by T. S. Eliot
How to Pick a Possum
To Geoffrey Faber Esqre.
When the flowering nettle’s in blossom
And spring is about in the air,
How delightful to meet the O’Possum
With fragments of hay in his hair.
5
When the bullocks have horns (and they toss ’em)
And summer is seen on the lea,
How delightful to meet the O’Possum
As he swings from a neighbouring tree.
At home, he appears in a mitre
10
And a cope, or a cape and a cowl.
Although he’s not known as a fighter
He has a most terrible growl.
On some days he’s duller or brighter,
He abominates pencil and ink;
15
Yet he bangs on an ancient typewriter
Without ever stopping to think.
He’s inclined to frequent railway stations
Where he studies the maps on the wall;
He is skilful at solitaire patience,
20
And never reads poetry at all.
From April to middle-December
He is apt to occur in the parks,
For which reason it’s well to remember
His peculiar distinguishing marks:
25
His habits are strictly arboreal,
Affording protection from cows;
And in spring he affects such sartorial
Display as the fashion allows.
<
[Textual History II 238–39]
When he walks, he is quite perpendicular
30
Although rather weak in the knees;
His diet’s extremely particular,
For he eats almost nothing but cheese.
He’s a nose which in summer is pinky,
And in winter a beautiful blue;
35
He has hair, which is not at all kinky—
Which I would not say, were it not true.
He has ears, which are almost symmetrical,
And of use when the wind is behind;
And a mouth, which is rather upsetrical
40
And not always easy to find.
At the sound of a sudden sub-poena
He withdraws in alarm to his lair—
Very much like the spotted hyæna
When pursued by the cinnamon bear.
45
In the summer, when flowers are blooming,
His voice is compelling and gruff
And can not be confused with the booming
Of the bittern, or cry of the chough.
In the winter, when fields are forsaken,
50
He develops a saturnine laugh,
Which prevents him from being mistaken
For the hyperborean giraffe.
He has teeth, which are false and quite beautiful,
And a wig, with an elegant queue;
55
And desires to convey his most dutiful
Respects to your family and you.
3 How delightful to meet the O’Possum: “How delightful to meet Mr. Hodgson!” Five-Finger Exercises IV. Lines to Ralph Hodgson Esqre. 1. O’Possum: “The nickname by which the author was known to his friends”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1.
5 bullocks have horns (and they toss ’em): “horns that toss and toss”, The Burnt Dancer 35 (see note).
[Textual History II 238–39]
6, 8 And summer is seen on the lea · · · tree: Tennyson: “the tree · · · As the pimpernel dozed on the lea”, Maud I xxii.
8 he swings from a neighbouring tree: J. G. Wood: “The Opossum uses its tail for climbing and swinging from branch to branch”, The Boy’s Own Book of Natural History [1893]. “Swing up into the apple-tree”, New Hampshire 1, 12.
19 He is skilful at solitaire patience: asked by Auden why he liked playing patience, TSE replied: “Because it’s the nearest thing to being dead” (Spender 240). To Lady Richmond, 11 June 1949. “I · · · have played several games of SPYDER. I was beginning to think that it requires mental abilities much superior to my own, but I got out the last game by cheating only once, so I hope that I may become more proficient”.
22 He is apt: “apt” as a variant for “inclined” also at The Ad-dressing of Cats 27.
25 arboreal: “jaguar · · · arboreal · · · feline”, Whispers of Immortality 25–27. Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats was published in Oct 1939, two months after the printing of Noctes.
27–28 And in spring he affects such sartorial | Display as the fashion allows: Humouresque 15–16:
“The snappiest fashion since last spring’s,
“The newest style, on Earth, I swear.”
32 For he eats almost nothing but cheese: “nothing less is required than the formation of a Society for the Preservation of Ancient Cheeses”, Stilton Cheese (1935). To Geoffrey Hutchinson, 1 Jan 1936: “I have made enquiries at my club and I am informed by one of the stewards that we do actually obtain our Cheshire cheeses from you. As this is the only depository I have for cheese there is therefore no point in my ordering another, and I have only to continue to eat as much of your cheese as possible. I wish indeed that I had the knowledge to be able to write such a fine article as that about Stilton which you read in The Times.” Kenner 1972 441, quoting TSE at the Garrick Club: “‘That is a rather fine Red Cheshire … which you might enjoy.’ It was accepted: the decision was not enquired into, nor the intonation of you assessed.”
35 hair, which is not at all kinky: OED “kinky” 1 includes “Sambo the blubber-lipped .. the kinky-haired” (1865).
38 when the wind is behind: “Laissons nos culs se ventiler”, Vers pour la Foulque 35.
39 And a mouth, which is rather upsetrical: Pope: “And Douglas lend his soft, obstetric hand”, The Dunciad (1742) IV 394.
44 cinnamon bear: OED: “a cinnamon-coloured variety of the common black bear of North America”, with 1829: “The Cinnamon Bear of the Fur Traders is considered by the Indians to be an accidental variety of this species.” J. G. Wood: “On account of this change of colour of the fur, the juvenile Musquaw has been considered as a separate species … under the name of Yellow, or Cinnamon Bear”, Wood’s Animal Kingdom Illustrated (1870).
47–48 the booming | Of the bittern: Goldsmith: “dismally hollow as the booming of the bittern”, An History of the Earth, and Animated Nature, “Birds of the Crane Kind” ch. VI.
[Textual History II 238–39]
49 In the winter, when fields are forsaken: Carroll: “In winter, when the fields are white”, Through the Looking-Glass ch. VI, “Humpty Dumpty”.
50 develops a saturnine laugh: to Hayward, 19 June 1940: “Yours saturninely but affectionately, TP.”
52 hyperborean: OED: “Of, pertaining to, or characterizing the extreme north of the earth, or (colloq. or humorously) of a particular country”. TSE to Anne Ridler, 12 April 1943: “Alison Kate, with red hair too, sounds very Scotch, though I did not know that there was anything hyperborean on either side of the family.” Pronounced here with stress on the penultimate syllable.
53 He has teeth, which are false and quite beautiful: to Pound, 17 Feb 1938: “I expect to get some nice teeth before long.” (“To get yourself some teeth”, The Waste Land [II] 144; see note.) To McKnight Kauffer, 4 Oct: “I have to go into a nursing home for three nights, to have my teeth out · · · in ten days time I shall be learning to chew again; but I gather from my dentist that I shall be better looking with new teeth of the right size. Plastic teeth, of course.” See Poor Poony now is meek and mild: “two by two | And year by year, they are extracted · · · Poor Old Possum has to wait | For something called a Dental Plate”, Poor Poony now is meek and mild 18–26. “Smiles at the world through a set of false teeth”, In the Department Store 2.
54 wig · · · queue: OED 2: “a pig-tail”, with Goldsmith: “The largeness of the doctor’s wig arises from
the same pride as the smallness of the beau’s queue”, An History of the Earth, and Animated Nature, “Quadrupeds” ch. V.
————
Geoffrey Faber then wrote:
An Answer to the Foregoing Poem
Arboreal though the natural habitat
Of Possums may have been in far-off times,
And apt though Possums are to play with rhymes
Recalling feats a human acrobat
Might envy, what a Possum is best at
Is not the swinging creeper Tarzan climbs
Nor yet the chimney-pot that poor old Grimes
Got stuck in—No Sir! certainly not that.
Ancestral memory reaches farther back,
When water was the stuff he wallowed in,
Reminding Possum when and how to tack,
To jibe the boom and wag the tiller-fin.
That is what Possum’s godson hopes to see,
In Regent’s Park, next Sunday, before tea.
13 Possum’s godson: “A master Richard Tom Faber, a promising youth”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1.
[Textual History II 239–40]
The O’Possum Strikes Back
At a point between Edgware and Morden,
At a place between Wapping and Kew,
Dwells a very hardworking churchwarden
With at least six men’s business to do.
5
His name is not Spender or Auden,
And his pleasures are simple and few:
An occasional abuse of Burgundian booze,
An occasional cruise on the Serps (or the Ouse)
And a view of the gnu at the Zoo.
10
Here and there between Wessex and Mercia,
Here and there between Orkney and Kent,
Strays a wholly preposterous burser,
And before he is there he has went.
And I even suspect that his spouse is
15
Unaware how his time has been spent:
An occasional tea with a casual spinster
At Stranraer, Kidwelly, or else Kidderminster,
An occasional spree on the banks of the Dee,
An occasional fling among heather (or ling)
20
Where he points his proboscis at innocent grouses—
Or a revel at Burton-on-Trent.
But what among worst things still worse is,
And again among worse things is worser,
I must mention the sybilline verses
25
Of this more than surrealist burser.
Not content with the bursing of burses
And picking his tenantry’s purses
(The technical skill of his verses
Is such, I acknowledge, as I respect,
30
Whether Latin or in Yorkshire dialect)
He over the mill throws his bonnet,
And produces a frivolous sonnet
To one who, when considering how his life is spent,
Regards Montrachet as his native element,
35
And does not often repent.
[Textual History II 240]
Title The O’Possum Strikes Back] Sapper [H. C. McNeile]: Bulldog Drummond Strikes Back (US, 1933).
1 Edgware and Morden: north and south ends of the London Underground Northern Line.
2 Wapping and Kew: east and west London.
3 churchwarden: “An office held by the author at St. Stephen’s Church, Gloucester rd. S.W.7.”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1.
4 With at least six men’s business to do: the tss have a footnote:
E.G. presuming poets to be taken down, Sir,
Or morning coffee with our Mrs. Trouncer.
TSE’s workload was the subject of an elaborate office joke when the Faber & Faber Secretary, C. W. Stewart, sent him a cutting advertising “Eliot’s Club, 28 Charing Cross Road” and wrote requiring a full account of his moonlighting. TSE retaliated (“7th July, 1936: 1.30 a.m. of the 8th”), writing to Geoffrey Faber: “a man is entitled to be judged by his peers: in the firm of Faber & Faber that is hardly possible for me; but the person who comes nearest to being a peer is surely a Chairman · · · The suggestion is made that it is improper for me to be connected in a business way with a Dance Club · · · It is added that I ‘can scarcely bring the necessary freshness of mind to a Board Meeting, if my nights are spent …’ etc. I should like to bring your attention to another possible point of view which is ignored. If the Directors of Faber & Faber Ltd. suppose that it is improper for me to be associated with Eliot’s Club, what do they suppose the members of Eliot’s Club think of my being associated with Faber & Faber? Which is the more sordidly corrupt activity—dancing or publishing? · · · I would point out that my emoluments from the publishing house of Faber are not only ridiculously inadequate in consideration of the burden or responsibility that I bear, but are only just sufficient to enable me to dress modestly and to entertain the innumerable bores at whom I should be able to snap my fingers were I not connected with a publishing house. In a dance club, if any individual fails to behave properly, you chuck him out; in a publishing house, you take him out to lunch.” (TSE’s now estranged wife Vivien joined Eliot’s Club in the same year; see Seymour-Jones 550.)
5 His name is not Spender or Auden: “Mr. W. H. Auden & Mr. Stephen Spender, young poets protected by the author”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1. TSE, jacket copy for Stephen Spender’s “Poems” (1933):
Like W. H. Auden, who has already been recognised for a writer of great significance and originality, Stephen Spender comes from Oxford, and he is of almost the same generation as Auden.
If Auden is the satirist of this poetical renascence Spender is its lyric poet.
7 occasional abuse of Burgundian booze: “Mr. E. was a great lover of fine Burgundy”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1.
8 Serps: the Serpentine, in Hyde Park, where miniature yachts are sailed. TSE writes in the role of godfather to Faber’s son, Tom.
12 preposterous burser: “Mr. F. was Estates Bursar of All Souls Coll: in Oxford”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1. Misspelling presumably deliberate (correctly spelt in Ode to a Roman Coot 24).
14 his spouse: “one Enid”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1.
18–31 spree on the banks of the Dee · · · the mill: Isaac Bickerstaffe: “There was a jolly miller once, | Lived on the river Dee.”
21 a revel at Burton-on-Trent: “A fleer at the brewing interests of Mr. F’s family”, Hayward marginalium, copy 1. Housman: “dancing · · · Say, for what were hopyards meant, | Or why was Burton built on Trent?” A Shropshire Lad LXII 15–18.
24 sybilline verses: Coleridge (title): Sibylline Leaves (1817).
33 when considering how his life is spent: Milton: “When I consider how my light is spent”, Sonnet [On his Blindness] 1.
34 Montrachet: region that produces the finest Chardonnay.
[Textual History II 240]
The Whale and the Elephant: A Fable
To the learned and ingenious Dr. Morley
The Elephant at forty-nine
Cannot be caught with hook and line,
Especially when it leads into
The Precincts of the Hamburg Zoo.
5
The Whale, at nearly thirty-eight,
Has less grey matter in his pate.
The Elephant, of beasts alive,
Is quite the most Conservative;
(Of beasts Conservative, the most
10
Have perish’d, like the Morning Post).
While other creatures change and roam,
He lingers in his jungle home,
In vegetarian flatulence.
Slow in attack, strong in defence,
15
The Whale, of more Mercurial mind,
Is driven about by tide and wind:
A mammal with no nobler wish
Than live like fish among the fish:
A Monster who escap
’d the Flood,
20
With watery diluted Blood,
And, sacrificing hoof to fin,
Perpetuates pre-diluvial Sin.
Yet ah! might Whales perhaps repent?
[Textual History II 240]
And leave their fluid Element?
25
Prepare the higher life to meet,
And stand at last on legs and feet?
With fatted calves we’d welcome ’em
Into the New Jerusalem.
TSE to Geoffrey Faber [1 Oct ?] 1937 enclosing ts1, which lacks 9–10: “There is some question whether the enclosed Poem, the manuscript of which has just been discovered in the British Museum, is correctly attributed to the late Mr. GAY; and it is therefore sent to the chief living authority on that Author, for the benefit of his opinion. One reason why the attribution has been doubted, is that the identity of the Gentleman to whom the Poem is addressed, is completely obscure. Had there been such a Person among the Poet’s acquaintance, we might expect to have heard of him before.” Geoffrey Faber’s 700-page edition of Gay’s Poetical Works had appeared in 1926 and was “marked not only by erudition and industry but also, even when dealing with such matters as punctuation and spelling, by an instinctive sureness which reflects his innate sympathy with Gay’s work and temperament” (Oxford Dictionary of National Biography).
To Hayward, 1 Oct 1937: “Here is a very curious item on which you must prove your scholarship. The manuscript of the enclosed poem was recently found inserted in a copy of the first edition of A Tale of a Tub in the British Museum. It was immediately submitted to Mr. G. C. Faber, the recognised authority on the works of Mr. GAY. Mr. Faber has pronounced against its ascription to that poet—I think myself, with some over-confidence in his own knowledge, for he writes: ‘Had GAY had any friend or correspondent of that name, I should certainly know of his existence’. However, I am now authorised to submit it to the recognised authority on the works of the late DEAN of ST. PATRICK’S [Jonathan Swift], in the hope that you will be able to assign it to that author. If you deny the authorship, a curious situation arises: can it be that there was another Poet, a luminary obviously equal in magnitude to these two giants, whose other works and even whose name have completely disappeared? The suggestion is absurd. I await your pronouncement with vast curiosity.”