by C. C. Wood
And maybe we did, but the last few months suddenly seemed as long as years and I needed him now, not later.
My hands were gripping his shoulders but I stroked them down his back to the waistband of his briefs, my fingers dipping just below the elastic. I slid my hands outward to each side of his hips and pulled at the material.
J.J. lifted his head and we were both breathing hard when he asked, "In a hurry?"
"Absolutely."
"We have time," he commented, his mouth lowering to my neck and then my collarbone.
"I know but I don't care."
He chuckled against my throat and I shivered. My nipples hardened at the vibration of his laugh against my flesh.
I pulled harder and his underwear fell to his ankles, leaving him completely naked. J.J. laughed again, but his hands moved from my waist to the hooks of my bra and he released them.
As I shrugged the garment off, he mirrored my earlier actions and pushed my panties down my legs until they hit the floor.
When he pulled me closer so our bare skin touched, I shuddered.
I rose up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his head down so I could kiss him.
Breathless, I broke the kiss and tugged J.J. toward the bed. "Hurry."
He laughed as I pushed him backward on the mattress. He fell onto the bed, pulling me with him.
I was laughing, too, as I crawled up his body.
I dropped my head and ran my tongue up the length of his erection. His laugh turned into a groan.
"Oh, God, Lee. You have to stop."
I ignored him for a few moments. During our first and only night together, I hadn't touched him the way I wanted to. There were things I wanted to do, to experience, and there just hadn't been time for all of it.
I took him in my mouth and sucked.
"Okay, that's enough," he said, pulling me up so that I straddled him.
"But I wanted—"
"I know. Maybe later when I'm not already so damn close. You can take as long as you want."
"But what if I don't want to take a long time," I teased.
J.J. kissed me, still smiling. "Then you don't have to take a long time. No one's gonna force you. I might beg but that's different."
As we kissed, his hands cupped my breasts. His touch was gentle, almost delicate.
"I'm not hurting you, am I?" he asked. "I know they've been sensitive."
"I'm fine."
"Let me know when it's not, okay?"
"I will." I lowered my mouth down to his and kissed him again.
His hands moved from my breasts to my waist and finally my hips. I rocked against him, each movement setting off a cascade of tingles that originated between my thighs and spread throughout my body.
He put a hand between my shoulder blades and arched me toward him so his mouth closed over the tip of my breast.
I groaned and rocked harder against him.
His mouth moved to my other breast and I was ready to come out of my skin. My nipples were more sensitive due to my pregnancy, so the sensation of his lips on me was nearly too much.
I reached between us and shifted my hips so I could take him inside me. As I slid him deep, my body trembled so hard that my nipple popped out of his mouth.
"Jay," I whispered. I shifted my hips, moving up and back down.
"Slow down, Lee," he said, his hands grasping my hips.
"I can't. It feels..." I gasped when he pulled me down so my hips slammed against his and held me there, grinding my body against his.
"I know. That's why you have to slow down. I'm too close."
"So am I," I said, a shiver running through my body.
J.J. tilted his head back and looked at me through narrowed eyes. "You're killing me here."
I leaned forward to put my hands on his shoulders so I could move my hips more freely.
He didn't try to stop me. His hands still gripped my hips but he didn't try to direct my movements, only held on.
I groaned as the tension built inside me and I let my head fall back. I moved faster, slamming my hips down harder, until the growing pressure exploded. Pleasure crested and broke over me.
"Jay," I moaned.
I looked down at him. His eyes glinted as he watched me and his hands tightened on my body.
"God!" He clenched his teeth and tensed beneath me.
Our bodies crashed together a final time and I collapsed on top of him, panting.
My heart thumped a wild tattoo in my chest and I bit the tip of my tongue because the words "I love you" were building in the back of my throat.
I knew if I opened my mouth, they would tumble free. I wasn't ready for what would follow if I said them. Well, I had no idea what would follow, but I wasn't ready for the possibility of awkwardness or withdrawal from J.J.
His arms came around me and he cradled me closer as we both caught our breath.
When my heart rate returned to normal, I lifted my head and looked down at him. His eyes were closed, but his expression was one of contentment. I couldn't stop myself from brushing his hair away from his forehead and kissing the corner of his mouth.
J.J. opened his eyes and looked up at me. "Wow. That was the best two minutes of my life," he murmured.
I had to smile. "I'm pretty sure it was more like three or four, but they were excellent, so who's counting?"
He squeezed me a little tighter. "That's kinda mean."
"I just complimented you by giving you an extra minute or two."
J.J. shook his head and gave me a loud smacking kiss. "I'll show you an extra minute or two later."
I started to tell him that he was on but my words were interrupted by a huge, jaw-cracking yawn.
He was laughing when I finally stopped the silent scream for sleep. "Okay, maybe I'll show you tomorrow morning."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I feel redeemed if I was able to wear you out in three or four minutes."
I pinched his side and he shimmied underneath me, which made me aware of the wetness between my thighs.
J.J. grimaced. "I think we need to clean up but I'm not sure how to do it without getting the bed messy."
I shrugged. "I have an extra blanket for the bed or we can go sleep in your bed."
"Sit up," he said.
I did as he asked and together we scooted toward the edge of the bed. He was softening inside me but he just put his feet on the ground and stood with me in his arms.
I squeaked and wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his waist, clinging for dear life.
J.J. chuckled against my ear as he carried me into the bathroom and set me on the counter.
I squealed this time when my bare butt met the cold countertop. "Jay!"
He outright laughed as he reached over to the shelf where I kept a neatly folded stack of washcloths and towels. After he wet the cloth with warm water, he reached between us and pressed it between my thighs as he pulled out of my body.
I held the washcloth there while he grabbed another one, wet it, and cleaned up. He tossed the damp cloth in the hamper and turned back to me.
I knew without looking that my hair was a mess and what little make-up I'd put on for work was now worn off, but he was looking at me as if I was the most beautiful woman on the planet.
"What is it?" I asked. It hit me that I was sitting in front of him, naked, and in an awkward position.
"Just...looking at you." He came closer and brushed a tangle of hair away from my face. "You're beautiful."
I responded without considering my words as I usually did. "I usually think the same thing about you."
His eyes twinkled and the barest hint of a smile crossed his lips.
I realized what I'd said and lowered my legs to the floor, removing the cloth from between my thighs. I tossed it in the hamper on top of his after I got to my feet. I wasn't sure what to say or do, so I stood in front of him and looked up.
The twinkle in his eye faded when his gaze met mine. "Y
ou said we could sleep in my bed if we messed up the comforter. Does that mean I can sleep in here even if it's not?"
Since I couldn't think of a verbal response in an acceptable amount of time, I nodded.
He cupped my cheek. "Then, I'll go brush my teeth and meet you back in here in a few minutes."
He kissed me and disappeared from sight. I stared after him, uncertainty filling me. I had no idea how to navigate this situation.
We were married and had just had sex for the first time since our only sexual encounter nearly four months ago. I was pregnant with his child but we'd agreed the marriage would end at some point.
I rubbed my temples with both hands. My brain hurt just thinking of all this. I should have insisted on outlining expectations completely beforehand. I needed to know what would happen next.
I turned toward the mirror and stared at my reflection. My hair was a mess and my cheeks were pink. I looked relaxed but my mind was anything but.
I took a deep breath and remembered something my grandmother said to me as a child when another little girl on the playground had hurt my feelings by saying she didn't want to play with me.
"You can't control the things other kids say and do, my Lyria." Her dark eyes were gentle and kind as she crouched in front of me. "But you can control your reaction. I know she hurt your feelings and you should acknowledge that. But you have to let it go because it serves no purpose. You can't change her mind or the past. You can only focus on your mind and your future."
At the time, my seven-year-old brain only comprehended about a third of what she was trying to tell me, but as I got older, I remembered those words again and again when I found myself in situations where I was hurt or upset.
It was the same now.
I couldn't control J.J.'s thoughts, emotions, or actions. Only my own. I could choose to work myself up into a frenzy by worrying about it or I could accept what was happening at this moment.
Tonight, at this moment, I wanted to enjoy the afterglow with my husband.
The conversation about what had just happened could wait.
Keeping that thought in the forefront of my mind, I washed my face, brushed and flossed my teeth, and used the toilet while I still had some privacy. With all the water Cam had been pushing on me at work tonight, I felt like I needed to pee every five minutes.
I grabbed my nightgown off the back of the bathroom door and slipped it over my head. When I came out of the bathroom, I almost ran into J.J.
"Oh!" I pressed a hand to my chest. "You scared me."
"Sorry. I waited for a few minutes but you were in there a while."
"Just washing up before bed," I said, skirting around him to the dresser. I opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of panties.
I could feel him watching me as I slid one leg at a time into them and tugged them up under my nightgown. I yawned again as I tugged the hem down to cover me completely.
"Are you ready for bed?" I asked.
He nodded and went around the bed to the side I didn't sleep on. I was about to climb in when I realized my phone wasn't lying on the nightstand.
"Darn. I need to charge my phone."
"I'll get it," J.J. said, climbing to his feet. "Is it in your bag?"
"On the kitchen table," I answered as I tugged back the blankets and settled beneath them.
I glanced over at the nightstand on the other side of the bed and blinked. His phone was there, the charger already plugged in. I must have been in the bathroom longer than I thought if he had time to bring his charger in here, shimmy the nightstand out to plug it in, and then put the table back where it was.
J.J. returned with my phone and bent to pick up the charging cable from the floor where it had fallen. He plugged it into my phone, leaving the device on the nightstand.
"Thanks."
He came around the bed and climbed in before he answered, "No problem."
Unsure of what else to do, I turned out the light. Once the room was dark, I became very aware of how close his body was to mine in the bed. We were less than a foot apart, but we weren't touching.
"You okay?" J.J. asked in the darkness.
"Yeah. Why?"
"You were holding your breath."
I released the air in a swift gust. "Uh, I'm okay, just...not sure what to do. I mean, I don't know if you're a cuddler or if you prefer to sleep without touching someone and..." I trailed off. I had no clue what to say next.
"I sleep like the dead so it doesn't really matter," he answered. His voice was soft and a little groggy as if he were minutes away from drifting off again.
I didn't say anything, not wanting to wake him up if he was about to fall asleep. I gasped when he reached out and pulled me into his side.
"You were holding your breath again," he murmured against my temple.
We were facing each other, his arm around my waist. My arms were between us with my hands pressed against his bare chest. I shifted my right thigh so that it rested between his and he sighed.
"This is nice," he whispered.
It was.
I tucked my head under his chin and closed my eyes.
"Night, Jay."
I felt his lips on my hair before he said, "Night, Lee."
And that was the last thing I remembered.
18
After that night, my life with J.J. felt more like a real marriage.
We got up together in the morning and did our usual things—him going for a run or to the gym for a quick workout and me working in the garden, tending to the fall garden I'd planted.
Then, we'd usually shower together and most of the time we would end up making love either in the shower or on the bed after.
Sometimes, we made love before the shower because even sweaty from his workouts, J.J. was too sexy to resist.
After the shower was breakfast, which we usually cooked together, and he would head to the office while I either studied, went to a house cleaning job, or logged on for one of my online classes.
If I wasn't working, we would meet at the house or one of the few restaurants in town for lunch and then I would usually go to work at Crave. If it was one of my days off from the shop, I would usually spend the afternoon reading up on pregnancy or re-learning how to crochet. My grandmother had taught me when I was younger but I'd forgotten quite a bit. I wanted to learn so I could make some things for the baby. I also dug my sewing machine out of the storage shed, which irritated J.J. because he was worried it was too heavy for me to be lifting.
On my nights off, we would have dinner together and either watch TV or talk after.
It was what some people would probably call a normal existence, but it felt like bliss to me.
The only mar on those days was how I had to fight the urge to tell him I loved him.
Maybe it made me a coward, but I wasn't ready to deal with any possible negative fallout.
And it was too early. We'd only just made the transition from roommates to lovers and I didn't want him to feel pressured to return my feelings.
Okay, so that was my excuse but I was sticking to it.
I wasn't ready to say it, even though I wanted to every single day.
For his part, J.J. didn't change much except that he was more physically affectionate than before. He would come up behind me when I was washing dishes or cooking dinner and wrap his arms around me. Or if he was the one cooking and I was helping, he would tug me closer to kiss me.
When we sat on the couch to watch TV, he always had an arm wrapped around me or he was touching me in some way. And when we met up for lunch, he always held my hand as we walked together.
I loved it.
Today, our schedule was different, though.
I had the entire day off, from everything. School, house cleaning, and Crave. I had no work of any sort.
J.J. had taken the day off, too, because we were going to the doctor for an ultrasound and to find out the baby's sex.
As we got up and started getting ready for
the day, J.J. looked at me and asked, "Are you nervous? I'm nervous."
"I'm more excited than anything." And I was. Ever the planner, I couldn't wait to find out if we were having a boy or girl so I could start stocking up with some basics. Yes, I was only four months pregnant, but I liked to be prepared. "Why are you nervous?"
He shrugged one shoulder and looked down. "I don't know. I guess I'm just worried about how I can mess up."
I took his hand and his eyes came back up to mine. "We're going to make mistakes as parents, Jay, but I still think you're going to be a great dad. And I can promise you, that as long as you show up and show our child love and attention, they'll think you're a great dad, too."
He nodded. "It's just my parents were so...good at being parents. They never seemed phased or overwhelmed. Those are big shoes to fill."
I shook my head. "You don't have to fill their shoes. Worry about your own shoes. I keep finding them all over the house."
He huffed out a laugh then. "Yeah, you've mentioned that before. Sorry."
"All we can do is our best, Jay, and I know that you know how to do that."
He squeezed my hand. "Okay, okay. But I'm still nervous."
I rolled my eyes and released him. "Then be nervous."
He laughed again and we both went about getting ready.
I'd told him the truth—I was more excited than nervous. A week ago, several pregnancy books arrived in the mail, all from my Amazon wish list. I assumed my mother had been the one to send them but when I called to thank her, she said she hadn't sent them.
Then, she asked me what an Amazon wish list was and how she could make one to send to my father. Something about how she might actually get a birthday present she wanted if he had a list to work from.
After I walked her through the process, I sat in front of my computer, mulling it over. She was the only one who knew about my wish list, or at least I thought she was.
Finally, I texted all my brothers and asked them. By the end of the day, they'd all replied in the negative that they hadn't sent the books, followed by hesitant questions about stuff I'd need for the baby. I wasn't sure if they were weirded out by the fact that their baby sister was pregnant, or they just didn't know what babies needed. Even my brothers with kids seemed clueless, which made me admire their wives all the more.