"Shit, Gracie," he mutters as his arms relax slightly. He huffs out a long breath. "That was intense."
All I can do is nod as I turn my face away from the pillow to look at him over my shoulder. He smiles at me, eyes softly glazed with satisfaction.
I let my head drop back to the pillow, completely satiated and weak limbed after that massive orgasm. But I do have enough strength left to smile back at him.
Chapter 21
Marek
I look at the pancake bubbling nicely in the pan before looking over my shoulder at Lilly. She's sitting in the living room, eyes glued to Moana on Netflix. It's only about the hundredth time she's watched it since moving in, and I find myself humming to Maui's song "You're Welcome."
I look back to the pancake and feel pretty darn proud of myself. Lilly surprised both Gracen and me this morning by jumping into the bed with us. We had been wrapped around each other, but luckily the covers were pulled up to our shoulders. Lilly didn't seem to think there was anything strange about her mother and me sleeping in bed together. She just started bouncing up and down on top of us, saying that she was hungry.
"Lilly, did you go potty this morning?" Gracen asked her.
Lilly grinned shyly and shook her head.
Gracen gave her a stern look--something that I have not yet mastered with Lilly--and pointed to the bedroom door. "Go potty and put on a pair of panties. Then we can go have breakfast."
Lilly is such a great freaking kid she merely grinned at her mom and in a chirpy, happy voice said, "Okay, Mommy."
She bounded off the bed and ran out the door.
I turned to look at Gracen, who was smiling fondly after our daughter. I reached out and pulled her closer to me, laying a hard kiss on her mouth. When I drew back I told her, "She's such a good kid. And she listens to you so well."
Gracen gave a deep laugh and pushed at my chest. "Oh, she has you so fooled. You haven't seen Lilly in full-blown tantrum mode that only a toddler can pull off."
"And I don't want to see it," I tell her with a laugh. "You can handle all of that and I get to do just the fun stuff."
Gracen laughed again. "If only parenting worked that way. Let me get some clothes on so I can go down and make her breakfast."
"No," I told her unexpectedly. "You stay in bed and relax. I'll go make breakfast." Gracen arched a beautiful eyebrow at me before making a sweeping gesture with her hand toward the door. "Go get her, tiger."
And now here I am, in my kitchen fixing pancakes for my daughter. It's amazing how much my life has changed in just a month.
I look over at Lilly again and back to the pancake, which is in need of flipping. I feel a little frisky about my cooking abilities, so I take the silver handle of the pan and give it a sharp snap upward from the flame. I expect the pancake to launch off and into the air, whereby it will tumble three times gracefully, falling back bubbly-side down in the pan. To my dismay, it flies forward and splats against the Italian tiled backsplash behind the stove before it slides down leaving a trail of batter behind.
I snicker to myself, making a note that I will never try to flip a pancake again. I look over my shoulder and find that Lilly still has her eyes pinned on the TV. My neck, however, flushes red as I see Gracen standing there with arms crossed over her chest smirking at me. I give her a sheepish grin and turn back to the stove using the spatula to scoop up the broken pancake from the wall.
"Was just trying something new," I mutter. "Won't be doing that again."
Gracen laughs joyfully over my antics as she walks to the Keurig. "I'm merely impressed you're actually making pancakes. Most of the time I just use the frozen ones that you can nuke in the microwave."
Chuckling, I slice a pat of butter to throw into the pan to melt. "I'll make a note of that."
After Gracen fixes her cup of coffee, she comes to stand near me at the stove, resting a hip against the counter. She put on a pair of gray yoga pants and a tank top, the form-fitting material leaving nothing to the imagination. She looks sexy as hell, and if Lilly weren't in the room with us right now, I'd have her on the kitchen floor.
Or the counter.
Or against the wall.
Stop it.
"How many pancakes you want?" I ask her before I start to get a hard-on that I most certainly don't need to be sporting in front of my child.
"Two."
I nod and pour some batter into the pan. "Let me make one for Lilly, and then I'll get you next."
"I'm in no rush."
Gracen takes a sip of her coffee and looks over at Lilly. She then looks to me, leaning in slightly, and in a low voice asks, "Do you think she thought there was anything wrong with us being in bed together?"
I shrug. "I have no clue. She seemed okay with it. Is this something we need to talk to her about?"
Gracen shrugs back at me. "I have no clue either. You're going to find out soon enough that parenting is a lot of trial and error."
I tuck the spatula under the edge of the pancake as it starts to bubble. I look to Gracen and give her a wink. "I think you've done extraordinarily well so far. So whatever you think is best is fine by me."
The gratitude in Gracen's smile tells me that my opinion matters a lot to her. She takes another sip of coffee and asks, "Do you need me to do anything?"
I shake my head and slide the spatula under the pancake, giving it a deft one-time flip. "I've got to head into the gym in a little bit, and then we're having a short team skate at the arena. But I did want to ask you a question."
"What's up?" she asks.
"We have a home game this Sunday afternoon, and my parents wanted to take Lilly to it. Is that okay with you?"
Something troubled flickers within Gracen's eyes, but it's gone so fast perhaps I imagined it. She gives me a bright smile. "Sure. I'm sure she would love that."
Gracen starts to turn away from me, but I grab her attention before she can do so. "I got another question for you."
She turns back to me and this time I see that her expression is guarded.
I ignore it. "And we have a home game tomorrow night. I'm sure my parents would love to stay here with Lilly, and I was wondering if you would come to the game and watch."
Gracen's mouth drops open in surprise. "You want me to come to your game?"
I chuckle and pull the pan off the flame, setting the spatula down on the counter. I turn to Gracen and put my hands on her hips, pulling her gently into me so I don't spill her coffee. Her eyes cut briefly to Lilly, who is ignoring both of us, before coming back to me.
"Gracen, I would like you to come and watch my game. I want you to be there. I always did play best when you were watching me."
Gracen blinks several times before her eyes narrow slightly. "What is this? I need to know the rules."
My hands drop away from her and I take a step back. "Why does there have to be rules?"
Her voice is feather soft when she replies. "Because I was once an integral part of your life. That included your hockey. You broke my heart before, Marek, and I don't want to go through that again. Because you left me for a life without responsibility and now you want to play house, want me to come watch your games, and it's very confusing to me."
I stomp down the tiny flush of anger that she would even be questioning my intentions, but I don't let it overtake me. I get where she's coming from.
"I'm as confused by this is you are, Gracen. I never thought you would be back in my life, but here you are. Here Lilly is. The fact of the matter is, my life is different now, and so are my wants."
Gracen just stares at me, and I can see she doesn't quite understand what I'm saying.
"We talked about this last night, Gracie. Remember...We only have right now to work with."
Gracen's eyes drop to the floor momentarily before sliding back up to meet mine. She leans in and whispers, "Have you forgiven me? For what I did? For not telling you about Lilly?"
I'm initially stunned she would thin
k to ask this, but then I realize I've never even told her what my feelings are on the matter. All she's ever gotten from me when it comes to my lost years with my daughter is my wrath and my anger. Ever since that day she told me she was done apologizing for it, we've not really talked about it.
So I lean into her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Yes. I forgive you. And I'm actually ashamed it took me so long to do it."
"When?"
Her question is simple and I understand it. When did my feelings about her on that subject change?
"When you told me about the placental abruption," I tell her quietly. "I mean...my anger had started to melt away before that. I knew when I first kissed you in the kitchen that night I couldn't be all that mad at you to do that. But that night when you told me you almost died, I realized. You've had your own struggles and losses. I guess I just realized that I needed to let it go, because I saw that despite what you went through, you've put on a stiff upper lip and moved on. I need to do the same."
Gracen blows out a breath, clearly relieved by my answer. I hate that she even has room to be relieved--still suffering guilt--but at least now we've discussed that.
"So are you going to come to the game tomorrow night? Reed said Josie's going, so I figured you two could sit together and then maybe all of us could go out afterward."
Before Gracen can answer, my phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my pocket to check who's calling, realizing I need to answer.
I look back up to Gracen. "I've got to take this. Are you in?"
She gives me a tentative smile. "Sure. Sounds like fun."
"Cool." I grin at her, and nod toward the pan. "Can you finish that up?"
"On it," she says cheerily.
I turn my back on her and start walking toward my bedroom for some privacy. I'm able to answer by the third ring. "Jimmy...you got something to report?"
Jimmy Schaeffer is my local attorney. He's helped me close the loan paperwork on my house when I bought it, as well as reviewed any number of contracts and endorsement deals that I've been offered over the last few years. He was the first person I called when I got back to North Carolina after finding out I had a daughter, as I needed to know what my rights were.
"I just got off the phone with Mr. Waller," he says.
"And?"
"He understands your concerns and assured me he'd have a talk with his son," Jimmy reports smugly.
I had Jimmy reach out to Owen's father to pass on my concerns that his behavior was turning stalkerish. I also wanted to share the information that the Moores would not be selling their property to Owen, so he needed to quit bothering them about it as well as bothering their daughter. He also made some veiled threats about restraining orders or going to the press about Owen's creepy ways, but apparently his father understood the urgency.
"The senior Mr. Waller assured me that Owen would not be a problem for the Moore family again and wanted to offer apologies to Miss Moore and her parents."
I snicker as I walk into my bedroom. I've got to get my workout gear and practice bag together. "And about their loan," I prompt him.
"As per your request, I asked Mr. Waller to consider extending the loan until the sale of their property went through, or alternatively, I told him you'd gladly pay off the note to remove the pressure from the Moores. Again, Mr. Waller assured us that there was no problem in getting an extension on the note and that he would work personally with the Moores."
"I assume you're confirming this all in writing?"
"But of course," Jimmy answers with a laugh. "It will go out today."
"Okay, buddy. Thanks for jumping on that for me. Send me your bill."
"Oh, I will," he says almost ominously, but whatever he charges me is well worth the peace of mind knowing that I don't have to worry about Owen anymore. Once I realized that he was really just after the Moore's property and using Gracen as a pawn, I was pretty confident he wouldn't be coming around her again after he learned the property was out of play for him. Still, it was just added insurance bringing his father into it, figuring the elder Mr. Waller would be more concerned about propriety than anything and that definitely paid off well, so I'd gladly pay Jimmy's attorney fee for that call and letter.
I say goodbye to Jimmy and throw my shit into a duffel bag. I've got just enough time to sit down with Lilly and Gracen for breakfast, and then it's off to work I go.
Chapter 22
Gracen
I've been to hundreds and hundreds of hockey games. Whether it was watching Marek play travel hockey in the summer, or pond hockey in the winter, watching my man out there was always special. I went to every game I could manage when he played at Boston College. I've even been to professional hockey games with Marek before he became a professional player himself. But this is the first time I've ever sat in an arena and watched Marek as an NHL player. There's no way to truly describe how it makes me feel. My nerves seem to be popping and I can barely sit still in my seat.
"Girl, I think you are more nervous than I am," Josie says from my left.
I peel my eyes off the ice where I'd been watching the Cold Fury--correction, watching Marek--warm up before the game starts. Josie is wearing an Olson jersey and her cheeks were flushed when she told me earlier that Reed had given it to her just this morning.
"I feel like I was just asked to go steady and he gave me his varsity letter jacket," she had said, giggling.
I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish I were wearing a Fabritis jersey right now. But Marek didn't think to get me one, nor did I expect him to. I certainly can't afford to splurge on something like that for myself.
"So how are things going?" Josie asks. We've both been so busy at work, sometimes working different shifts, that we've not had real "girl" time to talk.
"It's going well," I say, my eyes cutting between the ice and her. "The nurses in L and D are all really great to work with."
Josie gives me a soft elbow that makes me laugh. "I'm not talking about work. How's it going with Marek?"
"I know what you were talking about," I reply, still chuckling. "But it's going...weirdly. Good, but weird."
"How so?"
"Well, Owen showed up at the house on Saturday."
"What?" Josie exclaims so loudly the people to her left turn to look at her. She ignores them and leans in closer to me. "He showed up at the house?"
I nod, look back briefly to the ice where I take in Marek skating around to loosen his legs, then back to Josie. I decide to just get it all out so she can ask her questions and then we can enjoy the game. "Owen showed up. Threatened me. Marek punched him. Owen left. My reasons for marrying Owen came to light after Marek called my parents. Turns out, my parents didn't need my help, so I made a fool out of myself for nothing."
"Whoa," she drawls out slowly. "Just...whoa. But you've got to give me more info than that."
And she's right. That's a lot to take in. So I slow down and fill in some gaps. Answer a few questions. To Josie's credit and the reason I know we'll always be close friends, she goes overboard to not make me feel stupid, and in fact, validates what I'd done. She said she'd have done the same thing, although I highly doubt it.
Still, it was a really sweet gesture.
When I think I've satisfied her curiosity, I turn back to watch the warm-ups, which are winding down.
Josie, however, is not fully satisfied. She nudges me again. "What's the deal with you and Marek then?"
"What do you mean?" I hedge, not even looking at her.
"Oh, for Pete's sake, Gracen," she growls at me. "Give me the details. I can tell something's different. I mean, he called up Reed wanting to get us really good tickets so you could see him play up close and personal. So I know something's happened."
It's not so hard to tear my gaze away from Marek now. Josie actually has asked me something that I don't mind talking about with her.
I puff out a tiny breath of capitulation, turning in my seat to look her right in the face
. Leaning in so no one can hear our conversation, I lower my voice and tell her, "Marek and I...well, we're sort of together."
"Together?"
"We had sex. Like four times the night before Owen showed up. And then we didn't have sex before he left for the New York and New Jersey games, and it was very confusing."
"Why didn't you have sex then? I mean...sounds like the first four times were amazing, and I don't know many men that will walk away from that."
I snicker. It was really, really good. The best ever, actually. But I don't say that, because that's my personal secret to share just with myself. Instead, I tell her all of it. "I had a placental abruption the week before Lilly was due."
"Oh, Gracen, that's awful," Josie breathes out. She's a doctor. She knows the dangers I faced.
I nod in agreement. "Anyway, I had to have a hysterectomy, which was fine. As long as Lilly was okay, that's all that mattered. But when I told Marek about it, it really bothered him and he just backed off. Actually, seems it sort of ran him off."
"I'm sorry," Josie says softly.
I give her a casual shrug. It had hurt my feelings a lot, but he's more than made up for it. "It didn't run him off for long. When he came back from the road trip, well, he came straight to my bed."
"So it's just sex?" she asks hesitantly.
I shrug again, although there's nothing casual about this one. I truly just don't know. "We've agreed to try out a monogamous sexual relationship while coparenting our daughter."
Josie wrinkles her nose. "That sounds...um...sterile."
My laugh is genuine, because despite how screwed up the situation is, I also have to find humor in it. "I've decided just to take it day by day and see what happens."
Something in my voice causes Josie's eyes to narrow. She shakes her head at me. "No, I don't believe that. I can see it in your eyes. Hear it in the words you're not saying."
I cock an eyebrow at her. "And what's that?"
"That you really have feelings involved and I'm not sure they're reciprocated," she says bluntly. "If that's the case, you're going to get hurt."
There's no helping the fact I have to glance back at Marek when she says that. When I give her my attention again, I admit, "I've never stopped loving him, and yes, it's not reciprocated. But he has forgiven me, so all I can do is try to look at this as a fresh start."
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