by Lauren Asher
All I can do is scowl at the wheel. The Bandini crew comes to secure my car and push me back toward the garage. I stew in my toxicity, allowing it to cloak the post-driving glow.
Chloe runs out into the pit lane with a huge grin plastered across her face. The sun shines down on her, highlighting the flush in her cheeks.
I don’t understand the smile on her face. I failed. Plain and simple. She wouldn’t be smiling if she saw what I used to be able to accomplish on the track.
“Oh my God. You did it!” She runs up to the cockpit and leans over the edge.
I pass the steering wheel to the mechanic and tug my helmet off my head. “Did what? Stall on the first turn?”
“No!” She laughs melodically as she grabs onto both my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. “You got in the car and drove. You. Did. It.”
I soak in her positivity like the earth soaks up rain after a drought.
Noah strolls onto the track, assessing the car before offering me his hand. “Nice work out there.”
“You’re both acting like I won a race rather than tested a car.”
Noah shakes his head. “I kind of miss the old cocky you. He was a hell of a lot more fun than this self-deprecating version.”
Chloe turns away, hiding her laugh.
I lift a brow. “You find this funny?”
“Who, me?” She presses a palm against her chest and flutters her lashes.
“Yes. Why are you laughing?”
She shrugs. “Because Noah’s right. You kind of kill the vibes.”
I frown. “You want me to be all self-love, now?”
“Honestly, yes. I think we owe it to ourselves to unapologetically love who we are no matter what. Because if you don’t love yourself, then why do you expect anyone else to?”
I contemplate what she says. Noah pulls Chloe’s attention away, talking to her about racing statistics and the secret behind the wheel he created.
If I don’t love myself, then who will? And what kind of love am I asking for if I’m hell-bent on showing the worst version of myself, time and time again.
Is that who I want to be? The guy who gives up after one time because things got hard?
No. The opposite of a winner isn’t a loser. It’s the person who allows the loss to ruin any chance of trying again. The defeatist attitude needs to stop. Right here. Right now.
I clutch onto the wheel, running a finger across the sensitive throttle paddle. “Hey, Noah?”
“What’s up?”
“Do you have an extra battery in the garage?”
“Of course.”
“What do you say about testing the car out again?”
Noah smirks. “I thought you’d never ask.”
36
Santiago
Something inside of me changed during my time on the racetrack. It’s as if everything clicked into place for me the moment I drove an F1 race car again. No car in the world can match that kind of speed, and all the fancy cars I have are only cheap imitations of the real deal. I forgot what the high after the race felt like. To have my skin itching from the rush building underneath, begging to be let out.
Driving earlier today fed the part of my soul that was starving for attention. The same part that desperately wanted to feel useful again. To feel needed and wanted.
I struggle with disbelief as I shower and then meet with the crew to discuss test-track statistics. Chloe busies herself with embroidering while I spend time with Noah and James, reviewing tapes and strategies. Every smile she sends my way has my chest warming. Her presence keeps me grounded because my mind threatens to burst from all the information.
I drive us back home from the racetrack on autopilot, not bothering to say a single word. Chloe keeps quiet, staring out of the window, giving me peace. I appreciate her for it. Hell, I appreciate her for all of it. Without her pushing me to be better, I wouldn’t be in the position I am now. I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish what I did without her because she makes life lighter. And it’s about damn time I show her how thankful I am for her.
I pull into the garage and shut off the car. Neither one of us moves for minutes, both trapped in our own heads.
“That was fun.” Chloe breaks the silence, looking over at me with her blue eyes.
I smile. “It was.”
“Do you plan on doing it again sometime soon?”
“I already booked a testing session for tomorrow morning.”
“Really?” Her lips gape apart.
I nod, my grin expanding. “Really.”
She claps her hands together. “I knew you could do it! You only needed to believe in yourself!”
“You were right.”
“Say it again.”
“You were right. Are you happy?”
“Delighted!”
I step out of the car and walk around the hood to open Chloe’s door. “I have something I want to show you.”
She takes my hand, and I pull her out of the seat.
She follows me through the garage and into the house. I keep moving until we stop in front of a door I’ve kept locked for far too long.
She bites her lip. “If this isn’t a Red Room of Pain, I’ll riot.”
“What?”
“Never mind.” She scoffs.
I open the door with the key I haven’t used in far too long. With a flip of the switch, all the lights turn on.
“Oh. My. God.” Chloe steps around me and walks inside.
Trophies of all shapes and sizes line the shelves from floor to ceiling, shining under the spotlights. They’re all the reminders of my past, dusty and neglected after years of abandonment. Pictures of my family, friends, and crew break up the space, displaying some of my proudest moments.
Chloe walks up to a brightly colored trophy resembling an alien spaceship. She runs a finger across the metal, swiping a line through the dust. “Wow. I knew you were good, but I didn’t realize how good.”
My chest puffs with pride. “This is a glimpse at what I did before.”
She sneezes, making a plume of dust fly into the air.
I wince. “Sorry. It’s a bit messy right now.”
“Please don’t apologize. This is amazing.” She gives each trophy special attention, reading off the race and year.
I lean against the wall, enjoying her amazement. Any discomfort I used to feel whenever I entered this room is absent. For the first time in what feels like forever, it doesn’t bother me to be surrounded by my past success. Instead, it fuels the beast inside of me that wants to return.
It’s the reason I came in here today and invited Chloe along with me. Now is the time to consolidate the racer I was then with the man I am now. Rather than fight it, I want to accept every single part.
“Why are you showing me this?” She stops in front of my first World Championship trophy. The massive piece still shines after years of abandonment. It’s the trophy that started my entire journey—the one that not only changed my life path but my sister’s as well.
“Because I wanted to show you the racer I was.”
“That’s all?” she whispers.
“And I wanted to remind myself why I’m worth fighting for. Why I shouldn’t be afraid of the meeting I scheduled with the Formula Corp to defend my case.”
“Really?” She turns on her heels and swallows the distance between us. “You’re going to speak to them?”
“I’m going to fight for my right to race again, and there’s no one I want there more than you.”
Tears glisten in her eyes, but she blinks them away before they have a chance to trail down her cheeks. “I’m so proud of you. Like my chest hurts because I’m ridiculously proud.”
“I couldn’t have done this without you.”
She offers me a watery smile. “You could’ve.”
“Okay, let me amend my statement. I wouldn’t have wanted to without you.”
“Okay, you got me there.” Chloe tips her head back and smiles up at me. She ste
ps onto her toes and leaves a lingering kiss on my lips.
I deepen it, cradling her head in my palm as my tongue caresses hers. Chloe lets out the softest moan, and I take initiative. I move away from her lips and bend down. She screams as I hurtle her over my shoulder. There’s a slight pinch from my prosthetic leg, but nothing I can’t handle for a few minutes. Some things take precedent, and the way my dick throbs tells me I’m making the right choice.
“What are you doing?” she cries out.
“I have one last thing to show you.”
“What?”
I clutch onto the backs of her thighs and carry her through the house. She pinches my butt cheeks and complains about the blood rushing to her head, but I ignore her. With my free hand, I rip her shoes off. They clatter to the ground.
I enter my bedroom. The sunset on the lake casts an orange glow across the walls. Chloe lets out an audible oomph as I throw her onto the bed.
I grab a few things out of a drawer and place them beside the nightstand.
“Newsflash: I’ve seen your bedroom. This isn’t anything new or shocking here.” She pushes her hair out of her eyes. The dark strands stand out against the white pillows.
I’m stuck in place, staring at her like a fool. She’s perfect in every way. From her smile to the tiny freckles running across her nose. But most of all, I like the way she looks at me. Like I’m more than just a guy.
Like I matter to her as much as she does to me.
“Bueller,” she calls out in the same voice as the movie we watched.
I crack a smile.
She pokes me in the chest with her foot. “What do you have to show me?”
“How much I care about you.”
Now that shuts her up. Chloe remains mystified as I turn and crawl over her. I pause, unsure how to go about the next steps without making things awkward between us.
“Can you do something for me?” Chloe shifts beneath me.
“What?”
“Will you swap positions with me?”
I blink at her. Following her command, I press my back into the mattress. My head sinks into the soft pillows, and Chloe follows, covering my body with hers.
Chloe’s lips press softly against mine. Her hands run over my shoulders before drifting down my abs. Every muscle she touches contracts, tightening until she moves on. Her hands lift the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. She kisses her way down my body. I’m addicted to the feel of her running her tongue across the rigid muscles.
My dick throbs painfully against the seam of my sweatpants. Her light caresses leave me straining for more. More of her. More of this. More of everything she has to offer.
“Keep your eyes shut. If you open them, then this is over.” Her hot breath trails against my skin.
That’s the last thing I want. I screw my eyes shut and grip onto the comforter. Instead of thinking, I focus on the feel of her lips against my body.
She grips onto the waistband of my sweatpants and briefs at the same time. Every muscle in my body tightens as she slides them down my legs, revealing the part of myself I keep hidden from the world.
Does she think my leg looks as awful as I do? Does the jagged scar and puckered skin freak her out? My body locks up at the onslaught of negative thoughts. I try to banish the idea of Chloe having an up-close and personal view of my stump and metal leg, but everything about the situation make me uncomfortable.
“Santiago. Stop thinking and focus on how I make you feel.” Chloe runs her palms up my thighs. She settles between my legs, and her warmth erases some of the coldness seeping into my bones. Goosebumps pebble my skin as her palm runs up the length of my cock.
Blood roars in my ears at her touch. It’s like static trailing across my skin, crackling from pressure and anticipation. Her lips replace her hand, leaving behind faint kisses across my length. Any scared thought I had melts away as her hot mouth wraps around my dick.
It’s a mix of heaven and hell. Right and wrong. Desperation to make the moment last longer while craving my release from the torture of her mouth.
My cock twitches as she sucks me off, bringing me to the brink of pleasure before pulling away again. I grab a fistful of her hair and tug. “You’re killing me.”
Her lips pop as she releases my cock from her mouth. “Consider this payback for last time.” She pumps my dick once for good measure.
“Enough,” I hiss.
“Why?” she continues, moving her hand up and down.
My balls tighten, and the tingling sensation spreads up my spine. “That’s it.”
Chloe’s wide eyes are the first thing I see when I open mine.
“I’m done with the games.”
She smirks. “You’re the one who broke the first rule.”
“From now on, there’s only one rule that matters and it’s to make you come.” I slide out from under her body and plant my feet on the floor.
She laughs as I drag her to the edge of the bed. With her help, I make quick work of her tank top and shorts. My movements are rushed and lack any kind of finesse. Her underwear and bra meet the same fate on the bedroom floor, and I finally soak up a vision of her naked.
Any worries about my prosthetic leave the room as I check her out. Sunset rays from the sliding door bask her skin in a golden glow. They bring out the navy in her hair, the wavy tendrils covering the white sheet behind her.
Everything about her is perfect. From her tits that fit in the palm of my hand to the tiny birthmark on her hip bone. But what stands out most is how she radiates beauty from the inside out.
“You’re stunning, you know that?”
She bites her lip and looks away.
I grip her thighs, pushing them apart. “Now’s not the time to get shy on me.”
It was a stupid thing to say. I realize that, as I stare down at her, wondering how the fuck I can pull off pleasuring her in the way I’m used to. Would kneeling down kill the mood? It’s not like getting back up is the quickest process.
“Santiago?” Chloe props herself up on her elbows.
“Hmm.” I stare down at my leg.
“For fuck’s sake. I. Don’t. Care.”
I reply with a half-assed mumble.
“But I will care if you leave me high and dry, begging for your cock because you’re too self-conscious to take what you want.”
I smirk. “Bossy.”
“I’ll show you bossy. Kneel down before your queen, or else I’ll get the job done myself.”
I shake my head and lower myself down to the ground. Chloe gasps as I trail kisses up the inner part of her thigh. My tongue traces the place I’m dying to taste, and Chloe’s body jolts against the mattress. I switch between sucking on her clit and teasing her entrance.
I obsess over the noises Chloe makes. Every gasp, every moan, every damn sigh coming out of her mouth fuels the monster inside of me. She groans my name as her hands fist the sheets above her head. Her sighs become an anthem in my head I want to replay again and again.
My head grows cloudy as Chloe becomes more desperate for her release. She grinds against my face, and I smile. Her patience fades, and my confidence skyrockets as she latches onto my hair. There’s a bite of pain, and I repay it by a hard suck on her clit.
Her body tenses and her toes curl as another breathy sigh escapes her. She comes apart as I lick her arousal away in tortuous circles, not stopping until her body relaxes under me.
This is something I could become addicted to. Fuck, what am I saying? I am addicted to her.
I don’t know why I was so worried about kneeling. Chloe is incoherent as I speed through the process of rising from the floor.
“Roll to the center of the bed.” I call over my shoulder as I roll the condom down my shaft.
Chloe follows my command. I get on the bed and crawl over her body. Her hand pressing against my shoulder stops me.
“Do you trust me?” She stares up at me.
Do I? I can’t imagine having any reason not
to. She’s stood by me for months, supporting me at some of my lowest points. If there is anyone I should trust, it’s her.
My throat tightens as I nod my head.
“Will you take it off then?” She looks down at my prosthetic.
“Take it off?” My voice is nothing but a whisper in the dark. Can I do that? Do I even want to?
“I promise it doesn’t matter to me if you’re missing a leg, or an arm, or anything else. It doesn’t define the person you are.” She places her palm against my heart. “This does. And you happen to have one of the prettiest ones.”
My heart rate picks up speed as I look down at the one thing holding me back. Sex is supposed to be the most intimate two people can be, but this feels like more.
The last time was nothing short of a disaster, and I worry tonight might be similar.
But this is Chloe.
“You’re beautiful to me no matter what. It doesn’t matter,” she whispers in a husky voice as she places her palm against my cheek.
“Beautiful?” My smirk wobbles.
“Don’t let it go to your head.” She rolls her eyes while smiling.
Something about her wipes away the fear threatening to take control.
I can do this for her.
I can do this for me.
I roll over and sit, giving her my back. With shaky fingers, I press the pin located at the bottom of my prosthetic. It slides off with ease and lands on the floor. The sock comes off next, and I place it on the nightstand.
This is it. This is the last thing in my way.
Using the strength in my arms and my one good leg, I move back over her body. The smile Chloe shoots up at me has my chest tightening. Not because of nerves, but because she truly is happy to be with me.
Shit. I never thought someone would look at me like that because of my leg.
“Thank you for being yourself with me.” Her eyes shine, the moonlight emphasizing the unshed tears.
I bend down and kiss her with every emotion I feel inside of me. Fear, happiness, desire...excitement. The world fades away as it becomes just us.
I hold her gaze as I line myself up and slide into her, relying heavily on the strength in my arms and good knee to hold me up. My body shudders as I fill her to capacity. I shut my eyes, enjoying the moment of us becoming one.