Georgia looked back at me. “Well, sorry, but maybe you can go to that party with Pepper and Reece.”
I shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe.” It could be fun. Pepper and Reece didn’t do too many parties. Most of their time consisted of staring into each other’s eyes and other activities that I wasn’t privy to—rightfully so.
“C’mon, Georgia. It’s cold. I’m going in.” Harris let go of her hand and entered the Java Hut. I watched Georgia as she stared after him. She looked troubled. The smooth skin of her forehead creased.
“You two okay?” I murmured.
She snapped her attention back to me. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
About what? That her boyfriend was an asshat? I shrugged like it was no big deal. It wasn’t my place to tell her who she should and shouldn’t date. I’d tried that once with my own mother and it didn’t go over too well.
“Harris is just stressed. He’s got a big test coming up. And he’s looking for an internship for the summer.”
I nodded like I understood.
“Want to go to breakfast tomorrow? It’s been a while. We’ll get Pepper to join us, too.”
It had been a while since the three of us had one of our breakfasts. I missed those mornings. Maybe I’d even tell them about Mom pressuring me to attend Justin’s wedding.
But then you’d have to tell them about Justin. I mentally shuddered at that idea. I didn’t want to think about my prick of a stepbrother much less talk about him. Some things were better buried in the past.
“Yeah. That would be great.”
She gave me a quick hug and disappeared inside the Hut. I set a brisk pace across campus, eager to get to the studio and lose myself on the canvas . . . the only place where it felt safe to let emotion run free. Where I could let myself lose control.
Chapter 4
I LOST TRACK OF time as I worked. A few other students worked in the studio, intent over their projects, but silence was an unspoken rule in this place. It was a large room. Larger than any classroom save for maybe the few stadium-style ones on campus. Floor to ceiling windows allowed natural light to pour in. Every once in a while I would glance up and gaze out at the lawn of flawless white, tapping the end of my brush idly against my chin as I soaked up the serene sight, letting it feed my soul.
The studio was my church. A holy sanctum. Wild Emerson who guys only saw as a toy to play with for as long as I would allow it didn’t exist here. The wrecked fifteen-year-old who went to her mother expecting help and support? She didn’t exist either.
It was just me here. Where I could be real. It was freedom. Peace. On the canvas there was no threat, no risk in letting myself go.
I dipped my brush in various colors, mixing and blending until achieving just the right shade of blue. I worked the colors on my canvas, not even thinking, just going with it. Flowing. Being.
It was always like this. I never deliberated. I just did. Whenever I sat back to observe the end result, it was almost like I was seeing it for the first time.
My phone hummed on my workstation, beside me. Blinking, I looked up and noticed long shadows creeping in from outside. Looking down, I read the text:
Pepper: Where r u?
Setting down my brush, I wiped my hands on a well-used towel and picked up the phone to type back.
Me: Studio.
Pepper: Wanna go out? Party tonight.
For a moment, I hesitated and actually contemplated saying no. But then I’d be stuck in my room all night, alone. Even though I could study for my upcoming art history exam, I didn’t relish that.
Me: Sure. On way to room.
Standing up, I gathered my brushes and palette. I walked to the sinks in the back of the room and rinsed everything off. Once my supplies were clean, I took them back to my station. Untying my smock, I lifted my gaze to my canvas and froze.
I had been vaguely aware that I was creating something inspired from the winter wonderland currently going on outside, but this was totally unexpected.
The scene was plucked straight from this morning. A pair of glass-paneled doors that looked out at a snow-covered world and cerulean blue sky. Just the hint of a bed with rumpled blue sheets.
Clean lines. Bright colors. Very modern in theory. My heart was in this, which only made me wonder why I would have painted this scene. What was I telling myself?
The only thing more shocking would have been a portrait of Shaw himself. Clearly he was still on my brain. Standing back and observing the canvas, I shook my head. Maybe I’d prime over it. Start over. Use the canvas for something else.
I glanced down at my phone. It was almost six. My stomach twisted and growled. I pressed a hand against my belly, certain it was devouring itself. A painful reminder that I hadn’t eaten all day. Slipping on my coat and wrapping a scarf around my neck, I nodded at Gretchen a few stations down working on an elaborate collage. She worked with a lot of textiles. She paused amid ripping up what looked like old curtains to wave good-bye to me.
I hurried from the building and started across campus, burrowing into my coat as my boots crunched over the snow-packed ground. It felt like the temperature had dropped ten degrees from this morning.
When I entered my room, it was dark and empty. Georgia was already gone, but I could hear Pepper’s and Reece’s voices floating from the other side of the suite. Our adjoining door was partially cracked so they probably weren’t making out in there. Still, I knocked once before peeking inside.
“Hey!” Pepper grinned brightly, untangling herself from Reece’s arms. He sat in her chair, looking his usual hot self. Dark blond hair cut close to his head. His body lean and hard as he lounged there all relaxed looking, totally at home in Pepper’s room. Tattoos crawled out from beneath one of his short sleeves and down his toned bicep.
The guy actually looked pouty when she left him to approach me. Like he wanted nothing more than to haul her back in his arms.
She snatched two sweaters off the bed and displayed them. “Which?”
I assessed and pointed at one. “The black one.”
“You think?” She stared critically at the black cashmere.
“Yes. Looks great on you.” I waved hello at Reece. “Hey, Reece.”
He smiled at me. “Hey, Em.” Unlike Harris, he never made me feel like a second-class citizen. And he never leered. At me or any other girls. Except Pepper, of course. The guy was genuinely nice.
“What’s the plan?” I asked. “I hope it involves food. I’m about to pass out.”
She frowned at me. “Have you been painting all day?” She reached for my cheek and wiped at what I guessed was a smudge of paint. “Did you even stop to eat?”
I shrugged.
“Why don’t I run out and get us a pizza while you two get ready?” Reece rose from the chair. “I know how long it’s gonna take you guys.”
“Good idea.” Pepper nodded and said almost coyly, “Gino’s?”
He reached for the hem of her sweater and tugged her closer. “Would I ever get pizza anywhere else?”
He dipped his head to kiss her.
I looked away, not much into voyeurism. Gah. If I didn’t love them so much I might puke.
“I’ll call it in as I head over. Be back in half an hour.” The door clicked shut after him and Pepper just stood there hugging her sweater to her chest and looking so in love I wanted to both hug and kick her.
“Earth to Pepper.”
She looked back at me still wearing that silly grin. “Sorry.”
“No. You’re not.” Smiling, I shook my head. “Staring at you two, I almost have hope.”
She dropped down on the bed. “That you’ll meet someone? Of course you will. When you meet the right person. When you’re ready.”
And there was the heart of the matter. When I was ready. She didn’t understand that I never would be. How could she understand? I had never explained it to her and I wasn’t about to start now. Talk about dragging down the evening.
I dropped on the
bed beside her. “So where are we going?”
“Well, one of Reece’s friends is having an engagement party.”
I groaned. “An engagement party?” Were people our age actually already starting to get married? Every time I turned around I was hearing about engagement parties and weddings. It was the beginning of the end. I couldn’t even contemplate it. Soon I’d be spending my weekends attending bridal showers. And then baby showers. Shoot me. “That sounds . . . fun.”
Pepper rolled her eyes. “Well, don’t sound too excited.”
This talk of weddings made me think back to my phone call with Mom. I’d already missed the bridal shower for Justin’s fiancée. It was a week ago. I didn’t even know the poor girl Justin was marrying, but Mom made sure I got an invitation. I missed it. Just like I was going to miss the wedding. This party tonight already felt like a bad idea. It was making me think of Mom and Justin way too much.
I grabbed an extra pillow and propped it behind my head. “Isn’t there something more fun to do? You know. Like attend a funeral wake?”
She swatted my arm. “It’ll be fun, Em. There’s supposed to be a band.” I must have still looked unconvinced because Pepper added, “It’s not like an actual wedding or anything. No four-string quartet. It’s at a house. Should be pretty casual.”
“Okay,” I reluctantly agreed.
I pushed up from the bed and waggled my eyebrows. “Guess I better take a shower. Never know. I might meet someone worthy of a hookup.”
Pepper shook her head. “You’re so bad.”
“I know,” I called over my shoulder, suddenly feeling a little more like myself as I stopped in front of my closet, determined to find the perfect outfit for a night out.
THE HOUSE WAS JAM-PACKED by the time we arrived. For an engagement party, it had to be mostly friends of the bride and groom because everyone was relatively young. No parents or grandmothers looked on from a buffet table loaded with casseroles. Furniture had been removed or pushed against the walls. A band was set up in the living room. Guests milled throughout the house and spilled outside onto the back porch. Several heat lamps were scattered across the covered porch, warding off the worst of the cold. These were locals. Friends Reece had grown up with. Salt of the earth types. They weren’t the Dartford college crowd, and I tugged self-consciously on my diamond earrings, wishing I had left them at home. And maybe my designer jeans, too. I stood out where Pepper and Reece blended in.
Reece led us through the party, searching for the happy couple. When he found them, he introduced Pepper and me.
“Reece, she’s adorable!” Beth, the bride to be, a girl he went to high school with, exclaimed. She squeezed Pepper’s hand. “Maybe we’ll be getting an engagement announcement from you next, huh?”
I looked away, acting interested in the crowd. What was it with happily married (or soon to be married) people wanting you to join their ranks? There must be some kind of secret recruiting agreement.
The bride and groom soon moved off to greet other guests and accept well wishes. Reece left us in the living room to get drinks from the makeshift bar in the kitchen.
“Not bad, huh?” Pepper called over the music, looking around. “There are some cute guys here.”
I nodded. “Yeah.” She was right. Several even tried to catch my eye as I looked around. For some reason I wasn’t feeling it tonight. Which was a shame since my hair was actually doing what I wanted it to do.
“Uh-oh, but watch out for this one. He’s trouble.” I followed the direction of Pepper’s gaze. A guy so hot he could be on the cover of GQ was making a beeline for us. He swept in and grabbed Pepper around the waist. She squealed as he swung her around.
“Logan!” She punched him in the chest. “Put me down!”
“I can’t help myself. You’re always with that asshat boyfriend of yours. I see my chance and I gotta take it.”
“Isn’t that asshat your brother?” I asked dryly.
Logan turned his hundred-watt smile on me. “Emmmerson.” He released Pepper and stepped closer to me. “You’re looking . . .” He paused and I waited for the cheesy line. I’m sure he used them, but it didn’t matter. He was so hot he could say whatever he wanted to girls and they threw their panties at him anyway. It didn’t matter that he was eighteen and still had a few months left of high school. The guy had college girls chasing him.
“I’m looking what?” I prodded.
“Conveniently alone tonight.”
“Conveniently?”
“Yeah. Convenient for me. You’re usually surrounded whenever I spot you. What’s up with all these losers?” He motioned out to the room. “They haven’t closed ranks around you yet? Their loss.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He was good. Funny. Not just hot but in possession of an actual personality, too. I should have expected as much. He was Reece’s brother, after all. There had to be more to him than looks.
“So how about it, Emerson?” He draped a nicely muscled arm over my shoulder. Impossible not to notice that. The guy was ripped. An athlete through and through. I think Reece had said Logan had a bunch of college baseball scouts after him. “Are you going to finally give me the time of day?”
“Better watch out,” Pepper warned. “You’ll get eaten alive.”
“Hey.” Logan pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m hurt. I’m not that bad.”
“I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about Em. She’s a man-eater.”
“Thanks!” I swatted at her while jerking a thumb at Logan. “And what’s he?”
“Um, I’m going to go with not a man-eater,” Logan offered, nodding his head sagely.
“No. Just a man-hoe,” I retorted.
He pressed a hand over his heart. “Ouch.”
I propped one hand on my hip. “Am I seriously saying anything you don’t know?”
“I guess not, but does that mean you don’t want to make out?”
Pepper giggled, clearly enjoying herself too much. I mock-glared at her. “Need I remind you that last fall you wanted this guy to coach you on foreplay?”
“Emerson!” Her face turned bright red. “That was before I met Reece! And I thought Reece was Logan, too, remember?”
Logan was laughing now. “That story will never get old.”
Pepper crossed her arms and glared at him. “Yeah, your brother just loves it. Why don’t you tease him about that?”
“I’ll pass for tonight. Save that reminiscing for a special occasion like his birthday. Better yet, I’ll bring it up in the toast at your wedding some day.”
Pepper punched him in the arm.
I shook my head, grinning. He really was appealing in a carefree let’s-just-get-naked kind of way. Too bad he was Reece’s brother. He might be one-night-stand material, but he was off-limits. Even if he wasn’t Reece’s little brother, he was still in high school. That might not bother the majority of girls at Dartford, but I preferred my guys to be over eighteen.
The back of my neck suddenly prickled. The volume in the room took a sudden dip. The band played on, but the conversation seemed to have come to a stop. I looked around. Several people were turned, staring in the direction of the door.
The smile slipped off my face. Shaw was walking into the house.
Hot Biker Boy Shaw.
I blinked, trying to reconcile the sight of him here. I’d been doing my best to forget about him and last night. Hard to do when less than twenty-four hours later he was right in front of me.
He looked relaxed, a mild smile fixed to his face as he nodded and shook hands with several people.
What was he doing here?
Even though he carried himself confidently, with a wisp of a smile on his lips, something told me he didn’t want to be here. It was in his eyes. There was a certain guarded edge to the dark depths.
“Well, look at that,” Logan murmured.
I glanced up at him to see that he was staring at Shaw, too.
“Who’s that, Logan?” Peppe
r asked, following his gaze.
“That’s Shaw, Beth’s cousin. He graduated with Reece. Joined the Marines right out of high school with Beth’s brother, Adam.”
“Oh. Why do you look so surprised to see him here then?”
“Just kind of surprised he came here tonight.”
“Why?” I asked, trying not to act too interested. “Beth’s his cousin.”
“Yeah, Beth’s his cousin.” Logan looked unusually somber. Unusual for him anyway. The guy was all flirt. I hardly ever saw him serious like this. “But Adam didn’t make it back. He got killed over there, and ever since Shaw got back, he’s been laying kind of low.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and looked back across the room. Shaw had reached Beth by now. They stared at each other, neither one making a move, and the phrase Mexican standoff drifted to my mind. She didn’t grab and embrace him as she had done to Reece. Hell, as she had done to everyone tonight. The tension was palpable even watching from this far away.
“Does she blame him for her brother’s death?” I asked. That hardly seemed fair, and for some reason my protective instincts stirred, which was ridiculous. Her brother was dead. She was entitled to her feelings. And what did I know of the situation? Shaw Biker Boy was not mine to protect.
“I don’t really know. All I know is that hardly anyone has seen Shaw since he got back. I heard he’s living out on the lake and working at a garage across town.”
I could confirm that he was living on the lake. I didn’t know about him working at a garage, but he liked to hang out at biker bars. I wondered if that was new for him, too. I mean I doubted that he hung out in biker bars when he went to high school with Reece, but what did I know?
I watched Beth’s lips move, but still no hug was forthcoming. Shaw’s face looked tight, strained around his mouth. Beth’s fiancé said something then and pulled her away. Shaw was left standing there alone, but not for long. Several people came up and greeted him. Whatever the tension between him and Beth, it didn’t extend to others. I continued to watch him, not missing the tension that lined his shoulders even as he talked to people. This wasn’t easy for him. Being here. He didn’t want to be here, but he had come. Why?
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