Glitch patted my shoulder. “Don’t worry about Cash. He’ll be okay. It happens sometimes.” He sighed and slumped down on a beanbag chair. Dozer handed him an Xbox controller and they settled into a game.
I headed up the stairs for bed, too.
Headset had already passed out by the time I got up to the loft. Charlie was still feeling guilty. I felt it sinking into my skin. I felt badly too. The look on his face, and the disappointment that flooded into him was heartbreaking.
“Hey,” Charlie said, turning on the night light by Headset’s trundle bed. She tiptoed toward our beds and sat down, cross-legged, hugging a pink zebra print pillow. “I feel so bad. He usually doesn’t get me like that, but the way the music got me and the sound of his voice just pulled me in."
“Is it always that...potent?” I struggled for the words. “I mean, since you live with him, does it ever go away?”
“No, it sure doesn’t.”
“It’s easier to resist when you don't look right into his eyes. Though, avoiding eye contact is hard because when you hear his voice, all you want to do is stare.”
“He seemed pretty embarrassed and sad about it.”
“It’s awkward for sure, but he knows I’m not swooning on purpose.”
“I guess.” I still felt like there was more to it than just embarrassment. "He just seemed so sad."
"Well, you'd know better than I would, but I've known Cash for a while. He knows it's not real. He gets it, but it's understandable that he would feel awkward about it. How would you feel if every time you let loose a little or had a long conversation with Glitch, that he fell all over himself and tried to make out with you?"
I cringed a little. "Yeah, I see your point."
"He does what he can to be the brooding silent type. It works for him."
"I guess it does."
"I'm just thankful he doesn't sing in the shower anymore." Charlie sighed and I felt this wave of embarrassment pass through her, causing the blush to rise in my cheeks.
We both exploded into giggles. Headset stirred and Charlie and I shushed each other. Our laughter faded away, but the feeling of it lingered. A light, curative calm settled in my heart.
"You wanna talk about your mysterious phone calls?" She grinned wickedly, bubbling with anticipation.
I took a deep breath, and figured, why not?
"Remember when you asked me about the guy back at Hawthorn?"
She nodded, squeezing the pillow tighter.
"His name is Jason."
She squinted and I could have sworn I saw the gears in her head turning. "I think Glitch mentioned a Jason and another girl, too."
"Yeah, Lexa."
"That's the one." She poked the air as if it were tangible. "Go on."
"Just like with Glitch, we were separated for five years." I sighed, and paused, thinking about how to go about explaining without giving away too much. I still wasn't ready to talk about everything that went down. "That was after being almost inseparable for five years before that, so it was rough. When we found each other again, we picked up right where we left off, but we weren't exactly the same as when we left off. We'd each had tremendously different lives since our split."
Charlie's face scrunched up, and I could feel her spirit sinking a little as she began to realize this wasn't going to be the romantic story she'd hoped for.
"I still love him. I love him so much I can't think straight sometimes," I paused and bit my lip to stop from tearing up.
"But?"
"But, I don't love everything about him anymore. There are huge problems with us, holes that can't be patched up, and rifts too big to cross. He's done things I can't overlook and I've been really pushy with him. He can't stand that I ask questions because he just goes along with whatever Sto—" I stammered. "He does whatever my step-mother asks of him."
"She's like, what? His boss?"
"Yeah." I wavered. "Sort of. I mean, good enough analogy. Anyway, it's complicated. We had a bad fight, and I left. I'm not going to say I haven't looked back. I've been looking back a lot, but I know, without a doubt, that I never want to actually go back. And he would never leave. So, we're at an impasse."
"That is awful, Liv. I'm so sorry."
"It actually feels really good to say it out loud." I let out a breath I felt like I'd been holding for a month.
"I'm happy to help." She beamed.
"So, he's been calling a lot."
"Yeah. I've noticed, and I get why. You're a pretty sweet catch, Miss Rivera. You deserve to be treated as such."
"Thank you. I will try to remember that."
Charlie yawned and stretched a little, then took a glance over at Headset. "I think we'd better get some sleep before our girl talk wakes the kid up."
"Good idea. I'm beat. Shuffling takes it out of you."
Charlie laughed and buried herself beneath her blankets and mountain of pillows. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts slip away.
Chapter Six
I paced back and forth lazily, running my hands over the smooth bar top outside the Lair. The fading sunlight turned the sky into a brilliant shade of purple as the sun kissed the ocean. Jason was telling me about Mars and Lexa awkwardly flirting at dinner.
“Can I talk to her?” I asked.
There was a long pause before Jason confirmed my suspicion.
“She doesn’t know I’ve been in contact with you.”
“Why not?”
“If I tell Lexa, she will tell Mia and Mia will definitely tell Stone.”
“And Stone can't know you're disobeying her because you have to be a good little mama’s boy,” I said bitterly.
“I don't want to fight.”
“Fine. What about Tony?”
“We sent him home.”
Surprised rippled through me, but I tried not to let my voice waver. “Good.”
“We sent all of them home.”
“Good.” I couldn’t believe it. I actually didn’t believe it, but I wanted to have enough faith in him to believe him.
“What about Bebe?”
“This is her home. Her family is gone. You know that, Liv.” I could hear the telltale edge in his voice that he was annoyed with something I'd said.
“I don’t know that for sure, and neither do you.”
“Look, they sold her to Stone. Do you really want her to go back to a family that sold her like a herd animal?”
I thought about arguing the fact that Stone bought her like she was cattle, but he was right. Stone would be the lesser of two evils if her family did indeed sell her. They would just sell her again. Probably to ACT next time.
“She scared me the other day,” Jason said, his voice slightly amused, so I wasn’t immediately alarmed.
“What did she do?”
“She told me she wanted to talk to me about some really grown up things.”
“Oh no.”
“Yeah,” he sighed.
“Well?”
“I asked what kind of really grown up things. I was afraid she saw one of Jeri’s magazines or something.”
“Oh, my God. Please, tell me she didn’t?”
“She said she wanted to talk to me about zombies.”
I laughed out loud. Relief flooded into my body, and I leaned against the bar to steady myself.
Jason mimicked her voice, “I mean real, grown up, bloody, brain-eating zombies, Jason. Are they real?”
I just sat there giggling, and felt the curious pings of the Nomads inside the Lair because they’d clearly heard me.
“Well? What did you tell her?” I lowered my voice slightly.
“She was so serious, and I was so relieved, I just laughed at her. She got mad and stormed off. I eventually got myself together and explained to her that superheroes could be real, but that zombies were just television. I don’t think she’s entirely convinced.”
I laughed again, stepping further away from the entrance.
“I missed that,” Jason said, his voice
calm and easy.
“What?”
“The sound of your laugh.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to give him anymore hope than these phone calls were already giving him.
“Can I call you tomorrow?” He asked, though he already knew the answer.
“No.”
“I’m going to anyway.”
“I know.”
“Goodnight, Liv.”
“Goodnight.” I waited a beat before hanging up. It felt so good to hear him sounding normal again.
I slid my phone back into my pocket and went back inside the Lair. The Nomads had all been sitting in the living room. Glitch and Dozer were coloring with Headset. Cash was softly strumming his guitar, picking out the chorus to a song he'd been working on; consciously deciding not to hum. Charlie was painting her nails. When she saw me come back inside, she sighed, capped the polish bottle, and held her hands in the air.
“So!” Everyone was startled a little bit and looked at her. Her eyes were sparkling with a hidden agenda. “I couldn’t help but notice what a lovely night it’s shaping up to be, and I was thinking…” She trailed off and clasped her hands together, mindful of her still-wet nails, casting the men a hopeful look.
She knew they couldn’t deny her, and they knew it too. Cash nodded almost regretfully, setting his guitar aside with a sigh. Charlie squealed in delight and jumped up as Dozer and Glitch let out approving grunts and gave one another a high-five.
“Bonfiya!” Glitch and Dozer said in unison.
“I’ll get the wood and the matches!” Glitch offered, rising to his feet.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. How about you let me get the matches?” Dozer insisted, holding up his hands to stop Glitch. “You can get the wood.”
Glitch nodded. “Good idea. I got you. Always thinking.” He tapped his temple, and then he was a blur. Dozer shook his head and laughed nervously, running his hands through his shaggy hair, muttering something about burning down the Lair.
We all headed down to the beach. About a quarter of a mile away from the Lair, a sandy little nook was tucked against the rocks. It was close enough to the water to hear the crashing waves, but far enough to shield us from the wind.
By the beams of our flashlights, we dug out a fire pit. Glitch and Cash arranged the wood. A lighter struck a spark in the dark, highlighting Cash’s face as he leaned over the pit. Pale grey smoke licked around the logs, and a tiny flame danced teasingly within the heart of the pit. When the flames caught the larger pieces of wood, the fire quickly spread, illuminating the area around us in flickering amber light. The firelight caught the edges of the waves, turning them to shimmering onyx.
Cash and I settled around the fire, waiting for Charlie, Dozer and Headset to bring all the s’more ingredients. Glitch began to strip down to his swim shorts.
“Are you crazy?” Cash asked, arching a brow as Glitch began to stretch out his muscles like he was getting ready for a swim. He twisted his torso right to left, and then leaned over to touch his toes.
Glitch grinned at Cash. “Maybe a little. Want to join me?” He nodded his head toward the ocean right as a massive wave reared up and broke frothily, sweeping across the sand. Cash shook his head and went back to stoking the fire with a long stick he’d found. Rogue embers leapt from the blaze here and there, but always died harmlessly.
“No hypothermia for me, thanks,” Cash said, shaking his head.
Glitch saluted Cash before jogging off toward the water. His pale form disappeared into the dimness, out of sight. A moment after that, I heard his exhilarated cry and splashing. The water was colder than he'd expected, and I felt the chill of it take my breath away. My spine was tingling as the cold seeped into Glitch's skin.
I sat down at the edge of the fire, kicking my shoes off and stretching my feet toward the flames. Warmth tickled my soles and seeped heat into my toes, and eventually pushed away the cold that Glitch had imposed on me.
The empty beach at night was a little eerie. The continual crashing of the waves seemed to suck in sound and leave the beach itself barren. It was quiet in ways it would never be in the city. In the city there were too many people, too many voices, too many emotions rolling around unchecked. It was easy to lose yourself in it, to be changed by it.
“Warm enough?” Cash's voice lured me out of my head. His dark eyes reflected the dance of the flames as he watched me intently.
A smile broke slowly over my lips as the color rose in my cheeks. “It's a little cold, but the fire helps.”
"It can't help that Glitch is jumping around in the freezing ocean about twenty feet away," he said, smirking.
"I see you've found out my secret." I narrowed my eyes playfully. "Charlie must not be the vault she claims to be."
Cash laughed. "It wasn't Charlie. Glitch won't stop calling you The Feeler and you flinch every time he stubs his toes near you. It wasn't hard to figure out."
I chuckled and glanced toward the ocean, where Glitch was splashing in the waves. Glitch’s enthusiasm was distant, but clear. He was having a blast. "Guess not."
“Here.” Cash stood and took off his jacket and placed it on my shoulders.
“No, I’m fine,” I tried to protest, but Cash took his seat at the fire across from me.
“You’re freezing and I run hot. Don’t worry about it.”
“Thank you.” I pulled my arms through the sleeves. It was warm and smelled like him. It reminded me of the smell of a cool breeze blowing through the redwoods.
“What’s it like?” Cash asked. His voice was quiet, earnest. “Feeling everybody like that? Knowing what’s going through their heads?”
I tucked my legs beneath me and considered it. “I can’t read minds, I just feel things. I feel other people’s emotions like they’re my own. It gets difficult to tell the difference between what’s mine and what’s someone else’s sometimes, but it's all I've ever known.” I trailed off, glancing at him again. He was still watching me. The prolonged eye contact made my heart jump and I focused on a small shell instead, tracing the smooth white edges with my fingertips.
"Then there's the other power." I picked the shell up and held my hand out. It began to float off my palm. Slowly, I turned it, letting it twist in the air against the laws of gravity, and then pushed it gently toward Cash. "When I'm relaxed, it's pure will power. I want something to move, and it moves." The shell floated up and down, then in circled around him. "But, when I'm distracted, or stressed, or just feeling self conscious, it can feel like trying to pick up something glued to a surface or carrying water with your fingertips. It can be frustrating."
His amazement was endearing. He held out his hand as the shell levitated above his palm until his fingers could clasp around it. I let go of my hold on it.
It was the closest I had ever allowed myself to be to Cash since the night I arrived. He always seemed guarded and I felt like he wanted to keep me at a comfortable distance. I didn't know if it was because of what had happened when we were shuffling or if it he was still wary of my past with Hawthorn. Though, in the firelight, as the dark surrounded us, I felt this need to be closer together.
“I’ve got the goods, people. Let’s do this thing.” Charlie came into the circle and shook a bag of Marshmallows excitedly.
Dozer, Headset and Charlie sat beside us around the fire and poked their roasting sticks over the flames. We watched, mesmerized as the fluffy white marshmallows caramelized and browned.
My phone buzzed and guided everyone’s gaze to me.
“Are you going to answer that?” Cash asked.
I silenced it and shook my head, tucking it back into my pocket.
“Is that your wicked step-mother?” Dozer asked.
I didn’t have an answer just yet.
“It’s probably her boyfriend,” Headset said, drawling out the words.
Dozer laughed and Charlie pinched his cheek. “That’s enough, little man.”
“He’s just playing,” Dozer said, fluf
fing Headset’s hair. "Go ahead and answer, Liv. They seem pretty insistent."
Charlie pinned Dozer with a look and subtly shook her head. Dozer swallowed and looked down at his now flaming marshmallow. Charlie giggled as Dozer whipped the marshmallow around, sending it flying toward the water. He laughed and dipped his hand into the bag to start over again.
Sometimes, I found myself staring at Dozer. There was something about him that irked me. It wasn't how he felt or anything he'd done. It was that nagging feeling in the back of my skull that told me, you know this guy. The longer I stayed with them, and the better I got to know him, the harder it was for me to pinpoint.
Dozer finished roasting the new marshmallow, smashed it between two graham crackers and a piece of chocolate, and then handed it to Headset.
“It’s hot. Give it a minute,” Dozer warned.
Headset listened, but tested the limits, running a finger over the edges of the graham crackers and licking the overflow of marshmallow.
Dozer was great with Headset. Watching the way he interacted with Charlie made me a little nostalgic for Jason. Dozer’s feelings for them were so strong that I couldn’t help but get sucked into it. The Nomads cared about each other in a way I'd never known. I loved Jason. I loved Lexa. But it never felt like this with them.
“How did you all find each other?” With the exception of Glitch, none of them had been to Hawthorn, which meant they had solid pasts, maybe even families.
Cash grabbed another log to feed the fire. When he was done, he wiped his hands off on his jeans and settled back next to me, closer this time. He grabbed a soda out of the cooler and offered me one.
"I met Glitch at our exit interview," Cash began.
"Okay, so elaborate on those interviews, please? I'm not sure I get it.” I asked.
"Me either." Charlie rested her chin on her knees and waited for the answer.
"So, ACT sent out recruiters, for lack of a better term. They watch you, but they don't engage until they have all the info they need to build a profile,” Cash began.
Charlie was staring again, unblinking. I nudged her foot and she snapped out of it. It occurred to me that may have been the reason Charlie still didn't fully grasp the idea.
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