by Amelia Shaw
He dropped his eyes away from mine. “I can’t.”
“I’m giving you a free pass right now just because you’re a bit broken, but I won’t accept a non-answer forever. Do you want to tell me about this whole bond thing so I can understand what to expect as we proceed?”
He traced his thumb over my cheek bone and across my ear. “In a minute. I want to touch you while you’re being nice to me.”
I shouldn’t take offense to that statement, and yet, it felt like a flick to the heart. “I’m always nice to you.”
“Shall I use a different adjective? Sweet then. While you’re being sweet to me.”
“Don’t get used to it. It’ll only last until you’re back on your feet.”
“You pretend not to care about anything,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “And yet, your heart bleeds for anyone and everyone. I can see it. I can feel it through the bond. You can’t hide from me anymore, Zoey.”
I froze. It wasn’t a secret I had a soft spot for people sometimes, but I tried to ensure the people in my life never witnessed it. Fin seeing inside me somehow felt like a blessing and a curse at once. He knew the deepest darkest things I tried to hide away, but also the light too. The thought of having one person I didn’t need to pretend with terrified me as much as it soothed me.
“I was never trying to hide,” I said. “More like obfuscate. Caring about people puts those people in my enemy’s crosshairs. We saw it with the Captain firsthand. Showing the world how much you love someone can get them used against you. I don’t want to do that to anyone I care about.”
“So you pretend to have no one and feel nothing? That’s not a way to live.”
I nudged the bottom of his chin. “Says the man who hid out in his mansion for years. Isn’t that the same thing, just a little more external?”
“That may be true, but I’ve since realized it was a mistake. If I’d come after Esteban sooner maybe I would have found you sooner and we’d have had more time.”
I laughed. “We’ve got plenty of time. Once we turn Esteban’s head into a lawn ornament, we have all the time in the world.”
He dragged me into him by the back of the neck, pressing our foreheads together.
“I love your positively macabre mind.” He shifted to meet my eyes, our heads still together. “I love you, Zoey.”
My mouth dropped open like a fish as warmth darted into my chest, spreading tendrils through me at the tenderness in his tone. I loved him more than anything, but I couldn’t say it back to him, not right now, not with secrets still between us.
He smiled at me. “It’s okay. I understand you can’t say it. I feel it though. Your heart is so much bigger than you want the world to see, but I do. I see it.”
“Well, keep that to yourself. As far as the world is concerned, I’m a mouthy bitch with a death wish and that’s the way I want to keep it.”
He laughed, the air brushing my lips. “They won’t hear it from me. In fact, I’ll do what I can to propagate that image. It might help my reputation to have a bloodthirsty mate who takes no shit.”
“That won’t affect your fragile masculinity?” I teased.
Another laugh. “My fragile masculinity was shattered the day I met you. It’s been rebuilt out of steel and it’s pretty solid. And it’s here for you to lean on when you need it.”
We lapsed into silence, just lying there, sharing breaths. It occurred to me that this was what life was supposed to be. Love making, breakfast, caresses. Not blood, and gore, and mortal enemies. Why did I always end up with the mortal enemies side of existence? With this glimpse, I wanted the other half. The soft one with creamy sheets and coffee on the balcony. No knives, no weapons, no danger.
Fuck. When had I gone so soft?
Fin caressed my cheek. “What is it? You went rigid there all of a sudden.”
“Maybe the magic exchange, or the bond, is affecting me. It’s like I have this craving for safety, for domesticity. I don’t actually enjoy gutting people, believe it or not. It just hit me all at once. The Chief always made me feel that way, you know, safe. But now, in this world of magic, he can’t anymore.”
Fin tucked me against his chest, wrapping his body around mine in a warm naked embrace. But it wasn’t about sex; it was an offer of comfort, of the safety I longed for.
“This may be hard to believe, Zoey, since you’ve been in so much danger since we met, but I want to be the person to give that to you. As my mate, it’s my responsibility to make you feel loved and secure, whole and content. And after we get rid of Esteban, I intend to spend every day I have left with you doing just that.”
I pulled back enough so I could meet his eyes. “And what about me? What am I supposed to bring to the mating side of the table? How does this all work? I feel lost without the details.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to keep things from you, but I also fear telling you everything because I don’t want you to run away. To denounce our bond and leave me.”
“Why would I leave you?” I asked. “You’re as stubborn as me, and I often want to pummel you, but I don’t want to leave you.”
“Zoey,” he whispered. “Since the first day we met, you’ve been trying to leave me. Several times you did, and I barely kept myself together each and every time.”
I was very good at finding excuses to walk away when it was convenient for me.
“Maybe some part of me knew that walking away from you would be the most painful way to hurt you. The same way keeping things from me is the most painful way to hurt me.” I snorted. “It seems even our brains are attuned to one another. What if I promise not to walk away again? Not unless it’s the only way to save your life.”
“No, even then it’s unacceptable to me. I can’t even think about it without seeing red.”
“Fine. I promise not to leave you again. Period. But I reserve the right for short breaks from your presence if you piss me off enough that I might maim or dismember you.”
He laughed again. “I think I can live with that. And I promise to no longer to hide anything from you, except the one secret which I can’t reveal yet. But I promise to when the time is right.”
“But I just told you I won’t leave, so why wouldn’t you share it? It’s not like doing so will drive me right out the door into the night.”
Gently, he shook his head, his eyes full of regret. “I’m sorry. I’m not doing it to hurt you. It’s not only my secret to tell and it will affect everything from the moment it’s uttered. Can you trust me enough to wait a little longer?”
Damn it. When he put it that way, how could I demand he tell me?
“I still hate the thought of a secret existing, but I’ll give you some time until you tell me. But you will tell me. Right? No fae tricks where you reveal it on our hundredth anniversary?”
“No, I swear, I’ll tell you at the soonest opportunity.”
“Fine, if you won’t tell me your big bad secret,” I grumbled. “Now tell me about mates.”
He gently rolled me to face away so he could spoon himself against my back. His lips pressed to the curve of my neck. “Mating for fae isn’t the same as other creatures. Even humans have their own forms of mating, but for fae, it’s about two people becoming one very best version of themselves.”
“Are there matings with more than two people?”
He ran his lips up to my ears. “There are matings with any combination of people. The Gods decide and fae don’t ask questions.”
I ignored the not-so-subtle suggestion. “What else?”
He nipped my earlobe, shooting sparks through my body in a warm wave. “Mates start to feel each other’s emotions, then eventually, they share thoughts as well.”
I froze. “That’s why you didn’t want to tell me we were mates. You know how I feel about people being inside my head. You thought I’d run because of that fact alone.”
He nodded against the back of my head. “Yes.”
I tried to roll over so I c
ould meet his eyes, but he held me too tightly. “No, Zoey, I can’t look at your face when I say these things in case I see that need to run inside you again. Every single time it’s a knife to the heart.”
“There’s a huge difference in sharing thoughts and imposing your will over someone mentally. I don’t care about sharing my thoughts with you anymore, not when you basically know everything about me, including how much of my emotions I really keep locked away.”
“You—” His voice hitched. “You really mean that? You don’t care?”
“If you try to do a mind reading thing while we are fighting or something, I might punch you, but as long as you accept the danger, then no, I don’t care. Not the same way I did when we barely knew each other.”
He let out a long-shuddered breath and it hurt to think how much he’d been scared of telling me all this. “Will it make you feel better to know that with our mating, my magic won’t work the same way on you? I doubt I could overtake your mind now. We can share power reserves through the bond too.”
“Even with my mage powers?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It might be necessary to do some experimentation.”
“What else do I need to know?” I asked, rubbing his arm locked around my waist.
“Fae mate for life, and once the bonding is sealed nothing will break it save death,” he said.
The fae version of death do us part.
Was I ready for it? The thought hit me, without any hesitation.
Yes. Fin is mine.
Chapter Fifteen
IT TOOK ANOTHER TWO days before Fin started feeling better magically. I monitored him through the bond, noting the tension easing more and more as his magic returned to him.
On the third day, I did some training exercises, stretching and working my muscles in a way I’d been neglecting. I was tired of getting my butt kicked by random goons and I wasn’t going to let it happen anymore.
After I finished, and I lay on the living room floor in my leggings and sports bra, Fin entered to tower over me. I started at his bare feet, and trailed my gaze up his jean clad legs, to the t-shirt molding across his chest and shoulders.
When I finally reached his eyes, he gave me a knowing look. “Keep staring like that and I’m going to rip all the clothes from your body and do disreputable things to you.”
I gasped. “Disreputable things. Oh, my. The disreputable things are my favorite kind.”
He hauled me to my feet, my sore muscles screaming. “Let’s get you in the shower and clean up. It’ll help ease the ache.”
He herded me into the shower, helped strip off my bra and pants, then nudged me under the hot spray. I relaxed, letting the hot water pour over me and working out some of the knots and kinks I’d gained between disuse and today’s overuse of my muscles.
Fin stood with his back against the wall on the other side of the glass watching me with a hungry gaze. I turned to face him as I rinsed my hair, daring him to join me. He simply watched every motion I made until I flipped the water off. Then he was there with a towel ready to buff me dry with brisk strokes.
After I sat on the bed naked, and he massaged the water out of my hair, he braided the strands. I found myself a puddle of goo under his attention. He was so thorough, and so gentle, even as every little press of his fingers ignited a firestorm under the tranquility.
I leaned back into him. “A girl could get used to this.”
“I hope you do. I plan to spend a long time pampering you. It’ll be my absolute pleasure to take care of you, if you’ll let me,” he whispered in my ear. “But there’s something we need to talk about.”
“Hmm...?” I let him cradle me into his lap and curled up against his chest.
“We need to talk about cementing the bond and whether or not it’s something you want to.”
I blinked my eyes open to look up at his serious face. “What does it mean, or what do we have to do?”
He hesitated to speak, and I cupped his cheeks in my palms.
“I’m not going anywhere. I told you that. If it’s not something I can do right now, doesn’t mean it won’t be later. Tell me about it and I can make the choice.”
I’d already made my decision, but it helped to know the particulars involved with the actual process. Magic was most certainly involved, and we both knew I wasn’t exactly top of the class.
“It’s intimate,” he said.
I gestured at my naked body draped across his lap. “More than this? I’m not afraid to get intimate with you, Fin. In fact, I hope we do way more once things settle down.”
“You mean once we kill an evil mage and don’t have to keep one eye over our shoulder around every turn?”
I nodded with a smile. “Exactly. What the hell are we going to do with ourselves afterward? I can’t imagine what life looks like on the other side.”
He tipped my chin up to meet my gaze. “There’s an intimacy to the moment. We’ll become one and say words that will join our hearts and our magic.”
“Should I be concerned about that?”
“I’m not. I don’t think we could have bonded in the first place if we weren’t compatible in every way.”
At least one of us felt confident about it. The niggling worries in the back of my mind about our bonding surged up, pressing forward. He crashed his lips down on mine and everything went blissfully blank under the warm pressure of his lips.
I moaned, opening to him, curling my fingers around the back of his neck. When he pulled away, I whimpered, chasing his mouth as he retreated.
“Hey...” I grumbled.
“Soon. I saw fear rising up in you and I wanted to shut it down before you let it grow. Now, where was I?”
I wiggled in his lap. “Intimacy and joining, I think.”
“Behave. Let me explain it all and then we can play.”
The way he said play, all deep and lush, sent sparks through me until I felt breathless. “Fine. Talk. But I can’t guarantee how long I’ll be able to sit on your lap naked and behave myself.”
His lips curled up in a smile. “I better talk quickly then. First, we’ll get naked—”
I traced his jawline with my mouth. “I’m on board so far.”
“Then we’ll become one.”
Nipping him with my teeth, I continued my exploration down to his neck. “Still with you.”
“We’ll say words of commitment to one another, and then...” He trailed off going rigid as I sucked the skin at the hollow of his throat.
“Then?”
“Then,” he said, “we join our magic and it’ll be done.”
Finally, I stopped teasing him. “That doesn’t sound so bad to me.”
“It won’t be if you let me lead you through it.”
I pulled away from him with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
With a smile on his lips, he leaned down and brushed my mouth with his. “It means you have a habit of trying to take over unfamiliar situations to make yourself feel more in control. Let me lead and we’ll get to the other side.”
He didn’t have to call me out on it so blatantly while we were kind of having a moment, but I could see why he might want to stipulate those terms. In some cases, I had a habit of running through things like a freight train.
When I nodded, he gripped me tight around the waist, lowered me back onto the soft bedding, and climbed off the bed.
At my look of pouting disappointment, he winked and stripped his shirt over his head. He shoved his pants and underwear off at his feet. Then stalked from the pile of clothing to the bedside and climb up between my thighs. I opened for him, without conscious thought.
Something had shifted on his face. He was no longer the gentle lover but the claiming prince ready for his bride. While my feminism wanted to batter the walls of my mind, my body yielded completely, reaching out to him, dragging him into the cradle of my thighs as if he were made to be there.
“Are you sure about this?” he whispered aga
inst my mouth.
I nodded, clutching him around the neck as he settled his weight on top of me. It was great to have him there. He felt heavy, but in a comforting way, a reassuring way.
“If you keep asking me that, I might break something. I’m here, aren’t I?”
“So you are,” he said, staring down at me. He slid the hard length of his cock along my seam, igniting my nerve endings in one easy roll of his hips.
I let out a groan, already wet and slick from the moment he’d gathered me into his arms.
“Don’t tease me if you know what’s good for you,” I said.
He nipped my chin with his teeth and rolled his hips against me, the head of him butting the sensitive nub of my clit. I shuddered and clutched his biceps for an anchor in a storm I knew would grow to consume me.
After a few more masterful slides of his length along my clit, he finally reached between our bodies and notched himself at my entrance. He paused for a heartbeat.
“If you ask me one more time if I’m sure I’m going to hurt you.”
He chuckled and eased into me a tiny bit at a time. Through gritted teeth he said, “If you hurt me, who is going to pleasure you?”
“I can do it myself. It’s more fun with you but I can definitely handle things on my own.”
He released the grip on his cock and brought his hands up to capture my wrists. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m not saying a thing except how lovely you are.”
I smiled and then hissed out a breath as he spread me further, finally pressing all the way inside me. He let me get used to the full feeling of him, let my body ease around his.
The urge to move beat at me from both my body and my brain. The hard clench of his jaw and the steel in his eyes as he locked down his control didn’t help mine any. I loved nothing more than seeing all the careful control unravel while he was inside me.
“What next?” I asked and let out a long exhale to gather the frayed ends of my own discipline.
“Repeat after me,” he said, his lips grazing my jaw. “From today we are one.”
I wiggled my hands from his hold, cupped his face, and brought his eyes to mine while I spoke. “From today we are one.”