And for most guys, this comes about as easily as shaving their faces with an axe.
Motivation and discipline are the biggest inner-game barriers, of course. Every week, guys and gals leap into fitness programs with full tanks of resolve and energy, but it doesn’t take long for their enthusiasm to flag.
That new TV show is starting during their gym time, that extra hour of sleep would really hit the spot, skipping a few workouts isn’t that big of a deal, another cheat meal shouldn’t matter too much. So goes the skid down the slippery slope back toward the status quo of quiet desperation.
This loss of momentum is probably why many people seem to give up on their fitness aspirations around the three-month mark. I’ve seen it time and time again. Someone buys into some new fad diet or exercise regimen, follows it for three, maybe four, months, and then for one reason or another, throws in the towel.
Sometimes they get sick and never return, other times they take a week off and never come back, and other times they “stop caring” about getting in shape and go back to life as they knew it.
Maybe you’ve been there yourself. I know I have, which is why I wrote an entire book on getting and staying motivated called The Little Black Book of Workout Motivation (www.workoutmotivationbook.com). In that book, I share my personal, practical blueprint for radical transformation, inside and outside the gym.
The truth is that fitness is hard, and no matter how gritty you might be, if you’re not seeing clear and consistent results and progress for all your work in the kitchen and gym, it’s only natural for your drive to dry up.
I want to make sure this doesn’t happen to you. I want to do everything I can to give you your best shot at success on my Bigger Leaner Stronger program.
In fact, if I’m being totally honest, I want this to be the program that finally makes all the difference in your life and delivers the goods. Heck, maybe even the last fitness program you ever need.
That’s why I want to work with you to sharpen both your inner and outer game. I want to provide you with workable principles, strategies, and tools for winning in not just the physical realm of fitness, but the mental and emotional realms as well.
So, in this part of the book, we’re going to learn how to develop a winning mindset that’ll empower you to overcome the obstacles, resist the temptations, and surmount the setbacks that we all have to experience at one time or another in our fitness journeys.
Then, in the next part, we’ll dig into the outer game in earnest and discover the nuts and bolts of Bigger Leaner Stronger.
12
The Anatomy of Willpower
Would you have a great empire? Rule over yourself.
—PUBLILIUS SYRUS
According to a 2010 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, the lack of willpower is the number one obstacle people face in achieving their goals.1
Many feel guilty about their lack of self-control, like they’re letting themselves and others down. They feel like their lives are, in large part, not under their control, and that their actions are dictated by emotions, impulses, and cravings.
For many of these people, exerting self-discipline ultimately just leads to exhaustion.
And what about those with higher levels of willpower?
Research conducted by scientists at the University of Pennsylvania, Case Western Reserve University, and the University of Maryland shows that they do better in school, earn more money, make better leaders, and are generally happier, healthier, and less stressed.2 They also have better social and romantic relationships (they can keep their mouths shut), and they even tend to live longer.3
Considering all this evidence, it’s clear that no matter the circumstances, more willpower trumps less.
Regardless of where we generally fall on the willpower spectrum, we all have challenges to face, especially those of us who want to get and stay fit.
Some of these difficulties are biological—for example, the desire to eat greasy, sugary foods that our brains recognize as vital to our survival—and others are more uniquely ours. What we find tempting someone else might find repulsive. And their vices might be as appealing to us as airline food.
Whatever the details, the machinations are the same. Your excuse for skipping the gym—again—is remarkably similar to the foodie’s justification for bingeing for the third day in a row. How you talk yourself into eating everything in sight is how someone else eases the guilt of giving in to his cravings for a cigarette.
My point is that the internal struggle of self-discipline is just part of being human. Why is it such a heavy burden for some people though? Why do they give up so easily on goals, and why do they blissfully indulge in so many self-sabotaging behaviors? And what can be done about it? How can they get themselves and their lives under control?
While I definitely don’t have all the answers to those questions, I’m going to share the insights that have helped me understand the nature of the beast and how to better tame it.
As you’ll see, the self-awareness that comes with gaining a deeper understanding of how we tick is incredibly empowering. By learning about what makes us likely to lose control and why, we can more skillfully manage our “willpower reserves” and avoid the pitfalls that drain them.
Let’s start with a clear definition of what willpower really is.
I Will, I Won’t, I Want
What do we mean when we say someone has or lacks willpower?
We’re usually referring to their ability or inability to say no. They’re supposed to study for the exam but instead accept the invitation to the movies. They’re trying to lose 10 pounds but just couldn’t resist the apple pie. In short, they have trouble saying “I won’t.”
There are two other aspects to willpower, though: “I will” and “I want.”
“I will” power is the other side of the “I won’t” coin. It’s the ability to do something when you don’t want to, like crawling out of bed to grind through a workout, paying the overdue bill, or burning the midnight oil on that work project.
“I want” is the ability to remember the why when temptation strikes—the long-term goal or thing you really want more than the fast food or night on the couch.
Become the master of your won’ts, wills, and wants, and you become the master of your destiny. Procrastination can be licked. Your worst habits can be dismantled and replaced. Whiffs of temptation lose their sway over you.
Don’t expect these abilities to come easily, though. “Reprogramming” yourself to favor the harder choices is uncomfortable. You might find it overwhelming at first. You’re going to be drawn back to what’s familiar.
Stay the course, however, and you’ll find it progressively easier and easier to say no to the distractions and yes to the things you need to do.
Now that we’ve established what willpower consists of and what the stakes are, let’s move on to the physiology of desire and why it can sometimes make it so hard to resist being “bad.”
Why Giving In Feels So Good
A real willpower challenge isn’t a fleeting, “wouldn’t that be nice” thought that disappears as quickly as it came. It’s more like an all-consuming battle raging inside your skull between good and evil, virtue and sin, yin and yang. You feel it physically.
What’s going on?
You’re experiencing your brain fixating on a promise of reward. Once you catch sight of that cheeseburger, a chemical called dopamine floods your brain, and all of a sudden, all that matters in life is consuming that greasy, delicious pile of meat, cheese, and bun.4
To make matters even worse, your brain is now anticipating the imminent spike in insulin and energy, so it begins to lower your blood sugar levels. This makes you crave the burger even more, and before you can give it another thought, you’re in line salivating.5
Once you become aware of an opportuni
ty to score a reward of any kind, your brain squirts out dopamine to tell you that this indeed is the droid you’re looking for (may the Force be with you). It plays up the sweet song of immediate gratification and plays down any chatter about negative consequences.6
This chemical is particularly devious, too, because it’s not engineered to make you feel happy and content. Its role is to stimulate you to action, and it does this by arousing you, sharpening your focus, and revving up your drive to move toward the prize.7
Furthermore, when dopamine is released, it also triggers the release of stress hormones that make you feel anxious.8 This is why the more you think about the thing you want, the more important it becomes to you and the more you think you have to have it right now.
What we don’t realize, however, is that this stress we feel isn’t caused by not having the apple pie, pair of shoes, or Candy Crush trophy. It’s caused by the desire itself. It’s an emotional stick to compel us to obey.
Our brain doesn’t give a damn about the bigger picture, either. It cares nothing about how we’re going to feel 30 pounds heavier or a few thousand dollars poorer. Its job is to identify promises of pleasure and then raise hell until we give in, even if pursuing those promises will entail risky, chaotic behavior likely to cause more problems than it’s worth.
Ironically, the rewards can elude us every time, but even the slimmest possibility of payoff and the anxiety of giving up the quest can keep us hooked, sometimes to the point of obsession.
Anything we think will bring pleasure kicks this reward-seeking system into gear: the smell of the pizza, the Black Friday sale, the wink from the cute girl, or the advertisement for the fast car. Once dopamine has our brain in its grasp, obtaining the desirable object or doing the desirable thing can become a “do-or-die” proposition.
The dopamine problems don’t end here, either.
Research shows that the dopamine release triggered by a promise of one type of reward can make us more likely to pursue others. For example, if you look at pictures of naked women, you’re more likely to make risky financial decisions.9 If you dream about striking it rich, food can suddenly become very appetizing.10
This reward-seeking behavior is especially problematic in today’s modern world, which in many ways is literally engineered to keep us always wanting more.
Netflix uses machine learning (artificial intelligence that learns and improves) to populate our home screens with the options we’re most likely to want to watch.
Video game makers carefully craft experiences that can elevate dopamine to amphetamine-like levels, which explains a lot of the obsessive-compulsive behavior seen in gaming.11
Food scientists test hundreds of variations of products to find their “bliss points”—the precise amounts of key ingredients like sugar, salt, and fat needed to produce an explosion of flavor and delight in every bite.
Retailers design many aspects of our in-store experiences to entice us to buy more, from what we see when we enter to the way the aisles are arranged and shelves are stocked, to the scents pumped in the air, to the free samples offered, to the tempo of the music playing in the background, and more.
Just about everywhere we go, something screams “here’s a reward!” to our brains. Constantly awash in dopamine, it’s all too easy for us to feel like one big itch that always needs scratching.
When we consider how overtargeted and overstimulated our neurons really are, it’s no surprise that the average person is an overweight procrastinator hooked on junk food, entertainment, and social media. It also means that it takes a rather dramatic shift away from “normal” behavior to escape from these traps.
If we’re going to succeed in this brave new world (sorry, had to), we must learn to distinguish between the many toxic rewards dangled in front of us every day, and the genuine rewards that give us true fulfillment and meaning in our lives.
Let’s return to the burger shop. Remember? You’re in line, craving the thousand-calorie heap of fatty, cheesy bliss that you’re about to consume in under two minutes (a new personal record).
Your mind clears for a moment, however, and you remember that you’re on a diet. Losing the weight matters, too. You want to be fit, healthy, and happy. You swore on everything sacred (with a nod to everything slightly profane) that you would see it through this time.
When viewed in that context, the food you’re about to eat poses a sort of threat to you. Your brain has a protocol for dealing with threats: fight or flight. Stress levels rise, but there’s nothing to kill or escape from because this isn’t a real threat. The cheeseburger can’t force itself down your throat with a few handfuls of french fries in tow. It needs your cooperation. So in this way, you’re the threat.
My point is we need protection from ourselves, not from diabolical ground beef and potato sticks, and that’s what self-control is for. It’s for relaxing the muscles, slowing the heart rate, elongating the breaths, and buying some time to think about what we really want to do next.
How do we get better at self-control, especially when it matters most?
A number of evidence-based strategies can help us, and in the next chapter, we’re going to discuss the one that is arguably the most important.
Key Takeaways
Those with higher levels of willpower do better in school, earn more money, make better leaders, and are generally happier, healthier, and less stressed, have better social and romantic relationships, and tend to live longer.
When we say someone has or lacks willpower, we’re usually referring to their ability or inability to say no—they have trouble saying “I won’t.”
“I will” power is the ability to do something when you don’t want to, like crawling out of bed to grind through a workout, paying the overdue bill, or burning the midnight oil on that work project.
“I want” is the ability to remember the why when temptation strikes—the long-term goal or thing you really want more than the fast food or night on the couch.
Dopamine’s role is to stimulate you to action, and it does this by arousing you, sharpening your focus, and revving up your drive to move toward the prize.
Dopamine also triggers the release of stress hormones that make you feel anxious.
The brain’s job is to identify promises of pleasure and then raise hell until we give in, even if pursuing those promises will entail risky, chaotic behavior likely to cause more problems than it’s worth.
Anything we think will bring pleasure kicks this reward-seeking system into gear: the smell of the pizza, the Black Friday sale, the wink from the cute girl, or the advertisement for the fast car.
The dopamine release triggered by a promise of one type of reward can make us more likely to pursue others.
If we’re going to succeed, we must learn to distinguish between the many toxic “rewards” dangled in front of us every day, and the genuine rewards that give us true fulfillment and meaning in our lives.
Self-control is for relaxing the muscles, slowing the heart rate, elongating the breaths, and buying some time to think about what we really want to do next.
American Psychological Association. APA: Americans Report Willpower and Stress as Key Obstacles to Meeting Health-Related Resolutions. American Psychological Association Website. http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2010/03/lifestyle-changes.aspx. March 29, 2010. Accessed September 9, 2018.
Duckworth AL, Seligman MEP. Self-Discipline Outdoes IQ in Predicting Academic Performance of Adolescents. Psychol Sci. 2005;16(12):939-944. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01641.x; Tangney JP, Baumeister RF, Boone AL. High Self-Control Predicts Good Adjustment, Less Pathology, Better Grades, and Interpersonal Success. J Pers. 2004;72(2):271-324. doi:10.1111/j.0022-3506.2004.00263.x; Kirkpatrick SA, Locke EA. Leadership: do traits matter? Acad Manag Perspect. 1991;5(2):48-60. doi:10.5465/ame.1991.4274679.
Tucker JS, Kressin NR, Spiro A, Ruscio J. Intrapersonal Characteristics and the Timing of Divorce: A Prospective Investigation. J Soc Pers Relat. 1998;15(2):211-225. doi:10.1177/0265407598152005; Kern ML, Friedman HS. Do conscientious individuals live longer? A quantitative review. Heal Psychol. 2008;27(5):505-512. doi:10.1037/0278-6133.27.5.505.
Berridge KC. The debate over dopamine’s role in reward: the case for incentive salience. Psychopharmacology (Berl). 2007;191(3):391-431. doi:10.1007/s00213-006-0578-x.
Wang XT, Dvorak RD. Sweet Future: Fluctuating Blood Glucose Levels Affect Future Discounting. Psychol Sci. 2010;21(2):183-188. doi:10.1177/0956797609358096.
Berridge KC. Wanting and Liking: Observations from the Neuroscience and Psychology Laboratory. Inquiry (Oslo). 2009;52(4):378. doi:10.1080/00201740903087359.
Berridge KC. The debate over dopamine’s role in reward: the case for incentive salience. Psychopharmacology (Berl). 2007;191(3):391-431. doi:10.1007/s00213-006-0578-x.
Kash TL, Nobis WP, Matthews RT, Winder DG. Dopamine enhances fast excitatory synaptic transmission in the extended amygdala by a CRF-R1-dependent process. J Neurosci. 2008;28(51):13856-13865. doi:10.1523/JNEUROSCI.4715-08.2008.
Knutson B, Wimmer GE, Kuhnen CM, Winkielman P. Nucleus accumbens activation mediates the influence of reward cues on financial risk taking. Neuroreport. 2008;19(5):509-513. doi:10.1097/WNR.0b013e3282f85c01.
Briers B, Pandelaere M, Dewitte S, Warlop L. Hungry for Money: The Desire for Caloric Resources Increases the Desire for Financial Resources and Vice Versa. Psychol Sci. 2006;17(11):939-943. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01808.x.
Koepp MJ, Gunn RN, Lawrence AD, et al. Evidence for striatal dopamine release during a video game. Nature. 1998;393(6682):266-268. doi:10.1038/30498.
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