I stumbled once I hit the sand and put my hands out to save myself from face planting. Luckily, I didn’t hurt anything, but figured since I was down, I might as well just stay there. I felt like a horrible, terrible person, and didn’t even care that the beach was crowded. I began sobbing as I thought about what I did. I thought that I was doing us both a favor, but in the end, I hurt us both. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there on the beach; only that once I was done, I felt exhausted. I was starving, and my head hurt from crying. I stood up, brushed the sand from my body, and figured I should head back home to get myself together. That’s when I felt a light tap on my shoulder and when I turned around, I came face to face with Knox Carson.
He gave me a shy smile. “Hey.” He ducked his head almost as if he was nervous. “I wasn’t sure if I should come over.” He looked good, tanned, and like maybe he, too, had been working out a lot. “Are you okay?” Knox’s brows dipped. “I saw you come running from the Egg, and you were crying...” His voice trailed off. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “No, don’t be sorry. I fucked this one up all on my own.” I tried to laugh it off, but it sounded weird. “You look good.” I tried to change the subject.
“You look like shit, Jill, are you eating in New York?” Leave it to Knox to be brutally honest. “Let me buy you a taco.” He pointed to the one and only Ocean View taco truck. “I won’t take no for an answer either because you can’t forget how amazing those bad boys are.” He flashed a smile and those dimples that first got me in high school appeared on his handsome face.
I nodded. “Alright, but just one,” I answered and followed him toward the food truck.
Chapter Twenty
Jillian
I finished off my second taco—I was starving, sue me—and wiped my mouth as I felt Knox’s blue eyes burning into me. “Say it.” I placed the napkin under my plate. “I know you want to, and you’ve never been one to hold back,” I reminded him.
Knox sipped his water, recapped it, and then leaned his elbow on the table we were lucky to snag. “You’re not acting like yourself.” He placed his chin onto his hand. “What’s going on, and it’s not just this whole Hutch, Madison, and baby shit that’s got you fucked up either.” He raised his brows.
“Damn, just stab me in the heart.” I tossed my empty straw wrapper at him. “It’s that, plus a whole lot more that I don’t want to talk about.”
“New York?”
I scrunched my nose and made a face. “New York, dancing, my shitty life, the fact that I left the love of my life behind—” I stopped to look at him. “Sorry, Knox, I’m not talking about you,” I teased.
“Ouch, babe, you hurt me.” He held his hand up to his heart. “I never thought we were endgame, Jill, but we had fun for a little while, right?” Knox gave me a small smile.
“Sure, until you started fucking Madison,” I reminded him, then held up my hand. “Sorry, we’re not here to talk about that.” I sighed and let my gaze drift over to the water. “I never should have left,” I murmured. “I had plans to stay here with Hutch,” I admitted aloud for the first time, and I had to admit, it felt good. The look of shock on Knox’s face was priceless.
His blue eyes were wide. “You, what?” He leaned forward. “He asked you to stay and give up your dreams? Jill, that’s fucking selfish.”
“You think Hutch would actually do that? Hutch is anything but selfish. He’s the kindest, nicest man I have ever met.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “No, Knox, I wanted to stay because I couldn’t imagine being away from him. I just...” I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. “Shit, hold on.”
Jo: What happened? Hutch is here freaking out!
Jo: He said something about you taking a job at the Egg?
“Knox, this has been great, but I have to go defuse death con five back at my mother’s place.” I stood up from the table. “Thanks for lunch. It really hit the spot.”
“Can I walk with you?” he asked. “As friends of course.”
“Sure, Chandler,” I teased just to watch his dimples pop. We used to watch that show together all the time.
We dropped our garbage in the trash and began to head back to my mother’s house, which only took a few minutes. I wasn’t surprised to find Hutch standing on the front porch, but the second he spotted me with Knox, he looked mad enough to spit nails. Maybe having Knox walk me wasn’t the best idea.
“This is fucking perfect.” He threw his hands up in the air. “You run off from me and right back to him? Is this why you left me in the first place?” He glared at Knox like he was Lucifer himself.
Knox pushed me behind him. “I happened to be at the beach, so cool your jets, bro.”
Hutch got right into his face. “Was I fucking talking to you, bro?” he roared. “No, I was talking to Jillian.” I watched as he clenched and unclenched his hands at his side. I guess, he really had changed because the Hutch I knew wasn’t always so ready to hit someone, but then again, he never really liked Knox much.
“Hutch.” I peered around Knox. “You need to tone it down just a little bit,” I admitted. “Knox is just a friend, you’re with someone else, and I can hang out with whoever I want,” I reminded him.
“A friend.” His brows dipped as he looked at me. I nodded. “Well, that’s fucking great. Does he know why you left?” he demanded.
Knox shook his head. “I have no fucking clue, man.”
I moved between the two men. “Maybe you should go,” I suggested to Knox. “I’m sure I’ll see you before the wedding. It’s a small town.” I didn’t want Hutch to start a fight or get arrested over this either.
“You’re sure?” Knox’s eyes went behind me.
“Yes,” Hutch answered for me.
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be fine.” I patted Knox’s arm and waited until he was out of vicinity before I faced Hutch again. “What the fuck was that?” I folded my arms over my chest. “You’re acting all alpha asshole which is not the Hutch I know.” My brows dipped as his browns flashed angrily.
“Knox Carson, Jilly? Really?”
“You have the balls to question me when you’re with Madison?”
His jaw clenched. “She was here when I needed you,” Hutch reminded me. “You left. She helped mend my broken heart, and now—” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, does it? You’re never going to tell me the truth.” His hate boiled over like an open wound. “What did Mads mean when she said you took a job at the Egg?”
I was not doing this now. Not outside with my sister and the neighbors gawking. “I can’t.”
“Of fucking course, you can!” Hutch exclaimed. “Jesus fucking Christ! Who even are you?” He spun around, yanking his hands through his hair. “God, I haven’t done that.” He pulled his hands through his hair again. “You show up again, and guess what? The mute is back!” He glanced up into the sky as I winced at the nickname he used on himself. “Damn, I really thought you were it for me, Jillian.” Hutch bit down on his bottom lip. “Guess I really am as stupid as everyone though I was back then. Do me a favor?” he asked. “Don’t talk to me the rest of the time you’re here, and I’ll do the same.”
It felt like my heart was breaking all over again just hearing Hutch say those words, and my knees threatened to give out from under me. “I...”
“I know. The wedding! But I think if we just continue to hate one another?” Hutch shrugged. “We’ll be just fine.” He squared his shoulders. “Have a nice life, Jill.” Then he turned and walked across the street to his apartment.
I managed to walk up to the house on shaky legs, but sat down on the chair next to Jo. Hutch had just told me goodbye in a not-so-subtle way, and I hadn’t even told him anything. I hadn’t been able to give him the reason for leaving or why I didn’t say anything. Once again, I didn’t even tell him goodbye. I was the worst human on the entire planet.
“I know you look like your best friend just died, but now might be the time to tell me what the fuck happene
d.” Jo squeezed my arm. “I don’t mean just now, but back when you deserted the man who stole your heart four years ago.”
Only I couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair to Hutch to tell my sister without him knowing the truth first. “You know I can’t do that. Hutch doesn’t even know,” I reminded her and leaned back in the chair. “I hate my life,” I whispered.
“Starting to realize that, Jill, and I’m worried about you. What is going on with you?”
“How much time do you have before our Jack and Jill tonight?”
***
“You know Hutch is going to fucking probably murder me, right?” Knox placed my vodka and cranberry down on the table in front of me before he sat down. “He hasn’t stopped staring daggers at me since he showed up.”
Maybe inviting Knox to be my date to the Jack and Jill wasn’t the best idea, but whatever. I didn’t want to go alone, and I knew Hutch was going to show up with Madison, so what other choice did I have? I took a sip of my drink, wiggled my fingers at Hutch in a little wave who scowled even more at me, and then shrugged my shoulders.
“Don’t care,” I answered.
Knox raised one eyebrow. “You’re using me, Jill, and honestly?” He chuckled softly. “I kind of dig it.” He peeled the label of his beer. “I have to say I was a bit surprised when you texted me.”
“I was shocked that you had the same number.” I picked up my glass, swallowed the rest of my drink, and placed it back down. “I think I’m going to get wasted tonight,” I admitted.
Knox grabbed my elbow before I could get up. “Not that it’s any of my business, but why?” His fingers squeezed lightly. “Are you trying to make your ex a little jealous because I know he wants to beat the shit out of me already,” he teased before he dropped his hand.
“You’re right.” I stood up. “It’s not any of your business.” I walked over to the bar, leaving Knox alone at the table.
“You and Knox, huh?” Madison appeared to my right with a smile on her face. “Can’t go wrong there.” Her fake customer service voice made me sick. “I mean he was fun when we were kids, but...” She shrugged and rolled her eyes as if we were two friends sharing a secret. Two friends who had slept with the same two guys, and I wanted to break her nose for it. She did me a favor by taking Knox from me, but Hutch was a whole other ballgame.
I resisted the urge to poke her eyes out. “I’m not having your sloppy seconds, Madison, like you’re having mine.” I shot back and turned my back to wait for my drink.
“No need to be rude, Jills.” She did not just call me that.
I spun back around. “Don’t you ever call me that, do you understand me?” I warned.
Hutch dropped his hands on Madison’s shoulders. “You said you were going to the bathroom.” He glanced over at me for a brief second. “Go sit the fuck down,” he ordered and waited for her to leave before he spoke to me again. “Jilly, I’m sorry for whatever she just said.”
I smiled at the bartender as he handed me my drink. “You don’t need to apologize, babe.” I mimicked the endearment Madison had used on him early. “But the next time that cunt calls me Jills?” I brought the glass to my lips to take a drink. “I’m going to knock her into next fucking week.” I smiled innocently before I walked back to my date.
Knox spun around to face me from his seat. “I thought Mortal Kombat was going to go down. I was fully prepared to shout ‘finish her’ when you punched Madison for whatever she was saying to you, Jill. I never really...never mind.” I must have had the look of death in my eyes because he clamped his mouth shut. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry? That food smells amazing.” He quickly changed the subject.
“Starving.” I smirked into my glass. “You’re actually not the giant douche canoe I thought you were, Knoxy.” I reached over to run my finger up his arm and squeezed his bicep. “How come you’re single?” I teased.
Knox stared at me for a second. “Is that a compliment, Jill, because it sure doesn’t feel like one.” He looked at where my hand was still wrapped around his arm. “I’m single because I haven’t found the right girl, and if you don’t let go of me, I think I’m going to probably end up six feet under.” He reached over to remove my hand himself. “Jesus, are you drunk already?”
“Maybe.” I stood up and smoothed my dress down around my hips. “How about we go get something to eat?” I noticed my sister waving me over while Pat stared at Knox with surprise written all over his face. “Since I’m in the wedding party, we get to eat first.”
Knox held out his arm. “To make sure you don’t fall over,” he assured me. “Even though you two aren’t together, Hutch clearly wants to figure out new and exciting ways to plot out my murder.”
“Hutch can go pound sand.”
“Don’t talk about my brother like that,” Pat warned as we approached the buffet. “Doesn’t matter who I’m marrying, I’m always going to be Team Hutch forever.” He wiggled his brows at me. “By the way, did you really bring Knox to my Jack and Jill?” He rolled his eyes.
Knox tightened his grip on my arm. “Standing right here, man, and weren’t we friends once or is that all a fever dream I made up in my mind?” he asked. I was sure he had no idea how Pat only put up with him because his parents were rich and sort of owned most of the town, but I kept that to myself.
“Were we?” Pat asked as he piled chicken onto his plate. “The way I remember it, you sort of weaseled your way in when you started dating Jillian, but maybe that’s my version.”
Jo pressed a palm against her soon-to-be husband’s chest. “This is our party, sweetie, so please no fighting. Knox was our friend, so he’s welcome here.” She smiled innocently. “It’s nice to see you, Knox,” she added, but I saw the warning flash in her eyes.
“You, too, Jo, thanks.” Knox’s voice sounded off, and I wondered if he was remembering things better now. He held out a plate for me before he took one for himself, and I almost felt bad for him until I remembered the reason we broke up. He put his dick in another girl. That same girl who was now currently digging her claws in the man I loved. I turned briefly to see Madison glaring in our direction, but she raised her glass in my direction anyway with an evil smile on her face.
“Hey.” Jo nudged my side as she brought her face closer to mine. “Don’t let her win, Jill, because she wants you to have a meltdown,” she whispered. “Also, I would hate for you to ruin that dress you’re wearing, because Hutch and Knox probably have boners the size of downtown Chicago.”
I snorted. “You’re disgusting.” I tried not to laugh as I grabbed the tongs to drop some chicken onto my plate. I had picked my dress out back in New York because I had fallen in love with it hanging in the window of a second-hand store. It was a blue maxi dress with white flowers, and it fell straight to the floor. I love how it clung to me, showing off the little curves that I had, and for once, I actually liked how I looked. “We all know Madison has hated my guts since we were in high school, and now she’s trying to put the final nail in my coffin.” I was happy to have something in my hands so I couldn’t flip her the bird while I spoke.
I pretended not to notice the way she fawned all over Hutch. The way she looked at him with big doe eyes. Or the way she slid her hands up his chest and pressed a kiss against his mouth, leaving her lipstick behind just when she thought I might see.
Knox pressed a hand to my back. “Jill.” His voice was calm, but he wasn’t the one that I wanted or needed right now. No, the man that I loved was too busy whispering sweet nothings to my arch nemesis because I had been stupid enough to let him get away in the first place.
Chapter Twenty-One
Hutch
The urge to rip Knox’s arms from his body and then beat him with them was strong tonight. The moment I saw him walking down the sidewalk with Jillian this afternoon, I had to actually talk myself out of breaking his face with my fist and that was only because I had Hazel to worry about. Then, Jillian brought him as her fucking date tonight? Did s
he forget what he did to her or the things he said to me the night we went to the carnival?
Having a child was never high on my list of things I wanted in my life. I was beginning to have my doubts about Madison since she dropped that bomb at the Angry Egg this morning. Clearly, she had held on to that, waiting for the exact moment to release it.
I stayed when I knew it wasn’t right. I might have been a lot of things, but I was a decent human being. I stepped in, told Mads I would be there if she wanted me, and now? Well, here we were. Did I love her? Love was a strong word. I cared for her, wanted to make sure she and Hazel had a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. I didn’t see us getting married, although Madison dropped hints all the time. I wasn’t the white picket fence kind of dude and probably never would be even if I was with Jillian. Madison and I lived in an apartment over Zed’s Automotive, which I now owned, and even though it wasn’t as nice as the place I put together living at my parents, with a little work and a lot of love, it was home. Or at least, a place to rest my head at night.
“I’m going to call my parents to check in on Hazel.” Madison tried to be a good mother. The moment she found out she was pregnant, she stopped smoking, drinking, and anything else that might hurt our unborn child. “I’ll be right back.” She stood up, making sure to press a kiss to my temple. “You okay? I know this can’t be easy for you.” Madison knew nothing about my past. That was something I had only told to Jillian, my therapist, and my family, but only after Jills left. It had helped in my healing and to finally turn my life around. I was thankful I never told Madison because there was no doubt she would find a way to hang it over my head. My trust in her was dwindling by the second the more I thought about this morning.
I shrugged. “How do you think I am, Mads?” I drained the last of my beer.
“Do you want to leave now?”
“Not a chance.”
Out of the Dark Page 15