Little Spirit

by DaNeo Duran

  * * *

  After poly Amy headed to Katherine’s pub. Finding her not too busy she kept her fingers crossed and asked, ‘D’you fancy going jogging after your shift?’

  ‘I’m out tonight remember?’

  ‘No, damn, argh, I’d forgotten. Couldn’t we go before you leave?’

  ‘I wondered but there won’t be time,’ she said regretfully. ‘I’m sure Danny would love to go with you?’

  Amy tensed. ‘Nah, I might go and see friends instead.’ She slumped on a bar stool knowing whether she saw friends or not she’d look like a liar. She decided she may as well head back to the flat. If it came to it she’d manage a run round the park with Danny.

  * * *

  Meandering back to the flat after his shift Danny figured Amy would avoid awkwardness and stay out a night or two. Whilst anticipating another lonely night he stopped on the stairs hearing music from Amy’s room. She’s in?

  Under the grip of an October cold snap Amy had switched her heater on but her room had failed to warm. Working on a poly assignment with hot water bottle in her lap she stayed until needing to reheat it. She guessed Danny would be in his room. Opening her door she paused.

  Silence.

  With deep breath she strode into the living room but halted seeing Danny crashed out, sleeping heftily in an armchair. Still in work clothes he had food on his T-shirt, one hand resting down his pants the other clutching an empty wine bottle. How could I ever have found that attractive? Reminded of Katherine’s revolting, drunken father she irrationally imagined Danny growing into someone that awful.

  She remembered the scene from the movie Kes where Billy approaches his hatful older brother who’d collapsed in an alcoholic slumber. Like Billy, safe from violent retribution, Amy expressed what she thought of Danny as Billy had his brother.

  With Danny not moving a muscle Amy whispered, ‘You’re no hero.’ No response. He must have necked the entire bottle. She inspected his reeking breath as he suddenly burped. ‘You’re a disgrace.’ Still nothing. Forgetting the man she’d adored on stage she only saw a slob in front of her. Remembering the ordeal she’d faced in the Hippodrome and her grievous dream she said, ‘I need a knight in shining armour. You’re a waste of space, a disgrace.’

  Leaving for the kitchen she found the kettle already warm. Puzzled by this she became dazed to see red wine splattered in the sink. Getting a grip she peered back round the kitchen’s door frame into the living room and saw Danny where she’d left him. Not sleeping.

  Danny sat wide awake, bolt upright and furious. A cocktail of emotions befuddled Amy’s mind as she tried to ascertain the situation. Anger and embarrassment presented themselves but also fear having riled a man who looked far sharper than Katherine’s drunken father and stronger than the waster she’d just accused him of being.

  ‘Oh, Danny,’ she shouted. Abandoning her hot water bottle she sped for the door. Her fingers almost connected with its handle but Danny had pounced bullet-fast. The handle vanished as the door bashed into the frame trapping Amy on the wrong side.

  Danny’s hands grabbed her shoulders forcing her to face him. She didn’t raise her eyes higher than his chest but yelled, ‘Let me, go!’

  To her relief his hands fell from her shoulders allowing her to flee.

  Inside her room leaning against the closed door she whispered, ‘Oh my God.’

  * * *

  At Hemel in his post studio excitement Raphael had bought a headset microphone so he could drum and sing without craning his neck. His mum interrupted him playing air-drums in his room to say he’d a call from Danny.

  At the phone he said, ‘Hey I’ve bought a headset mic. Can’t wait to try it out tomorrow.’

  ‘Really that’s cool.’

  After some minutes of conversation Raphael asked, ‘Is everything okay, I’m guessing you weren’t just ringing for a chat?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  Raphael noted the downturn in Danny’s voice. ‘Maybe?’

  ‘Something weird’s just happened.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘I think Amy hates me.’

  ‘What? Not she doesn’t.’

  Danny pulled the phone into his room for privacy and launched into what had just happened and how Amy had ignored, avoided, slighted and lied to him.

  ‘Sorry Danny,’ Raphael said not understanding, ‘tell me again why did you have ze wine bottle with you?’

  ‘Because I’d forgotten it was stale. I emptied it into the sink and by chance took the bottle back into the living room. I was using it to play slide guitar.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘When I heard Amy’s door I pretended to be asleep to avoid awkwardness. I must have looked rough still in work clothes with food stains.’

  ‘Not good. So she thought you were drunk because of ze bottle and your breath. But then saw wine in ze sink?’

  ‘Yeah but she said horrible stuff …’

  ‘Hmm, sounds like she hates you alright.’

  ‘That’s what I just said.’ Danny throttled the receiver wishing Raphael had stuck with saying she didn’t hate him. He heard Raphael chuckle. ‘Come on this ain’t funny. I’m desperate here.’

  ‘Okay, I’m joking. Amy doesn’t hate you.’

  ‘I can’t think what I’ve done. I love Amy, she’s one of my best mates. Or she was at least.’

  ‘There’s your problem.’

  ‘Where’s my problem?’

  ‘Mates,’ Raphael said. ‘You say mates, she says something else. But you’ve not been interested enough to read the real signs.’

  ‘Well, I’m bloody well interested now.’

  ‘Really?’ Raphael paused for effect. ‘I shouldn’t be ze one to tell you something you may not want to hear.’

  ‘Well someone better say something.’

  ‘Amy doesn’t hate you – she loves you.’

  ‘Me too but—’

  ‘She’s in love with you.’

  The phone line went silent as words failed Danny. ‘Alright, I like that more than Amy hating me but come on mate that’s ridiculous. I mean she took you to bed not me remember?’

  ‘I remember. But what would you do if you couldn’t have ze person you want?’

  ‘I don’t know, moan about it?’

  ‘Possibly. Or share your bed with someone else. Then ditch them.’

  ‘She dumped you because you weren’t me?’

  ‘Well in my case,’ Raphael said smugly, ‘I’d say I dumped her because I wasn’t you. A job that would’ve been harder if she looked then as good as she looks now.’

  ‘You dumped her?’

  ‘Well … Look ze point is ze next day I saw her with you – ze person she wants.’

  ‘You sure about this?’

  ‘Oui. I’ve know you guys long enough; seen confirmation enough times.’

  ‘You could’ve told me?’

  ‘I could but it’s not my job. Seriously though didn’t you notice how unhappy she was when you copped off with Alison?’

  ‘She seemed fine. You and Amy ever spoken of this?’

  ‘Never.’

  ‘How’ve you spotted it when nobody else has?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe French intuition.’

  ‘So Calvin doesn’t know?’

  ‘Calvin?’ Raphael sniggered. ‘Doubt it. Katherine might though.’

  ‘I don’t know what to make of this.’

  ‘Yes you do. It’s new information but you’ll get your head around it.’

  ‘Crazy, my best female friend in love with me?’

  ‘And she’s gorgeous.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Come on, you’re not blind. Katherine isn’t ze only stunner in that flat.’

  ‘Yeah but, I thought I was the other one.’

  ‘Only when I’m not around,’ Raphael laughed. ‘Anyway, you’ll see what you want to. And for ze record I apologise for crossing ze line with her. If I’d seen signs in Ze Dog and Parrot I never would have pursued her
. Her heart belongs to you.’

  ‘Cheers and all but I don’t think I could fancy her knowing you’ve already had her.’

  ‘Actually, I don’t think I was her first.’

  ‘No but, I know you. It’d be weird.’

  ‘Amy’s never mentioned that night?’

  ‘No – why would she?’

  ‘I’d hoped never to have mention this but that night I sensed Amy wasn’t really up for it; if you know what I mean. Ze next day I realised why – you. Anyway, I wasn’t in a fit state to perform anyway.’

  ‘No?’

  Raphael explained about coming back to the flat with food. ‘That rancid burger churned in my stomach. I didn’t tell Amy – just held everything in. And romantically … nothing happened. We didn’t even get naked. I feel awful, she must have wondered what ze hell I was still doing there in ze morning.’

  ‘Crikey,’ Danny said thinking back. ‘Actually, did you use the bathroom in the early hours?’

  ‘Maybe, why?’

  ‘Right, that explains it.’

  ‘I don’t wish to hear this.’

  ‘I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, not realising either you or Amy were in, blamed the stink on Calvin. Mate, your guts must have been destroyed.’

  ‘Thanks Danny.’

  ‘And that’s why you were shivery and aloof the next day,’ Danny said enjoying the aha moment.

  ‘Terrible.’

  ‘What am I going to do about Amy though?’

  ‘Talk to her.’

  ‘That’s what Katherine said; can’t you suggest anything else?’

  * * *

  In her room Amy had stood breathless. She didn’t know what would happen next. They’d have to talk but not tonight. Danny had amazed her. She recalled him gripping her shoulders; a rare and un-cowardly action for him.

  Now Amy listened to Danny’s half of the telephone conversation unable to detect enough words to pick up the thread. Who’s he telling? she wondered feeling ashamed, trapped and vulnerable. Powerless to think or sleep she willed Calvin and Katherine to come home.

  However, when they did Danny beat her to them. She stayed put listening, hoping they’d talk about anything but her. With her ear pressed to the door she thought Danny spirits sounded high. The gist of the conversation seemed to be about the band’s inlay card. When the conversation ended she turned the light off and tried to sleep.

  Minutes later the all too familiar sound of Calvin’s banging headboard commenced. As the rhythm steadied another banging began.

  ‘Amy, I’m coming in,’ Danny said knocking.

  Having already pushed open the door Amy laid still in the darkness. ‘Okay.’

  ‘I just want to say I’m sorry about before. I’m sorry if I scared you or tricked you. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done for you not to like me anymore. You’re my most favourite girl in the world.’

  ‘Thanks Danny,’ Amy managed to say as her heart went out to him. ‘You’re my favourite too.’

  ‘We can talk when you’re ready.’

  Amy rolled onto her side turning her back on him. ‘Thank you. We’ll talk soon.’ His understanding and patience tore at her heart yet still she recoiled when he kissed her cheek and stroked her hair.

  Saturday 08th October 1983

  The next morning Calvin stirred hearing someone leave the flat. He wondered who and why someone would up so early on a Saturday. After enjoying a longer lie in than Katherine he got up and found her in the living room with Danny.

  ‘Tense atmosphere, what’s going on?’

  ‘I found this,’ Danny said handing him a note.

  Calvin read, ‘Hi guys, have a nice weekend. At mum’s see you Sunday, love Amy.’ He handed it back. ‘That’s okay isn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t know. We had a row last night.’

  ‘No way, why?’

  ‘Because, well, I phoned Raphael afterwards and, get this,’ Danny said laughing, ‘he thinks Amy’s in love with me.’

  Calvin burst out laughing. ‘That is funny.’

  When Katherine’s expression remained serious their laughter slowed.

  ‘Babe, you’re not laughing?’

  ‘No, and I won’t laugh at Amy,’ she tried saying but caught their giggles too.

  ‘That’s my girl,’ Calvin said.

  Katherine hid behind a cushion and laughed dirtily. ‘Stop it you horrible buggers.’

  ‘Come on, Amy loves Danny?’ Calvin said; his tone disbelieving.

  Teary eyed Katherine said, ‘How would you two feel if you had to see someone every day that you felt strongly for but couldn’t do anything about?’

  ‘I dunno,’ Calvin said. ‘You’re not saying it’s true?

  ‘Why didn’t she say something?’ Danny said.

  ‘Why didn’t she say something?’ Katherine shook her head. ‘You’re best friends living together. She thinks you’d reject her.’

  Danny didn’t feel like laughing anymore knowing Katherine had a point. But Amy had changed and continued to do so. Now Danny wondered whether he could fancy her as indeed he had when they’d first met before their friendship developed and other girls absorbed his attention.

  ‘Okay,’ Danny said at last, ‘I’m gonna go see her in Chelmsford, right now.’

  ‘What?’ Calvin and Katherine chorused.

  ‘Don’t worry I’ll be back in time for the gig.’

  ‘D’you even know her mum’s address?’ Calvin asked.

  ‘Easy,’ Danny said leaving for Amy’s room. When he came back he had a letter forwarded to the flat by her mum. ‘I can still make out the original address. And her mum’s number’s by the phone.’

  * * *

  Amy arrived early at her parents’ Chelmsford home. Though her mum wanted to cook her breakfast she dropped her bag off and changed preferring to run in the nearby park first.

  Chanting a rhythmic mantra she powered along hardly believing the joy running gave compared to how miserable a chore it seemed weeks earlier. It certainly felt better than having to face Danny.

  Back in the house she showered and dressed for comfort. After breakfast she cuddled into her mum on the sofa until the phone rang.

  ‘Hello,’ her mum said having got up. Pause, ’Yes.’ Pause, ’Oh hello, I’ll just–’ Pause, ’Lovely, we’ll see you in five minutes. Bye for now.’

  ‘Five minutes!’ Amy shrieked when her mum explained that Danny and just hung up. ‘He can’t see me like this.’

  Dashing upstairs she sat in front of her old bedroom mirror and tied her hair up. Eyeliner, shadow, mascara, lipstick, enough, done. What to wear? Nothing. Everything’s in the wash.

  ‘Hey, what you doing? Amy’s sister said as she burst through her door.

  ‘Michelle this is an emergency.’ She grabbed a pair of jeans.

  ‘You won’t get your fat arse in them,’ Michelle tutted. Unlike her sister Amy hadn’t inherited their dad’s beanpole physic.

  Fastening the button Amy slapped the stretchy denim. ‘Slimmer than you think, or maybe your behind is fatter.’

  ‘Your belly’s spilling out.’

  ‘No it’s not,’ Amy said holding it in.

  ‘He’s here,’ her mum called upstairs. I know that, we heard the doorbell too.

  ‘I’m borrowing this jumper.’ Amy pulled on a deep V-neck.

  ‘Fine, if you don’t mind him seeing your boobs.’

  Amy pulled at the neck. ‘Might not be a bad thing,’ she said pleased with the effect. Whilst shaking her hair loose she remembered Katherine’s advice that heels make people look slimmer. The higher the better.

  * * *

  Downstairs making to sit, Danny’s backside only just touched the sofa when Amy stepped into the living room. Standing, back to the window the morning’s light exploded around her silhouette – all legs and curves.

  Amy spoke first. ‘Get your shoes let’s walk.’

  ‘Your mum’s just put the kettle on.’

  ‘Tough, I�
�m not doing this here.’

  * * *

  Later that evening Katherine wandered along to The Lion for the first Little Spirit gig in Danny’s pub. The band had gone ahead to set up and she looked forward to seeing Danny.

  ‘How did it go in Chelmsford?’ she asked spotting him inside.

  ‘With Amy – terrible,’ he said unhappily.

  Sitting with the band on bench seats Katherine had feared as much. Her heart sank. She hoped the flat’s happy dynamic wouldn’t crumble.

  Raphael grinned shaking his head as Danny told her how he’d tried snogging her.

  Through a cringe induced squint Katherine asked, ‘How did that go down?’

  ‘Down?’ Danny said caustically. ‘Like an elevator with a snapped cable.’

  Katherine considered the implications but when Raphael’s sniggering caught her eye she couldn’t suppress a giggle.

  ‘I can’t believe you came on to her,’ she said and hugged the forlorn Danny.

  ‘I’m delighted you’re all so pleased with how this is going.’

  ‘What were you thinking?’

  ‘You two said she was in love with me,’ he pointed at Katherine and Raphael.

  Calvin listened neither speaking nor laughing.

  ‘And?’ Katherine said.

  ‘And she looked hot. Raphael you’re right she’s gorgeous.’

  ‘So you just thought you’d get off with her?’

  ‘I don’t understand alright?’ Danny snapped. ‘Amy’s had more blokes than I’ve had hot dinners but she rejects me? You two talk crap. I’ve been led a right merry dance.’

  ‘God, I’m sorry,’ Katherine said regretting laughing. ‘All those guys Amy had whilst you were having hot dinners were expendable – losers;’ looking at Raphael she added, ‘with exception.’

  ‘Merci,’ Raphael said brushing the comment aside.

  Katherine took Danny’s hand. ‘Amy’s lived a long time with feelings for you that have never been rewarded. Maybe she feels they’re a waste of time. But also she won’t want to enjoy you for a night then lose you to the next girl who comes along. You can’t just kiss her and expect everything to be alright.’

  Looking confused Danny asked, ‘So are you saying she rejected me because she fancies me or because she doesn’t?’

  ‘Both, sort of.’

  ‘What Katherine is saying,’ Raphael said sounding composed, ‘is Amy is done with one night stands. She is becoming a beautiful adult woman worthy of a committed relationship.’

  ‘Okay, I follow.’

  ‘Seriously, you can’t just kiss or sleep with her. If you of all people try anything like zat you must convince her that you’re committed and worthy of a proper relationship.’