by SM Olivier
“Do you think we can wash our clothes tonight?” Sylvia asked, coming out of the bathroom in just a towel.
“We can probably manage that,” Felix replied, eyeing her appreciatively.
“I’m sure we can give you some of our clothes to wear now until your clothes are washed. Would you mind throwing our stuff in as well?” Chad barely looked up from the cooing baby on the bed beside him.
“Deal,” Sylvia said excitedly.
“Why can’t she stay in her towel?” Felix mock groaned.
“Eww, gross,” Mikey made a retching sound.
Felix chuckled. “That’s what you say now, little man, just you wait. Avery, you’re next, strip down to a towel.”
Axel cleared his throat, shooting the other man a look.
“Just kidding,” Felix muttered, looking contrite. “Sorry, Ave, but you can’t blame a man for trying.”
I laughed uncomfortably. “It’s okay, I knew you were kidding. Sort of. You are a man,” I teased, hoping to alleviate the tension in the room.
Was Axel trying to stake a claim on me? In the animal kingdom, he would be the alpha. Every single man I had seen him in contact with seemed to bow to his requirements. Had he fought for his title, I wondered? Or did he demand it and they acquiesced, sensing his natural dominance?
I set a comforting hand on Axel’s bicep and felt him physically relax.
He held out a t-shirt and boxer shorts to me. “You can shower next,” he said quietly. “And if we want to start the laundry, we should probably do that now.”
Josh came into the room next. He held out a pair of black PT shorts and a t-shirt to BJ. “Here, man. You can take a shower next in the other room.”
“Thanks.” BJ smiled and immediately left the room.
I looked up between Felix and Axel. They seemed fine with each other once more. I didn’t want them to argue or fight over something so trivial as a joke.
“Sylvia, can you watch the bacon while I take a quick shower?” I inquired as I laid the first batch of bacon onto the skillet.
“Um, how quick?” Sylvia hedged.
Sylvia was great at cleaning, but she was hopeless when it came to cooking. Unless she could put it in the microwave, she had no clue what to do.
Chad chuckled. “I can man the bacon. Bacon’s easy.”
“You’re such a domesticated man, Chad. You cook and take care of babies so well,” Sylvia flirted. “How hasn’t any lucky girl snatched you up yet?”
He grimaced. “Been there done that, and she took the kids with her,” he said matter-of-factly. “She didn’t think she was so lucky when I spent only half the year with her and the kids and the other half on missions.”
Sylvia gasped. “I’m sorry. Do you get to see your kids?”
Sadness crept across his features. “They weren’t mine. I was just the one who raised them for eleven years when their dad didn’t want them. She never allowed me to adopt them, and the courts wouldn’t allow me visitation because of my precarious position in the military.”
I watched my friend embrace the tall, African American man and wished I could be as affectionate as she was. I knew what it was like to love someone so much that you tried to fight for them and still lose.
֍
I had cooked so much food that there were leftovers. My stomach was pleasantly full, and the children were already sleeping when the sun descended.
Axel pulled out his notepad and looked at us all. “Chad and Felix,” he stated. “I have you on the first watch. At 0100 hours, I want you to wake me and Josh. I don’t want you to engage the infected unless you have to. If at any time you feel overwhelmed, come and get us. No one needs to try and be a hero.”
“When do you want me to take a watch?” BJ inquired readily. “I’m a good shot. If you let me use one of your weapons, I can help.”
“Me too,” I stated as I began to wrap the waffles carefully.
I didn’t relish the idea of taking out more infected, but I felt like it was my duty to pull my weight around here. Pop-pop, Dad, Uncle Mitch, and Uncle Scott made sure I was more than comfortable around firearms. They taught us gun safety and took us to the range several times. I became very proficient with a rifle and a 9mm over time. I just never thought I’d ever have to utilize the skills.
“I’m a horrible shot.” Sylvia cleared her throat. “Guns scare me, but do you have something better than this?” She held up her little hunting knife.
Axel looked deep in thought for a moment before he nodded at Josh. Josh got up and left the room. It was like the man was telepathic, the way Axel just nodded at the men and they obeyed.
“You can take first watch.” He looked at BJ, then to me. “You can take the second watch with Josh and me.” Axel seemed reluctant but moved on, looking at the rest of the guys. “Right now, I think we should all sleep unless it’s your watch. Josh and I will sleep with the children and girls. When you come in from your shift, come to this room.”
Josh came back and dropped a large duffel bag onto the bed. “Pick your poison.”
There was a plethora of guns and ammo in the bag. Josh opened a side pocket and withdrew a long sheath before he slid out a wicked-looking machete. “This is extremely sharp,” he informed Sylvia. “Keep it in the sheath unless you plan to use it.”
Sylvia nodded and smiled. “Thanks! I just wished I had my bo staff.” She sighed. “I could make a point at the end and annihilate some infected ass.”
The guys laughed at her eagerness. I cringed, flashes of this afternoon invading my thoughts.
“I’m sure we can come up with something,” Chad reassured her.
She did a little happy dance, making even Axel’s mouth tilt into a slight smile. I realized then that I couldn’t wait for the day to see a real smile on his austere features. He looked beautiful in rest; I could only imagine what he looked like with a true smile.
Sylvia seemed to be taking the thought of annihilating their lives a lot easier than I was. She had taken out three of them with zero qualms. She believed the guys when they said they were no better than a rabid beast. I had seen that, sure, but I couldn’t buy it yet.
“We need more formula.” Chad frowned as Jenny began to fuss in the crib. “I meant to say something earlier, but it slipped my mind.”
“There’s a town at the foot of the mountains that we need to pass to get to Sanctuary,” BJ said hesitantly. “We can try to stop there for some more.”
“Does she need formula?” Felix asked with a frown of confusion.
“According to her mom’s phone, she’s five months old,” Sylvia seemed just as mystified. “How long do babies need formula?”
“She’ll need to stay on it until she’s a year,” I said, remembering my rotation with the pediatrician. “We can start her on purees at six months to supplement her feedings, though.”
“How do you know that?” Josh inquired. His unease around babies was almost comical. If he weren’t so playful with the boys and Philly− as he called him− I would’ve wondered if he hated all children.
“Nursing school. We had to do rotations in pediatrics,” I said with a sigh. Who knew what it was worth now, though, when or if things returned to normal.
“You can kick people’s asses, then fix them up.” Felix whistled. “Keep talking dirty to me, baby, and you might finally make me take a knee.”
Chad reached over, Jenny in one arm, and smacked the back of Felix’s head with the other. “You have a death wish, son,” he muttered his reprimand.
Silence fell, and Sylvia began to giggle as she gave pointed looks between Axel and me. She started to hum the wedding march. I ducked my head and continued to clean up our dinner mess. I smiled gratefully as BJ and Josh started to help me clean up.
“How well do you know the towns on the way there?” Axel asked, clearing his throat. “If we can find one that isn’t heavily populated, we can stop there, too. And get a list of everything the children may need.”
“Can
you help me write the list?” Sylvia asked Chad.
“Of course,” he replied, smiling.
“There are a few towns on the way,” BJ stated after some thought. “We’re already taking the route that avoids most of the heavily populated cities and towns, but some of those places still have the small mom and pop shops that are off the beaten path.”
“Okay,” Axel stated with a nod. “Let’s get some shut-eye and get to our post.”
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I was too wired to go to sleep, and Sylvia seemed to be in the same predicament. Josh sounded like he was already passed out. Within moments of his head hitting the pillow, his gentle snoring filled the room. I couldn’t tell if Axel was asleep, but he hadn’t moved on the other bed for some time now.
Occasionally, I heard shots go off and flinched each time. So far, none of them sounded like they were coming from directly outside, but still.
We were sharing a bed closest to the kids, who were stretched out on the couch and in the playpens. If it weren’t for the guys and the kids, it would’ve felt like any other Friday night when we chose to stay in. It was a common occurrence for us to binge-watch our favorite shows, eat junk food, and gossip until we couldn’t stay awake any longer.
In so many ways, Sylvia was the sister that I never had. Emery had stopped liking sleepovers with me by the time we were ten or so.
“I wonder if… everyone’s okay,” Sylvia whispered. “Stephanie is so pregnant and I…I just wonder.”
“I’m sure they're fine,” I whispered back, understanding the rabbit trails that our thoughts left in our heads. “You know Corbin and Wyatt will protect them with their lives.”
I still worried about them, too, but I knew I couldn’t be consumed with those thoughts. We had four children in our group that needed protecting, and if I didn’t focus on them, I would be too distracted to give them my best attention.
“I hope Cal and Joe are okay, too,” she whispered after several moments of silence.
“I’m sure they are,” I teased. “Are you going to tell me who strikes your fancy more?” I knew she had been dying all day to tell me about her night last night.
She started to giggle. “Who says that? ‘Strikes my fancy!’ Promise me you won’t judge me,” she suddenly said.
I made the motion of the cross over my heart, despite the fact she could barely see me through the orange glow of the street light outside. “When have I ever judged you?” I smiled.
“Well…” she said hesitantly. “I fancy them both.” She snickered before I realized she was serious. Her tone was hushed once more. “We just hung out at the new Alpha warehouse the other night. We were drinking−not a lot−playing pool, talking, and laughing. I swear I never laughed so much. They were just so easy to hang around with, and it was so easy to just be me, you know?”
“And then?” I gently prodded her. I knew what she meant. I knew how Sylvia slipped on her alternate persona when we were out. She wasn’t different, per se, but she was more guarded and seemed to weigh her every word and action.
“And then one thing led to another, and we took it to a bedroom, where they both gave me the best orgasms I ever had!” she rushed out with a little squeal. “Seriously, I’ve been sexing so wrong until now.”
I laughed at her inane word before I contemplated what she’d said for a moment. Oddly, I didn’t even have to pretend I wasn’t disturbed. She wouldn’t have rushed into it without thinking about it. They must have made her feel really comfortable.
“Well, college is the best time to experiment,” I finally said. I honestly felt no judgment. Cal and Joe made Sylvia happy, and it was all consensual.
“I don’t think it was just… experimentation.”
“Well, I hope they can make you happy,” I said honestly.
“Can I tell you something else?” she whispered tentatively.
I wondered if I wanted to peek behind that door, because I had a feeling it wasn’t something I wanted to know.
“Sure,” I finally replied reluctantly.
“They share all the time,” she said quietly. “Like the whole team. Maybe not all together or in pairs, but the teams like to have a female or two to…be with them.”
I knew she was hinting at something else. Then it struck me. If the Alpha Team and Bravo Team liked hanging out so much, they probably both engaged in these activities.
A flash of unexpected jealousy filled me. I never did jealously. I didn’t even know envy was an emotion I could ever feel. After Trevor had found his popularity and the girls regularly threw themselves at him, I hadn’t experienced it. Back then, I used to think if he wanted to stray, he would do so with or without me suffering that soul-eating emotion. I had to trust him to do right by me. In the end, he hadn’t, but at least I didn’t have to carry that ugly feeling around with me at the time.
I didn’t know why the thought of some woman getting Axel’s attention. and, yes, even Corbin’s and Wyatt’s, bothered me so much all of a sudden. Up until tonight, I didn’t even think Corbin and Wyatt saw me in that way. But if I were honest with myself, no matter how loyal I was to Trevor, I’d have to be blind not to notice how sexy Wyatt and Corbin had gotten with age. With maturity, they had even become more likable! I could more than see how women could be drawn in by M&M.
Wyatt really was a misfit. He could have been very popular in high school but always chose to hang out with the underdogs. He never liked to conform to social conventions and just walked to the beat of his own drum. He was also talented. He could sing and play the guitar better than most of the artists that played on the radio.
Then there was Corbin. He was mischievous. He was the one who liked to pull pranks and make people laugh. Unlike Wyatt, he stumbled into popularity and stayed. He was charismatic and charming. Aunt Pam always said he could sell ice to an Eskimo. He had a way of reading people and making them feel like they were the center of his universe if he chose to do so. He didn’t even really have to try. He just was.
Now that my blinders had been removed, I could easily see how an attraction for them could grow, but I didn’t want to be put in a position to come between them. Would I want them to share me, given the opportunity? And could I?
Plus, there was Axel to think about now. Today, after I’d had my collapse, he had quietly helped me compose myself and had comforted me without words.
Words rarely comforted me—I preferred actions. He had been all action, and I really enjoyed it.
He was the first man since Trevor that I ever imagined exploring a relationship with. His calm, comforting, solid and natural leadership abilities called to me. He seemed to know exactly who he was and was unapologetic about it, and I was surprisingly okay with that.
Would these men ever want me the way they had desired other women? Would they be satisfied with an arrangement they must have had in the past? They were stateside now, and the likelihood of them leaving anytime soon was slim to none. Would they want to settle down individually now instead?
“Was that too much?” Sylvia asked hesitantly. “I don’t see the harm in it,” she defended quietly. “It’s all consensual. Plus, those guys deploy for months and months at a time. It’s not like they can be in any type of conventional relationship, and they still have needs. It’s a win-win situation for the woman, too. With the attention of four or five of the guys at a time, the girl would always feel… wanted. What girl wouldn’t want to feel cherished and cared for by more than one man?
“There’s a structure to the arrangement,” she continued whispering. “The team have their rules, believe it or not. All that they ask is that the girl, or girls, are only with them while they’re in this arrangement. They’re a tight and close team, but they don’t share well with others. If the woman wants out of the relationship, they just have to allow the team to know. It’s a way for them to protect themselves, too. The group always uses protection and whatnot, but some of the guys feel comfortable relying on the woman’s birth control if there’s enou
gh trust between them. If she stepped out of their arrangement and didn’t use the proper precautions, it could impact the team negatively.
“One of the women that used to be in Tango Team got bored with her guys. She chose to step out on their arrangement and acquired an STD. When she came back, she didn’t tell them about it, and two of the seven guys− who chose not to use condoms− caught it too.”
I felt a surprising burst of desire streak through me. I could imagine the attention of Axel, Wyatt, and Corbin all at once, and I felt a warmth between my thighs. It had been way too long since I’d had an intimate connection.
Even the couple of months I had hooked up to fill the void inside me, it never worked. I still felt empty afterward. There was never any cuddling later− not that I wanted it from them, but still− and most of the time, I didn’t even get an orgasm out of it.
Suddenly, I was filled with too many thoughts I probably had no business thinking.
“I can see how an arrangement like that worked for them,” I finally admitted quietly. I almost applauded myself for sounding so casual, my voice not betraying my turbulent thoughts. “Do you think Joe and Cal would like an arrangement like that with you?”
“They hinted at it,” she admitted, but I could hear the worry in her voice. “I wouldn’t mind it, but you know me. I don’t like giving my heart that easily, and I wouldn’t want two men to break it at the same time if they decided they no longer wanted me anymore.”
I had to get Sylvia out of her head. I knew she wanted this relationship, and even though I hadn’t seen the guys with her yet, something told me that she needed them. She had been hurt long ago, and it was time she was loved and cherished again.
“Well,” I said cautiously. It was a time for a little taste of her own medicine. “You know what I always say… you’ll miss one hundred percent of the shots you never take.”
She was silent for a second before I felt a pillow smack me across the face. “That’s Wayne Gretzky's words, and you say that before every sparring match to yourself.”