by J. S. Cooper
“You are a very good man, Oliver.” I hugged him hard as he got ready to leave. “I want you to know how very glad I am to have met you.”
“Well you’ll be seeing me tomorrow.” He laughed. “No need to act as if I’m on my death bed.”
“I know.” I smiled. “I just wanted to say that I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done.” And are going to do, I thought. Though I couldn’t say those words aloud, as he had no idea I was going to be using him the next afternoon to make the guy I really liked jealous.
“Well, you know.” He blushed and looked down. “It was nothing.”
“No it was everything,” I gushed. “What if Bradley Cooper had sued me?”
“He’d be lucky to have a girl like you.”
Anne started coughing at that moment, and I glared at her at the next table. I knew what she was thinking. Bradley Cooper wouldn’t even give me a second look. I knew that, of course I did, but it was quite rude of her to think that, as well.
“So I’ll come to your hotel tomorrow then?”
“Yes. I’ll see you then.” I smiled as he walked away and thought about how funny life could be. Just a year ago, I would have been beside myself if a man like Oliver had even given me a second glance.
“He’s a very handsome man, isn’t he?” Anne looked at me in surprise. “A regular blond god.”
“Yes, he is very handsome.” I frowned. I didn’t really like her tone, nor what I felt was an insinuation that he was too good-looking for me.
“An Oxford boy, I suppose?”
“Huh?” I looked at her, confused.
“And Eton?”
“Eating what?” I had no idea what she was talking about, and she shook her head in disgust. She had fast gone from being my sweet older friend from the gym, to a mean old shrew, though I would never call her an old shrew to her face. I felt like I’d given her too much information now. I was scared that she would become a double agent and do something to ruin my plans.
“So he’s going to come to the hotel tomorrow?” she questioned me. “I do feel sorry for the poor lad, but it least now he can move on to someone more suitable.”
“He’s coming,” I said in a tight voice. And I had thought there were bitches in Los Angeles. They had nothing on the elderly women of England. Nothing at all. I supposed Downtown Abbey should have warned me.
“Good.”
“Yes, I hope everything goes well.”
“It will. At least for Oliver.” She paused as she saw my face and patted my hand. Her fingers were cold, and I tried not to cringe. “And for you, dear. And for you. You’ll get your American lawyer, and you can both live happily ever after on the farm.”
“What farm?”
“It’s a saying, dear.” She sipped her tea and leaned back. “The farm. The ranch. Wherever you yanks live. Go and pay and I’ll be ready by the time you get back.”
“What?” I said under my breath as I stood up and sighed. I was as close to broke as anyone could be without being overdrawn, and I was annoyed that I had to pay for her tea, sandwiches, and cookies. I was even more annoyed because my Chanel bag was already falling to pieces. The strap was hanging by a hair on one side, and the black leather was starting to look green. “I’ll be back.”
I paid for Anne’s food with my last twenty-pound note and wondered what I had gotten myself into. Anne had come up with a plan that would see me in the lobby with Oliver, sitting close together on a couch. I would then lean in to kiss him when Blake walked into the lobby, and hopefully he would see us together, go into a jealous rage, beg me to take him back, and declare his love for me. I wasn’t really sure if I could see any of that happening, but it seemed like a good plan. I mean, stuff like that always happened in movies, so why couldn’t it happen to me?
15
Dear Diary,
There is a saying that talks about the best-laid plans going awry. Or maybe the plans of mice and men? I’m not sure, exactly, but let’s just say a granny, a Blake, and an Oliver don’t mix. Not at all. And now I’m beginning to wonder if the problem isn’t me. Maybe all of these schemes are at the root of my problem? I don’t know. But I do know that life never ends up going the way you expect it to.
“There’s something you should know, Maggie.” Ollie’s voice sounded a bit anxious, and I was praying he wasn’t going to tell me he was married. Not that I really cared, but it just seemed wrong that I wanted to involve a married man in a scheme to get my erstwhile boyfriend back.
“Hit me.”
“What?” He looked at me in shock.
“It’s an expression.” I rolled my eyes at him. How dumb were these Englishmen? “I don’t want you to hit me, as in make me black and blue, I want you to tell me what you need me to know.”
“Um, I think you have the expression wrong.” He grinned and I stared at him in silence. “Well, anyway, I need you to know that it wasn’t me who got my sister to retract the story.”
“What?” I frowned. “Don’t tell me she did it out of the goodness of her heart?”
“No.” He laughed. “I don’t know many gossip reporters who do anything out of the goodness of their heart.”
“Can you two hurry it up, please?” Anne interrupted us as we spoke in the hotel lobby. “We have more important things to be talking about.”
“Yes, Anne.” I kept my voice even, but I wanted to tell Anne to shut up. She had been annoying me ever since the day before and how she had acted at Selfridges. I had wanted to tell her to butt-out, but she now seemed to think she was in charge of my life and was telling me what to wear, what to do, and what to say. I think she felt like she was living through me or something. Reliving her youth. I wanted to tell her to butt-out, but even I wasn’t rude enough to be mean to an old person.
Oliver looked at Anne with a puzzled look on his face and turned back to me. I knew he knew something was up when I had introduced her as my ‘new friend’ (who happened to look exactly like the stranger that had been at the table next to ours the day before). “So, yeah, a lawyer contacted Holly. Told her he would sue her for libel on your behalf unless she retracted the story.”
“No way,” I frowned, confused.
“Yes, he said that unless she had proof you had said anything, she had better retract, because he was pretty sure Bradley Cooper wasn’t going to back up the story, and then it would be the word of her young daughter against yours.” He laughed. “Well, that gave Holly a fright, and she retracted.”
“Wow.”
“He told her not to say anything about his call, but she told me, and I thought you should know before you decided to get into a relationship with me under false pretenses.”
“A relationship?” I gawked at him. He wanted to be in a relationship with me? I had thought he just wanted a bit of holiday fun. I paused for a second and wondered if I should just forget the whole thing and date him instead.
“Do you want to share some curried tofu?” He grinned at me as he looked at the takeaway menu for a local Indian restaurant that I had given him.
“Uh, no thanks.” I tried to hide my grimace. But at least he had reminded me why a relationship would never work. Not that my heart was with him anyway.
“Who was the lawyer that called your sister?” Anne butted in. She really was turning into a nosey parker. I nearly laughed as I realized I’d made a fun joke out of her name. I was pretty sure she wouldn’t appreciate it, though.
“Blake something?” Oliver frowned. “I’m not really sure.”
“Blake?” I felt my face pale. “Blake called your sister to help me with the retraction?”
“Is that your man, my dear?” Anne looked at me with a content look on her face.
“Yes,” I whispered, oblivious to Oliver’s astonished look. “I can’t believe he helped me after everything that happened.”
“Er, who’s Blake? You know him?”
“Blake’s the man Maggie is going to marry,” Anne interjected.
�
��Marry?” Oliver jumped up. “What’s going on here, Maggie?”
“Well, I uh…” I paused, glaring at Anne.
“Oh sit down, dear boy, and don’t get your knickers in a twist. We just need you to kiss Maggie as her beau comes in, and then you can get in a fight and leave.”
“What?” Oliver and I both exclaimed at the same time.
“That’s not the plan, Anne,” I sighed. “We’re just meant to be holding hands.” I nodded at Oliver. “And you can put your arm around me if you want.”
“Is this a joke?” Oliver looked around the room. “Am I on Candid Camera or Jeremy Beadle or something?”
“Jeremy who?” It was my turn to be confused.
“Just a silly man with a silly show.” Anne coughed. “Now get a little closer to her now, Oliver.”
“What?” Oliver stepped back. “Who are you, by the way? I still haven’t been properly introduced.”
“I’m Anne.”
“Anne, the –?”
“Anne Parker.” She glared at him.
“And who are you to Maggie, Anne Parker?”
“She’s Anne Nosey Parker.” I attempted to lighten the mood with a joke, unable to resist my little vignette.
“Excuse me?” Anne turned towards me with a snarl. “What did you just say, you ungrateful cow?”
“Wait – what?” I looked at Anne and Oliver who were both glaring at me, and I wondered what had gone wrong so quickly. “Did you just call me a cow, Nosey Parker?”
“How dare you!” Anne pushed me. “You don’t deserve any of these men.”
“How many men are there?” Oliver frowned at me. “What’s going on here, Maggie?”
“Yes, Maggie, what’s going on here?” I heard a familiar voice behind me, and I froze. Blake was back, and he sounded none too amused at that. I turned around slowly and took a deep breath.
“Blake, there you are.” I smiled brightly at him and tried to inch him away from Anne and Oliver.
“Who are they?” Blake looked at me with an amused frown. I knew what he was thinking: What mess has Maggie gotten herself into now?
“I’m not really sure.” I bit my lip.
“You deserve better than Maggie, Blake.” Anne walked up to us. “I met this lady in the gym and thought she was very nice, so nice I was willing to help her with her problems, but then she called me a Nosey Parker. How dare she when I went out of my way to help her!”
“You wanted me to kiss another man! I don’t think that’s very helpful.” I glared at her, wondering how it was she could turn into an old shrew so quickly.
“Maggie?” Blake took my arm and squeezed it. “Apologize to the nice lady for calling her nosey, yeah.”
“Wait, what?” I frowned as Anne gloated at me. “Sorry, Mrs. Anne N. Parker.”
Oliver burst out laughing at my words, and I offered him a hopeful smile, but he glared at me in return. “I take it this is the boyfriend you wanted me to help make jealous?”
“Well…” I wasn’t sure what to say. I was mortified, and my face was burning up in shame. We all stood there in silence until Blake cleared his throat.
“Yes, I’m sorry for Maggie. She’s a little distressed about some things that have happened in her life recently. I am her boyfriend, Blake. Let me show you out and pay for a taxi back home for you both.”
“I’m staying at the hotel,” Anne interrupted.
“Well, why don’t I give you some money for a nice dinner to make it up to you?”
“I suppose that could work.” She smiled at him sweetly, took the money, glared at me once more, and walked away. I was glad to see the back of her. And to think I had just been crying to her hours before about my misery.
“Maggie?” Oliver interrupted my thoughts. “Do you want me to go?” He had a hopeful look on his handsome face, and I was surprised at how little it meant to me that he wanted to stay. I really didn’t have any genuine feelings for him. Nothing like what I felt for Blake.
“Yes. I’m sorry.” I hung my head in shame. “I’m really sorry.”
“I’m confused.” He smiled at me gently. “I thought we really got on at lunch, but my sister did warn me to stay away from you.” He shook Blake’s hand and walked out of the hotel.
I stood there, waiting for Blake to chastise me or go off on me, but when I looked up, Blake was grinning at me like an idiot. “What’s so funny?” I questioned him curiously.
“You are, you goof,” he laughed. “I don’t know how you do it, but you always seem to get yourself into one ridiculous situation after another.”
“You’re not mad?” I asked hopefully.
“Of course I’m mad. I’m furious.”
“Oh.”
“But I’ve changed my mind about one thing.”
“Yeah?”
“I do want to be your boyfriend again.”
“Really?” I grinned at him and ran into his arms. “Are you kidding me right now?”
“No. I was angry when I told you it was over. I never really meant it. So I guess I was playing a game there, as well. I want to be honest in our relationship, Maggie Moo.”
“Me too, Blakey-wakey.” I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Shall we go upstairs to the room?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and slid his hand across my bottom.
“Hey.” I jumped at his touch and giggled. “You just want to take me to bed.”
“Among other things.” He smiled seductively. “Are you down with that?”
“Yes,” I whispered excitedly. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was afraid I was in the middle of a dream.
“Don’t think you’re off the hook, though, Maggie.” He pointed his finger at me. “Tomorrow we need to have a very serious talk.”
“Uh huh.” I grinned. “Let the pieces fall where they may tomorrow.” I laughed as we got into the elevator and he kissed me. I closed my eyes and pressed myself into him, happy that once again I was on his good side.
We hurried to the bedroom and Blake hurried over to me and pulled me into his arms. His lips were on mine and his hands were all over my body and before I knew what was happening we were both naked and pressed up against each other.
“You’re so beautiful, Maggie, every inch of you.” He pushed me back onto the bed and his his lips sucked on my nipples, before heading lower. I felt his tongue between my legs and I cried out as he licked me back and forth. It was almost too much for me to take. I’d been waiting for this moment for so long. “Do you want me?” He grunted as he kissed back up to me and positioned himself between my legs.
“I want you, Blake.” I nodded and my hand reached down and grabbed his hardness and ran up and down his shaft. I smiled as he moaned in pleasure and his eyes gazed into mine with such desire that I felt myself coming with just his look.
“Good.” He kissed me and then I felt him entering me, so hard and deep that I screamed. He moved back and forth inside of me so skillfully, that I prayed that the moment would never end. I held his head close to mine as we both came together and he collapsed next to me on the bed, grinning. “I think I was a good teacher because this was the best reward I could have gotten.”
“You’re a goof, Blake.” I said as I kissed him and he laughed.
“I love you, Maggie.” His eyes were filled with emotion. “Oh how I love you.”
16
Dear Diary,
Today is a brand new day. I am a brand new me. Life is worth living. The birds are chirping. The dogs are barking. The sky is blue. McDonald’s still has amazing fries, and I’m in love. And free to shout it to the world.
“I can’t believe you went on a date with that guy.” Blake kissed the tip of my nose as we lay in bed together.
“I wouldn’t really say it was a date-date.” I smiled at him sweetly. “I mean, he took me to a health food place to eat.”
“Thank God.” He grinned. “If it had been a steak place, you might not be here right now.”
“Funny.” I poked
him. “Of course I would.”
“You can’t be sure of that. Maybe you and Ollie would have run off and gotten married.”
“No, Blake.” I rolled my eyes.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Well, because I…” I paused and ran my hands over his chest. “Because I just am, okay?”
“I love you, Maggie.” Blake whispered in my ear, and I gasped and looked up at him.
“What?” I shrieked.
“I love you,” he grinned. “If we’re being obvious, I thought I should tell you. I’ve loved you for a while now.”
“No way,” I grinned at him deliriously. “Oh, my God, this is crazy.”
“Um, no response?” He poked me in the stomach.
“Why hello, of course I love you, you doofus.” I grinned up at him. “I have for ages. I just never thought you would love me.”
“Why not?” He frowned.
“Because I need to lose about 20 pounds and you are a bodybuilder.” Okay, so I lied, I needed to lose more than 20, but he didn’t need to hear exact numbers.
“I’m not a bodybuilder, and I love your body, Maggie Moo. You should know that.” He kissed my shoulder.
“Well, when you equate me with a cow, what do you expect me to think?” I said angrily.
“I’m not equating you with a cow.” He frowned. “Are we going to argue again so quickly?”
“I’m not arguing,” I whispered, ashamed. “I’m just making a point.”
“I know.” He kissed my nose. “And if you really hate it, I’ll stop.”
“No more Maggie Moo-moo?” I said hopefully.
“You can just be Maggie.” He smiled. “My Maggie.”
“That sounds…” I paused and laughed. “I can’t believe I am saying this. But that sounds awfully boring. You can call me Maggie Moo-moo.”
“What?” He exclaimed and laughed. “You do know that this is your only opportunity to stop me from calling you Maggie Moo-moo, right?”
“What?”
“From this day forward, I can call you Moo-moo without you complaining.”
“I don’t know about that.”