I’d fallen for him.
I may have set out to be a whore, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to allow myself to be treated like one.
He may have been the notorious Brantley King to everyone back in that house and everyone in that town, but to me, he just became the asshole. The asshole who just minutes before had broken my fucking heart.
Things were so much easier when I hated him.
“This seat taken?” A deep voice asked. I shrugged. Bear sat down next to me and lit a cigarette. “Something bothering you, pretty girl?”
“Nope,” I lied.
“I may not know shit about shit, but I can tell you that when a girl goes running from a party with only a bottle of whiskey for company, something is most definitely bothering her. In my experience, that something usually has a cock attached to it.” Bear exhaled the smoke.
“Well, you’re not completely wrong,” I admitted. Turning up the bottle again, the liquid no longer burned when I swallowed.
“Easy, girl,” Bear said, grabbing the bottle from me. He took a swig. “What’s going on between you and King, anyway? You his now? Cause he sure looks at you like you are. And seeing as he didn’t kill you and all, I’m thinking what he feels for you might be pretty fucking serious.”
I shook my head. “Right now, he’s in his studio, belonging to a brunette with fake tits.” My eyes welled up with tears, but I refused to cry at my own stupidity.
“Ah, I see,” Bear said, passing me back the bottle. “The kid doesn’t appreciate what’s right in front of him.”
“He’s not exactly a kid, Bear. Actually, I’m pretty sure he’s older than you, and it’s not that he doesn’t see what’s in front of him. It’s that he just doesn’t give a shit.” I was more than tipsy, working my way to more than drunk. My words grew bolder in my mouth before I spat them out. Any filter I ever had was completely gone. “What do you see when you look at me?”
Bear looked out on the water and scratched his beard. “I see a very, very fucking beautiful girl who shouldn’t be hanging out with the likes of anyone up in that house. Or anyone sitting next to her, for that matter. We’re bad seeds, little girl. You’re a good seed. I can tell. Shit, anyone within a hundred miles of here can tell. You don’t belong here. That much is obvious.”
“I don’t belong anywhere,” I admitted. A fog started to settle over the water, emerging from the trees on the other side of the bay, traveling toward, and brushing my ankles as it spread under the pier.
“Sure you do. First, you have to figure out where that someplace is. Then, you just have to want to belong there.”
I’m not sure if Bear knew my entire story, but what he said was way too simplified of an answer, especially in my case.
I laughed. “Oh yeah? Well, I’m leaving here tonight, and I have nowhere to go. I don’t want to live on the streets again, but that’s where I’m going to be. It takes a lot more than wanting to belong somewhere, or not belong, or whatever,” I said, my words slurring together.
“I remember talking to you that first night. Do you remember what I told you about coming back to the clubhouse with me?” Bear asked.
“Yes.”
“I should’ve never sent you up to King. I should have dragged you away right then and there and made you mine that night before King had his way with you.”
“King has never had his way with me,” I slurred. “His way or the highway, maybe.”
“No shit? Well that changes everything, baby,” Bear said. His smile reached all the way to his eyes which were shockingly bright and beautiful. I was pretty sure his beard hid even more of his good looks, and a very drunk part of me wanted to pull on it to see if it would come off.
“It changes nothing, Bear. I’m still leaving. He’s still with the brunette girl with the…” I cupped my hands in front of my chest. Bear laughed out loud, revealing a perfectly straight line of pearly white teeth.
“It changes everything, actually. Our bro code only goes so far. Seeing as how he’s not claimed you as his, as stupid as that is, my offer is still good. What’s fair is fair,” Bear said, again taking the bottle from my hands.
I looked over at him and half-expected to find him laughing at his own joke, but his lips were in a straight line.
He was dead serious.
He also wasn’t bad to look at. That night was the first time I’d seen his blonde hair pulled into a high bun on the back of his head.
“Listen,” Bear said. “King’s been my friend almost my entire life, but he knows the rules I live by. In my world, you’re fair game, and I would love to put you on your back in my bed.”
“You’re just saying that. The truth is that you’re not gonna want me when you find out that I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to—” I darted my eyes to the bulge in his jeans. “—that.”
“Fuck,” Bear swore, biting his bottom lip. “Darlin’, I believe I want you even more now.”
“You’ve got freckles under your eyes,” I said, leaning toward him. He grabbed onto my shoulders before I fell forward.
“Yeah, kid. So I’ve been told.” He laughed. He also had a dimple on his left cheek, which was on its own a ridiculous contradiction when it came to the big biker man sitting next to me.
“Why did you send me to him?” I asked. “I would’ve gone with you. You’re nice. I needed a place to stay, and you’ve got freckles under your eyes, and I would’ve been a good biker whore for you.”
Bear’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh yeah?” he asked, a crooked smirk on his face. “I don’t really see you as the biker whore type. But I can definitely see you on the back of my bike.”
“But you said I don’t belong here. That I shouldn’t hang out with you. Or any of those—” I waved the bottle around behind me, missing Bear’s jaw by only an inch or two. “—people up there in the stupid house. Stupid people in the stupid house on stupid stilts.” My shoulders slumped. “Bear, my heart was just getting warm. Now, it’s all cold again.”
Bear grabbed the bottle from my hand and set it down on the dock.
“I said you didn’t belong here. I said you were too good to hang out with me. I didn’t say that I wouldn’t hang out with you. You may be too good for me, but I’m the kind of guy who can live with that.” Bear placed a hand against my cheek. I could see why they called him Bear. He was strong and warm and his hands were so big they reminded me of giant paws. I closed my eyes and swayed into him. He leaned in close, his lips only a breath away from mine.
“Will you come with me, baby girl? I don’t know if I can warm your heart, but I sure as shit can warm your body. I know for a fact that you can warm my bed. Then, maybe, we’ll work on that cold heart of yours. We’ll take it one day at a time.” He assured me.
Bear sounded sincere, and what he was offering was exactly what I was looking for weeks earlier.
It seemed like a lifetime ago.
A lifetime ago when King wasn’t in my life.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
I couldn’t stay with King anymore; that much I was certain of. And all the liquid courage in the world wouldn’t be enough for me to convince myself that I could survive out on the streets again, scrounging for food and shelter.
Bear’s offer was all I had, but I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. Saying yes meant closing the door on King altogether. Was that something I was ready to do? I looked back up at the house. The light was now off in King’s studio.
I may not have been ready to close that door, but just as I’d thought he’d opened it, he’d slammed it in my face.
It was time for me to do the same.
“I guess I’m going to have to do a little more to convince you.” Bear wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his big warm body. Right before his lips touched mine, I felt it.
Or rather, I felt him.
“Get the fuck away from her, Bear,” King seethed. A clicking sound grabbed my attention, and I whipped my head around to wh
ere King stood behind us on the dock, his gun cocked and aimed at Bear.
“Done already?” I asked, all too aware of Bear’s arms still wrapped around my waist. I made no move to push him away. “She must be disappointed that the almighty Brantley King, The King of the stupid Causeway, couldn’t last longer.”
Bear chuckled.
I’ve spent so much time trying not to make King angry, and it’s never worked. I was tired of walking on eggshells around him. I wanted to make him angry. I wanted to fight with him more than I wanted anything. I wanted to scream.
I wanted to claw his fucking eyes out.
I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me.
“Get the fuck away from her, Bear,” King repeated.
“We’re just talking man,” Bear said, no sign of fear in his voice. If anything, he was amused.
“Looks like you’re doing more than that. Get your fucking hands off her, and go fucking talk to someone else,” King warned. “She’s. Mine.”
“Oh yeah? Well, you may want to tell her that because you ain’t got her thinking the same thing.”
“The only reason you don’t have a bullet in your fucking skull is because we’ve got history. But in two fucking seconds, if you don’t get your dirty fucking hands off my girl, I will say fuck-all to our history and blow your mother fucking head off,” King said angrily through gritted teeth.
“Ain’t gotta get your pretty panties all up in a twist, brother.” Bear got up and brushed off his jeans. “Sorry darlin’. Maybe, some other time.” He winked at me and whispered, “Offer still stands. You need me, you come find me.”
I could feel the anger radiating off King when Bear walked past him, nudging his shoulder. “You might want to put your claim on that before the boys get wind that you haven’t,” Bear told him. “She’s fair game to the bikers in these parts, including me, so you best do it and do it soon. That is, if she still wants your dumb ass.”
Bear was one brave soul to talk to King while the look on his face screamed nothing but murderous rage. I half-expected King to go ape shit and make good on his promise to shoot Bear but the second he’d disappeared into the shadows, King stepped onto the dock.
“I hate the way you make me feel. Well, most of the time,” I spat. I was tired of dancing around the truth. “I hate the confusion you bring into my already confused life. I need this back and forth shit to end.” I took a deep breath. “I can’t take it anymore. You like me. You hate me. You like me. You want to kill me. You want to fuck me. You want me to stay. You want me to live. My head is fucking spinning over here.”
My buzz faded faster than the setting sun.
“You should leave. I don’t want you here,” I added.
“I know. I don’t care,” King said.
“Oh, I’m fully aware that you don’t care. That I know.”
“You don’t know shit, Pup,” King barked.
“Oh yeah? So you didn’t just spend the entire night at the carnival all over me, saying sweet shit to me, making me feel like this stupid thing between us is something more than just a stupid thing, only to whip out your dick with someone else the very first chance you got? Go back to the fucking house, King. Go back to that girl. I hope she’s everything you wanted.”
“I can’t,” King said evenly.
“Why not? Seemed easy for you before.”
“Because, Pup, I don’t want to. No matter how hard I try to fight this, I’m drawn to you. You think I like this back and forth shit? You think you’re the only one who’s fucking confused here?” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. “I’m drawn to you,” he repeated turning my chin up to him.
“What do you expect? Am I supposed to fall at your feet and thank you for being ‘drawn to me’?” Not only was he confusing, he was fucking infuriating. “Drawn to me? You’re drawn to me! Well, let me just take off my fucking panties then, and let’s do this shit. Yeah, you were really drawn to me. Tell me something, KING. Do most first dates end with the guy getting sucked off by another girl? I mean, I’ve never been on one, so you tell me. I could be wrong here. Because if the answer is yes, then this date has gone fucking swimmingly!”
“I’m…FUCK! You think you know everything, but you don’t. All you do is run those pretty lips of yours and expect me to be able to just give into you!” King threw his hands up in the air. “You make me fucking crazy, you know that!” he shouted.
“I make YOU crazy? How the fuck do you think I feel? Most of the time I don’t know if you want to kill me or fuck me!” I screamed, every single word he spoke ignited my anger until it wasn’t something I could even begin to hold back.
King had the audacity to actually smile. He leaned forward and whispered seductively against my cheek, “Can’t I want both, Pup?”
I pulled back and stood up.
“NO! You can’t! And stop calling me, Pup. It’s a stupid fucking name. I’m not your fucking pet!”
I paced the dock. My rage was at a boiling point I couldn’t turn off. This was his fault. He’d made me into this lunatic.
King stood and grabbed my face with both hands, forcing me to look at him. “Yes, you are,” he said, as he lowered his lips and brushed them softly against mine in a move so gentle, so unlike him, it took me a few seconds before I registered what was happening.
Then, my anger returned, in full force. Using both my hands, I pushed against his chest until he had no choice but to release me.
“Fuck you! You don’t want to keep me!” I shouted over my shoulder as I made my way to the front of the house and started down the gravel driveway. “Do you think I’m stupid? You wouldn’t be getting your jollies while I’m in the next room if it was me you wanted.”
A large hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.
“Let go of me!” I shouted.
“Listen, Pup. I’ve tried it your way. I tried gentle just now, but you didn’t listen. Now, we’re going to do it my way, and you’re going to fucking listen. Don’t make me have to cuff you again,” he warned.
King’s tone was all anger and confidence. I didn’t doubt for a moment that he would make good on his threat. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held my hands together behind my back, locking my struggling body against his.
“I did that to push you away,” he admitted. “I wanted you to see it.”
“Congratulations, it worked,” I spat. “You should be fucking happy.”
“You and that tongue of yours.” King shook his head. “No, I’m not happy. I’m far from fucking happy. I’ve been far from fucking happy since I got out of prison. If I think back, I wasn’t exactly happy before prison either, and it’s your fucking fault!”
“How the fuck is that my fault?” Now, he’d gone too far, blaming me for his life years before I was even in it.
“Because you are the one who made me realize I was fucking unhappy. Because with you, I think I can actually BE happy!” He shook me when he spoke, like he wanted to shake the words into my brain to make me understand what it was he was saying.
I needed it all to be over. It was too much. The mind fuck was more torture than I could take. I wanted him. I wanted to believe him. But words were just words, and coming from King, they were probably just another method to keep torturing me.
I just wanted to be left alone. It was time for me to go. “I’m leaving. Just let me go,” I begged, softly.
King shook his head. “No. You’re not going anywhere.”
“You can’t keep me here,” I stated.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I think I’ve proven that I can,” King argued. “Besides, where would you go? Back out on streets?”
“Maybe. What do you care, anyway?” I bit back.
“You seem to forget what it’s like out there on your own. Or maybe we can dig up Ed, and he can tell you how he planned to dispose of your body when he was done raping you,” King spat.
“I’d rather take chances wit
h my life out there—” My chest constricted. “—than take chances with my heart here.”
“No,” King argued.
“What the hell do you want from me?” I asked. My anger battled against the heartbreaking thought of leaving and never seeing King again. “Why don’t you just gut me, and get it over with? Do whatever it is you want to do to me. Hit me. Fuck me. Fucking KILL me. Just. Stop. HURTING. Me.”
Sobs emerged from my throat, and I fell limp into his arms.
“Baby,” King said, holding me tighter so that I wouldn’t drop to the ground. It was the first time he’d ever called me that, and when I tried to register the endearment, it fell flat. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t fuck that girl. I couldn’t do it. She didn’t touch me. I stopped the second you shut the door. I swear. I’m so sorry. You’re the last person I want to hurt. I just don’t know how to fucking do this.”
“Do what?” I asked him. A tear fell from my cheek and onto his arm. As much as I didn’t want to, I buried my face into his shirt and clenched the fabric in my fists.
His voice cracked when he whispered, “I don’t know. Any of it. I don’t even fucking know what this is.”
“That’s not good enough,” I said, not really sure what part I was talking about. Maybe, his apology. Maybe his actions. Maybe, his uncertainty. Maybe, all of it.
“I think that’s the problem,” King said. “You deserve so much more than an ex-con who has nothing to offer you. You deserve so much more than me. It was easy to keep you when you were just my mine, my property. It’s hard to keep you as my girl. I don’t know when it all shifted, but it did. And that’s what I want, but it’s something I’ve never wanted before. I’d never even taken a girl out on a date before tonight. I want you in my life more than anything, but it’s so much more complicated than just wanting it. So much more than you know.”
“If you’re going to let me go, let me go. If you’re going to let me in, let me in. But, you have to pick one. You can’t hold me close at night and push me away every morning when the sun comes out.” I pushed off of his chest again and turned to walk away, but he pulled me back.
King kissed the top of my head. “I know, baby. I know.”
A Kiss For You Page 61