by Daniel Gibbs
Levi gave Sarah’s hand a squeeze, then walked over and sat down next to David and pulled him into his lap. “Because I’m not quite out of the military yet. I’m still under orders, son, so I’ll go where I am told and do what I need to do.”
David looked up at his father’s eyes. “Why you, Dad? Aren’t there others they can call instead?”
Levi paused for a moment. “I swore an oath son. Sure, there’s others, but they called on me, so I’ve got to go. David, listen to me. I know you’re young, and I know this is hard to understand.”
David’s eyes glistened with tears as he thought about his father being away yet again. It seemed like he never saw him anymore.
“Son, there are some things, like our freedoms, the right to say what we want, do what we want, worship God in the way that we want… Those are all things that we have had to fight for and must continue to fight for.”
Sarah inhaled sharply as David began to cry. “Dad, are you going to die?”
Levi smiled and patted his head. “No, son.” He looked toward Sarah. “Why don’t we take our picture for the album?”
At the time, David didn’t realize why, but he knew that every time his father went out on deployment, they took a family picture. Little did he know, it was so that there would always be something to remember him by in case he did not make it home.
After taking the picture, Sarah and David followed Levi to the front door.
Levi set his space-bag down by the door and turned to hug David. “Take care of your mother, son. You’re the big man of the house while I’m gone.”
Levi stood and turned to kiss Sarah. “I love you. I’ll see you all very soon,” he said as he turned to walk down the drive, glancing down at David as he turned to walk away.
“Godspeed, Levi,” Sarah said as Levi walked toward his helicar.
Watching his father walk down the path toward the driveway filled David with both pride and overwhelming sadness. David took off running as his father got to his car. “Dad! Dad!” he shouted.
Levi turned around as David stood as tall as he could at the front of the path, holding his hand to his brow in the best imitation of his father’s salutes as he could. His father saw him, and as his face broke into a grin, Levi brought his hand to his brow in a crisp, practiced motion. Snapping his hand down, Levi turned away and climbed into his helicar. Moments later, it took off and flew into the night. David stood in the path, looking up at the sky as he tried to see his father’s car.
David eventually went back inside and found his mother, who tried to act normal and go about getting ready for the next day.
“Mom, is Dad going to be okay?” he asked her as he plopped down on the couch next to her.
“Of course he is. Your father is as stubborn as you are,” Sarah said, playfully tousling his hair. “Now you have school tomorrow, young man. Go brush your teeth, say your prayers, and let’s get ready for bed.”
“Yes, ma’am!” David slid off the couch and went to the bathroom to do as his mother instructed. After brushing his teeth, David stood beside his bed and said his bedtime prayers in Hebrew as he had been taught. “Lie us down, Adonai our God, in peace; and raise us up again, our Ruler in life. Shield us; remove from us every enemy pestilence, sword, famine, and sorrow. Remove all adversaries from before us and from behind us, and shelter us in the shadow of Your wings. For You are our guarding and saving God, a gracious and compassionate God and King. Guard our going out and our coming in for life and peace, now and always. God, please protect my father. Please guard him, please bring him home safely.” Tears running down his face, he climbed into bed and quickly fell fast asleep.
David was jerked out of sleep to the sound of sirens wailing. He glanced at the clock next to his bed; it read 4 a.m.
“Mom!” he screamed as he crawled out of bed to run to his parents’ room. “Mom! What’s going on?”
His mother sat on the side of the bed as she rubbed her eyes to wake up. “Calm down, little man,” she said. “Let’s go turn on the holonet and see if there’s any news, okay?”
David, even though a young child, still recognized when his parents were worried. His mother tried hard not to show it, as every good parent did, but this time, her hands trembled, her face was tight, and her voice was high-pitched as she tried to conceal the concern that weighed on her heart.
“Yes, Mother.” David obediently followed her to the living room as she turned on the holonet projector and changed the address to Canaan News Network. The projector quickly turned on, and the set of the news program filled half of the living room as if they were there in the studio watching the announcers.
“And we’re going to go live to President Nolan, ladies and gentlemen,” the announcer said as sound from the holonet projector filled the room. Jason Nolan was the President of the Terran Coalition, the super-national government of their republic.
The holoprojector switched to show the interior of an office, in which President Nolan was seated behind a desk. “Citizens of the Terran Coalition,” he said, beads of sweat dotting his forehead. David remembered vividly how scared the man looked. It was something he’d never seen before.
“This morning, we were attacked by an enemy that had been long since forgotten. Earth and the World Society have returned. We believe they are calling themselves the League of Sol, and over a thousand starships from the League’s military have attacked our capital. Those of you on Canaan have been warned by the emergency warning system reserved for major natural disasters, and I urge all citizens to remain in your homes. Do not go outside; do not get into your helicars. If you are a member of the Canaan militia, report to your muster station. Otherwise, stay inside. I know that citizens around the Terran Coalition and her member planets have many questions, and that fear is gripping us all as I speak these words.”
David had learned in school that humans had escaped from Earth after losing a war against nations who called themselves the World Society that wanted to stamp out religious belief and institute a communist system of government in the late twenty-first century. Over a hundred years after the initial refugees found the world of Canaan and established it, humans from that settlement began to spread out.
Nolan paused for a moment and took a drink of water. “But rest assured that the Coalition Defense Force is prepared and ready to meet any threat. As we speak, they are holding the line against the League’s attack while reinforcements from all nation-state militaries are proceeding at best possible speed to Canaan. As soon as we are able, we will brief the press on the exact events, but as this battle is currently being waged, I cannot go into more detail. At this point in time, I would like to ask everyone on Canaan and in the Terran Coalition to pray for the safety our service members fighting the League, for victory against them, and for God to protect the Terran Coalition in this dire hour.”
Three hundred years after the landfall on Canaan, there were now dozens of human-controlled planets within the Terran Coalition. Each planet had its own government, constitution, military, and cultural customs. There was also an overarching constitution and government that handled external matters and policed disputes between the planets that made up the Terran Coalition. David’s family was from the planet of New Israel; since Levi was stationed on Canaan, however, his family lived planet-side on Canaan.
David looked at his mother, who watched with rapt attention, her eyes wide and mouth open. “Our republic has overcome much in its history. We will not fall now, and we will not surrender. Regardless of what happens today, we will fight on. For now, may God bless you, and may God continue to bless the Terran Coalition.”
“The crazy thing is, I can repeat that speech Nolan gave, almost verbatim, it was so seared into my mind,” David said. “We sat there for an hour watching the holoprojector, until my mother made me do my schoolwork.”
“I was nineteen and in college the day it happened. I’ll never forget sitting around the holo with a bunch of classmates, shaking with fear, c
rying, trying to reach our parents. It took weeks for life to return to any kind of normalcy.”
“I’m not sure our lives every really returned to normal.”
“Why?” Ellison asked.
“It started when they came to tell us Dad had died.”
David thought back to how they had watched another news broadcast that announced the Terran Coalition’s victory over the League forces. After it had finished, he looked to his mother.
“But what about Dad?” David asked, tears welling up in his eyes.
Sarah held him in her arms. “He’s going to be fine, David. Let’s pray for him, and then we’ll fix lunch together, okay?”
David nodded somewhat lamely and hugged his mother back. “Okay, Mom.”
The two of them made lunch, and the holonet projector remained off. As they sat down to the table to eat, a chime sounded throughout the house while a computerized voice announced, “You have a visitor at the front entryway.”
Sarah glanced at the door with hesitation. “Stay here, David,” she said to him, walking out of the dining room and into the foyer to open the front door. Disobeying, David trailed behind and watched with bated breath as she opened the door. Standing under the entryway were two CDF soldiers, both wearing what David recognized as dress uniforms. As soon as Sarah opened the door and processed what was happening, she screamed, “No! No! No! No!” as she fell into a chair by the front door.
David rushed to her, not sure what was going on. Sarah grabbed David and pulled him to her, trying to cover his ears so he could not hear them.
“Mrs. Cohen, I regret to inform you that your husband, Major Levi Cohen, was killed in action,” the soldier on the right said. As he spoke, his voice broke and tears rolled down his face; the other soldier, who had the payes, or curled sidelocks of a rabbi, had tears in his eyes as well.
“No….” Sarah’s voice trailed off. Finally, she looked up. “How?” she asked, unable to finish her question.
“The ship your husband commanded was destroyed in combat, ma’am,” the soldier on the right said. “May we come in?”
Numbly, Sarah nodded and stood to close the door behind the two men. The two soldiers joined Sarah in the living room after she sent David to his room. For the next few minutes, the soldiers attempted to console her with little success. Unable to give her the information she so desperately wanted, the two eventually departed after the rabbi prayed with them.
That afternoon, Sarah made several holocalls once she could compose herself. Friends of the family began to arrive, along with the rabbi of the synagogue their family had attended. As there was no body, there was also no funeral service, per Jewish law. The next morning, David helped his mother to prepare for shiva, the traditional Jewish mourning period of seven days. He couldn’t quite understand why his dad wasn’t coming home. At night, he cried out to God, asking Him why his father couldn’t have been spared. When news reports had started to name Levi, Sarah would always turn them off, but David had gone online and found that his father’s ship had rammed the League flagship leading the invasion. That was even harder for him to accept, the idea that his father chose to leave them.
A few days into the shiva period, there was a visitor that David didn’t recognize. He was a tall, striking CDF soldier who radiated pride in his dress uniform. As he entered the home and introduced himself to David’s mother, David observed that he wore the flag of the Saudi Arabian state on his uniform.
“Mrs. Cohen,” the man said in a deep baritone voice. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am First Lieutenant Issa El-Amin. I served with your husband during the battle of Canaan onboard the CSV Salamis.”
Sarah teared up as he spoke. “Thank you for coming, Lieutenant,” she said, her voice breaking.
“Levi asked me to visit you and your son. He asked me to tell you how much he loved you both.” Sarah sobbed as El-Amin continued to speak. “I know my words are of little comfort, but he felt he had to do what he did to save you, to save us all.”
David looked at El-Amin. “What did he do?”
El-Amin’s gaze shifted to David. “Your father saved us all. In all my years, I’ve never seen a braver or more selfless act. He knew what would happen when he rammed that butcher’s ship, and yet, he still did it.”
David had cried so much, he didn’t have many more tears in him, but at the description of his father’s death, he and Sarah cried again. “You should be proud of him. You will see him again in paradise, Inshallah,” El-Amin said, finishing with a traditional Arabic expression for “God willing.”
Sarah took Issa’s hands in hers and gripped them. “Thank you for coming to tell me this.”
El-Amin bowed his head. “It was my honor and privilege. Almashi mae Allah…walk with God.”
After a few minutes, El-Amin took his leave of them. Sarah, David, and the rest of the family continued to sit shiva. After seven days, shiva ended; the friends that came went back to their normal lives. David and his mother slowly began to continue on. There was no normal; the pain didn’t disappear. Thirty days after his father’s death, the rabbi held a memorial service. At Sarah’s insistence, it was not a major event, only a small gathering held at the family’s synagogue.
David looked back up at Ellison with a sigh. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get over losing him. Throughout my childhood, all I ever heard was that my father was a hero, that he was an incredible man. I just wanted him back. I wanted to see him walk down our driveway, pick me up one more time, watch my parents embrace one more time.” As he spoke, tears streamed down his face.
“David, you have some seriously unresolved trauma from your childhood. Would you consider working with me? We could have sessions remotely once you go back to the front.”
“I’m not sure it’s the right thing for me… I’m a man now. I need to act like it,” David said.
“Please? There’s nothing wrong with having to deal with your emotions. It will help you in the long run, I promise.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay. Our time is up for today, but I will put an appointment on your schedule for next week.”
David quickly stood; he wanted to get out of the office and away from this counselor as fast as he could. I hate thinking about all the pain. Better to just bury it and move on, he thought.
“Thank you, Amy,” he said with a forced smile.
“Of course, David. I hope I’m able to help in some way.”
David nodded. “Good day,” he said and walked out of the office as rapidly as he could.
3
A week later, repairs on the Artemis were finally completed, and the ship was back under way. In the three weeks she had been away from the carrier battle group she was assigned to, the fighting in her patrol sector had died down, leaving David with time to deal with his thoughts. More than once, he woke up in the middle of the night during a nightmare, hitting his head on the rack above him. He experienced the battle over and over in his mind, reliving killing the League soldiers and the death of Beckett. As the nightmares got to David more and more, he decided to have another session with Amy.
I should just be able to move on, David thought as he sent a communication to the email address Amy had left him, requesting a session. I am so ashamed of myself.
A couple of days after sending the message, he had a session time set up and secured use of a private room on the Artemis. Sitting down at the small desk in the cramped room, David reluctantly engaged the video link. Ellison’s smiling face appeared on the tablet he held a moment later.
“David, how are you today?”
“I’m okay, Counselor.”
“David, this is not a formal setting.”
“I apologize. I’m used to having to address everyone formally,” David said as he cracked a small smile.
“I’m glad you decided to continue our discussion. I want to help you get through the trauma you’ve experienced.”
I will be fine…I don’t need help, ran throu
gh David’s mind. “Where do we start?” he asked, working to ignore the thoughts in his head.
“Last time we spoke, you told me about your father’s passing. What happened after that? How did you deal with the pain?”
“After we had the memorial service for my father— as there was no body, we couldn’t have a funeral under Jewish law— I tried to bury my emotions. In time, the pain faded. I put my focus into my studies at the Hebrew school I attended.”
“I’m sure you received a lot of unwanted attention after what happened.”
“I heard hundreds, thousands of times, what a hero my father was. My classmates revered me. I wanted nothing to do with it.”
“Why not?”
David paused, trying to force his innermost thoughts out. “I just wanted my dad back. I wanted a normal life with my family. Instead, we have day in, day out, year in, year out war. For the last eleven years, I’ve watched it all play out. There were times it looked like the League was going to beat us, but we clawed our way back. There were times it looked like we would win, but the League just kept coming. They blather on with propaganda about how they want to free us from our superstitions. I may be just nineteen, but I’m smart enough to know a pile of crap when I see it.”
“You sound very passionate about that, David. I don’t quite understand how you can feel so strongly, yet I read in your file that you attempted to obtain a conscientious objector deferment to the draft?”
“Amy,” he said, invoking her name to emphasize his point, “I have no objection to serving my country. It’s my duty. I just didn’t want to kill people. Do you have any idea how easy it was to kill those League soldiers? I squeezed the trigger on a weapon, and they fell over like bowling pins. It shouldn’t be that simple. It shouldn’t be easy. I just wanted to do my duty, and then follow my calling in life to become a rabbi.”