light.
I sit on the cool stone of the bench for a few more moments before I decide to head back to the suite. The only light to show me the way is the little orbs which line the paths and cross overhead. Once I’ve re-entered the grand house, I find my way to the rooms mostly by instinct. When I push the door open, I find El on the couch once again, still reading that same book. He looks up when the latch on the doorknob clicks closed behind me.
“Hello.”
“Hello,” I respond, crossing the thick carpet to sit on the sofa opposite him. “How’s the book?”
He shrugs and sets it aside. “It’s okay. I’ve read it before.”
Awkward silence descends as we stare in opposite directions. What does a person say, after a passionate kiss with no clear knowledge of what it means or what’s supposed to happen next? Are we supposed to discuss where we stand? Is it customary to pretend it never happened?
People are so complicated. They make my brain hurt.
I stand and walk over to the shelves, where I pick a book at random and take it back to the sofa. I sit with my feet under me, and open the ancient tome so that it’s spread on my lap. The book smells strange. Not quite like rot, not quite like something growing, it teases at my nose and makes me sneeze. The yellowing paper is thin and crackles beneath my fingers as I gingerly turn the pages.
“El?”
“Hmm?” He doesn’t look up from his own book, which he’s resumed reading.
“What did Nate mean? When he called my mother Dr Shenshaw’s ‘better half’?”
His head snaps up as his gaze meets mine. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
Instant irritation burns in my gut. “Don’t lie to me.”
El sighs and passes his hand over his face. “Alyss, there are some things that aren’t m
y place to tell you.”
“Why not? It’s not like my mother is going to tell me.” I watch as his lips pinch together, and I wonder if he’s really going to refuse to tell me. “You told me to ask if I heard an expression I didn’t understand. Well, I’m asking.”
“It means they’re married.”
“What? What does that mean?”
He folds the book closed and sets it aside, then leans forward with his elbows on his knees. “It’s when two people are in a romantic relationship and they decide to stay together forever, have children, run the same household...that sort of thing.”
I gape at him as my brain puts the pieces together. “I know what married means. My mother was married to Dr. Ren?”
“Yes?”
“You mean...what Nate said, you mean she was working with him? She was working with the man who created the HAs? The man who’s responsible for...all this?” My voice rises in pitch as I wave my arm to indicate everything around us.”
El looks as if he wishes he could disappear. “Yes.”
Angry tears burn my eyes. I jump up from the couch. “How? How could you work with the person who helped cause the death of an entire city?”
He rises to his feet and steps forward, but I move back when he reaches out to me. “Alyss, that was never what they wanted. They really thought they were putting humans in the android bodies. They thought they were on track to fix the world, that they’d found the solution for a million problems.”
“Well, they were wrong.”
“Why do you think Lily’s spent the past twenty-three years doing penance for what she caused? She knows this. She knows what she’s done, and she’s spent two decades trying to stop it.”
I shake my head, and the tears spill down my cheeks. “How...how can you look up to her when she’s the reason they’re all dead? And if Dr. Ren was her husband, who was my father? Did she cheat on him?”
He laughs, but there is no mirth in the sound. “No, Alyss. She didn’t cheat on him.”
“Then what…” I trail off as it hits me, and stagger over to sit down on the couch. El follows me and kneels next to me as I stare at my hands, which shake uncontrollably. “Dr. Ren was my father?” I look into his eyes, with their distress mirroring my own. “El, no. My parents are the ones who did this? I’m the child of mass murderers? Please. Please tell me I’m wrong.”
He folds his large hands over mine and stills the trembling. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you that.” When I dissolve into sobs, he pulls me down until I’m on his lap and enfolds me in his arms. I clutch at his shirt as the trauma created by the events of the last few days comes crashing down on me and demands a release. I’m the child of murderers. I bear the DNA of the ones who have the blood of thousands or millions on their hands. It’s their fault. It’s all their fault. They did this.
“It’s okay.” When my sobs subside into gasps and I struggle to catch my breath, El’s arms tighten around me. “It’s going to be okay. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry.”
On impulse, I tilt my head up and move my arm until it embraces the back of his neck, then with the desperation born of pain and confusion, I pull him down until his lips meet mine. His arms tighten around me as his mouth moves with mine.
After a moment he breaks the connection. “Alyss, no. We can’t do this.” He breathes heavily, as if he’s been running. He lifts one arm and cradles my face. “Not like this. Not now.”
“Why?” I demand. “Why not like this? Why not now? What if this and now is all we have? What if tomorrow you go to the Compound and I never see you again?” The thought causes new tears to well in my eyes.
“I won’t…” He bends his neck and kisses my forehead. I try to meet his lips again, but he straightens until he’s out of my reach. “No. You don’t know how this works, Alyss. You don’t know what you’re doing. I’ve seen how traumatizing it’s been for some of the Society kids when they went into this without knowing what would happen. I don’t want that for you.”
“I know what happens between men and women,” I whisper.
“No, you don’t. I know what the Society teaches you. I’ve met enough other Society kids to know.” He shifts until I’m sitting on the floor rather than his lap. “I know you’re only seeking to drown your pain. I want you, Alyss, but in the right time and place.”
“You don’t know what I’m seeking.”
His mouth twists in a wry grimace. “I know better than you think I do.” Bracing his hands on the couch and the glass-topped table, he stands, then extends a hand to help me up. Once I’m standing, he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me briefly before he lets me go. “Someday, okay? Someday when things are less chaotic and feelings are less vulnerable.” He steps back and retrieves his book from the other sofa before disappearing into the bedroom opposite mine.
I stand and stare at the closed door, wondering what I’ve just done and whether I should be embarrassed, or happy with his promise of “someday.” I’m not even sure what it is I want.
El was right about one thing. The Society wasn’t exactly clear on what happened between men and women, only how it affected population and genetics.
Chapter 18: The Crescendo
I’m woken from a deep sleep to someone knocking on my door. When I open it, I find an unfamiliar woman standing just outside.
“Dell’s ready for you to look at the render.”
Nodding, I grab my jacket from where lies draped over my backpack and follow the woman as she leads me from the suite and back up to the computer room.
When we arrive, the beam of light coming from the ceiling is gone, and the table is illuminated only by a lamp. Dell tells me to fetch one of the empty chairs and join him at his computer. I sit next to the dark-skinned man as his skilled fingers dance over his keyboard. On the screen is an impressive replication of the Compound. I’m even more impressed that he’s managed to take my drawing and turn it into a three-dimensional map on a perfect miniature scale of the actual thing.
For the next half-hour, Dell has me fill in more details. I tell him the locations of the few cameras I know of, give him my best guess on the doors’ materials, and point out things like light sources and any furniture I neglected to include in my drawing. I’ve never been inside the other girls’ rooms, but it stands to reason they’re arranged similarly to mine. It feels almost like being back there, an impression which fills me with a sense of deep unease.
Once the rendering is finished, I’m released for the next few hours. I return to the suite, which seems eerily quiet and lonely without El sitting on the sofa, reading.
Nate joins us for breakfast the next morning. This meal is just as delicious as the last. Thick pancakes stacked five high adorn our plates. They’ve been well-dusted with sugar and drenched in syrup. I thought the rebels’ food was amazing...it was nothing compared to this.
At breakfast, El sits next to me in silence. Nate doesn’t seem to notice as he chatters away about his household and his job (which I can’t understand, no matter how much he explains), and about how much my mother means to the rebellion. I pinch my lips in silent annoyance and try not to hear him. If he notices how hard I’m trying to quell my revulsion for any mention of Lily, he never says anything. Next to me, El is just as tense as I am.
I feel a great sense of relief when breakfast is over and Dell needs me to give him my final opinion on his map. After that, he just has to load it into the visors, which El and I will take back with us when we return to the rest of the rebels. As much as it’s wonderful to experience such luxury as the Hill can afford, I long for nothing more than to return to the squalor and pain of the people who need our help. They are my people, my home, not this house full of opulence and excess. This will never be me. I will always feel like a drab little bird fluttering through some grand art gallery, dingy and gray against a myriad of colors.
After breakfast, we return to the suite to pack our belongings. Dell will meet us at the trap door with t
he visors, which he’s going to help us return to the rebels. There are ten of them total, one for each member of El’s team.
Nothing seems to break the awkwardness that exists between El and me ever since my disastrous attempt at seducing him. He will hardly look at me, though when he does, he smiles with a tinge of sadness in his eyes.
Our backpacks sit propped against the back of the couch. Just as I finish zipping mine, I look up to find El standing next to me. In his extended hand, he holds a book. “Here.”
Nodding, I take it from him. Our hands touch, and suddenly the thought of existing with this barrier between us seems unbearable. I un-zip the backpack and place the book inside on top of a folded blanket.
I turn back to El, determined to break the silence, when a thunderous impact shakes the building. We both leap to our feet as an alarm wails, filling the rooms with the strident sound.