by DaNeo Duran
‘So Won’s not really your name,’ Danny said. ‘Don’t tell me Johnny’s not real either.’
‘It’s not,’ Stu said.
‘Yeah it is,’ Johnny said. ‘True, I wasn’t born Johnny Won. But given that’s what I answer to it’s real. My birth name died with my past. And it’s secret.’
‘So you don’t know his original name?’ Calvin asked Stu.
‘No I don’t actually.’
Though Raphael found this interesting he itched to get out to the USed girls. As an excuse he said, ‘Management’s wanting to shut up soon we should get the gear packed.’
‘Good idea,’ Johnny said. ‘That’s the sharpness of a sober mind. Always thinking.’
Back on stage Raphael raced to get his drums packed.
Before loading the van Richard and Grace came to say goodnight.
‘Trudie’s already left,’ Richard said. ‘The USed Wonz are to get taxis back to their hotel. Trudie will refund them tomorrow at the shoot.’ Richard’s parting words to Raphael insisted he get an early night and look fresh for the camera.
Raphael could see the USed girls knocking cocktails back at the bar and feared some of the other male fans might crack on to them first but figured if one girl got pulled that’d make his choosing easier.
Before long the stage lay bare and the van doors slammed shut. Back in the venue, just as Raphael took his first step to the bar he saw Christine heading backstage. Mazz only had a drop left in her glass. Raphael dithered not knowing which way to turn but figured Christine would be alone backstage. Only When it’s Saturday, he thought seeing his watch pointing after midnight. He strode after her.
Sure enough Raphael found her alone.
‘Where’s our stuff?’ Christine asked him.
‘Oh, I think it’s been taken back to ze hotel with ze instruments.’
‘Oh.’
‘Hey you were fantastique tonight,’ Raphael said feeling the excitement he always did when approaching girls.
Christine looked at him. Maybe she’d detected nervousness in his voice but she shot a white toothy grin. ‘I get it. You’ll talk to me now I’m in a skirt, right?’
‘No, it’s not that,’ Raphael said but knew she couldn’t have missed the stammer in his voice. Urging his brain to think he said, ‘Technically it’s a dress not a skirt.’
‘So?’ Christine said stepping step towards him as Raphael uncharacteristically found himself retreating behind the door. ‘Bet you still want to get your hands up it.’
Raphael hadn’t heard Mazz’s clickerty heels approaching.
‘Is our stuff in the other room?’ she asked not seeing Raphael.
‘Haven’t checked,’ Christine said as Raphael held his breath. ‘We think it’s gone to the hotel.’
‘I’ll go see,’ Mazz said not picking up that Christine had said, we.
Raphael breathed a sigh of relief. Christine advanced on him again and pinched his cheek. She turned her face and called down the corridor. ‘Hey Mazz, have you pulled?’
‘It’s not here,’ came Mazz’s voice. ‘Pulled? Err … not really why?
‘I’ve got Raphael. Fancy sharing?’
Raphael couldn’t believe his ears. Mazz didn’t reply but the clicking of heels suggested she’d be with them in seconds. Christine looked at him blankly and said, ‘I not stupid. I saw you looking at her too. I don’t blame you. If I was a guy I’d do her.’
Mazz’s face appeared round the door. ‘Share? Yeah alright then.’
* * *
In the main hall Calvin wanted to get going. He jumped on the stage to check nothing had been left.
‘Calvin,’ Raphael said jogging over to him. ‘Mate take ze van keys will you? I’ll meet you at ze shoot tomorrow.’
‘Mate, slow down,’ Calvin said. ‘What you on about?’
‘I’m sorry, I know early night and all but I’ve got to do this.’
Before Calvin could enquire he caught sight of Christine and Mazz heading for the exit. The look on Raphael’s face told him all he needed. ‘Aw, I don’t know mate, the timing’s terrible.’
‘I know but what can I do?’
‘Whatever you do don’t be late tomorrow. Have you got money?’
‘Cheers, I’ve got a bit.’
Calvin fished in his pockets. ‘Here take this.’
Raphael accepted an extra fiver and set his watch alarm for 7am. ‘Cheers again, got to dash. I’ll see you first thing yes?’
Calvin watched him sprint for the exit and cursed him before feeling grateful that he never complained about Katherine being ever-present.
Raphael ran for the closing door. Though he knew he had to seize the opportunity it didn’t stop him fearing it. In the last few minutes he’d learned that whist Johnny’s alpha status ruled The USed Wonz, he’d just been dominated by Christine. The door flew open and he looked up the street to see the girls had already hailed a Hackney cab. Slowing he tried appearing nonchalant. He regarded Mazz and sensed even she might possess greater dominance than him.
Christine held the cab’s door for Mazz who climbed in ahead of her. When Raphael reached the cab he got in, pulled the extra seat down and sat with his back to the driver.
‘Have you got cash for this, you’ll get it back off Trudie tomorrow?’ Christine said.
‘Yeah I suppose,’ Raphael said thanking God for Calvin’s generosity but wondering how he’d cross London in the weekend’s early hours.
Christine crossed her legs but before Raphael could spend two seconds scanning the women they leaned forward each grabbing a forearm.
‘Come here,’ Mazz said pulling him to their seat.
Raphael landed between the girls as the cab pulled away. Mazz’s hands fondled his chest. Sitting on his left she cooed into his ear and kissed his neck whilst Christine held his jaw and poured a spurious monologue of filth into his other ear. She vividly illustrated what she wanted to see him do to Mazz. She paused as if checking he’d like that but, never waiting for an answer, moved onto her next wishes, what she’d like Raphael to do to her and what would he like to see her do to Mazz? Unable to answer, Christine proceeded to tell him her version of what he’d like before saying, ‘You’d like that wouldn’t you little man? Yes you would.’ But Raphael had scarcely heard of some of the practices Christine purred and thought there must be laws forbidding their administration. Surely American lovemaking couldn’t be so different to European?
Though the nights still hadn’t shown sign of shortening he reckoned Christine’s marathon wouldn’t end before first light. He felt as exhausted as he knew he’d look for the following day’s shoot. Despite realising his mistake he knew he’d forever regret not making it.
The taxi pulled up at the hotel and Raphael paid the cabbie who’d pretended not to notice the insanity going on behind him.
Crossing the hotel’s expansive lobby with a gorgeous girl on each arm Raphael’s pride swelled. The USed girls whipped that from him he second the lift doors closed.
Arriving at floor seven they dragged him along the corridor bare-chested and open-flied. Mazz had tried leading him by his unbuckled belt but it pulled straight out. Each girl took a hand as he hobbled after them using his elbows to keep his jeans from falling.
At the bedroom door Mazz produced the key and stepped inside.
A light came on and Raphael received a shove from Christine. He stumbled forwards and turned to face her. Pushing him again he fell onto the double bed. He heard the door slam. Christine pinned him down.
Lifting his head he watched her dress stretch as she straddled him. He felt Mazz kneeling by his head. Raphael looked up at her face and back to Christine who said, ‘It’s so good to have you here Raphael. Life on the road can be so lonely. Can’t it Mazz?’
‘Hmmm,’ Mazz said.
Raphael’s eyes sprang wider still as he watched the two girls engage in a fervent kiss.
Saturday 10th March 1984
A high pitched beeping pulled Raphael
from the inadequate sleep that had only begun forty or so minutes earlier. The two cats, now shed of their black panther skins, that had ravaged him didn’t stir even when he sat up resting their heads on pillows instead of his chest and stomach.
Following a shower Raphael dressed watching the sleeping beauties and couldn’t believe they’d been so intimidating. Naked they faced each other harmlessly. He checked the remains of his money and realised he’d have to run most of the way to Greenwich.
Before leaving he stroked Mazz’s hair and kissed Christine’s lips. She woke, smiled and said, ‘Good night lover. You were wonderful.’
Raphael looked into her sleepy face and enjoyed the moment with the softer side of her character. ‘Surviving it was wonderful.’
On his way out she added, ‘Good luck on the shoot.’
* * *
Danny, dressed in fully unbuttoned blue shirt and rolled up jeans, sat with Calvin, Amy and Katherine in the makeshift canteen wringing his hands. They’d only arrived twenty minutes ago but already the lads had their outfits on for the beach scenes. Calvin similarly dressed in a white shirt said, ‘Stop worrying. He’s never let us down.’
‘I’m here,’ Raphael said coming through the door.
Danny didn’t say anything but Calvin stood ushering him to their table. ‘Mate, how did you get on?’
Nodding to Katherine and Amy, Raphael sat. ‘Who’ve you told?’
‘Only the important people,’ Calvin said.
‘Does Grace know, and Richard?’
‘No,’ Calvin said.
Amy looked at Katherine and said, ‘We won’t tell Grace.’
‘That’s right,’ Katherine said. ‘So, like Calvin said, how did you get on?’
No longer running Raphael’s body began sweating. He regarded his friends, even Danny looked like he’d burst if he didn’t spill the beans. ‘Well, put it this way I know how a rabbit must feel being torn apart by terriers.’
‘Wow, really?’ Katherine said.
‘What happened?’ Amy asked.
‘Not as much as was promised in ze taxi, thank God, but more than I ever thought possible.’
‘Disgusting,’ Amy said not managing to turn her nose up for needing to laugh.
‘Truly appalling,’ Katherine mock agreed. ‘Talk us through it.’
Raphael slumped in his chair then leant forward resting his chin on his hand.
‘Aw, was it that bad?’
Raphael nodded but didn’t say more. Des came through the door and seeing him said, ‘Blimey have you got food poisoning?’
‘He’s had a sleepless night,’ Amy said.
‘Right,’ Des sighed. ‘Well we’ll have to get you dried and changed. Come with me.’
Raphael followed Des to the makeup room which doubled as wardrobe and left him with a lady who handed him towels.
‘He’s had no sleep,’ Des told her.
Behind a screen Raphael dabbed and deodorised. The lady made him strip to his underwear in what must have been a toilet tent and sprayed him with the lightest fake tan. Behind the screen again he changed into a fresh pair of jeans which he rolled to the knee and a black shirt which he left undone. Before he came out from the screen the lady asked, ‘Are you decent?’
‘As I’ll ever be,’ Raphael said and came face to face with the lady’s folding makeup mirror.’
‘This’ll sort you out love,’ she said conspiratorially.
Overly tired Raphael thought he must be dreaming. On the mirror lay a rolled ten pound note next to a line of white powder. The previous night had been crazy but even it hadn’t included Class-A drugs, something his naïve life had never led him to.
Turning his head he said, ‘A coffee will sort me out.’
The mirror snapped shut. ‘Fine. I only offer it once so don’t come running to me when they kick you off set for falling asleep.’
‘Got it,’ Raphael said.
Unnerved he made a dash for catering where oblivious of his friends he grabbed the coffee pot.
When he sat down he said, ‘I think ze makeup lady’ll kill me if I don’t stay sharp.’
‘What, why?’ Danny said.
‘I refused the coke she put under my nose.’
‘Really? Well, good for you,’ Calvin said darkly.
Des entered the room and standing at the table said to Raphael, ‘You look better. Is that your first coffee this morning?’
‘I can drink fast.’
‘No need,’ Des said. To Danny and Calvin he said, ‘You two lads come to makeup if you’re ready. Will you girls look after Raphael for five?’
‘Will do,’ Amy said patting his hand.
‘Alright, take it easy and I’ll be back soon.’
Seven minutes and two cups of coffee later Amy reckoned Raphael had got the previous night off his chest as best he could.
‘They sound like animals,’ she said taking his hand as if flirting would dilute her feelings of betrayal towards Danny having met Marlon. ‘A threesome with us would be much more loving wouldn’t it Katherine?’
‘Raphael’s kind of put me off for life.’
Des re-joined them and a huge grin appeared.
Katherine said, ‘What’s Calvin been telling you?’
‘Enough,’ he said sitting down to face Raphael. ‘But, on a serious note, some people misconstrue cocaine abstainers, reckoning they’ve a holier than thou attitude. That’s their problem not yours.’
Raphael thanked him.
‘The other two are next door in makeup. Come through; you won’t get any more grief I promise.’
After having makeup applied by a different lady Raphael headed on set and found a paradisiacal background of blue sky and palm trees behind an expansive sandpit with a bar in it. To the sides bright lights shone from what looked like umbrellas.
Across from Raphael and his friends the previous day’s models stood in high heeled mules, coloured wigs and fluffy dressing gowns.
‘Just gonna do a few stills with the girls first,’ Des announced. ‘Are we ready?’
From between the umbrellas a photographer nodded. The girls dropped their dressing gowns revealing sexy tanned bodies clad only in bikinis of black, white or blue.
‘Dear god,’ Amy said as the girls stepped into the sand.
‘I think I’m immune now,’ Raphael said.
The camera clicked as each model struck group, couple or solo poses.
Minutes later the photographer said, ‘Just a couple more.’
‘Okay,’ Des said and turned his attention to Danny. ‘You wrote most of the lyrics right?’
‘Most,’ Danny said watching the models, no longer so self-conscious in his rolled up jeans and open shirt.
‘As I understand verse one is about wanting to ask a girl out during daylight hours. The sun comes up the stars are put away,’ Des said reading from a sheet. ‘The vocalist approaches the girl but bottles it deciding he’ll wait until Saturday. Tell her everything I’m feeling? No way, Only When it’s Saturday.’
‘Spot on,’ Danny said. Calvin nodded his agreement.
‘Good. Then, verse two is Saturday and by the sounds of it the singer, fortified by the girl’s good looks finds the courage to let her know his feelings.’
‘Right again.’ Danny tried to figure whether he’d written an excessively simple lyric or whether Des had been thorough in his research.
‘There follows another chorus, middle-8 and the rest of the song’s a celebration of boy getting girl.’
‘In a nutshell.’
‘So, this is the first verse scene. Each of you has a model to try and pull, not that you’ll have any luck. Everyone okay with that?’
Everyone seemed fine so Des continued. ‘Verse one is about you guys not taking yourselves too seriously. Raphael you’ll be behind the bar, Calvin you’ll be sitting on a stool by the bar and Danny you’ll be in the foreground as the verse starts with your voice. Raphael your girl will come to the bar you’ll try to make her a cockt
ail but pull the lid off the canister whilst shaking it and sending the drink everywhere. Unimpressed your girl will walk off. Calvin you’ll have a drink but spill it over your girl. Grab a napkin and try to dry her. She’ll bat your hand away and walk off. Danny you’ll trip up in front of your girl. She’ll walk and you’ll crawl two steps after her, give up, look at the camera and deliver the line, Only When it’s Saturday.’
’So we’ll look stupid?’ Calvin said.
‘That’s not the aim,’ Des said. ‘I’ve checked what we shot yesterday and you look fantastic. And you’ll look all the more fantastic by way of contrast here. It’s only sixteen bars. You’ve got the rest of the song to look cool.’
‘Okay, I guess,’ Calvin said.
Danny said nothing but understood Calvin’s concern.
Des continued. ‘Make sure you laugh at each other too. When Raphael showers himself with cocktail you point and laugh.’
‘Yeah I can do that,’ Calvin said.
‘Good, because he’ll laugh at you when you spill your drink.’
‘Fair enough I suppose,’ Calvin said getting a bit more in the mood.
‘We’re ready,’ a camera man called.
‘Thanks,’ Des said. ‘Okay guys you’re up.’
‘Just quickly,’ Danny asked. ‘What are the stills of the models for?’
‘We’ll drop them on drum beats during the intro. It’ll look good.’
The shooting of the scene appeared to be going as Des had described. Calvin’s blue haired model gave him the same hungry looks until he tipped blue liquid over her stomach. She couldn’t have looked more shocked if Calvin had thrown acid over her. Outraged she stormed off set.
‘Brilliant,’ Des called as Calvin started lip-syncing and wondering if the video might turn out well in the end.
Sunday 11th March 1984
Danny had returned from the video shoot and tripping over his room’s clutter recalled Katherine’s advice. The next day he began the near un-surmountable task of tidying his room. Bags got stuffed with washing and his horrible orange quilt got straightened.
In the living room Raphael slept on and when Amy got up she generously moved him off the settee and into her bed. She spent the day studying with Alison and Joanne. That evening, with the band out the way gigging, she went to meet Marlon.
On Monday the band went to show their support at The USed Wonz shoot. Danny thought The USed Wonz looked fantastic in their Anthony Price suits and dresses. They had a smaller audience crowding their stage but Little Spirit guessed the final cut would look fantastic given their enthusiasm.