Chapter 46
Kesh
Hours later, when the dust had begun to settle, I ran my hand along the walls of Talen’s home and watched colors pulse outward in small waves. The warmth hadn’t faded, and with each new touch, my sense of comfort grew stronger. I didn’t dare imagine what it meant. Perhaps this would be my home now? I’d never had a real home before.
In Talen’s chamber, the view of Safira’s valley drew me to the window. Tek-ships glittered in Safira’s clear sky, and at their center, as though it were its own star around which all the others revolved, the Excalibur hovered. The humans weren’t leaving, but they weren’t attacking either, so maybe we had a truce to build on.
Beneath the eerie calm, the fae people slowly emerged from their homes, wary of the tek-machines hanging over them. Wherever the sidhe lords were, they’d be plotting against the humans. They likely wouldn’t let this rest, but they’d have a hard time rallying any forces to war after what we’d all witnessed.
What happened now? The Hunt was gone, the polestar was back where it belonged, and Eledan was dead. Without a court, without a king, would Faerie fall into chaos? Or had balancing dark and light stopped that from happening? And me? I would live, and I had no idea what to do with an eternal life.
Sirius’s presence simmered at the fringes of my awareness. He stood in the doorway, waiting for me to summon him. Would he stay with me? Would any of them? Was I still all the things to all the people, or was I something else without the polestar?
“There is much work to be done,” he said, cutting short my quiet contemplation.
I rested my hands on the window ledge and soaked up the knoll’s willing warmth. “I just need a moment.” I needed more than a moment. I needed a lifetime to get over the past year.
Thanks to Eledan, I had a lifetime and more.
The Excalibur’s lights throbbed in time with the waves emanating from the knoll. Talen was watching me from above, and I took some comfort in that, even knowing he was lost to me, maybe forever. I had forever now, didn’t I?
Aeon, Talen, Eledan, Shinj, billions of Halow lives, and thousands of fae—all gone. This war had cost us all so much. Those who remained would need help and guidance. The saru would need a purpose, or else they’d fall back in love with the fae. The dark fae had returned and would need their Nightshade. And now the Earthens were here.
“It’s over, but I don’t know where to begin fixing everything.”
Sirius moved to my side. He breathed in a deep, steadying breath, and lifting his tek-hand, he rippled his fingers, admiring the play of light across the mechanical construction. “We are at the beginning of something new, and beginnings begin with a single step.”
I wanted to lean into him and let him hold me, but if I did, I might never take that first step, then the next. “The future seems so big.”
“You defeated the Hunt and healed Faerie. You survived as a gladiator, and survived Oberon and his brother. You stopped Sjora and the Wild Ones. Yet making peace seems difficult, Calla?” Pride brightened his eyes.
I had done all those things, but not on my own.
“I can fight, but peacemaking? I do not know how to do that. Maybe I’m not the right person for what comes next?”
“I believe Faerie made the right choice in you, and I am not alone in that thought, the same as you are not alone in what comes next.” He took my hands in his, gently holding them between us. “I will stand beside you, as your guardian, for as long as you’ll have me.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat. He and Kellee were made for bigger things than me. I’d already lost Talen… The knot tightened. I clenched my teeth and fought off the ache. It was still early. I didn’t have to do everything now. I just needed to stop and take a few free breaths. I was free now, wasn’t I?
Sirius’s cool metal fingers slid between mine and clamped closed, offering comfort. Tek and magic in harmony was the way forward, but change wouldn’t happen just because the threats had passed.
“I second that…” my lawman drawled, sauntering into the room in full-on vakaru mode, his hair free and claws gleaming. He looked as though he belonged here, among the Wild Ones and dark fae. “If you thought you could ditch me now that your crusade is over, you obviously don’t know me.”
Sirius released my hands and stepped back, yielding to Kellee.
Kellee dipped his head. Sirius had earned his place among us.
“Kellee…” Seeing him never failed to set my heart racing. “I can’t keep you here. You’re destined to be a great leader. Your wraiths are out there. They need you.”
He stopped on my right and leaned against the wall, every inch the cocky marshal I’d run into in the sinks. “They need you too. You are legion, Kesh. Sirius knows the sidhe lords like no other, and you can bet they’ll kick off soon. He’s perfectly placed to subdue them. As for me? I’m the only lawman left, and you’re going to need a sense of justice on New Faerie. The wraiths will stay, if you’ll have them among your dark fae.” He looked around, at us all and nodded to himself. “I see the beginnings of a ruling council that will serve all Faerie’s children.”
“You hate Faerie.”
He shrugged and raised an eyebrow at Sirius, who quickly wiped off his smile. “I hated the Wraithmaker too, but as it turns out, we get along just fine. I’m sure I can make an exception for a few other fae.”
I unpinned his star from my coat and handed it over. When he hesitated to take it, I grabbed his hand—avoiding his claws—and dropped the star into his palm. “If you’re policing the fae, you’ll need this, Grand Marshal.”
Kellee’s smile turned sly. “Grand, huh?” He tucked the star into a pocket and seriousness stole his smile. “The fact Eledan’s not here trying to warp this into some nightmare means… what?”
I shook my head. “A death for a life.”
Kellee’s brow tightened. “He gave you his?”
“Magic cannot be taken. It must be gifted… and he gave me his when he took me into the well below Arcon.” I hadn’t known it at the time, but looking back, his melancholy made it obvious. “I wouldn’t have survived the polestar without his sacrifice.”
“Well, shit, that makes it a hell of a lot harder to hate him.”
Eledan had left his mark on all our lives. The back of my neck prickled at the thought that without him, I might never have met Kellee. His machinations had caused countless deaths, but his last act had finally been selfless. I could never love him, but I could respect him for changing his nature.
“If we’re pledging our allegiance to Kesh, sign me up.” Sota breezed into the room. He eyed the guardian, prompting Sirius to arch an eyebrow, and then beamed at me. “You’re going to need a bodyguard who can kick fae and human ass with style and without prejudice.”
“That role’s taken, Sparky.” Kellee stretched his claws.
“With style, vakaru. You look like someone’s rabid hound.” Sota planted a hand on his hip. “Appearance is important while negotiating with humans. Plus, they blame you for killing hundreds of them.”
“Thousands, actually, and Sota has a point,” Sirius said, startling everyone by agreeing with Sota.
Kellee rolled his eyes. “I liked Sota better when he was a murder ball.”
As they bantered, my heart swelled. Maybe we would be okay. I wasn’t alone, and with everyone working toward a cause, we had a better chance than anyone of making peace stick.
My gaze was drawn once more to the sky and the ships waiting there. A piece of us was missing. His absence felt like a hole in my heart that might never heal.
Sota caught the direction of my gaze and said, “We should hail the Sol fleet before they fire on us and start a new war.”
Yes, we should, but I was still reeling and needed time… just a little moment on my own to stop and breathe and live.
Sirius withdrew the book from inside his coat and gave it to me. The Origin of the Wild Hunt I’d expected it to be heavier, but nothing about
it had changed. I dared not open it. It looked like any book, and that made it terrifying.
“We should hide it somewhere among the stars.” And I knew just the pilot for the job.
Admiral Briggs brought a small contingent of guards with him as we walked Safira’s recovering pathways. Sota hung back, ready to fry his ass if he pulled any funny human business, while Kellee and Sirius had opted to spread the word that we were prepared to help Faerie and Her children adjust.
In return, Faerie was on Her best behavior, and besides a few too-curious wisps that swept too close to Briggs’s guards’ itchy trigger fingers, the negotiations had succeeded. Briggs would return to Sol with a signed decree that stated, while Faerie was in this new transition, we would maintain peace. It was the best I could honor, considering Faerie had never had a ruling democratic council before and the fae seldom accepted change.
Exhausted, and with the adrenaline of the last few days leaving my veins, I wanted to curl up in a bed and sleep for a week, but I had one more thing to do. Talen would leave with the Briggs’s fleet to represent Faerie. I just had to ask him if he would be our emissary and if he’d take the book and hide it. This meant I had to go see him as a pilot.
I wasn’t ready.
I’d never be ready.
The first and last time I’d seen a pilot, he’d begged me to kill him. I couldn’t watch the same torture happen to Talen, but I owed him a visit. Without his sacrifice, the Hunt would not have been weakened. He had won us the war, and it had only cost him his freedom.
The ship transported me up, and I arrived in the corridors outside of the command deck, with Hulia smiling sadly. Talen could have transported me so I’d appear right in front of him, but he’d given me the choice to enter or walk away. Or maybe he’d wanted me to see a friendly face.
Hulia threw her arms around me and pulled me in close. “It’s all right. He’s not hurting. He’s content.”
I wanted to cry in her arms, but I somehow pushed the swell of emotion down. Stepping back, I straightened my whip at my side and sighed. “I wanted to speak with you about the saru. Can you help a friend of mine, Sonya, suggest to them that there’s a new home waiting for them on Calicto, if they want it? Calicto needs guardians, and the saru need to get away from Faerie if they’re to ever be free.”
“Of course, sugah.” She beamed and stepped away from the door.
Walking through felt harder than anything I’d faced, knowing that what I found inside would break my heart, but I couldn’t rest until I’d thanked him for doing what I couldn’t allow. He had a million worlds to visit. He was free now, as it should be.
“All right,” I told him.
The door opened, revealing a command deck filled with brightly colored flora. The smell of night lilies and jasmine soothed my rattled thoughts. Whatever else he had become, he was still Talen inside.
Vines and roots slithered out of my way, offering me a path. This wasn’t like the other ships I’d seen or been inside. Silver tek wove among the organic growth in a marvel of evolution. Talen was the future, but it still hurt to know he had a higher purpose. The Messenger wouldn’t be the same without him.
The path presented a meandering way to the flightchair and the figure absorbed within. I lifted my gaze and blinked through tears I had no hope of holding back. Of course, he was beautiful. A vision of a fae, wrapped in the Excalibur’s embrace. There was no violet in his sightless silver eyes and no slight smile upon his lips.
I’d told myself I wouldn’t cry.
And I’d failed within seconds.
This was what he’d wanted. He’d chosen this. I would respect that. I didn’t own him. I didn’t own any of them. They’d always been free to follow me, but Talen… I’d loved his honest, gentle heart and kind words. He’d encouraged me when I was low. He’d loved me when I thought I wasn’t worthy. He’d never hurt me and never would. Talen was a better person than any of us.
He heard me now and saw me. He probably knew how I felt better than I did. Shinj had always sensed our emotions.
“This is…” My voice failed. I cleared my throat and tried again, wiping away the tears to pretend I was holding it together. “I don’t know if anyone told you, but Eledan gave me his immortal life. He gave me a gift I’ll forever be grateful for.” An immortal life I couldn’t spend with Talen. Fate was cruel.
His expression stayed blank, and my heart fractured.
“I understand why you did this, and I don’t blame you. Well, maybe a little, but I’m only saru…” Nothing. I was talking to a wall. “You are remarkable, Talen. I will miss you more than you’ll ever know.”
He’d become so integrated into the ship he probably couldn’t talk, but I wanted to hear his voice, one last time. I wanted to feel his touch on my face and his kiss on my lips, and I never would. He was further from me than he’d been behind the glass cage I’d met him in.
More tears fell. I angrily brushed them away. “We did it, because of you and this ship, because of your sacrifice. Thank you. It’s not enough, I know, but thank you, from all of us.” The bioluminescent lights glowed a warm green. A good color. He was content. That was all I could ask for, I supposed. It didn’t seem fair. He’d feared that this mission would kill me. I should have died, but here I was with countless lifetimes ahead of me, and none I could spend with him.
“I just… I wanted to say… I love you, and I wish—I wish we’d had more time.”
His silver lashes fluttered. He blinked. It was a small sign, but seeing him move told me he was still in there. I wanted to go to him, but if I did, I’d want to touch him, and I wasn’t sure my heart could take it.
He blinked again. His right arm moved, dislodging a bundle of tek-vines. The silver threads unraveled and coiled away, freeing his arm, and then more dislodged, unplucking themselves from beneath his skin. Where those threads detached, he healed. The thicker arteries at his chest snapped free, and Talen gasped, becoming animated. I watched, fixed to the spot, caught between wanting to rush to him and help him and not wanting to upset what was happening. The ship was letting him go.
His lashes fluttered again. Silver bled away, and the fierce rings of violet burned through.
Oh, by cyn, dare I hope he was coming back?
He pulled one arm free, then the other, and shoved from the chair, tugging his right leg against the vines that hadn’t yet released him.
I couldn’t wait any longer. I rushed to him and threw my arms around him. He trembled. My fierce, devastating fae trembled in my arms.
“Kesh.” His fingers sank into my hair. He pulled me close—so close he surrounded me, tucking me into him.
“I thought I’d lost you…” The damn tears were back, wrecking my voice.
“Never.” He staggered, free of the ship’s grasp.
I hugged him close and breathed him in, filling myself with Talen. “I’m dreaming?”
“No, this is real.” He caught my face in his hands. The frown messed up his features, and what looked like pure determination had his eyes wide and emotive. “I love you too, Kesh. I’ve loved you since I met you, my star.”
He kissed me, messy and desperate. Breathless, I kissed him back. I was never letting him go again. “How?”
“Evolution…” He wiped my tears away. A secret smile touched his lips. “Tek and magic. The rules have changed. I can bond when needed and walk away when not. You changed the rules, Kesh.”
It seemed impossible, even as I had him in my arms, warm and solid and so very Talen. “You’re really free?”
“We all are.” He kissed me again, with a smile mixed in, then withdrew and said, “You are remarkable.”
I grinned, feeling as though my life was finally my own, and echoed, “We all are.”
We really would be okay. The saru, the humans, the dark fae, everyone. We could make it happen, together, just as he’d always believed. The Messenger really had made a difference. Looping my arm around his waist, I helped him away from the flight
chair. We had come a long way together, and we had a long way to go. Maybe the biggest challenges still lay ahead, but with my guardian, my vakaru, my silver fae, and my wardrone beside me, we would prevail.
Epilogue
The dream began like any other on New Faerie, full of wants and color and light. I danced among the fae, the saru, and a few intrepid Sol humans. The jolly Wild Ones played their music. Their laughter tinkled, and from high above, the stars observed, captivated by life. Kellee was here, dancing with the others, his long hair braided and beaded as it had been on Valand. Sirius made the light from the campfire frolic among us, directing it with his hands as though he were a maestro directing an orchestra, and Sota showed the young fae his array of gleaming tek-weapons, igniting their squeals.
I danced and whirled, as free and unburdened as the wisps that twirled overhead. The music became my heartbeat and my body the music. Hand to hand, we danced, skipping and clapping, switching partners around and around.
This was freedom. It was love and life and everything I’d never known but now had lifetimes to experience.
A warm hand caught mine. Another slipped around my waist. I fell laughing into the familiar grip and rocked with him, ignoring the warning niggle at the back of my mind. Nothing could hurt me here. Nothing could hurt me again.
We danced, and when warm, fat raindrops fell from Faerie’s sky, I lifted my face and let the rain kiss my cheeks. A soft, teasing kiss brushed the column of my neck, and the fae whose arms I had fallen into said, “You danced with the Dreamweaver and carved out his heart, but there is no death in dreams, my queen, where we shall never part.”
I woke with a gasp, jolting up in bed, the words still alive and real in my head. Their touch fluttered against my neck. I rubbed the strange sensation away and searched the knoll’s shadowy room.
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