“Yes.”
“Hell no,” I blurted out, only to slap my hand over my mouth.
Brooklyn’s eyes went wide. “I’m sorry, I thought...Jo had said you were together.” She looked so upset that I felt terrible.
I kicked my leg against Hutch’s shin, and when he let go of me, I rushed to the photographer. “Brooklyn, I shouldn’t have said that to you.” I touched her arm. “It’s... complicated with us.” I flashed a quick smile, hoping I didn’t offend her.
“Trust me, I understand complicated,” she assured me as a smile pulled at her lips. “My husband and I had a very rocky relationship in the beginning. I thought he was the most arrogant man I had ever met, but things changed.”
Hutch gasped, “I knew you looked familiar! You’re married to Rand Shepard, aren’t you?”
I had no idea who that was. “Who?” I looked between the two of them.
“He’s a NASCAR driver, Jills, remember I had his shirt on the night of our first date?” Hutch’s brows dipped.
Nope, I did not remember the shirt. The shirt he had on was stretched to its limits across his very thick and muscled chest. “Sorry, doesn’t compute.” I shrugged as if I could care less.
“He’s my husband, yes.” Brooklyn was flipping through her tablet. “He’s actually back at the Ocean View Hotel right now, totally bored out of his mind. He hates weekends off, but didn’t want to stay home alone so he tagged along with me.” She glanced back up. “Come by tomorrow so you can meet him. I promise you he’s not the dick everyone thinks he is.” She grinned. “I’ll catch you both later for more pictures.” She wandered off to get the rest of the wedding party.
I batted my lashes. “Oh, you get to meet your idol,” sarcasm dripped from my tongue.
“Knock it off, Jillian,” Hutch warned.
“What time is this happening because I want to see this go down?” I wish I had my phone so I could look this guy up. Brooklyn was super gorgeous so I had to expect Rand to be equally attractive.
“You wish.”
“You bringing the little lady? I’m sure that’s right up her ally.”
“Watch it.”
“Or what?” I rolled my eyes. “Remember you started this, so make sure you can finish it, big boy. I told you to leave me alone. Not to talk to me unless you had to. So if you can’t play in the big leagues, Hutch, maybe you should go back and sit at the kids’ table.”
Hutch stared at me for a second before he just stomped off, leaving me there by myself. What the hell was that about? He could dish it out, but couldn’t take it? He had been flirting with me all day too. I decided to let it go and went to find Knox and drown my sorrows in the top shelf booze my sister and now brother-in-law had provided.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hutch
I felt my stomach turn and wondered if the prime rib I just finished might actually make a reappearance. Shit, why did I agree to do this? Pat had actually said I could record the best man’s speech if I felt more comfortable, and now I was thinking that might have been the better option. I wiped the palm of my hands over my legs. My chest was heaving with every single breath I took, and I was sure that I was going to pass out.
“I’ll be right back.” I bolted from the seat next to Madison, sprinting out of the tent, and tried to catch my breath. Bad idea, bad idea, fucking goddamn bad idea. I yanked at my hair just as I felt a hand on my elbow and whirled around with my teeth bared, ready to rip whoever apart until I saw it was Jillian. “What?” I growled. “Here to tease me some more about getting the chance to meet my favorite NASCAR driver?”
Her green eyes softened. “No, it just looked like you were having a panic attack, and I thought...never mind.” Jillian turned to leave.
“Wait.” I watched as she slowly turned back around. “I am, or I was, about to have a panic attack, but not now. I mean...shit.” I ran my hand through my hair again. “Just don’t go yet,” I begged.
Jillian brows dipped with worry. “I thought you weren’t having those anymore?” She took a step closer.
“I wasn’t, but this speech has me all fucked up. Pat told me I could record it so I wouldn’t have to do it in front of a crowd of people, but I thought I would be okay, but now? Now I feel like I’m going to puke, shit myself, and pass out all at once.”
Jillian exploded in laughter only to slap her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry, that isn’t funny.” She tried to keep herself quiet only to start giggling again. “Could you imagine?” She pressed her lips together.
I chuckled. “If I barfed all over the table, shit my pants, and then passed out, making sure to smack my head really good on the way down?” The thought had me rolling so hard I had tears streaming down my face.
“Oh Jesus, that would really ruin everything.” Jillian pressed a hand to her stomach as she tried to calm herself.
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. “What a story though.” I roared with laughter.
“My stomach, please, I can’t.” She snickered.
My eyes moved behind Jillian to Patrick. Shit, was it time? I froze at the thought, and even though we had just been laughing about what could happen, it might actually come true. I glanced over to Jillian who brushed the front of her dress down.
“It’s time for your toast, Hutch.” Pat looked between the two of us. “I hope that I’m not interrupting.” A smile pulled at his lips.
Jillian lifted a shoulder. “Nope, not at all. We were just going over the toast together. I’m going to help.”
Pat looked confused. “Help? I thought you weren’t on speaking terms.” His eyes darted between the two of us.
“Things change, brother, so deal with it.” Jillian didn’t let him finish. She held out her hand to me and wiggled her fingers. “The speech,” she reminded.
I stared at her. “What are you talking about?” I was confused. I thought she hated me, so why would she want to help me out?
“Give me your speech, Hutch.”
I took the folded-up papers from my pocket and gave them to her. When Jillian started to walk back inside, I grabbed her and pulled her back against my chest. “You’re not going to make me look bad, are you, bean?” I looked down into her beautiful face.
“You trust me, don’t you, Hutch?”
I trusted her more than anyone. Even now. “Yes,” I answered, then relaxed my grip so that Jillian could go inside, but followed behind just enough so I could see and hear what she was going to say.
Jillian took the microphone and smiled nervously, unfolded the paper, and looked around the tent. “As most of you know, Hutch Kelly is the best man. He’s the older brother of Pat, and he’s an amazing guy. Since we’re being honest, I’ll just admit to you all that he’s my best friend.” My heart thumped like crazy against my ribs. Fuck, this might be worse. Maybe I shouldn’t stand here and listen. “Hutch is, well, the perfect guy, no matter how you put it, but he’s not one for crowds, and so I offered to read his speech today. I hope you all are okay with that.”
Jillian stopped to take a drink of her champagne, and I took a deep breath. “You just need to imagine I’m Hutch now.” The crowd broke into laughter, which helped me too, and Jillian smiled as she began to read my speech.
“Patrick was always the one I looked up to, even if I was the older brother. He never judged or picked on me, even at my darkest times. He helped me whenever I needed him, and looked out for me when I couldn’t do the same. When Pat was born, I was so excited to have a brother because I had never liked being an only child. When we were younger, before we grew up and discovered girls, sports, and beer, we used to build forts in our rooms, and pretend that we lived in the city. That we had wives, kids, and jobs. Stupid shit like that that didn’t matter, but when you’re playing make-believe, it does.” She paused to look over at me before she went on. “Pat always knew he wanted to marry Jo from the moment they met. Whenever we played like that, his wife was named Jo. Even if she didn’t know it yet, they
were destined to be together.”
Jillian stopped to swipe at her eyes before she continued.
“The first date they had, Pat came home, and told me Jo was it. They were thirteen, or maybe fourteen years old. They had been going to school together for a couple of years, had been friends just as long, but that first date had sealed the deal for him. Pat knew Jo was his forever. They had gone to the carnival, which is pretty much the first date of every single couple in this town, and he had kissed her on the Ferris wheel.”
Jillian stopped again, and I noticed her hands were shaking. She flashed a brief smile before she took another gulp of her drink and then started reading again. “With everything I went through, you both were always there. You always tried to make me feel included and gave me the space I needed when I wanted it. I know that it couldn’t have been easy at times when I was so moody, and when my mind went to seriously dark places. I am so lucky, Patrick, that you are my brother, and now I can officially call Jo my sister. Congratulations!”
When the tent exploded into applause, I took that as my chance to catch a some fresh air. Jillian didn’t need to do that for me. I was the biggest asshole in the world, and I did not deserve her.
“That was perfect, Hutch.” Jo’s voice drifted through my thoughts. “You need to make this right between the two of you.”
My shoulders slumped forward. “How? I married Madison.” I sighed as I glanced out over the water, watching the tide roll in.
“I don’t know, er, maybe a divorce? Annulment? One of those should do it. You still love Jill, and she loves you. She saved your ass out there.”
“Tell me something that I don’t already know.”
Jo moved so that she was facing me. “Why? Why did you marry Madison when Jill is the one you’re meant to be with? I don’t understand.” She placed her hands on her hips to stare up at me with eyes that matched her sister’s.
“I was furious with Jills for not giving me the answers that I had been waiting for. She was here, but not in my arms. She left without telling me goodbye. I loved her with everything I had, and my heart was broken,” I admitted. “It was childish, but I had my daughter to think about.”
“People have children all the time without getting married, Hutch,” Jo pointed out. “You should have told Jillian the truth before you slept with her. You hurt her.”
“I hurt her? What about me!” I yelled, not caring who heard. “You can’t just brush that under the rug, Jo. I trusted her. I gave her everything I had, and she fucking left. I gave Jillian my heart and she promised to make it work when she left. You know what, I’m not talking about this with you anymore.” I started to walk away only to have Jillian catch up with me.
“I need to talk to you before I leave.”
I stopped. “What do you mean leave? Are you going back to New York?” The thought had my head spinning.
“No, I just meant the wedding. I’m staying.” She licked her lips. “Here, in Ocean View. I bought the ballet studio. I should probably thank you for letting me know it was available.”
I stared down into Jillian’s face as the sound of the waves crashed behind us. “You’re staying.” I was going to have to see her every single day.
“Look, it doesn’t have to be weird or awkward with us. We can say hello on the streets. There will be family gatherings and stuff. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I ruined what we had. I regretted it the moment I walked out your door.”
“Don’t do that. Not now.”
Jillian threw her hands up. “I’m trying to apologize, Hutch! I fucked everything up, and I can’t go back to fix it now. You’re married. I want you to be happy. We can’t avoid one another forever. So I just want to start over with a clean slate. Can we do that? I’m sorry for the things I said to you when I was drunk, because you know I didn’t mean them.” I saw the way her chin trembled. How her eyes begged me to say yes.
I shook my head.
Her eyes wet wide. “What?” She stared at me. “Why not?” Jillian asked.
“Because I love you.” I grabbed the nape of her neck and brought my mouth down to hers to kiss her soft, plump lips. Jillian didn’t fight me, didn’t try to pull away, and I heard her moan softly when my tongue slipped between her lips. “If I can’t have you, how do you expect me to be your friend, Jilly?” I pulled back. “We can never be just friends. The thought of you with someone else makes me see red,” I warned.
Jillian nostrils flared. “You would rather ignore me?” She narrowed her eyes. “You would rather punish me for something I have done nothing but apologize for since I returned, then tried to make things civilized between us? I just saved your ass back there, Hutch.”
A piece of my heart cracked off inside my chest. If I couldn’t have Jillian, couldn’t love her the way I wanted, I would rather she hate me. “Yes.” My voice caught in my throat. “Thank you for everything you have done for me.” I patted her shoulder. “You’re a good person.” I just couldn’t have her near me. Not right now and probably not in my future either. “Good luck,” I added before I headed back inside the tent, making sure not to turn around because I was sure if I did I would chicken out.
I grabbed Madison from her chair to drag her out onto the dance floor and danced with her the rest of the wedding. I noticed Knox a couple of times, but I didn’t care to spy on him, only because I didn’t want to knock him out. This wasn’t my wedding after all. If Jillian wanted to date him, that wasn’t my problem. I had my own demons to work out.
Later that night, when I was lying in bed with Madison, who passed out before she could try to get me to sleep with her, I choked back tears and realized what a mess my life had become. I hated myself for letting Jillian get away again, but I only had myself to blame.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jillian
I woke up earlier than I should for someone who drank too much champagne at her sister’s wedding the night before, but I was lucky if I was able to get a couple of hours of sleep once my head hit the pillow. I kept thinking about Hutch, the words he said to me, and the fact that he told me we could never be friends. How could I ignore him for the rest of my life? Tears stung my eyes, but I blinked them away.
I sat up, pulled the blanket back, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. No, I had a big day ahead of me today. I was going to get the keys to the studio, see what kind of work I really had cut out for me, and then maybe start putting some ideas together. I wasn’t going to sit there and feel sorry for myself because Hutch Kelly decided he didn’t even want to say hello to me.
I stood up, making my way to the bathroom, noticing how quiet the house was. Jo hadn’t lived here in a couple of years, but had stayed the few days, leading up to the wedding. She and Pat were supposed to be leaving today for their honeymoon to Alaska. Mom was a notorious morning person, but after the way she was kicking up her heels on the dance floor last night, I wasn’t surprised to find her still sleeping.
I stripped out of my tank top, sleep shorts, and panties, making sure to dump them in the hamper before I turned on the water and stepped into the bathtub. The water felt good rolling off my skin as I let myself wash off everything that happened last night. I scrubbed my skin until it felt clean, washed and conditioned my hair, and then finally turned off the water, afraid that I would use up all the hot before my mother had a chance to shower. I toweled off and wrapped my hair up on my head, trying not to stare at myself in the mirror.
Once I was done in the bathroom, I cleaned up after myself before I went to dig something out of my suitcase to wear. I stopped in the doorway of my childhood bedroom, realizing I needed to find my own place. Mom wouldn’t care if I stayed—actually she would most likely love it—but I would do so much better if I was able to find a cute little apartment of my own. I made a mental note as I was yanking on a clean pair of underwear to look around town today and see if anything was available.
My mother was siting when I made my way downstairs, her hands wrapped arou
nd a cup of tea. “Good morning, sweetheart.” She flashed me a smile. “Where are you off to this morning?” She brought the mug up to her lips to blow on the hot liquid.
“Going to check out the ballet studio. I need to see how much work actually has to be done.” I opened the cabinet, grabbed a K-cup, and popped it into the Keurig. I yanked the top off a travel mug to take that with me. My mother wasn’t a coffee drinker, but made sure she kept the stuff around for drinkers like myself. I leaned casually against the counter. “I thought I would look for an apartment while I was out,” I added.
“You don’t need to do that,” she insisted.
I twisted my lips. “Mom, I’m twenty-two. I shouldn’t be living here, mooching off you, and drinking your coffee.” I smiled.
“I like having you here.” Which was really her way of telling me she didn’t want to be alone in this big house.
I took my now-full coffee cup over to where the sugar was. “You could get a dog,” I suggested. “Or travel like you always talked about doing.” I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to tell her. After Dad passed away, Mom knew that this day was going to come. Jo and I weren’t going to stay kids forever. When she didn’t say anything, I turned around to find her just staring at me with a look in her eyes I didn’t recognize. “Mom, are you okay?”
She nodded. “Your father and I always talked about traveling when you girls moved out and started your own family.” She sighed softly. “It’s just too bad he won’t be here to enjoy this with me.”
I moved closer so that I could hug her. “I miss Dad, too,” I whispered, my voice clogged.
“Now, now, don’t go getting me started again.” Mom scoffed. “I cried enough last night. Go on.” She pretended to push me away. “Send me some pictures of the studio,” she added as I headed toward the door.
I assured her I would as I made my way down the front steps. I couldn’t help but look in the direction of Hutch’s apartment, even though I knew he wasn’t there. The memories of everything we had hit me, and I quickly rushed down the sidewalk before I started crying. The tourists were up and out early as I made my way past the Angry Egg and the Ocean View Hotel, before I finally found myself in front of the ballet studio.
Out of the Dark Page 19