“All right, as long as you’re sure.” He swallowed the last mouthful in his glass and indicated for the waitress. “Refill?”
“One more. I have another appointment still this evening, so I’m driving.”
Order placed, Preston continued. “Set up a meeting with Forrester. I want something in good faith before I stick my neck out for that arrogant prick. Unless he can make it worth my while, he’s going to rot in that prison.”
While that wasn’t exactly what Larry had been hoping for, it was a fair comment. Since this case had the potential to ruin not only his career but the other man’s too, he understood.
“You got it. I’ll get hold of the warden and make the arrangements. If I’m not mistaken, I think Forrester is still in the hospital wing. They worked him over real good.”
Their drinks arrived, and the two men sat in silence while they savored the burn of the finest scotch as it went down smoothly. Each lost in their own thoughts as they contemplated the shitstorm about to rain down. The silence was a comfortable one, borne of long years of friendship. And in that moment, Larry was supremely grateful for that bond. The fact that he felt uncertain of the loyalty of those around him, meant he appreciated it where he found it.
They chatted for a while about inconsequential matters in an attempt to lighten the dark mood that had settled over them during their meeting.
“I guess I’d best be on my way,” Larry said when they’d both finished their drinks. “Don’t want to be any later for my appointment than I already am.”
He got to his feet, Preston doing the same, and put his hand out. As the other man shook with him, he continued, “Thanks for meeting with me on personal time. I didn’t want to do this at the office. You never know who’s listening.”
“No problem. I understand. This is a pretty sensitive matter. See what you can organize regarding Forrester, and let’s take it from there, yeah?”
Larry nodded. “I’ll be in touch as soon as I’ve contacted Jim Walker and have a date.”
On the drive back to Tahlia’s, he went over everything that had taken place that evening. He considered all the information from different angles and contemplated various strategies and plans of attack. He couldn’t wait to break up the sex trafficking ring.
To reward himself, he would retire. He was getting too old for this shit. Smiling grimly to himself, he savored the idea. Then he shifted his attention back to the idea that the delectable Tahlia was waiting for him. Talk about a reward. First, though, he would have to come clean with her and tell her about the lifestyle – his lifestyle.
As he made his way to her suite, he ran all the ways he could break the news to her. When she opened to his knock, however, all coherent thought emptied out of his head. It was late, and she’d obviously gone through her nightly routine. She stood inside the door, barefaced, her vibrant red hair a riot of curls as it hung free. The thing that had him almost swallowing his tongue was her outfit.
Tahlia had on the most delicate-looking lacy concoction he’d ever laid eyes on. And it had his blood warming. As much as he appreciated the exquisite negligee, his mind raced with ideas on how quickly he could divest her of it and get her beneath him. He’d had her once, and it wasn’t enough. He wanted to love her all night, if she would let him – to lose himself in her sweet softness and forget the evil and treachery of the world around them.
And then he remembered they needed to talk.
“Hi, come on in.”
“Hi yourself, gorgeous. Sorry I’m so late.”
“It’s okay. I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back, but I’m glad you did.”
Larry followed her into the living room.
“Please, sit. Can I get you something to drink? If you aren’t in the mood for coffee or tea, I’ve got some bourbon for when Darryl accompanies Maddie to visit.”
“A bourbon sounds good, thanks.”
While Tahlia went off to get the drink, he ran through different scenarios in his head. He was on shaky ground as to how to start the conversation with her. Earlier when they’d made love, he’d thought it would be a onetime deal. On his drive back, he’d acknowledged that he wanted more.
“Here you go,” Tahlia said as she handed him his glass. She took a seat beside him on the sofa. She studied him for a long, uncomfortable moment before she spoke again. “You look worried, Laurence. Is everything okay? Your agent all right?”
He picked up her hand, turning it over in his, and laid the lightest of kisses on her wrist. “Let’s just say, it’s not been the greatest of evenings. I can’t go into any details about it other than to say we’re making progress. But I don’t want to talk about work.” Taking a deep breath, he decided to rip the Band-Aid off. “There is, however, something else I need to talk to you about.”
“You sound very serious, Laurence. Should I be worried? You’re not going to try and convince me to go into witness protection again, are you?”
He laughed – he couldn’t help it. “No, that’s not what I want to talk to you about right now. That conversation, however, is only tabled for the moment.” He squeezed the hand in his. “No, I need to share something with you, and it could potentially be a game changer for where things are currently heading.”
“I’m not sure what you mean, but I’m listening.” She gave him an encouraging smile.
Larry scratched his chin while considering how best to start the conversation. Eventually, he simply settled for asking her, “Do you know what a Dominant is?”
Tahlia frowned. “A Dominant?”
“Yeah. Do you know what it is?”
He saw the moment her brain switched gears and she cottoned to the direction of the conversation.
“Yes. Why?”
He had just opened his mouth to reply when her eyes widened, and her perfect mouth formed an “O” of surprise. He had to bite back a laugh. The last thing he wanted to do was offend her.
“Are you ... Do you ... Is that what you ...?” Her words stumbled to a stop.
The moment of reckoning had arrived. He rubbed a hand down his leg, blowing out a breath. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I am.” He said no more, simply waiting to see what her reaction would be.
Laurence watched a myriad of emotions run across Tahlia’s face while she processed his statement. He waited patiently while she seemed to work through his words. Finally, after long minutes, he eventually broke the silence.
“Is that going to be a problem for you, Lia?” he asked gently.
His words had her refocusing on his face, snapping her out of her thoughts.
“Tell me,” she murmured.
“Tell you what, sweetheart? What would you like to know?”
“Tell me about what turns you on, what your kink is.”
For a brief moment, Larry almost regretted that he’d started this conversation. Was she ready to hear what he was into, given her history? He wanted a relationship with her, wanted to share this side of him – all sides of him — with her. But if she couldn’t accept his Dominant, he didn’t see how there could possibly be a future for them. It was an integral part of who he was.
“I dabble in various forms of kink, the main one though is spanking. And that’s one of the reasons I felt we need to have this conversation sooner rather than later. Given your history, I wasn’t sure how big of an issue it’s going to be.”
She pulled the hand he still held out of his grasp, got to her feet, and went into the kitchen. She fiddled with the few items that lay on the countertop, then she filled the kettle and set it to boil. All the while, she never uttered a word. Larry’s heart sank. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach continued to grow the longer the silence stretched out.
The whistle of the kettle as it began to boil caused Tahlia to jump, making him think she’d forgotten about it. He rose and went to where she was standing. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I seem to have upset you, and that was never my intention. Perhaps it would be better if I leave.”
Once again, Tahlia startled, as if she’d forgotten about him too. She clapped her hand over her mouth in fright. “Oh, my goodness, Laurence. I’m sorry. I got so caught up in my own head. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” She fiddled with the tea bag she’d taken down, not quite meeting his eyes. “It’s just a lot for me to take in.”
“Lia, look at me.” He waited for her to lift her gaze to his before continuing. “You have to know that after today, I want more. I can’t simply walk away now. However, I understand that my lifestyle is a potential hard limit for you. So, you need to tell me what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”
Tahlia’s eyes welled with tears. She blinked several times, clearly trying to fight them back. It was a losing battle. The first tear spilled over, and others fell in quick succession. “I don’t really know much about ‘the lifestyle’, as you call it, but what little I do know scares me. I can see this means a lot to you. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Larry came around the counter and took her into his arms. He rested his forehead against hers, angling his head so he could maintain eye contact. “I get that you’re scared, believe me I do. I was there, remember? If you’re willing to try, we’ll go as slowly as you need.”
“What happens if I can’t do it, Laurence? Where will that leave us then?”
“If you find you really can’t overcome the triggers, we’ll figure it out. Together.”
“You say that now. But over time, you’ll come to resent me. To deny an important part of who you are is courting disaster. Trust me, I know.”
“Sweetheart, I could never resent you. You are—”
Tahlia placed a finger over his lips. “You can’t say that with certainty. And it would break me when you walk away.”
Larry stepped back. Frustration stiffened his posture, coloring his tone. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s been too many years that we’ve denied how we feel about each other due to circumstance. Now, we finally have a shot at being together. Shouldn’t we at least be willing to explore what we could have before we start talking that way?”
“Laurence—”
This time, it was his turn to interrupt her. “How do you think I would feel, Tahlia? Don’t you think it broke me to walk away all those years ago? To leave you with that monster? I knew what he was doing to you, and I couldn’t do anything about it. How many times didn’t I ask you to come away with me, Tahlia?”
Spinning on his heel, he paced away from her. Needed to move. Frustration vibrated through his whole body; his fists clenched against the clawing need to throw something across the room. That, however, would not aid his case. And the last thing he wanted to do was frighten Tahlia.
13
Tahlia watched as Laurence stalked around the room. His body language screamed exasperation. She fought against her natural reaction to shrink into herself. That was her habit of old, learned the hard way from a man handy with his fists.
She gathered her courage and walked over to intercept the path he was pacing. “I’m sorry. That was an insensitive thing to say.”
He wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, head down. “No, I should be the one apologizing.”
In the past, Tahlia had apologized to Marcus every time he’d laid into her. He’d been an effective master when it came to teaching her it was her fault he beat her, that she was the one who’d somehow failed him. This time, she did it because she realized she’d hurt Laurence with her words. She’d lashed out automatically, had felt cornered by a past she fought to put behind her every day. Fear had overridden the filter in her brain, and the words had flowed out before she’d thought better of it.
However, it didn’t mean her fear of him leaving wasn’t valid. What if she couldn’t get past the trauma of the past, and he changed who he was for her? In her heart, she was sure he would come to resent her. And she had been honest when she’d said it would break her if he left her because of it.
After he’d left, years back, there had been days she had prayed her next beating would be her last. With him gone, life became far more unbearable than it ever had been. While the beatings had been physically painful, her spirit had something to keep it going with him there. When he’d left, he’d taken her heart and her will to live with him.
Could she do it? Leave the memories of all the suffering in the past? Maybe find a way to be what he needed without losing herself again in the process? Her mind churned. With a fortifying breath, she came to a decision.
“I’m willing to try. Tell me what you need?”
For a long, uncomfortable moment, Laurence simply stared at her, as if he could see into her soul if he looked hard enough.
Finally, he nodded. “I need you to be brutally honest with me, otherwise this won’t work,” he said. “Can you do that for me?”
“Yes. Yes, I can do that.”
Tahlia watched in fascination as his well-sculpted chest expanded with the deep breath he took before he answered.
“I would like to restrain your hands and spank you.”
The words landed in her brain like cannon fire. Tahlia felt the blood drain from her face, and the sick taste of fear edged some of the desire out. She licked her lips nervously. Oh god, I don’t know if I can do this. Have I made a mistake by agreeing to this? What if I panic and ruin the moment?
He waited as she considered her response. A time or two, she attempted to answer him, but words failed her. Finally, with a deep breath of her own, Tahlia fought to get her nerves and breath under control.
Laurence’s steady gaze helped calm her some.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I–I’m fine. I just need to wrap my head around this a second. When we do this, I don’t want the ghost of Marcus to ruin this for us. It’s just the difference between pain as punishment and pleasure is difficult to process.”
“I can understand that, and with that in mind, I have to ask, are you sure you want to go through with this?”
“I … I …” She wanted desperately to say the words he wanted to hear. She just couldn’t get them out.
Laurence rubbed his thumb gently over her plush bottom lip, saying, “It’s okay, baby. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I would never hurt you. I really do understand. This is clearly a limit for you, and I respect that. We don’t have to do this now.” He leaned forward to kiss her. The sincerity of his words shone bright in his eyes, and Tahlia felt herself fall deeper. She hadn’t thought she could love this gentle, principled man any more than she already did. She’d been mistaken.
Just as his lips were about to touch hers, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “I trust you, Laurence – I always have. I know you would never intentionally hurt me. And I’m tired of the specter of my past overshadowing my future.” Taking a big breath, she said, “Show me?”
“I have to ask one last time – are you sure, Lia?”
She nodded. “Yes, I’m sure.”
“Okay then, but I need you to understand this real clear – you have the right to put a stop to this at any time. Any time. Yeah?”
Again, Tahlia nodded.
“And that’s another thing, sweetheart. I need you to talk to me. I need you to say the words, no matter how uncomfortable it may make you. If you like something, you don’t like something, I hurt you, you want to stop. It doesn’t matter what it is, you need to give me the words. You understand?”
“Yes, I understand.”
“You hold all the power, Lia. Always.”
“I– okay.”
“You ready?”
She started to nod in reply, then remembered what Laurence said about needing to hear the words spoken out loud. “Yes, I– yes.”
“One last thing, then. You need a safe word. Red puts a stop to everything – it tells me you’re scared, uncomfortable, or in pain. Yellow lets me know the situation is a little outside your comfort zone; I need to dial it back a bit until you’re either more comfortable or you decide you don’t want
to carry on. And finally, if I check in and you’re green, it’s all good. With me?”
“Yes.”
“What are the colors, and what do they mean?
Without missing a beat, Tahlia replied. “Red means stop, and everything stops. Yellow means you need to slow down, I’m not comfortable or I’m reaching my limit. And green means I’m all good.”
“That’s it. Ready?”
“Ready,” she replied.
She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. She exhaled, long and hard, then nodded.
“Undress for me, baby, and when you’re done, come kneel in front of me with your back to me.”
With shaking hands, Tahlia undressed. Nerves made her clumsy, and she fumbled with the buttons on her lacy negligee. Laurence stepped closer and laid his hands over hers. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. As he kissed her, she felt his fingers move over hers, encouraging her to continue undoing her buttons.
His calm, quiet confidence settled her, and together they made short work of the fastenings. He stepped back as the last button slipped free of its hole. He looked at her with eyes heavy with desire. A delicious shiver worked its way through her as she undressed for him.
When she finally stood gloriously naked before him, he held out a hand. She took it, and he kissed the tip of each finger. As if in the middle of a dance, he used the hand he held to turn her around. With her back now to him, Tahlia sank gracefully to her knees. Unsure what to expect next, she looked up at him over her shoulder.
“Eyes to the front, baby.”
He waited for her to comply and then walked over to the vanity, where he appeared to search for something. He first took something out of a drawer, then picked something up off the top before returning to her. When she felt his fingers in her hair, she wanted to purr with delight it felt so good. It was with some surprise that she realized he was braiding her hair. When he was finished, he spoke.
“All right sweetheart, up you come.” Once again, he held out a hand to her, this time to assist her to her feet. “Hands behind your back.”
Trusting Laurence Page 11